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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/15/2008 2:34:09 PM | " It's none of his damm business what she did with anyone before they met. It's also none of yours, so you shouldn't have given any advice at all. He had no right to watch that tape in the first place. "
Are you living in a fantasy world? I don't know one guy or a woman who when he or she realises there's a tape showing something that their siginificant other doesn't want them to see that won't go snooping. Get real!
Awww too bad she got found out about what she's really like eh? Imagine how the bloke would have felt if he found out she was a slag after a few years and maybe they had married? At least this way he knows up front. Maybe if she had been open in the beginning he might not have snooped.
What's the "none of his damn business" crap either? If a bloke is going to have a serious long term relationship with a woman he's got a right to now if she was a slag or a decent woman beforehand. Hiding shit from your partner is not the way to go if you want to have a real relationship. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/15/2008 7:28:34 PM | First and foremost, I think you've given your friend some good advice. However, you should also tell him to forget about her and move on. She's his girlfriend and she won't do simple sexual acts that would bring him pleasure, yet she's done worse with her ex? Also, if I am reading the OP's posts correctly, she says she has never done those things. So, she is lying on both fronts.
I could understand if she just doesn't do those things with anyone. Then, that's cool. No worries. If she's a great girl, the rest doesn't matter. But to tell him she doesn't do this or that, and to keep a tape of her doing those things and worse, gives him all the information he needs to proceed further. She's got issues that are going to be a huge problem later in the relationship. Think about it like this; she'll give a guy a key to her home, but she won't discuss her sexual past and potential issues with him. Am I the only one that sees a huge red flag here?
As far as him being at fault because he "snooped" the tape, give me a break. Number one: you don't tape things you may regret later in life. Ever! If you do that, then it may get out and it's no one's fault but your own. Why? Because, you made the tape that's why. Number two: If you are not completely alright with the idea of opening your life, in its totality, to a certain person, then you do not give said person a key to your house. Period. When you give someone a key to your home, you are telling them you have nothing to hide. You should not expect to have it both ways. If I had something like that laying around, I would not be giving out keys. That's what they make safety deposit for. You start giving out keys after you have safely moved all questionable materials off the premises.
Lastly, there is no reason for her to keep that tape. Especially, if she finds what she did on it so repulsive. She's done with that relationship. Why keep such a intimate and visceral reminder of a relationship that, for whatever reason, did not work out? Sure, it's cool to keep pictures of old exes. Everyone does that. I've got pics of almost everyone I've dated since Jr High. However, unless you're a pornstar, you destroy xxx pics, and videos of the two of you when the relationship ends. Does the ex know she still has a copy of the sex tape? That is wrong on so many levels. It's only common decency to erase something like that. If it were a guy who had kept a copy of the tape, we'd be saying how much of an a$$ he is.
The morals of story:
1. Don't do things that could come back and bite you in the hind quarters later.
2. If you do something crazy like that (and lets be honest, most of have done things we don't want to get out ...lol) , DO NOT TAPE IT!
3. If you ignore the two previous rules of freaky sex edict, than have enough respect and decorum to erase said tape when that relationship ends.
4. Finally, if you ignore all of the above and get busted on tape with your ex, your golf pro and your neighbors turtle, you have no one to blame but yourself. You should have known better. Things done in the dark, almost always come to light.
So endeth the lesson.
Lateef | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/16/2008 8:37:09 AM | From Todays' CNN Website... Advice:
Thumbing through his journal. Checking his "received calls" list. Rifling through his belongings. These are not activities that someone in a healthy partnership should be taking part in. If detective work is part of your relationship main objective, it might be time to get thee to the therapist.
However, if you're normally normal, but have a big, fat, sick, twisting feeling in your gut and he's not giving you the answers you need, you might want to check up on your man. Just make sure you're prepared for what you might find.
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/16/2008 11:13:56 AM | m_church said,
Don't sweat it... Most of the people whoh read the forums won't or can't comprehend a lot of what they're reading... So they gloss over parts...
I see it all the time...
Yeah, thanks. I see a lot of ppl on here talk a good game, but if they were to find out something about their partner I bet a lot of them would be the first ones to be crying about it. LOL. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/16/2008 8:41:55 PM | My guess is that at some time in their relationship your "friend" and his girlfriend have had a conversation which involved your friend telling her how he thought that people who participated in that "kinky stuff" were sick or whores or sluts or something. So she's decided to not tell him that she has done that kind of thing.
