| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/11/2008 5:00:46 PM |
Imo I dont think you actually do fall out of love but grow apart !!
Surely, the fact that you're growing apart means you're falling out of love? You may still love them as people, but as most of us are aware "being in love" and "loving someone" are not the same
If you're not falling out of love I would find it extremely difficult to see how/why you would grow apart? However, if you're love for someone is subsiding then I can see how/why you will grow apart
Getting back to the OP, there are many reason why people would fall out love with another, some of which include:
1) Conflict
2) Too much disrespect or contempt
3) Taking the relationship for granted and not finding ways to keep it interesting/exciting busyness
4) Not making the shift from I to we
5) Serious problems (alcoholism, gambling, drug addiction, etc)
6) Depression
7) Influences from family/friends
8) Falling in love for the wrong reason(s)
9) People mistake lust and love and once that lusting desire disappears, people fall out of 'love'
10) Expectations not being met
The list is not exhaustive, but just a few reasons that initially came to mind
Now to the chemistry part, or my interpretation anyway. People, who fall in love due to chemistry and not commitment are more likely to end up having more relationships, because once the chemistry goes, they will tend to move on to the next person in the not to distant future
Chemistry is basically the anticipation of sex. Therefore, in the early days/months/years the anticpation of sex is higher, but after a while it generally becomes less. This explains why relationships that are more sex based have a shorter life span than those that aren't | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/11/2008 5:29:19 PM |
Arent all the reasons you gave above for falling out love..............the very reasons you wouldnt fall in love with someone in the first place???
Of course they are, and I admire you if you are aware of all that information before getting involved. You know how it is, you meet someone and for the first x amount of time they appear decent, kind, respectful, worthy, etc, and then it's not until later down the line that the points I raised come out of the woodwork other than a couple may happen as a result of events while you were together i.e. (depression, serious problems, influences from family/friends, expectations not being met, etc)
i couldnt imagine myself falling for someone who had al those problems in the first place.
Nor would I, and I don't think any sane person would. Refer to what I said above
i think all those "problems" come apparent in the first instances
In some instance it can, especially if they are a raving loon. However, there is a saying that goes "You don't get to see the real person you're in a relationship with until you're a little while down the line", as a result of the pink cloud, etc
Me thinks you gotta choose your partners more carefully in the future.
Ha-ha, that list wasn't compiled all on personal experience, although a few of the options given were. Others were just stated as a result of common sense, knowledge, observation of other relationships, etc
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/11/2008 5:52:29 PM | I fell out of love when he wanted more children and I did not.
He knew I felt this way before I married him and he renaged on the deal. | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:05:54 AM | I came across many women who feel the day they marry would be the happiest day of their lives. I fully agree.. as from that day onwards, its pure HARD WORK! (Before anyone points out to me, this applys to men as well) It is no secret... Marriage is hard work!
Also as already pointed out by several POFers, it works only if you do not grow apart. We all change with time; one just hope one changes in the same direction as one's partner. Otherwise, its hopeless. | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 4:24:54 AM | When I wanted to paint the town red while my ex wanted me to paint the lounge beige we became incompatible and grew apart.
It didnt stop her from having the lovely qualities that first drew me to her it just meant that we had simply stopped growing along parallel lines . | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 4:27:58 AM | why we fall out of love
1. you suddently realize he/she is an alien
2. he/ she is a nutter and you havent anything in common
3. you come to your senses
I really do not know , love is fickle | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 4:48:26 AM | i dont consider myself cynical but this whole concept of being in love just doesn't gel with me anymore. i see being in love merely as the chemistry, spark, tingley toes or whatever syndrome you want to call it. its lust - nothing more, nothing less. when the urge to drag your partner off to bed dissipates, then you are just left with two people who have little in common, other than the feeling of fallen out of love - aka disappointment!
to build lasting love you need to choose a partner based on real and longer lasting emotions. respect, trust, compatibility etc., and you have to like the person you are with. s/he needs to be your best mate.
love can be true and real, but people who aspire to be IN love forever are setting themselves up to fail. | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:00:01 AM | Some very interesting thoughts here ....
