| | Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...Page 5 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | @Ula
You’re dead on. Man’s biggest weakness is his sexual desire. When I came to the realization that I was allowing myself to be manipulated in such a fashion, I took back control of my life. Of course, that also left me wondering just what I needed a woman for ...  | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 12:39:49 PM | | Using sex as a weapon doesn'tmake sense. Why should I withhold sex from someone when I want it, that's like punishing myself? Nope, if you can't get what you want by normal means (talking, asking), either forget it, do buy/do/whatever yourself, or get out of the relationship. Kinda boring I know, but I'm not into drama. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 12:46:30 PM | My ex used to tell me that if I didn't perform twice a day at age 40 that something was wrong and I must be cheating or masturbating. She really didn't like anything "spilled on the ground". I think this was sexual weaponry. I liked to masturbate and she actually felt jealous about this and tried to make me feel inadequate even though we made love at least once a day.
I have found that a couple of women have had sex with me early on and then told me that if I didn't just want to be with them then we couldn't have sex again. However I made it clear to them before sex that I was not interested in being with just her because I was not ready for a relationship yet. Is this a form of sexual weaponry, are they just changing their mind or am I just not that good in bed? Can you see why I'm not ready for another relationship yet? | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 12:57:22 PM | @tim4925
Sounds like mixed messages to me and if ya don't want an exclusive relationship with them ya move on. They heard what you were about before they participated in the act. Expecting you to be different after is unfair. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 1:47:21 PM | @sb
".... Love is not about commitment! Nor is it about responsibility.
It has no rationale, so therefore how can you expect to make it ...."
Wow, soulbane, I really like what you had to say there. Going to be gnawing on that for a bit today. This whole weapon thing is almost funny and reminds me of a friend making a derogatory comment about her "controlling" mother-in-law. I asked why it mattered, except that you want the control.
and @ bucsgirl
I hear that ... another friend used to say "no sex for a week" (or what have you) and I just never got it ... until years later, when she told me she had finally had her first orgasm. I guess if sex weren't doing it for you, then there wouldn't be much reason to participate.
The question here, seems to me, to be whether or not this "weapon" is in my quiver or yours. And whether we are agreed as to who gets to shoot whom and where. . . But then, I consider myself dominant where sex is concerned and have many "weapons". 
But your comments on Love are right on target IMO. Loved getting to mull that over. I think one of my favorite expressions is "Love is."
Thanx. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 2:52:53 PM | | yam Man's biggest weakness is his sexual desire? Geez, I need to start looking for some weak men, then! HAHAHA I don't think that's really the case, yam, men and women both have sexual desire, it's how you use and express it that can be either a weakness or a strength for either gender. I wouldn't last long with a man who DIDN'T have much sexual desire. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 3:05:04 PM | Sex is a great weapon. I always use it to get what I want - more sex!
Not much time today. Hate to write and run. I think that "weapons" whether they be the threat of ending the relationship, sex or the credit card can all be neatly incorporated into "The Principle of Least Interest." That is to say, he or she who wants or needs it most loses. It's kind of entropic, all relationships operate on the base line of the person who cares the least - the person most willing to throw it away for the sake of pride or schadenfreude wins. Sad.
Good topic. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 4:43:21 PM | You ask if women use sex as a trap?
ABSO-F'IN-LUTELY, along with "accidental" pregnancies. This only works with men who can be caught in this manner, though. Sadly, most can as we are simple creatures not known for acting rationally over this subject. Some of us have evolved past this point, however.
Do BOTH genders use it as a weapon? Again, same answer.
Do women think that men are only interesting in them for sex? Again, yes, and in many/most cases they are right. The problem is that they give it up anyhow and thereby surrender their autonomy. Men and women are different species. I would believe that if it wasn't for sex and procreation the genders would be at war with each other as your gender's behavior can be ANNOYING as hell. Of course I am sure the reverse is also true.
Do men want to continue with the sex even though the relationship sucks? Yep. It is called "territorial prerogative" and is a very basic animal behavior; an act of domination over one of affection. That's how women often accomplish the "trap" above-noted as the guy takes of his thinking cap along with the rest of his clothes..
Roy Masters ("The Foundation of Human Understanding") says "never have sex with someone with whom you are not getting along"
I agree.
You give up your power to make healthy, rational decisions in exchange for sex. He also said
"men are weak and women are evil. Men give up their power in exchange for sex and women give up sex in exchange for power over men. They then take that power and use it to abuse men".
That pretty well sums it up in my mind.
...and lastly you ask:
"And, more importantly, why would someone STAY with someone who is playing with them this way? Respecting yourself on a sexual level is as important as standing up for your rights in ANY other area, as we are ALL sexual beings..."
Because a relationship SHOULD be more than sex. I have numerous male-female relationship in which sex is not even on the radar. I have male-female relationship that once were sexual and are no more, although the friendship endures still. I have others where it COULD be a factor if I allowed it to but have chosen to avoid that complication. It is not the "sex/no sex" that is the problem here. It is the clash of CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS that is problematic in the scenario you are addressing andsex tends to escalate the level of emotional involvement between the players. Sex/no sex decisions are often in response to same and the tool whereby this controlling behavior is manifested rather than being the problem itself. If one deprives the controlling person of the ability to manipulate you through sex, they no longer have a handle on you by which they can yank you around. By turning off that part of the relationship it also allows one to assess the OTHER parts of the relationship to see if it is worth continuing without that factor.
