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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/15/2008 7:25:23 PM | No, I wasn't. I meant exactly what I said.
I'm NEVER sarcastic,
You must be right. I do have such trouble with words that have three syllables or more. I don't even know what I was saying. Of course she should dump him. There is no likelyhood of such a relationship becoming successful. You just need to go down to "relationships are us" and pick the exactly perfect one off the rack. So, simple. Why didn't I think of that? | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/15/2008 7:40:24 PM |
You just need to go down to "relationships are us" and pick the exactly perfect one off the rack.
Hey! Who told you about that?
I have a trademark on "Relationships 'R' Us". Careful, or my lawyers'll be talkin' at yo' lawyers... 
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Posted: 10/15/2008 7:53:10 PM | In the past I just loved a good fixer upper. But ....with old age comes wisdom ...and now move in ready is more to my style.
Some women erroneously think they can improve YOU menpeople. They have an ideal man in mind. And damn it .....with a little redressing and a lot of nagging they CAN change you!!!
Nawww that is not really possible...... Men can't change all that much.  | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/16/2008 6:28:55 AM |
but wait. isn't that pretty much the same as expecting "perfection", at least in terms of every single one of your likes and dislikes?
Nope. It has nothing to do with perfection. Nobody is perfect. It has to do with being attracted to every value a person has and then also to be physically attracted to them and NOT finding things about them you wish were different. If there are things that you don't like, that annoy you or bug you from the start, then they will only escalate and magnify as time passes. It has to do with the "list" we all have in our minds of what we can live with and what we can't live without and if the person has something you can't live with and it's evident right from the start, why bother to continue to pursue something with this person?
I agree that relationships worth keeping are an ongoing series of compromises, but we're talking about people that have just met and are in the "getting to know you" stage, not someone that's been in a relationship for years.
Expecting someone you've just met to change something about themselves is ridiculous! You either like the person for who they are and admire the qualities they possess, or you move along. You can change things about yourself that you don't like and become a better you, but cannot change things about other people. To even desire to get into a relationship where you want to change things about the person would be the goofiest thing anyone could do and would be doomed from the start. | |
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Posted: 10/16/2008 7:13:09 AM | | TRYING TO CHANGE some one red flag, wh ydid you ever get to gether with this guy I take it he was like this when you meet him. It would be great if he did it on his own but the way you are going at is wrong, he would be better off with out you. now that i got your attetion why dont you go like he is and give hi9m the same as he gives you and maybe he wil get the message. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/16/2008 8:25:44 AM | | wow..by the way you described him Im surprised you even got to the point of going on a date with him. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/16/2008 8:32:02 AM | Keys
Being sloppy from WORKING is very different than being sloppy FOR NO REASON...
Id look at a man with mud on his jeans, dirty hands and unshaved w messy hair way before a grown man in a stained tshirt & pajama pants w a birds nest hair. To me that screams, ' im lazy, unemployed & been playing video games all day'..
ick...OP..please tell me he at least brushes his teeth!!! | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:40:34 AM | Well that depends. If you want him to change for you, thats a problem. It sounds like he was that way when you met him, but now you want him to change? He could try, but it could end up with him resenting you for it. That could cause problems later down the road for you as well.
I always look at it this way. If you love somebody, you love them for everything that they are. You love them for not only the things you like, but even the things that you don't like because they are a part of the person that you love. You have to decide if these qualities are something you can live with or not. You can not expect him to change for you. You can not tell a tomoato to be a bananna. You either want one, or the other.
You could try talking to him, but even if he says he will change, you can only try to be something that you are not for so long. Then the real you shines through. As I have already stated, he could also start fostering a resentment towards you because he is doing something he does not want to. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:29:08 PM | ~ msg 58 ~ I wish I could have put it in those words! Right on the money! 
A.S.is
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Posted: 10/16/2008 4:40:05 PM | | If he really goes around like you claim, well I wouldnt go anywhere with him ever. That would just embarrass me to no end. In town with pajamas on...please. If his hygiene is really that bad I would not waste time telling him clean up or else. But then again if a guy was that uncaring about his hygiene he would not be my boyfriend to begin with to tell him anything. | |
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Posted: 10/16/2008 4:56:11 PM | I'm likin' this thread more and more.
I feel that now, if I'm going with a woman for a while, that I really am justified in telling her that she's getting a bit fat for my liking if she wasn't like that when I first got with her. ...
... and here I've been taking women at their word and thinking I, and most other men, were being shallow for expecting our women to have nice compact asses.
I love the fora. I can always find what I need.
  
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Posted: 10/16/2008 4:58:40 PM | | there is a difference between hygiene and being fat. fat is something people have hard time controlling..its not that they dont care. Hygience is something we all can control. see the difference. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 10/16/2008 5:21:54 PM |
there is a difference between hygiene and being fat. fat is something people have hard time controlling..its not that they dont care. Hygience is something we all can control. see the difference.
