Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 51 | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:26:12 AM | I'm for trying most things with my wife and my wife probably could talk me into most things except:
1) Anything sexual that doesn't include adequate hygene
2) Anything Like S&M or overtly painful or shaming
3) Cross dressing
4) Bringing outside partners into the mix or watching pornography
5) Anything voyeristic, public or having to do with filming any sexual contact.
6) Continued sexual contact without any other intimacy like snuggling and kissing for
any extended period of time
I would hope my wife would be open to experimentation and discussion to that effect as well as an understanding of while not keeping "score" that it's good to reciprocate and try to please each other. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:33:55 AM | You are kidding me right? Most men that give oral love it selfishly : ) , and is a way to earn a wet, wild and crazy, receptive woman. To say she has to return the favor, wtf... I avoid lovers like that. Guys should be lucky for what they get..
THAT'S IT! I got my magic wand and we are all going back to when you had to marry a girl to have fun. Maybe then you will appreciate being let between her legs. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:41:13 AM | well what these people are saying works both ways. Hey If you don't want to give her oral then just skip doing it and go for straight sex. If she complains then you have every right to be complaining about not getting it yourself. But if she does not. Then at least its less work.
lol... but then again if you like doing it... What are you complaining bout? | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:55:02 AM | Snoog....that post sounded very selfish :/
Did you know some women do not orgasm through intercourse, so you are suggesting, be lazy, in it for yourself and probably of the worst all time lovers she has had? | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:21:54 AM | | Thanks Ninki. In time others may evolve. I love a great BJ...when it is willfully given. I don't want anything from someone who feels obligated to give it. I'm as horny as the next guy, but prefer my sex to come with some emotional/spiritual attachments...of the type which can only come from someone who is enjoying it as much as I am. I once had a GF who didn't believe me when I said I'd love head, but don't expect it, and she should only do it if she really wants to. She gave me BJs because she felt she had to to keep me...because that is what her gal pals told her. Her BJs were not fun for me, or her. The zoned out look on her face, her robotic actions, etc, killed the pleasure for me. I stopped her mid blow one time, and told her to quit, because it wasn't doing anything for me. We talked it over, and decided she would not bother anymore. I continued giving her head, though. I stayed with her, without getting head from her-despite what her pals had said would be the case-and she later dumped me for a guy with more money. No kind of sex should ever be obligatory. It should all be willing, and come from the heart. Some guys realize that, and others don't. It has a lot to do with their upbringing. I do what I can to educate them. Thanks for appreciating my efforts. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:36:51 AM | Hey why make sacrifices if shes not willing to do so either. Im not saying don't do it. But if he works his butt off doing oral... and recieves no effort in return to make sex great for himself. Then i say the hell with trying.
If she does not like doing oral they they could do some sort of compromise to make sex great on both ends. However that is not often the case. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:42:36 AM | | The short answer OP to your original question is no. You shouldn't EXPECT a blow job based on the fact you so selflessly went down on her (yes, I am being sarcastic). Trust me when I say, there are MANY men out there who don't give but expect just the same. I guess you came across the female version, suck it up and talk to her... don't expect anything unless you talk about it first. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 11:53:43 AM | The way I see it you have to give to get but at the same time no law saying you have to get right then so if said male does something for said female it does not mean said female has to return the favor to said male right away. Get over it. You should be out to make her feel good not for your own selfish pleasures just like she should be out to make you feel good and not for her own selfish pleasures. It's a two way street but you know sometimes someone just wants to take a break. Now if she never gives back well then that's wrong, hey if my guy gave to me all the time i'd give back. Or you know he puts a downpayment on a house or something what a great way to repay the favor  | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 12:20:05 PM | if i give a man head it is becasue i want to savor the taste and smell of them and the sexy intimacy of giving him pleasure, NOT because i want him to do it back to me. I expect nothing but to enjoy the sight touch taste smell of my lover.
I would not even WANT a man to eat me out if h only was to do it because he wanted head in return. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:02:11 PM |
Guys should be lucky for what they get What a sad and pathetic commentary.