"For ME, sex is a shared actvity that can range from being a physical expression of your feelings for your partner...to good old DOWN and DIRTY fun!!! Why would you want to take something that is fun, FREE, FEELS good, and is available to you ...and use it for purposes of "control" or manipulation?!?!?"
I agree wholehearted with your assessment but to answer your question, I'd have to say "because people are controlling and manipulative", silly. There are few areas where people can be so easily led around by the nose as they can be through sex and when you toss in "accidental" pregnancy on top of that, an evil, manipulative woman can get a handle on a man that he can't get her fingers pried loose from for 18 years. I will make a generalized, but (obviously) not all-encompassing statement here. Guys spend most their lives looking for sex and often feign affection and surrender their autonomy to attain that goal. Women subconsiously or otherwise, know that and use it accordingly. Women spend most their lives looking for commitment and stability in a male and use their knowledge of men's sex drive to achieve their goal by offering up sex in exchange for that affection (feigned or otherwise) and (real or pretended) surrender of autonomy by the male of the species. This ties right in with what Roy Masters said. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 4:48:17 PM | ^^^^ oh lordy.
**I am about to use my sex as a weapon to beat someone over the head with it**
Oh great knower of all, have ye a headache yet?
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 6:24:48 PM | My ex used to tell me that if I didn't perform twice a day at age 40 that something was wrong and I must be cheating or masturbating. She really didn't like anything "spilled on the ground". I think this was sexual weaponry. I liked to masturbate and she actually felt jealous about this and tried to make me feel inadequate even though we made love at least once a day.
Sorry Tim this just does not sound like Love to me. If your ex truly loved you she would have been happy that you loved yourself enough and felt comfortable to express yourself. I could see if you kept it hidden and it was some big secret from her. You masterbate all you want it is healthy and should never be associated with shame or inadequatcy.
are they just changing their mind or am I just not that good in bed? Can you see why I'm not ready for another relationship yet?
All you can do is be open and honest. I think some women think "Oh, all I have to do is get him into bed and he will want to be with me" [That is sexual weaponry] or just plane egotistical thinking. Remember if someone wants you after sleeping with them it means that you must be good in bed. Why would they want to be with you if you were bad in bed ? That just doesn't make sense. I do think that sex for sex sake can make you ammuned to the intimacy that can evolve in a close loving relationship. The needs ar met but is the heart gotten what it needs as well. I find there is an emptiness left when I just have sex for the pure physical experience | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 6:31:27 PM | Briefne...you're wrong buddy...not true...with more experience...when you both really care...that stuff is irrelevant. Might have teased or joked on these topics with a partner..but no partner, would ever be my partner in the long run, if those things were an issue...he who cares least? not true... or you're with the wrong person. For a date...maybe...for a relationship..no way!
Just my 10 cents..keep the change | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 7:00:26 PM | "The Principle of Least Interest." That is to say, he or she who wants or needs it most loses. It's kind of entropic, all relationships operate on the base line of the person who cares the least - the person most willing to throw it away for the sake of pride or schadenfreude wins. Sad.
breifne and you are on POF WHY?????? Hey Duiffus, Any Woman with half a brain is going to RUN as soon as she reads your post, Let me just say (only my opinion) you are about as free flowing deep, as the water I keep in my freezer. I feel sorry for the guliable lady that falls for your cliche pick up lines. Thrown back in the water, for you | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/20/2005 7:08:25 PM | @tyme...Well, a well-thought out response my friend...I don't believe that one should leave a relationship just because there are PROBLEMS in the "sexual arena"...
But...
I agree wholeheartedly with your statement that using sex as a weapon is about control and manipulation...It is THAT behavior that is indicative of a more serious problem...I REALLY don't think that in a relationship where this is occurring, that the REST of it is going to be a shining example of HEALTH, do you?!?!!?
And yes, if you are at ALL confused and disallow this particular controlling behavior in your relationship, then you ARE more likely to "see" what other problems may exist...
But that is pretty much where the AGREEMENT stops!!!
Your theories regarding men's weakness and womens "evil" and abusive behavior...Sorry, don't buy that!!! I personally have never used sex that way, consciously or NOT!!! And not ALL of us are out there looking for a man who is "stable" or a good provider or father material...Just looking for someone on the same "page" who ALSO believes that controlling and manipulative behaviors have NO PLACE WHATSOEVER in a healthy relationship between two adults, who claim to care about the well-being of the other...
Brief...Interesting theory....Yes, I can see how the one with the LEAST to "lose" would have the advantage...I guess that's where trust comes in?!?!?!
Thanks for all of your responses people!!! Keep it up!!!