Well, I see the difference between being fat and bad hygiene, yes.
I'm having difficulty seeing the difference between choosing to be with someone, sleep with someone, call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend then choose to complain about something after the fact.
If I chose to sleep with a woman, then came here and complained that I decided I didn't like how she looked with her clothes off, I'd be slagged as shallow and an unmitigated A-hole. Perhaps that would be justified.
I never really watched Sesame Street, but that darned song, "Some of these things...." just sticks in my head sometimes when I read threads....
Smiple, really.
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Posted: 10/16/2008 6:02:01 PM | | There is one thing I have learned from experience in relationships, and that is I should not try to change anyone, that I must accept a person as they are. I can make a suggestion here and there in a positive way, never a put down, but I can't expect that it will be accepted. This is hard to practice, live and let live, but I think it's the best way for a happy relationship. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 8:52:43 AM | I think that trying to "change" someone is not really the solution. We cannot generalize that "a lot of guys do not care about clothes". Some of us have a great sense of style and shop at the right stores, the right brands , the right quality. Also, the bad style is not a monopoly of males in the human species. I've seen and even dated girls that have no clue about style nor they really care. The thing is: We live in a culture of the image. It counts. The "Dress for success" phrase is extremely valid in any social, professional and it applies to men and women. A good image opens doors.  | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 9:16:52 AM | You have the right to expect what you like, he has the right to be the way he wants.
Give him the choice. Make him a list. Let him decide what he wants to do, then you decide what you want to do. Communication. It works wonders! | |
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Posted: 1/24/2009 9:45:15 AM | I dated a man like this. He went everywhere in his tight/elastic at the ankle jogging pants. Paired that with an old stained too small t shirt. After we'd been dating awhile I gently suggested that maybe he could put a pair of jeans on when we went out, maybe wear a shirt that wasn't 10 years old and fit. He actually started to take more pride in his appearance. He mentioned once that he wished his ex could see him now because he looked and dressed so much better.
However, you can't really change someone. He continued to wear clothes from high school to his job even though he was teased. I remember an old corduroy tapered blazer that screamed seventies. He was selling cars at the time. Continued to wear his dads old clothes even though he now worked for Chryslers and could afford to buy new. When it became apparent that showering and brushing his teeth were done maybe twice a week I gave up. Not only was he lazy about his appearance he was lazy about everything.
Dated this guy for quite awhile because he really was a nice guy with a lot of good qualities. What bothers you in the beginning usually just bothers you more as time progresses. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:28:26 AM | Actaully your comments are the most reasonable Ive heard from the opposite sex.
Jeff | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 7:47:09 AM | If you believe confidence is born of how someone dresses.. kid you ain't looked out the window.. or read the bible.. now I ain't no thumper but .. the attire don't mean diddly when it comes to confidence.. clothes do not make the man or woman.. now being in good physical condition does.. and it don't matter if a guy is wearing a paper bag.. healthy is sexy .. oh yah..
Now if you believe that the mindset is produced via the clothes you wear than the planet should all go to your place and we can hop downtown and shop and sing John Lennon tunes while we are at it.. and all will be saved in the universe..
I run around .. all day digging in gardens .. have gone into town looking like I have been mud wrestling all day and still get stared at ... guys gottah love em.... so your idea that clothes make a person.. no way .. no how .. it ain't even part of the equation .. healthy is from the inside out .. not the other way around.. how we treat our molecules is who we are.. you need to take your head out of mediaville and read some dandy .. brain .. food..
If this guy is comfortable with who he is and you aren't you should keep looking for someone who dresses to suit you or lets you dress em as he appears quite content with himself and it sounds to me like he is not going to change .. actually if you say less and offer your sizzling energy to him he may respond by desire to spark you .. that I can see as the only way it will work is if you allow your self to feel his attraction for you and vice versa .. it should alter what is .. stop with the criticisms and start seducing.. it is much more fun and alot nicer flow of brain chemistry to heat up the connection.. of both of you .. and when you are at that level the clothes don't matter .. it is the flesh and the mind.. oh yah.. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:59:36 AM | I stopped dressing my men years ago...
I found they didn't look good to me wearing the shirts I bought them with the new girlfirend!!! | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:42:36 AM | | how did you start dating him if you didnt like what he dresses like? That is your fault. You can ask him, but dont expect him to change. Good luck in your search. Sorry, didnr mean to come of so offensively. I cant spell. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:52:18 AM | | If it is something that bothers you, then you need to talk to him about it. I understand the whole, judging the book by it's cover premise, but everyone has some sort of standards. You aren't a bad person because you find his habits a turn off, you just need to discuss this with him and try and see if you can both reach a center ground. | |
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| am I being unreasonable...
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:00:26 PM | | If he can't be bothered to bathe and clean himself up when he sees you, he's showing you disrespect. Tell him that it bothers you and if he won't change, dump him. | |
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