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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:09:58 PM | | The operative word, in my remarks, was "IF". You said she told you she had Herpes after 4 months of not using a condom. It is reasonable to assume-from that-that you now have Herpes. Herpes is an STD. The last you mentioned was not using condoms. You never said you had started using them since then. I did give you credit enough to think that you MIGHT have started using condoms...hence my use of the word IF. Even so, IF you do punish innocents you meet from now on-who have never done you wrong-to retaliate for what guilty ones did to you earlier, you are NOT a good guy..and you threatened to do just that. I'd rather be an ***hole like me, than what comes out of one, like you. I, at least, have a purpose in life. Your earlier rant-saying you had spent 4 months having no condom sex with a Herpes sufferer, saying nothing about finally starting to use condoms, and saying that you were going to do to others as others did to you-is EVERY reason to think you would have unprotected (no condom) sex with future partners without telling them until 4 months later...as was done to you. Don't blame ME for you being taken at YOUR word. Say what the F you mean, and mean what the F you say. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:35:01 AM | dilantte
Hi
I can tell you are in turmoil and having a heart crisis
So ''There is nothing really anyone can say or do to lesson your pain and loneliness
Rejection from someone we Love is a pain of the worst kind ..I am sorry that you are in this position at all 'Its really is going to be okay "' I have been there its been 3 years and I did not die and I cna still be kind and love others '' I chose to Repent & find room for forgiveness .........Could not do this alone ''I called upon a Higher Power >God
My Life has not been the same since ''I wanted change and a change of people I was attracted too ..... Life is good now ''It has its ups and downs but Life is good !
The only thing people can do for themselves is to
fill there Hearts with every ounce of Joy ^^^they can '
'Like the worlds beauty that surround us .. and earth .
a puppy 'or kitten .. a babies face .. a butterfly ..a good book The Bible '''ya know ..
There is no other feeling in the world like Heartbreak !
We have to start over ''You are not alone ! There are so many people
who experience
this trama and drama probably more than you realize .
We cry a little and work alot . But work more than you cry 'stay busy .
Try something new ''Like hiking ' boating and fishing ''something
out of the norm
for you that is fun and exciting ..maybe once you get out there and do it
you will feel better about it . Just pick your self up and go out into the world and become a part . Take a class ''go to church ''library ''book store ''mall hang out
with or be among other people !
You want a friend be a friend .. Know one says you have to become Intimate or even affectionate right now
Its ok to be where you are . Just dont stay there for to long of a time ... Move that body ''Join a Gym ! Go Bowling get on a league ...
Alcohol only creates more depression .So please dont choose it for fun or relief !
Its going to be Ok ..
People do not always Love us back the way we Love them .. We are not or were not compatable ...
Thats why the Time factor is most Important when getting to know someone ''I mean really know them before becoming Intimate !
You have learned a great and valuable lesson in Life ..take it and run with it !
Cause now you have wisdom to live by and True Love awaits you in TIME !
For now God Loves You and is there for you '''just ask him to help you ''Shoot ask him for all you need and it is done if you Believe in him '''BELIEVE
Time and Love heals all ! Fill that basket with the little things that bring you JOY !
Dont let that woman steal your JOY too ! God Bless you with Joy & Love !
She was not a good woman ''stop deluding yourself !
A good woman would have left before cheating on you ............. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:57:14 AM | Hello
Your experience that you have had with woman i too had with men, each and everyone of us are different and i guess we attract the same type of people if that is what we are use to in our past relationships, you have to change your dating pattern step outside the circle change your way of thinking, learn by these experiences and move on.I too was almost ready to give up as iam sick of being hurt, used and abused.Some of the guys whom i met for dates shouldnt be on this site they are sleazy pieces of crap. But i cant brand all men the same as iam sure they are not,.  | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:06:33 PM |
The operative word, in my remarks, was "IF". You said she told you she had Herpes after 4 months of not using a condom. It is reasonable to assume-from that-that you now have Herpes. Herpes is an STD. The last you mentioned was not using condoms. You never said you had started using them since then. I did give you credit enough to think that you MIGHT have started using condoms...
Listend, you jackass. It is not in anyway reasonable to suspect that I now have herpes. First of all it was years ago, secondly, do you really think I am so f-ing stupid that I did not have myself tested after we broke up?
