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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:10:50 AM | Yes, moonchild, that is the way it is for many men. Men who wait a while to get married and experience dating a variety of women before they get married may choose a better spouse (for them), or they may not. They will usually be better prepared to settle down, though, although some men meet a sweetheart in HS or in college and it is a life match from the get-go. It seems life is a series of stages. Better not miss or skip one!
The reality is most men get married when they are ready to get married. Something changes in a man's life and mind and he is ready to settle down. Many a women goes with a man for years hoping he will marry her. She finally gives up and breaks it off with him. Then in six months or a year he meets and marries another woman. Maybe the first woman was not the right one or maybe the guy was not ready. So much is about a man's state of mind when he meets a woman. A man ready to marry will court a woman and wait for sex with her whereas if he is just dating for fun and to sleep around some if she defers sex he will just move on to another woman who will not put him off. When I meet a woman for the first time I tend to view her as dating material or potential mate material. Now I have been single a long time and have had a wonderful time and I seem to becoming open to meeting and settling down with "the one" but for a while I was not although when I first became single again I met and almost married a woman because literally all my adult life I had been married and I felt insecure about being single. Now, however, I have adjusted and I love it! | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:11:18 AM |
Some people are here for the sociability aspect, that is, looking for dating and friends. Some are looking for long term relationships. My question is: You are over 45, and at this age, it seems more difficult than ever to find 'the one.' Will you be happy to stay single for the rest of your life? I don't mean will you accept it, perhaps reluctantly, but will you be happy to stay single? Is it a preference or an acceptance of reality? Would it be better to date and have short term relationships or no relationships at all, or to have a serious, long term relationship, to be completely involved, perhaps married?
It is possible, based on what I'm learning about single life in these forums perhaps more than possible, that a lot of us, maybe most of us, will end up being single for the rest of our lives, and so I am wondering whether this is something we may just have to accept (for me that's what it would be), or is it something we prefer?
To answer your question, I'd have to say I would be content to live my life alone from here on end.
Do I miss the companionship of a man? Yes, at times I do, however, it doesn't bother me not to have the companionship like some others i've talked with. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:27:23 AM |
Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
When I was "over 45" I went through a stage of feeling strongly that I 'needed' to 'find a man' because I was 'getting older'.. oh my gosh... mini-panic.. 'getting older'!
I can understand others at that age feeling a bit of that.
It's probably somewhat normal to feel it... a bit of a mid-life occurance, I would bet.
Now I have passed the "over 55" timeline!
My answer now is YES I can be happy to stay single..
and YES I can be happy if the 'right for me' man comes around.
My answer now is YES to life.. whatever life holds. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:31:18 AM | | Over the past few years, I've become comfortable with the idea that I might remain single. But as the one poster said, each day brings new possibilities. One never knows what might be around the corner. I am very happy right now, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't/couldn't be happier should the "right one" come along. If he doesn't, so be it. I'll remain happy. I think with any kind of healthy acceptance, comes happiness. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:35:32 AM | Hi RM, I truly have enjoyed your posts, and thank you for your comments from the perspective of a younger (post pill) generation. I graduated HS in 1960 and things were still as they had been for many a millenium because the the pill was not available and risk of pregnancy was a major fear in having sex. Risk of an STD was almost negligible in the general population and early antibiotics could clean you up quickly. I was fearful of risking a pregnancy with a woman I may not wish to marry - but probably would if she became pregnant- and perhaps fluhing down the toilet my educational aspirations. That fear or caution greatly shaped my attitude at that time.
The middle sixties were a time of huge social change. Those of us who grew up before it today have a mix or morals and values from then and now. The particular mix varies with the individual. Some are post sexual revolution values and some are prerevolution values. My values tend to be evolutionary in nature based on historic human values and behavior although I have adjusted to modern conditions in many ways. These values no doubt permeate my posts.
The cow analogy is well known, inciteful and amusing. It is only an analogy and not directed at any person, place or thing. I love the mad cow disease comment! | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:42:40 AM |
Will I be happy to remain single? No. Will I accept being single as opposed to accepting just any one? Yes. I’m good at being alone and for the most part have spent a lot of time in my life alone; I rather like it at times. Being single doesn’t keep me from doing things; I still go to the movies, walk and go out for dinner by myself. Some people have said I’m too independent and that it can be a turn off. Then again, I would rather wait for the right one than just anyone. I do have a longing to share though. Oh well, in time.
^^^This mirrors my feelings exactly. I too have been told that I am far too independant, and maybe I am. It happens when you've been on your own as long as I have.....I am one of those singles that leads a pretty full life with my job, family and friends, so I believe I have found my comfort zone.... I figure that in all probabilty my next relationship is going to be my last....I don't want to jump into anything I may regret....so for now I prefer to stay single.