Dee | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:06:03 AM | Any weapon can backfire,especially withholding sex to get your partner to submit to their demands because they could lose interest in you,not want sex with you ever again,not love you anymore and better still finally wake up and realise it's a waste of time being with you and find someone who doesn't play games,controlling,demanding and using sex as a weapon to achieve these aims,it's futile, now that's the ultimate weapon.  | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:32:23 AM | (DEE WROTE) "Your theories regarding men's weakness and womens "evil" and abusive behavior...Sorry, don't buy that!!! I personally have never used sex that way, consciously or NOT!!! And not ALL of us are out there looking for a man who is "stable" or a good provider or father material...Just looking for someone on the same "page" who ALSO believes that controlling and manipulative behaviors have NO PLACE WHATSOEVER in a healthy relationship between two adults, who claim to care about the well-being of the other..."
Sorry, but I can't take credit for that theory. The credit goes To Roy Masters (http://www.fhu.com/).
I am simply passing on his wisdom for others to incorporate into their lives as they see fit. The sad thing is that too many people live in a little bubble in which they perceive their own personal "reality" as all-encompassing because that is all they know.
Me?
I listen to those others who have been around longer and have experiences outside of my bubble.
It is kind of like the liberal saying "I don't know how (so-and-so) got elected. I don't know ANYBODY who voted for him". Of course s/he doesn't. Nobody in his/her bubble world would vote for (so-and-so) but (so-and-so) got elected anyhow. Instead of saying "maybe my bubble world needs to expand a bit" they say the election was stolen.
Same can be said about "I-don't-use-sex-that-way".
I agree that controlling behavior has (little or) no place in a healthy relationship but are you trying to say that you've NEVER-EVER cut off a partner/husband/wife when you were angry at or done with him/her? You didn't cut off old boyfriends (or girlfriends, I didn't check you gender, sorry) when you parted ways and that they still have drilling rights?
Hats off to you, or did I miss something?
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alal
| | Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 120 | |
| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:44:28 AM | Hey Dee,
It's a accepted fact that women (Most of them) use sex as weapon at one time or other. This is especially promonent when they want to trap u in a long term relationship.
alal | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/21/2005 4:29:05 AM | @tyme...First of all if you don't even KNOW what gender I am...Then how exactly is it that it's okay for YOU to make such sweeping statements?!?!!? Perhaps you should look at "expanding your OWN "bubble"!!!
NO!!! I have NEVER used sex as a weapon, "cutting off" my b/f because I was angry...I ACTUALLY DISCUSS problems when I'm upset, rather than act them out, Not too surprising that I was OUT of relationships for 7 years, huh?
As far as having sex with someone when I'm angry or "done" with them...I'm SORRY...but isn't that the POINT?!?!?!? Or am I "missing something"?!?!?!!? Who has SEX with someone that they're "done with" OTHER than to pacify that person or get something that they want?!?!?!
As for "drilling rights..." Well I don't know about you, but for me, I have never assumed that ANY kind of relationship entitles me access to my partner's BODY "on demand", regardless of how he's feeling...I personally don't enjoy sex 'By obligation"!!!
Also, whether or not it's your theory, one thing for sure is that it's a THEORY my friend, NOT accepted FACT!!!
Oh and btw...If you read through this thread my point was NOT whether or not women/men DO or DON'T use sex as a weaponI'm NOT disputing THAT for a MINUTE!!!...The POINT was why men complain about being sexually deprived, but continue to STAY in the realtionship...b*tching and whining ALL the way!!! Because I don't think that I've EVER heard a woman do the same...
This is something that you DON'T have to go far to find...You can see it RIGHT HERE in the forums, time after time, after time,...Thus the reason that I STARTED this thread in the FIRST place!!!
I was curious as to WHY ANYONE would put themselves in a situation like that and continue to not only stay but to act as though they were somehow being "victimized" in the process...Last time I checked, as nice and fun as sex can be...It's NOT necessary for a person to have sex in order to LIVE, unlike say, food or water...
But thanks for the info tyme...I actually DO take into consideration ALL new info and don't consider the fact that I MAY not agree with it as a sign of "my living in a bubble" of ANY kind!!!
Alal...Yes, as I said to tyme...the POINT of this thread was to ask WHY a man/or woman would stay with someone or even get involved with them, when they are aware that they are being manipulated this way...Dee | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/21/2005 4:58:20 AM | Sex is the most sacred form of human expression and I would never us it as an opiate or a weapon............ if I detect that some one was using it as a weapon that would be a big turn off to me...
but sad to say some segments of society has today lowered it to the status of commodity where it is bought, sold, commercialized and manipulated.
Men who feel that they can control women by dominating them sexually and women who brag about how sexy they are and how they can get men to do anything for them by dangling the possibility of sex......deserve each other.......but what they will get is not sexual intimacy....mutual masturbation at best. | |
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| Using Sex as a WEAPON in Relationships...
Posted: 6/21/2005 5:21:10 AM | @jen...But just THINK of how MUCH FUN it could be....doing it TOGETHER...Warm, soapy water....Mmmmmmmmm...
Ahem! Sorry! Got distracted there for a moment! Dee | |
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