Since you are obviously lacking in reading comprehension, I will repeat myself. I had unprotected no condom sex with a steady, and to the best of my knoweldge at the time, exclusive girlfriend, so I did not know had herpes because she didn't tell me.
You didn't take me at my word, you inferred a while bunch of your own self righteous nonesnse into my words that had nothing to do with anything I said.
To put it eloquently, go **** yourself. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:11:55 PM | And just to add something here, you clearly do not understand the Herpes virus at all. It is entirely possible for a person to have sex with an infected person for years, even a lifetime, and NEVER get the virus. It's depends on so many factors, mostly releated to the individual immune system. And that's the immune system of both parties, the infected person, and their partner, if the infected person has a very strong immune system, the virus may remain suprresed to a degree that makes it very unlikely to be passed on, similarly, if the partner has a very strong immune system, they may never be in the position to receieve it.
Having sex with someone who has herpes does not in any way shape or form garentee you will get the virus, so your "assumptions" are far from reasonable and only display your ignorance.
Needless to say I find it more than a little incomprehensible that anyone could take for being stupid enough not to get myself tested after such an experience. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:13:19 PM |
What is it with you guys...
Here is a guy who has asked for help.
He is sincere about his request, and open about what has happened.
I would have to say to those who live in glass house, please by all means keep casting stones... One day your house will also come caving in.
For the guy who wants to insult 99% of the women. Dang it is really sad you feel like you are attaching your band wagon of hate and discontent to someone who REALLY doesn't want to hate anyone, but rather figure out HOW to fix his situation.
OP, no, women are mean Biotches at times when it comes to others in pain. So even if a woman posted this, there wouldn't be a block party of kindness, but rather a few that understood, and the rest throwing rocks, because they are all above the poor soul.
Keep seeking help, and work at getting out of your situation.
One thing at a time. Getting a place out away from mum would be a good one. Another why can't you stay with your dad for a bit? Seems like it would be a nice break from the insanity.
As for women right now, nay don't date any of them. You are a wounded animal, and the vultures and wild beast are circling because they smell blood.
As for those who have nasty things to say. Remember it is easy to throw stones at another, simply because they are hiding behind a computer screen... Life has a way of balancing out things, and their day too shall come. For some it has, and that is why they have a bitter, I went through it and survived attitude.
There are a few that went to hell and back, and realize that the trip is a hard one, but once you survive, you can teach others about the love you found along the way. That is what you look for in people that are good. NOT what they want from you, but rather what kindness they have to give.
Then they ask you to pass it forward, because love grows forward...
Thanks again, nexthyme, your words here are once again appreciated and most helpful. | |
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| you don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:28:18 PM | Not every women is like "that"...though getting to know the "truth" can take time...as one is unable to know by the "outward appearence"...sometimes, even when one thinks that one knows this friend "well", it would take a certain situation to bring out the other "facet" of this friend.
Yes, there are some scheming people who are synically out to exploite others. They do not care about how much hurt, or devastation they actions will cause because they don't care.
Such people, often, have no soft values, they live on lies and use lies...what sort of life is it for them? do they have true friends? or do they know the meaning of what a friend is or what real friendship is?
I got to know someone from one of the internet site about over a yr ago...after about 3 months, this person asked if he could move into my place, so that he could rent his house out...I said nothing...as I felt that I hardly know this person at all...meanwhile, in one of our conversations...I found out that he did not have a rainproof gear..so that in summer and winter, when it rained....he was completely soaked when working.
So I bought him the rainproof jacket and trouser set...not long after he asked the above mentioned question, where he received no reply..he emailed to say we were not compatible...
No, I am not bitter about it...I "move" on...no point "using up energy and resources" on being bitter, as it will not change or improve anything for me...one must be aware that "Bitterness" will do you no good...it can "infect and affect" you and change you...so that your "attitude" changes and you become bitter, "colours your judgement" you can become "distrustful" and sarcastic towards other "innocent" people who have not exploited you.
I have been sincere and concerned about his health and well-being, and done my best for him..it is also a waste of time...to ponder and wonder why he chose to break up, just like that... | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:51:48 PM | Listen man , you met the wrong kinds of women . I think you was a bit desperate and you paid the price but you cant just judge all the women . If you have bad relationship with Canadien women look at other options! travel get an exotic women someone that .