The thing is now he has found out that she has done it and he's b1tching because she won't do it with him. But why the hell would she want to trust him with that when he has made it clear that his opinion of girls who do that is very low? Why would she want to do those things with him when he thinks they are "sick". It takes a lot of trust in a partner to do that kind of stuff with them and not have them judge you for it.
Obviously he would judge her for it, as he already has. So i wouldn't do it with him either even if i had done it before with a guy who was a little less judgemental. If he wants to participate in the freaky stuff with his girl he's got to let her know it's a "safe" and trusting environment for her.
Expecting someone to put that kind of trust in you is not a right, it's a privilige, and somehow i think he's already slammed that door shut. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:58:21 PM | | We all have things in the past that have been intimate and personal. People change over time. The relationship that you have with her is based on the chemistry between you two. Don't try to base YOUR relationship on the chemistry she shared with someone else. As for you going in and taking the tape, that was wrong of you. UNDERSTANDABLE but still wrong. Although it would be a difficult conversation, I'd say talk to her about it if you can't deal with the confusion your experiencing. The bottom line is that you two have to work it out and it doesn't matter what any or even everyone on here says. Try not approach it in an accusing manner and be ready for her to feel betrayed by you sneaking in and taking the tape but you'll need to try and stay calm and discuss this rationally and understandingly. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/17/2008 3:35:55 AM |
Awww too bad she got found out about what she's really like eh? Imagine how the bloke would have felt if he found out she was a slag after a few years and maybe they had married?
So having kinky sex with an ex makes her slag? I thought that meant sleeping around alot!
I think dareto has a very valid point, so make sure you read that twice so as to pass all the information on to your "friend".
Next, people (myself included) seem to be acting as if it was YOU who stole the tape, instead of your "friend" because many people who ask for opinions on this forum claim that the predicament is of a friend, and certainly not themselves. And they all believe that they are the first person in the world to come up with this ingenious idea!
And finally, don't get so angry. You asked people for their opinions, people are giving them to you. If you only want to hear people telling you how clever you are then i would suggest having a conversation with a mirror. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/17/2008 3:41:13 AM | This is why you shouldn't be snooping around or really concerned with the sexual past of who you are dating. All it does is cause issues that have no reason to be there.
You can't change peoples past so guess what as long as it doesn't cause you any type of harm why should you care? And when I say harm I mean something legit, and what this thread about does not fall into the legit category. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:36:41 AM | cowboybt5 said,
We all have things in the past that have been intimate and personal. People change over time. The relationship that you have with her is based on the chemistry between you two. Don't try to base YOUR relationship on the chemistry she shared with someone else. As for you going in and taking the tape, that was wrong of you. UNDERSTANDABLE but still wrong. Although it would be a difficult conversation, I'd say talk to her about it if you can't deal with the confusion your experiencing. The bottom line is that you two have to work it out and it doesn't matter what any or even everyone on here says. Try not approach it in an accusing manner and be ready for her to feel betrayed by you sneaking in and taking the tape but you'll need to try and stay calm and discuss this rationally and understandingly.
You have given some sound advice, except for thinking it was me. My friend did that, not me. But it's understandable. I would'nt go that far to see what she was hiding. Too much effort for little or in his case no reward.
He saw what he didn't want to see, but I think he should also be thankful that he found out that she is not a truthful person as well. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:48:27 AM | xdiamondxgirlx said,
So having kinky sex with an ex makes her slag? I thought that meant sleeping around alot!
I think dareto has a very valid point, so make sure you read that twice so as to pass all the information on to your "friend".
Next, people (myself included) seem to be acting as if it was YOU who stole the tape, instead of your "friend" because many people who ask for opinions on this forum claim that the predicament is of a friend, and certainly not themselves. And they all believe that they are the first person in the world to come up with this ingenious idea!
Well with other ppl that might be true, but if you would check some of my other threads and posts. Well the ones that weren't deleted, I don't mind telling ppl to their face what I think. So I wouldn't hide behind the "friend" line.
He knows me and what I would've done. First, when she snatched the tape out of his hand, that to me would've been a good verbal lashing.
Second, I would've taken the tape out her hands and put it the vcr and played it right there in front of her.
Thrid, I would've called her a lying hypocrite to her face just before I dumped her. Not gentleman like, but very effective and to see the look on her face would've been so good. 