...maeflowers | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 9:58:23 AM |
The cow analogy is well known, inciteful and amusing. It is only an analogy and not directed at any person, place or thing. I love the mad cow disease comment!
why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage??? is this insightful & amusing??? | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 10:35:19 AM | When a hen lays an egg and you take it she has made a donation. But when you turn a pig into sausage the pig has made a commitment.
If the pig became aware you were to turn him/her into sausage, she/he would have a cow. And that is no bull! | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 11:10:15 AM | Good question ismene1, I enjoy your posts as well.
I've asked myself that question a lot since I became single over 2 yrs ago. And the answer is yes, a most probable yes. I have no problem with that. I don't really think about it a lot, I just live my life the way I want to, do the things I want to do, travel when I want to.
But yes, I do get lonely sometimes, and sometimes I feel self-pity. I allow myself to feel this way knowing full well I'll snap out of it sharpish. Usually after a good run lol
Turning 50 not too long ago (end of last month) made me realize a few things. I'm NOT interested in taking on someone else's kids, exspouse problems, emotional or financial limitations (kids at university, costly/nasty divorce, et al). Nope, not interested. I don't have kids, am independent financially and, as I've been told, can scare the life out of many men because really I don't need a guy to do things for me. I just go ahead and do it. I've always been that way.
Now I'm fully aware that this "I don't need anyone" will probably make me stay single (read, not in a relationship because although I'd love to be in one, I don't want to get married) and I accept that. If a guy cannot see through this independence and not be scared by it, then he's not for me :) So maybe I won't meet anyone till I'm in my 80s... who knows...
Meanwhile, I work towards my goals, running the Boston Marathon before I'm 55. And if I have a partner running it with me, bonus! if not, it's ok, I'll probably have my running buddies with me :) | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 1:38:57 PM | Happy to stay single - No
Content to remain single - possibly - I think I'm still working on that - goes along with that whole alone vs lonliness factor. I like the alone time to a point. It's peaceful, calming but the times that the loneliness factor ratchets up a few notches? NO - that is not a happy place to be; also not a good place to make decisions from.
Enjoying life with someone compatible - that would be nice. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/18/2008 3:08:07 PM |
I figure that in all probabilty my next relationship is going to be my last....I don't want to jump into anything I may regret....so for now I prefer to stay single.
This is what I have been feeling... I hadn't been able to put it into words before, but when I read Maeflower's post, I recognized it. Thank you-mI needed to read this!
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 2:16:50 PM | I've come to accept the fact that I will most likely stay single for the rest of my life. Heck nobody want me it seems like. Every woman I meet finds someting new wrong with me. Dam If I had that much wrong with me folks I would already fretilizing grass in the bone yard. Now once the fact comes out that I am living on a medical disability I instantly become shark bait floating around on dry land. Bang. I am out of the running immediately. I am immediately pushed away. That is bull shit to. Expecially when I draw more money than the woman makes working. I have been told "Hell I'm not going to work and support you". "I'm not going to take care of you" you are crazy if you think I'm going to take that chance with you. Like they might not get in the same position I am in.
What I have found is nobody will accept anybody that they meet. They are just not quite good enough for them. They just dont fit the what they are looking for bill 100%. Most people are dreaming or fantasizing about a person who dont exist. Real life is not like the movies where "the one" comes along and they live happily ever after. Real life has it ups and downs and people dont want that. They are looking for the perfect match that just dont exist. Occasionally people will meet and it seems like the perfect match but behind the Green Door things are not quiet as rosy as the seem outside of the Green Door.
If people would lean to accept people for what and who they are lots of people would be a lot happier I think. It's hell to be on a medical disability and instantly get rejected by every female I meet. For some reason the money I draw which is more than social security does not have any value at all. That little three leter word "JOB" has so much power behind it is amazing. No job no me. So I guess it looks like I will live by myself for the rest of my life. Now with the past health problems connected to the SS check and the other income I am already sitting up house keeping in the grave yard in women's opinion it seems. I love women dearly and always will. Even though they cant accept me being on a medical disability.......
What a life to have to live folks. All because I am on an early forced retirement. There is one up side to it. I cant loose my job unless I die and I will still get paid until I die so there is the up side to it for me........ | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 2:33:29 PM | Yep, I'm happy being single, but I think it's because I'm not really single. I have lots of people in my life, so the only time I am a "single" is when I want to be.
I love my friends, and we have wonderful times, but I've come to cherish my alone time also.
Even if I were to fall madly, passionately, and irrevocably in love, I'm pretty certain I would try to persuade the guy that we could enjoy the benefits of a relationship without being constantly in one another's presence. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:32:19 PM |
Will you be happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Well, I'm single right now, and I'm happy right now. I may meet someone with whom I could be unsingle and happy. Or I may not. But I've decided that I won't let my happiness be held to ransom by whether or not I'm 'with someone'.
Cindy O | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:37:16 PM | Like Cindy, I am happy regardless of what happens. If I cannot complete myself, no one else can do it!