Sex is about giving and sharing unselfishly. You do things to, and for, your partner because you want to; because it makes you feel good; not because you owe them one; and they should be doing the same for you. If you don't enjoy something, don't do it; and if your partner doesn't enjoy something please don't ask them to do it. If you can be turned on, while your partner is miserable, you need to see a therapist.
"Expect" and "Obligate" are very harsh and aggressive words; neither have ANY business being used in regards to sex between two loving and mutually accepting people. Expect and obligate are terms that can be used in a transaction with a prostitute; not a lover. You expect her to do certain things, you give her the money, and she is obligated to do those things, or return your money.
All of that said, I have no tolerance for a selfish lover. If it's a long term relationship; it may well be that it is a relationship issue; not a sex issue. Find out why they have no desire to make you happy. Is it a general emotion; or does it revolve around the particular physical act you are asking them to do? Negotiate, and deal with the underlying problems until both people are happy; then get back to a warm, loving, unselfish sex life. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 2:02:03 PM |
Guys should be lucky for what they get..
Maybe then you will appreciate being let between her legs.
OH MY F_CKING GOD...
And the winner of the Lamest Thing Said All Week Award goes to...
"Lucky for what they get..."....oh my God... spare me.   | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 11:05:57 PM | | You do realize don't you that many women can only orgasm through oral while men can orgasm via penetration? I'm someone who doesn't particularly care to give blowjobs. I will if I really care about someone though, however, I don't expect a man to give me oral even if it means I won't have an orgasm while we're together. I was with a man a few months back who thought the same as you. If you don't give me a blow job I'm not going down on you. He actually got kind of beligerent about it. He might have gotten lucky but as I said in another thread awhile back, I don't like the taste of recycled booze and he was a fairly heavy drinker, therefore, no bj for him. So, in answer to your question should you expect a bj in return for giving her oral and helping her achieve an orgasm? In my opinion no because you can have your orgasm when you have sex via penetration. Should she continue to expect you to give her oral? No, if she's not willing to give you oral every now and then then she really shouldn't expect to receive it either. Ahhhhhhhhh, but to each their own. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:13:26 AM |
It would be nice if she returned the favor, but she shouldn't be expected, or pressured, to do so. If the gal doesn't enjoy doing something, she has a right to not do it. I have had several GFs, over the years, who had never given a guy-not even a hubby-head before....much less let him cum in her mouth. I explained what I would like, but made it clear that there was no expectation, or pressure, for her to ever do anything but what she wanted to do. I went without head for awhile. Eventually-as a show of thanks for my understanding, and out of a desire to please me-these non-head givers finally gave me a lot of great head. One started on my birthday. Another started on Christmas. Another began on Valentine's Day. One waited 6 months, and another waited a year, and another waited two years. Each was comfortable with it in her own time, and found that she enjoyed the ability to please me, and the ability to control my orgasm. They would take me to the brink, pause, let me come down a bit, go at it again, and so on. They could make me cum sooner, or delay my climax awhile, as they chose. Having such power was a turn on for them, but they had to grow into the appreciation of it on their own. I made my desires known once, and let them know I was fine with them not doing it, and then I shut up. I pleased them in every way, for months, and they finally got around to wanting to please me in that 'special way'. When they felt the time was right, they pleasantly surprised me. Sex is not about keeping score, and sometimes you get a bit less than you give. Knowing how to deal with that is part of what maturity is all about. Besides which...bad head-from a woman who wants nothing to do with it, and who is only doing what she feels obligated to do-is not worth the bother. Great head-from a woman who does what she wants to do because her heart is in it-is well worth waiting for. Grow up.
That is a great answer, corindon!
My two most recent girlfriends both enjoyed receiving oral sex until they came, and while both would give me some oral, basically as part of foreplay, they would never try to get me off that way. The first one, the very first time we were in bed, told me there were two things she didn't do...she didn't do anal, and she didn't swallow. And for five years we had some of the best sex I ever had. | |
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testnu
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Joined: 9/28/2008
Msg: 70 | |
| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:57:17 AM |
In this modern age of equality if you can make your woman cum orally and there is no attempt to reciprocate are you obligated to continue in the future? If you are a gentleman and make her orgasm first and even second should there be any gold at the end or your rainbow?