I have been single for a long long time . I never met a good girl I usually can read women mind and I find my way to scare them away! the good women usually stays with you and dont bullshit you . What you need to find is a virgin women that come from countries where women only get married and not **** around! then you will see
a big difference ! or someone that is marriage minded but I donno . I dont see myself married anytime soon so I dont care either .
peace man! | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 1:14:55 PM | | I think you are stupid enough to only have one test after you broke up..because you don't know about false positives, and false negatives. What does time have to do with it? If you got infected it doesn't matter whether it was 6 days ago, or 16 years ago. You'd still be infected. I read what you typed, and made logical inferrences from that and what you didn't say. Even so, I gave you credit for maybe being a lazy thinker, and a lazy typer, and so not telling all...which is why I used the word "IF". I explained that, already, and you don't understand yet, so obvioulsy you are too stupid to have good reading, and comprehension, skills. Every time you try to come back on me, you prove yourself more stupid still. Get a dictionary, and look up the word 'if'. It will hep if you use an English dictionary...always assuming that yo do know how to use it. That, too, is an IF-y thing, apparently. I hate having to teach Kindergarden, but if I must, I must. "See spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot, Run." Now turn to page two. That is the one which looks like an upside down 5. I don't need to think how stupid you are, or aren't. You prove all we need to know in that regard...over, and over. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 1:24:15 PM | | Having sex with someone who has herpes is not a guarantee you will get the disease, but it sure as hell is not a guarantee you won't either. It is playing Polish Roulette...even with medication, and condoms. Do it often, enough, and your luck will eventually run out, and you will get the disease. I worked in Public Health, and did VD tracing interviews...among other things. I know the odds a bit more than you do. How stupid do you have to be to F**k sheep, or baboons? Syphilis is a disease of sheep, and AIDS is a disease of baboons. The fact that humans now have these diseases proves that someone WAS stupid enough to F**k both sheep, and baboons, at some point in time. You are someone...so only God fully knows how stupid you are, or aren't...but you are giving us a pretty good idea. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 2:17:39 PM | | Some women are difficult bro...bottom line. There are a few good ones out there, so don't give up. Just do me a favor and on the next one, don't jump in both feet first. Make her earn your heart and you trust before you give it away. There are many manipulative and controlling women out there who really just want your money or your sex, but as a man it is your job to ELIMINATE them from your dating list. If you keep falling for them they'll keep breaking your heart. Find the woman who truly cares about you and your heart. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 3:25:10 PM | And just to add something here, you clearly do not understand the Herpes virus at all. It is entirely possible for a person to have sex with an infected person for years, even a lifetime, and NEVER get the virus. It's depends on so many factors, mostly releated to the individual immune system. And that's the immune system of both parties, the infected person, and their partner, if the infected person has a very strong immune system, the virus may remain suprresed to a degree that makes it very unlikely to be passed on, similarly, if the partner has a very strong immune system, they may never be in the position to receieve it.
Please listen to what is being said. You may very likely not have the disease but just because you tested negative doesn't mean you cannot be a "carrier" and give the disease to someone else. While having sex without condoms is a choice it is not the choice of unsuspecting future partners. Many people on this forum are trying to help you and when you don't like their answer you attack them. The only question I asked myself in your original post is why someone would put such little value on their own life and not practice safe sex with someone they hardly knew? I'm finding that answer the more I read your responses ... its everyone else's fault. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/13/2008 11:29:12 PM | Since this thread has degenerated into a lot of unwarranted vitriol directed towards me, I take my leave now.
Thanks for the help from the kind people.
To the others, you can rot. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:22:06 AM |
Please listen to what is being said. You may very likely not have the disease but just because you tested negative doesn't mean you cannot be a "carrier" and give the disease to someone else. While having sex without condoms is a choice it is not the choice of unsuspecting future partners. Many people on this forum are trying to help you and when you don't like their answer you attack them. The only question I asked myself in your original post is why someone would put such little value on their own life and not practice safe sex with someone they hardly knew? I'm finding that answer the more I read your responses ... its everyone else's fault.
(I was going to let this go, but I admit, I can't resist at least trying to defend myself.)
Really? Because I am not seeing that at all. What I wonder about you is whether, perhaps, you see in my words exactly what you want to see in order to fit your pre-conceived opinion.
The reality is I have been very open to advice in this thread, and if you go back and read you will see that this is true. To anyone who has offered me advice, encouragement, or constructive criticism I have been gracious to, and made a point of expressing my appreciation, and acknowledging that they have helped me.