There is no use pinning your happiness on what someone else is doing with or for you. Too many chances for disappointment. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 5:33:37 PM |
What a life to have to live folks. All because I am on an early forced retirement. There is one up side to it. I cant loose my job unless I die and I will still get paid until I die so there is the up side to it for me........
Freeneasy437
While I agree with you that having medical issues/being on disability can be a complication to the process of dating and relationships, I don't think it's the absolute barrier that you perceive it to be. I also agree that many people over 45 have been burned, sometimes more than once, so any "issue" can be used as an excuse to run.
And I'm sure it must be a struggle for you to NOT become defensive about being on disability,but becoming super defensive/angry won't help your cause.
Cindy O | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 5:57:50 PM | ladyc4....I'm not angry or bitter at all. You must have thought I was by just reading what I said. I have been past the bitterness and anger for several years now. The problem is with a new woman I meet. Every thing is fine and going like wild fire until she asks me what do I do for a living. Instantly the atmosphere changes. I know I either have to lie or be honest and tell the truth to the woman. If I lie then down the road it will reach out and bit me in the ass. If I tell the truth it reaches out and bites me in the ass immediately. For some reason women just cant accept the fact that I dont work for a living. They are older like me and get pissed in a hurry because they have to get up and go to a Job and I dont have to. Especially when they find out that I draw more than they make and working every day for what they get. That is a real pisser for women. I just dont understand why you wimmen folks are that way but the most of you are. My seceond wife promised to never throw it up to me. Six month into the marriage she started and big time at that. We finally got divorced. She just walked out one night and that has been it for us. That was in April of 2003.
I'm not bitter at all folks or angry or mad in the least way about the disability status and women. I have come to accept it and you wimmen will too. There is nothing I can do about it. Look at my pictures and tell me if you can tell I have every been ran racked up in an accident or had health problem. You cant tell from the outside of me but on the inside it is plain as day. But you just cant see inside of me to tell. Under my clothes you can tell there has been some major problems. But I cant walk around naked to let people see what I am talking about. So, I live with it and live very well. Just no woman to share life with and have some really good time with.
I WANT TO REPEAT THIS TO ALL OF YOU READING THIS THREAD. I AM NOT MAD, ANGRY, OR BITTER IN ANY WAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY WOMEN TAKE MY SITUATION OR MEDICAL DISABILITY AT ALL. IT HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE JULY 22, 1994 AND BELIEVE ME I AM VERY WELL USED TO IT AND ACCEPT THEIR THOUGHTS. I JUST LIVE MY LIFE AND HOPE SOMEBOYD WILL COME ALONG THAT CAN ACCEPT ME FOR ME AND LET ME ACCEPT THEM FOR BEING THEM......
ol freeneasy437 or Tommy says hello to everyone on here an not on here too. I am a good person with no bitterness or hard feeling towards any one for any reason. Even the one's who want to kick me in the ball park about my medical disability. I try my best to love everybody and like everybody I meet regardless of who or what they might be or want to be.......... | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:06:57 PM | I do need to say that you are right ladyc4 about being older and burned. Yep, most every body has been burned to the bone by some dude or dudette and it still hurts them. I have been burned so many times I am beginning to think I am a cigarette lighter of some sorts. But we cant let getting burned ruin a good thing for us and loose again because of it. I dont let my past wives that burned me to the ground get in the way with any woman I meet that will talk to me. I can only hope that they are better people than the exes and treat me good.
Being burned is the major problem for a lot of older divorced people. We need to learn to get past it but that is very hard to do and I know it from my past. But every body is not out to burn me and I am certainly not out to burn any woman in any way. I only anat what is mine and mine only. Not what she has accumulated or her money in the bank. Just some plain ol good loving, hugs, kisses, holding me up close to them, making love to me, going places with me, waking up beside of her, going to sleep beside of her, riding down the road with her, out to dinner, and lots of things mean more to me than money or material things will ever mean to me. I got material things and some money. I just want the wonders of the world that a good woman has to share with me...UMM HUMM you got it ladyc4 some really good life with loving in it for the both of us........
freeneasy437 or Tommy | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:09:34 PM | | I wouldn't necessarily be happy, but it wouldn't be the worst thing to happen in my life. The more I am out there, the more I realize it ain't half bad. There's something to be said for being the master/mistress of your own universe and not having to put up with the malarkey and BS. | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:12:02 PM | | i think far too many are in search of the mythical unicorn. doesn't exist does it. we want something that is not only improbable, but also impossible. quit reading romance novels and watching sappy love stories. we are what we are, treat each other with respect and appreciate what it is each has to offer. love each other with all your heart........what more can anyone ask. i am not willing to accept the fact i will be single for i have lots to give/offer. the most precious thing one can give is themselves. like nike says ..............just do it! | |
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| Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:17:34 PM |
i am not willing to accept the fact i will be single for i have lots to give/offer. the most precious thing one can give is themselves. like nike says ..............just do it!
There you go! That's the spirit!!! | |
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