In the end XDG, I would've seen the tape with her looking at it, then dumped her.  | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:25:22 AM | | well my input here is ... I can understand that he was curious about the tape because of her reaction ..... and she probably reacted that way because she was embarassed about what was on the tape and didn't want him to see it ...maybe she forgot she still had the tape ... we all have done things in our past that we have learned from and don't want to repeat with someone we love and respect .... I do feel he has no right to sneak in and look at the tape that is an invasion of privacy.... he did not handle the situation properly at all .... but from his perspective I would understand his curiosity ....just to bad he went about things the wrong way because she maybe really loves him and didn't want to hurt him and he broke that by sneaking around .... I feel for the guy and her about this whole thing .... its to bad she didn't get rid of it ..... !!!!!!! | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/18/2008 9:42:19 AM | jayk20005 said,
well my input here is ... I can understand that he was curious about the tape because of her reaction ..... and she probably reacted that way because she was embarassed about what was on the tape and didn't want him to see it ...maybe she forgot she still had the tape ... we all have done things in our past that we have learned from and don't want to repeat with someone we love and respect .... I do feel he has no right to sneak in and look at the tape that is an invasion of privacy.... he did not handle the situation properly at all .... but from his perspective I would understand his curiosity ....just to bad he went about things the wrong way because she maybe really loves him and didn't want to hurt him and he broke that by sneaking around .... I feel for the guy and her about this whole thing .... its to bad she didn't get rid of it ..... !!!!!!!
Well I like your input. It's reasonable and that what is key. i told him that he did go about it the wrong way, but I also told him that the way she acted raised more suspicion than if she would just acted like that was just a normal old tape. She might love him, don't know if she does or not. But from how he is acting over her, I believe that he does care a lot about her.
But my thought to him is that he should just move on with it all. I'm waiting on his call. He said that he was going to tell her lastnight, so I'm curious as to what went down with those two. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/18/2008 10:50:21 AM | m_church said,
Well, it should be interesting, I know my G/F has done a lot of things with other guys (MMF, FMF, group, swinging, anal, etc...) that she doesn't do with me... Nor is she likely too, she's tried to put that part of her past behind her because she feels she was used and abused...
There's not a lot I can do about it...
Well I know that women and men have done a lot of things in their past that they will not do again with a current partner, but I keep thinking of why keep a tape of it. That to me is the bigger question and I hope he asked her that. I'll keep all of you informed about what he tells me. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/22/2008 11:07:24 AM | **Update**
I was out buying some snacks when I saw her. She came up to me and actually slapped me and said how could I get him to do something like that to her. WTF? I tried telling her the truth, but she didn't want to hear it. She put it all on me. So I told whatever you want to think go ahead, but "I have a real problem to deal with" and walked away.
A few minutes later my friend called saying that he had told her the truth and that she said that it was my bad "influence" on him that caused all of this. He said he tried to call and give me the heads up that she was looking for me, but was too late. He wanted to apologize to me and I told him That I didn't want or have the time right now to deal with their drama. He still wants to stay with her, but is still harping on that damn tape. I told him I wish him the best of luck with the tape and the psycho and hung up.
I'm finding that good advice doesn't go unpunished these days.  | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/22/2008 12:00:50 PM | Is it possible that she kept the tape because she felt that she had been assaulted b y her ex and that the tape was evidence. Juts one possibility.
Another is that she got off on that part of darkness and she likes to relive it from time to time. But like many dark activities she is concerned about the slippery slope and where it may lead, and so chooses not to partake any longer.
I know I have done things in the past that I would not do now, just because I would be scared of where they might lead me. I am happy with more tamer activities now (with a little non-judgmental fun activities with my partner - not too tame LOL) and if my partner were not happy with that then we would have to talk and decide whether I loved her enough to give her what she wanted, or whether it would compromise my boundaries. If the latter, then she would have a choice to make about whether I was the right one for her, and I would similarly have a decision. One I would hope to make with no judgments about her, simply a decision on whether we were right for each other at this time. I certainly would want to remain friends. | |
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| If Your Partner was doing things with an Ex that they refused to do with you. What would you do?
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:38:03 PM | | I must say, twisted as this turned out it's for the best for the rest of the world. Hopefully these two will stick it out and not go on to potentially make two normal people miserable with their collective neuroses. I think her reaction made it pretty clear she's a blithering psycho and his willingness to sell out his friend to stay with someone like that makes me think these two deserve each other. Best of luck to the "happy couple". | |
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