It is only to people who have attacked me or been rude that I have responded in kind to. I am a pretty easy going guy, but if you bite me without cause you can bet your ass I will bite back.
You keep coming back to this idea that I had unsafe sex with someone I hardly knew. How is it that you can possibly feel yourself qualified to judge me in this regard? How is that you feel you know better than I how well I knew this person? I had unprotected sex with someone in the context of an exclusive relationship. This was not an irresponsible thing to do. I have only every had unprotected sex within the context of exclusive relationships. The fact that my choice to have unprotected sex with this person turned out to be a mistake does not indicate in any way that my judegement was poor, the fact is vital information was kept from me. If I had ANY reasons to suspect at that time that I couldn't trust this person, I may have made a different decision. But that facts are I knew this person for months before we started dating, I interacted with her on a daily basis, I believed her at the time to be a good honest person. What was I supposed to do? Ask her when we started dating, "hey, by the way, do you have genital herpes and if so, when do you plan to tell me about it?". Boy am I getting mixed messages here, on one hand people are telling me I need to keep the faith and trust, and other the other people are attacking me for being trusting. As it is I can't even stay angry at her for what she did. She acted out of ignorance, not malice. She was ashamed of her disease, and she wrongly believed that as long as she didn't have an outbreak, I was safe.
Now as to this complete POS, Corindan who can only assume get's his jollies from harassing strangers on the internet...
I think you are stupid enough to only have one test after you broke up..because you don't know about false positives, and false negatives.
I am going to ignore how ludicrous it is that I now find myself in the position of having to defend myself to some ***hole on the internet who feels he can judge my level of intelligence based on a few posts on a web forum. But here goes.
I am not stupid enough to have just one test. I was tested immediately after our breakup, not just for herpes but for everything else. Negative. I was then tested a few months later at which point I point blank asked my doctor if there was any possible way I could have herpes. His answer? NO. After that I did not have sex with anyone, protected or unprotected for an entire year. I am 100% sure I do not have herpes or any other STD, and if I did I would not be having sex with anyone without telling them first.
END OF STORY.
I am certainly not stupid. I am many things, I am indeed a lazy typer, I too emotional for my own good, I am a bit naive when it comes to women, I'm too quick to love, too slow to let go, more insecure that I deserve to be, more angry than I want to be, and less loved than I long to be. I'm clumsy, and smash my elbows on things, I'm idealistic, and too often disappointed.
But I am not stupid.
A couple of other things I am not. I am a not a short, fat, middle aged man with too much time on his hands, which based on your profile and the amount of pleasure you seem to get from inflicting unprovoked abuse on strangers in web forums, is exactly what you are. | |
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| you don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:34:06 AM |
Not every women is like "that"...though getting to know the "truth" can take time...as one is unable to know by the "outward appearence"...sometimes, even when one thinks that one knows this friend "well", it would take a certain situation to bring out the other "facet" of this friend.
Yes, there are some scheming people who are synically out to exploite others. They do not care about how much hurt, or devastation they actions will cause because they don't care.
Such people, often, have no soft values, they live on lies and use lies...what sort of life is it for them? do they have true friends? or do they know the meaning of what a friend is or what real friendship is?
I got to know someone from one of the internet site about over a yr ago...after about 3 months, this person asked if he could move into my place, so that he could rent his house out...I said nothing...as I felt that I hardly know this person at all...meanwhile, in one of our conversations...I found out that he did not have a rainproof gear..so that in summer and winter, when it rained....he was completely soaked when working.
So I bought him the rainproof jacket and trouser set...not long after he asked the above mentioned question, where he received no reply..he emailed to say we were not compatible...
No, I am not bitter about it...I "move" on...no point "using up energy and resources" on being bitter, as it will not change or improve anything for me...one must be aware that "Bitterness" will do you no good...it can "infect and affect" you and change you...so that your "attitude" changes and you become bitter, "colours your judgement" you can become "distrustful" and sarcastic towards other "innocent" people who have not exploited you.
I have been sincere and concerned about his health and well-being, and done my best for him..it is also a waste of time...to ponder and wonder why he chose to break up, just like that...
Thanks, Doris.