what are we in grade 9? | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:57:42 AM | love making is not an I WILL IF YOU WILL type thing. thats not how it works. if someone cannot do oral then they should not be made to feel like they have to. A good man or woman should say "I dont wnat you to do anyting that makes you unconfortable." If they cant say that then they need to move on down the road and find the person who can give them what they want. Loving someone is not sexual. Sex is not love. Sex is an act that can be performed with any tom,**** or harry. People need to learn what a true loving relationship is and to hell with letting sex control your feelings for somene. when sex is the controller in the relationship.....love does not exist.
and by the way op, you do have orgasm with intercourse. so if your woman cannot do bj's then it should not matter to you. you always orgasm so quit your ridiculous whinning. its men like u who make me wanna puke. | |
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| If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:46:41 AM | "A woman is not obligated to do a damn thing she doesn't want to do in any situation. "
^^^ Neither is a man. If he's tired of always giving and not getting much in return he is free to do as he wants. If he feels she is being selfish- and has voiced his concern to her with no positive change or dicussion- he can either keep doing what he's doing, stay with her but not continue to do things if her lack of reciprocity makes him resent it, or he can call the whole thing off and look for someone more interested/willing to have a more mutual exchange. Giving and getting nothing back is no better than giving with an agenda and expectations attached. One is being selfish, the other is being used. There is no real positive side to either scenario that I can see. There is a big difference between tit-for-tat scorekeeping, and feeling that the general balance of a relationship, or an aspect of a relationship, is out of balance.
Don't know the specifics, is he going out of his way to please her and she can't be bothered? Then SHE is the selfish one. Is he going down on her just to "earn points" for what he should get in return? Then yes, he's the selfish one. Is she doing other things that 'work" for him and he's all bent out of shape over one item... or is she expecting him to pleasure her and not seeing any need to reciprocate and feeling, as some posters here seem to, that he should just be happy she is showing up for the event at all? Perhaps sexually they just aren't very compatible? Perhaps they just can't communicate? Perhaps this is just a reflection of another trouble elsewhere in the relationship?
Sounds like they should talk about it.
I hope I'm wrong, but this thread and others give me the impression that a lot of double standards still exist; a lot of women are clueless about male sexuality; a lot of women think if a guy comes it means he is always "satisifed"; a lot of women still like to control using sex, and act like it's a one-way street; a lot of women are selfish lovers (and the most selfish ones are probably the first to project their own selfishness unto men); and a lot of women hold the guys responsible both for their pleasure/satisfaction, and his own. And let's not even try to deal with the "he should just be happy he's getting any" argument. I don't see anyone telling women they should be thrilled just to be getting mediocre sex.
This is NOT to say there aren't plenty of men with equivalent attitudes, nor to suggest all women are selfish/controlling/ignorant. It's just to point out -using as an example the fact that most posters immediatley jumped on the OP without regard for the fact that there are 50/50 odds he's not the selfish one in this scenario (granted, his choice of wording may not have been the best if what he was trying say is that he is freely giving and just doesn't feel she's making any effort or giving any regard in return ) - that men with the equivalent selfish/ignorant/sexist attitudes are nearly universally bashed (and rightly so!), usually by both men and women; while the women who feel/act this way seem to feel a sense of "rightness" and entitlement- and quite a few men seem to back them up. Ignorance and selfishness are not gender-specific attributes. But there sometimes seems to be a filter, or an offset centering point, that allows selfshness on one side to be socially accepted as "fairness", while fairness on the other side is viewed as "selfish". When men are viewing women as superior beings whose affections must be earned through constant tribute, or as fragile creatures that must always be coddled.... and women are viewing men as evil sh&ts who should be happy for whatever they get, or elevating themselves above men and demanding special treatment based on their gender... nobody wins and everybody loses. Genuine respect cannot coexist with spite, vegeance, superiority/inferiority complexes, double standards, power trips, etc.
When it comes to the topic at hand, personally I'm only interested if it's on equal terms, done freely and enthusiastically, with mutual respect and consideration and a genuine mutual desire to please one's partner. Anything else is just window-dressing. | |
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If only all men were like you, maybe more women would -eventually- be more than willing to do BJs. As it is, most who do it, do it because they feel obligated.
