| | Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...Page 2 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | @seriously...Me either!!! And the WORST part is that SOME of us wouldn't even CONSIDER using sex that way...but we get lumped in with "all of the others", by a few "bitter biscuits!!!"
Maybe they're all really AFRAID of our sexual power and even when we aren't "holding out" they're all so "programmed" to believe that we ARE....there's just NO convincing them otherwise???....
Hmmmmm...just a thought....Dee | |
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HB2
| | Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 28 | |
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HB2
| | Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/17/2005 2:05:40 PM | you may have spoken but that doesn't mean diddlysquat.....
there are men using sex as a weapon also!
He gives it to another woman for example! | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/17/2005 9:37:59 PM |
Do men REALLY believe that women "use" sex in order to "trap" them into marriage/long-term committment??? Or even use it as a "reward for good behavior"?
In my experience, yes. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/17/2005 10:15:42 PM | Hmmm ... I'm philosophical and have theories for many topics. On this one, I am not. Every woman I have ever been with has come to a point where she used sex against me as a weapon or reward for desired behavior. Zen is a beautiful thing. | |
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krayon
| | Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 37 | |
| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/17/2005 10:19:38 PM | <<< covers ears at Yam's negativity and sing songs loudly...
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/17/2005 10:25:35 PM | Dee,
I have found your interesti n this topic to be extremely interesting. I may be young (20), but am extremely interested in the psychology of relationships & sexual behaviours.
Most of this stems from the fact that I have experienced many of the problems and interesting situations associated with this generalization of phsycology, and, would therefore like to inject my thoughts on your post!
**Done with all my big "Doctor" words ;)**
I was recently involved in a relationship with a girl who comes from an unstable (emotionally, and self esteem wise) background. I am not stating that the reasons I believe are the same with everyone, but I do believe that with this specific girl, they are all contributing factors to her subconcious beliefs and general "way of life."
Now, not to bost, but, I am what most women would consider a "good guy." I enjoy wine, have my life in order, am extremely independant, and am a firm believer in family values, faithfulness, trust, friendship, and communication in relationships.
So, back to this girl. Her past includes non supportive parents, divorced parents, a mother with sexual & addictive issues (cheated on her husband, causing the ultimate divorce, and alchohol/partying). I believe that combined with her father leaving, and her living with her mother seeing how her mother acts, that this has highly influenced her into believing that partying, love, and sex, are in reality, the way her mother has presented them to her through example. Now, we all know, that that is complete and utter bull shit!
Now, more to the point, when her and I where together, she presented her self sexually as more or less a porn star. Talking dirty, letting certain activites take over, this and that, all things that are more considered "****ing", as opposed to "making love."
This entire time I was convinced we were in love, however, since the break up I have realized that she would use her built up sex appeal to me as a form of manipulation.
Here is how it went: in the beginning, she was hot, we were having sex atleast once every couple of days, always filthy, always fun. However, when things started to get more serious, and I became more focused on passionate "love making" as opposed to what we where used to, she would brush sex off with some excuse (Ladies, you know the ones!). She would continue this until we where puching (at times) upwards of 14 days without any sexual contact what so ever (Not necessarily intercourse, but anything so far as a passionate deep kiss).
Me, being the yound (19/20) year old male I was, was, naturally a tad difficult. Felt like my balls where going to explode! :)
So, after her "holding out" on me, I would buy her things, do things for her, clean up around the house, rub her back, watch movies and shows she wanted, anything to give her what she wanted, so that I, essentially, could get what I wanted.
Looking back on the relationship now, I realize it was primarily based on sex. The reason? Back to her issues & upbringing, when I first met her, we slept together, while both of us where still in OTHER long term relationships. Bad idea, I know!
This fact has lead me to believe that any relationship that starts with sexual intercourse, will never be anything more then a relationship based on just that, due to the fact that we hadnt had a chance to take interest in each other emotionally and mentally.
This may not be the case in the grand scheme of things, but this is what I have found to be the case with many couples in my age group. No one REALLY understands the way sex should be. Wether it be casual and dirty, or love making. But that a relationship is built on thing other then sex. All about the truth of being generally young, and not understanding emotions.
All in all, "learning the game."
It seems this messege has become a tad bit of a rambling by myself.
I hope my points and thoughts may in some unconnected way help someone, somewhere!
Best,
Aaron | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/17/2005 10:36:55 PM | Hi Harry!
Indeed I do have a lot to learn. And, I am fully aware of this!