I think one of my main problems is that I become fixated on the good things about the women who have been in my life. In the early part of the relationship I somehow manage to ignore any and all red flags, I just flat out don't notice them, or they don't register on my radar. It's not until later when the relationship isn't working that I remember all of those red flags, and then there's the break up, and then after, even if I ended it, I forget all the red flags again and remember all of the good stuff and get depressed. In doing this I go from one less than ideal relationship to another, and yeah, I admit, I end up with people who if I was LESS TRUSTING, a bit more cynical, I might quit after a few date with, I end up in relationships with them.
The opposite extreme are people like Jerry on Seinfeld. Never has a long term relationship because he finds fault with everyone almost immediately. Big head, man hands, toe thumbs. I'd sure like to find a balance between these to extremes. | |
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| you don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 3:39:14 AM | The fact that my choice to have unprotected sex with this person turned out to be a mistake does not indicate in any way that my judegement was poor, the fact is vital information was kept from me.
Actually it was. If you don't care about your health then I won't either. Yes, you do ask about diseases and getting tested BEFORE you lay down without a condom.
I believed her at the time to be a good honest person. What was I supposed to do? Ask her when we started dating, "hey, by the way, do you have genital herpes and if so, when do you plan to tell me about it?".
Yes, you do. Why is this so new to you? You make it sound as if you knew eachother for years - it was only months for crying out loud. The fact that you didn't want to ask proves you couldn't have been all that close. Partners discuss intimate details. If you want to risk your health because of a few embarrassing questions then be it. I'm done - its worthless getting through to you. You can attack me and tell me to stay off of your thread (even though its a public board and you have no right to do so) because the only posts you are paying attention to are those that say "ohhh poor poor you - its not your fault" the rest of us tell you the truth whether or not your ready for it. Grow up and stop insulting people ... nobody likes a crybaby. | |
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| you don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 3:40:22 AM | You can objectify your issues all day long. You can post articulate replies in response, going over your reasonings. But, none of this will change your attitude or state.
STOP being a victim. Stop looking at yourself as an innocent bystander being trampled by injustice. You play a big role in what happens to you. If you blithely go along in life without watching out for your own interests, you will be taken advantage of. There is a -big- difference between being sensible and careful, and being a jaded cynic.
Start doing things that better your life. I think your idea to stop dating is a great one. Right now you don't speak like you are in the emotional state to carry on a healthy relationship of a serious nature. Go out, live your life, pick yourself back up, and when you meet the next person out there who seems meaningful, look at them objectively as another human being. Look at them as someone carrying the potential to bring both good and bad into your life, and act accordingly. If you're not honest with yourself about what you're after, you'll be making the same mistakes again, via repeated patterns of unhealthy behavior.
Go live, get back into your hobbies, and most importantly imo, set some goals that you care about, without worrying over other peoples approval. | |
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| you don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 11:13:36 AM | | Women like men not little boys that cannot take responsibility. Will you be creating yet another profile and posting how the world owes itself to you? | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 5:31:36 PM | | Oh man is it just me or are half the posts on this thread line self pity posts. Stop wallowing in your misery. You wear your beaten down loser hat and what do you think women are going to make of you? Positivity works for some. Try it. | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 6:26:34 PM | WoW, you sound like a battered man. You need to like yourself if you want to find a women who will like you for real. You soumd like a very nice misunderstood man who allows the wrong women to enter into your life. I have a saying, "If I am going to be unhappy no one will do it to me other than myself". In other words, wait for a women who likes the same as you. If there not willing to share there journey threw life, then there not worth being with. Men always go for the good, sexy, YOUNG women who put on a good act just to get from you what they want, then your gone. I don't know how old you are but I would suggest that you maybe look a bit older than yourself, a women who understands what makes a good relationship. Don't always go for a good cover, most of them are false. If you want a good women then go and look whats inside the cover. Look at personality, style of giving, understanding and patience.
You might be surprised and find happiness. Good luck
cj  | |
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| I don't trust women anymore
Posted: 10/14/2008 8:32:23 PM | | A number of years ago I met a great guy. He was confident, smart, family-oriented, and we really hit it off. However, after his divorce (wife cheated on him), he stopped trusting women. I tried to continue seeing him, but knew it wasn't going anywhere because he was too involved in the issues of the past relationship. We broke it off and I moved away. A few nights ago I saw him online and we chatted. He told me he wished his trust issues hadn't gotten in the way because we could have had a great relationship. Moral of the story is take time off, get your head on, learn from the past and move on. Otherwise, the distrust you feel may result in your being unable to be in another committed relationship and you may meet "the one" and not realize it until years later..... | |
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