It seems that some human relationships may be doomed purely because we are too individualistic. It would seem some of us cannot change/grow along with our partners; we aspire different things and as time passes the chemistry that bonded us initially dissipates, disappears.
I think how we "view" love changes as we get older, wiser and maybe a little more cynical. When we are young many of us buy into the fireworks, weak knees etc etc that young love brings. Can this be recaptured, if as time passes we "fall out of love"? Can it be worked at? Do we simply have to move on and experience something new with someone different? | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:16:18 AM | Macforty carries the majority(including my goodself) on this one I don,t see it as falling out of love more as growing out of it.....moving on...pastures new & all that...& as with Lorri49 I too have 2 wonderful kids from my previous relationship so no real regrets just thanks & time to move on  | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:09:12 AM | | Being in love is simply a hormonal reaction, just like lust. The difference is it's a reaction to everything about the person at that time, not just their physical sexual attractiveness. As with all physical things, hormonal reactions change in time. In some cases they don't change to the extent that people fall out of love. In other cases the people involved don't change as people enough to stop the reaction to each other. In the vast majority however both things change, the reaction and the cause of it, on both sides and so the relationship (and the feeling of being "in love") ends. | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:35:12 PM | I should be an expert on this one because Ive done it so many times and Im in the situation now. I was crazy about him when I first met him, couldnt keep our hands off each other, hung on to his every word ... now I just dont feel the same any more. He loves me more than ever which makes it difficult.
Looking back I would say that the initial rush you get when you first fall in love wears off and you start to notice all those annoying little faults, not that I havent got mine, Im aware of that. Or maybe Ive just never really been in love not truly. I have been hurt when someone has dumped me but I take it they found my annoying habits too much to bear!
I always felt that I grow away from a person once Ive gone off them and not the other way around. Maybe Im wrong. | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/13/2008 3:12:16 AM | Wow, some profound comments on this topic for sure & some interesting answers too. I think it depends on the time , how long the relationship has been going . During the first couple of years its all still a learning process, getting to know each other for real ; warts n all. Therefore if the breakdown occurs during ..say 1 to 3 years its probably because you werent ideally suited in the first place. You may have thought otherwise both parties, but some types simply do not match long term . Astrologically , personality wise etc. The sex might be great , fun times had , dreams shared etc but if you arent truly compatible then it's so difficult to make it work & last.
However if one talks of a long term relationship , 10 years or more i think thats another thing entirely. As stated on here with many reasons given for " growing apart " But i honestly think that the only (ONLY ! ) single reason that happens is pure selfishness on the part of one or the other . Everybody goes through tough periods, thats life it isnt meant to be easy otherwise we would never learn & grow . There has to be good & bad in everything . But if you truly love someone & have been together a long time then comunication should be able to resolve most if not all problems.If a couple take the time to sit ,talk & think about how & why they fell in love originally then it should be a simple step to work to rekindle the flame of love & desire once again . Love, true love never ever dies; if it does then it simply wasnt love in the first place . True love is something that you either have or do not have , simple as that. No matter how old we grow we never stop loving a Mother, Father, Son, Daughter etc We may have fallen out or drifted apart from them , even hate something they
've done . But love is always there.
We see it frequently in the press " the marriage has broken down " Rubbish ! if it has then if you investigate its always because of the actions of one or the other;selfishness.
If every married person remembered to treat their spouse as the number one priority in their life, for thats exactly what it is meant to be ; then their consideration would be first . If you're not happy , say so & discuss the reasons why . Its all down to communication , but looking at the sad state of this world of ours ; wars ,hatred biggotry etc.. it seems to have gone out of fashion . Like someone on here said , its a throw away world; in love too it seems. Still hope springs eternal , or as my dear old grandad used to say " dont let the B******s grind you down "................................
Remember, what doesn kill us makes us stronger . Love & peace ! | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:29:44 AM | i fell out of love when her arsse got so big i could no longer bear to look at it.
i fell out of love because she was mental and no matter what we tried we just couldn't do it any longer
i fell out of love because she didn't love me
but i mainly fell out of love because of her huge arrse ! | |
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| WHY DO WE FALL OUT OF LOVE
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:15:09 AM | I know in my case it was a combination of events and me growing up, and him not. | |
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