There are a few points I failed to make in my latter post.
I am young, and I believe that I can not "make love" to someone unless I am in love with them. And, for myself being in love with someone, takes time and work.
I know there are many, many other people who do not follow the same moral & ethical beliefs I have. And that is fine, i do not intend on changing anyones beliefs. Just a personal way I prefer to look at relationships.
Awe **** it! Who the hell knows! Maybe im just overly sensative or some crap like that!
Ahh, strange emotional mood swings *mid-post* are great, eh?
Great chatting! | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/18/2005 5:57:39 AM | @ magic....Well my young friend...Colour me IMPRESSED!!!
I personally agree with the majority of what you said in your posts, and you seem to have the capacity to not only LEARN from your mistakes, but to NOT allow them to take over your life and turn you into a 'crispy critter" as far as women go!!! Good for you!!
Your assessment of your ex and the situation seems pretty accurate with the info you provided...Yes, environmental factors DO sometimes determine the values that we not only learn, but put into practice in our lives...
Unfortunately, I've heard of AND seen quite a few women, who DO use sex as a form of manipulation to "get" a man, or keep him, I'm NOT disputing THAT at all!!!
I guess you got yourself out of that situation in time enough, that you were able to avoid it having any long-term effects on YOUR self-esteem, and really, I wonder why more men don't do the same...Instead of "sticking it out" and ending up bitter about it...
As for getting to know someone first, yes of course, it's IMPOSSIBLE to "make love" to a person that you barely KNOW!!! Unfortunately, it seems that lots of folks jump into bed with people in the vain hope that it will somehow "replace" at least part of that process, or maybe they just don't want to take the time to get to know someone FIRST, because they intuitively know that they MAY turn out not be the most "appropriate" choice, and if they look too closely they would be forced to SEE that...Much easier to throw sex into the mix, which has a WONDERFUL way of keeping all concerned HAPPILY distracted from facing the reality that they are trying to "make a silk purse out of a sow's ear"...
I know for ME personally...That changing that pattern of "instant intimacy" has usually resulted in a faster "elimination process" for the new men in my life who are NOT what I'm looking for, but at the SAME time, it CAN lead to a "LONG walk through a sexual desert!!!"
Hard to jump into bed with him, when you can CLEARLY see that it's going nowhere, and even MORE difficult to keep saying "no" when SOME of them are very attractive!!! AND you haven't had sex in SO long that it's PRACTICALLY a MEDICAL CONDITION!!!
All of that aside though...If a relationship STARTS out on a sexual basis, I believe that you're setting yourself up to be manipulated and controlled through sex, and shouldn't be TERRIBLY shocked when that happens...
Good posts people!!...Thanks for responding, one and all!  Dee | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/18/2005 6:48:15 AM | If I want to get my way, I'll use logic, reasoning, and (occasionally) simple compromising.
Anyone who uses sex and leverage has no idea what sex is truly about, and has an extremely low sense of self-worth.
Maria XOXO | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/18/2005 6:54:41 AM | @ dee
I agree, thank God for the forums.... sure explained a whole lot to me.
I'll avoid any of that in the future now :)
I'm with ya !!! same findings... | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/18/2005 6:16:44 PM |
<<< covers ears at Yam's negativity and sing songs loudly...
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Cynical, yes. Realistic, yes. Drawing on past experience, yes. Negative, never. Is it really negative to say that it's all I have ever experienced so I am led to believe that's the way things are? If I bit into an orange one day and it tasted like an apple, it would make me rethink the flavor of an orange. But every orange I have ever tasted has tasted just like an orange. | |
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myxtup
| | Joined: 3/29/2003
Msg: 46 | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/19/2005 1:18:15 AM | @loner and myxt...
Thanks to all who responded on here...your comments and observations have been interesting...
I notice as I check back in here that I DON'T see all of the men responding on here that I often see discussing (read:bit*hing about!!!!) this VERY issue in other forums!!!
Hmmmm....I'd think they'd all be SCRAMBLING for an opportunity to make themselves heard...
Wonder if the concept of taking responsibility for their OWN contributions to being in such a sex-deprived state, was what scared them off?????
Things that nake you go....hmmmmmmm..... Dee | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/19/2005 2:18:55 AM | | in the last few years of our marriage my ex had this down to a science.if i was good like helped with the housework i got it as a reward.if i did something to piss her off i got punished and did not get any.then she used it as the coldest weapon of all by doing it with a coworker.that weapon cut the deepest. | |
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