| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:32:24 PM |
They're adults, and if they want to remain in denial and not reach out for help, then I suppose it's my fault?
No... what's your fault is that you have absolutely no idea what you're even talking about. What's your fault is that you never will know what you're talking about because you think you've already got it all figured out. | |
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| you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:34:59 PM |
They're adults, and if they want to remain in denial and not reach out for help, then I suppose it's my fault? It is WHY they don't reach out for help; why they stay that is key here. A big part of the reason is shame. And it is attitudes such as yours that entrench that shame. So yes, whilst people think like you do, it is in part, your "fault" and that of others like you that domestic abuse is able to flourish. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:37:59 PM |
No... what's your fault is that you have absolutely no idea what you're even talking about. What's your fault is that you never will know what you're talking about because you think you've already got it all figured out.
Really... no idea? What do you know? So because I don't play the victim card and tell my sob story I don't know what domestic abuse is about? It's not my fault... do you know why... because I left the first time he pulled my hair, spit on me and then hit me, that's why. Sorry it took you 5 years, but that's not my fault either. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:58:29 PM |
So because I don't play the victim card and tell my sob story I don't know what domestic abuse is about? It's not my fault... do you know why... because I left the first time he pulled my hair, spit on me and then hit me, that's why.
We're not talking about people who got out right away, we're talking about people who found themselves caught in it for a longer period of time. That's why you don't understand, and that just further validates my statement that you will never know what you're talking about because you think you've already got it all figured out. You don't think you need to understand what causes those people to stay in those relationships... and honestly, I agree with you. You don't have to understand and you don't have to care. It's not your fault. Just walk away. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 9:08:53 PM | Don't most ex single moms around here call their ex a shitty father and an ass? I am not condoning abusive behaviour, and yes this guy sounds controlling, but it also is how the OP took what she said, perhaps not what is. Sadly, yes. But whether they're just bitter words or not, if someone truly believes someone is a shitty person, an asshole, and a bad parent, I'd most certainly wonder what the hell was wrong with them for up and leaving their kids with the person. I imagine you would, too.
I only pray that the posters here with these astoundingly ignorant views never have a friend or relative who is a victim. Your attitude is likely to keep them from ever getting out. My mother was one. She'll tell you straight up she was stupid for staying. They may not take personal responsibility while it's happening, but I sure hope they come to the realization later that they more than likely had options they chose not to take. The forever-a-victim mentality is what holds people back.
So yes, whilst people think like you do, it is in part, your "fault" and that of others like you that domestic abuse is able to flourish. Wow, way to pass the buck. It is the abuser's and ONLY the abuser's fault they abuse. Nobody asks to be abused, but it is only the first time where it comes out of the blue. Domestic abuse "flourishes" because of those who sit around and take it. Read the OP again. You can't help those who don't want it. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 10:02:26 PM |
You can't help those who don't want it.
Nor those who don't yet realize they need it. That's why it flourishes. There's someting that happens to your mind where you don't even know it's happening. You can't stop it when you don't even know it's going on.
I know it should be evident when it's physical abuse, but most physical abuse starts with some sort of mental or emotional abuse. It doesn't really hurt, so it doesn't automatically register. You know something's wrong, but you don't know what it is. By the time it reaches a stage where it should be obvious, you're already too confused to realize what's going on. It's like a temporary insanity... temporary that is if one is able to eventually snap out of it.
You don't truly understand what's happened until you're on the outside looking in. Then you start reflecting and wondering how you could have been so blind. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/18/2008 10:12:08 PM | | And I can understand that. However, I hold those who choose to bring children into the world to a higher standard; and when she chose to have children she lost the freedom to make stupid mistakes that only affect herself. This is why I feel differently when it comes to a single person in domestic violence versus one who subjects their children to it as well. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:43:19 AM | | Are you kidding me, what kind of a mother let alone any parent would be so stupid as to give up thier children for anyone else, Those children didnt ask to be brought into this world, But theydont fit into the plan of the selfish ***hole who did anymore, so toss them aside. I adopted my son from an ***hole like this, and they have the nerve to want to be a part of his life. This will never happen. She is a total Piece of shit that doesnt deserve to have any contact with the children again. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 10:25:19 AM | | there is not a man on the planet i would leave my kids 4, but she done the best 4 the kids coz she is a sad excuse 4 a woman and mother, people get treated the way they allow people to treat them, she is a loser, with any luck the kids father will meet a good woman and will be better than her their so called mother, god im gettin on my soap box now lol, thank god u told her wat u thought | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 11:08:12 AM | | As usual amore shows her wisdom,you are a man hater who has found every looser blaming all men for her choices,<<<<<<<<<<<<<<(hsfb),you would have yo rip my heart out of my chest to even have me think about giving up my children,any person who even entertains these thoughts are the lowest form of life as we knom it!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:43:20 PM |
As usual amore shows her wisdom,you are a man hater who has found every looser blaming all men for her choices
You really love stalking me on forums, don't you. No, I do not hate all men, just certain ones who have the IQ equivalent of a kumquat. BTW, it is spelled "loser", I would think you would know that word :) Lowest life form for a mother giving custody of her kids to the dad? I would think someone who beats or sexually abuses kids would be the lowest life form, how sad you hold these people in a higher regard then this woman. Stop making things up about me, stick to the topic and stop stalking me. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:59:58 PM | I dont care if the new man is abusive or not...the bond between parent and child should always supercede others...it is not natural otherwise.
I shake my head-these kids have learned that there is no such thing as stability..if you cant trust your own mother to care for you, who the hell can you trust? There will be longterm affects of this-they will likely never trust anyone enough to feel real love down the road, they will have fears of commitment...and all because Mommy is thinking with her crotch. Nice.
Makes me a bit sick.
What happened to just being a parent, and putting your needs on the backburner while doing your job?
Yes, date, see other adults...but take your time in moving new people into your kids lives, and dont leave them behind for a shot at 'happiness'...they did not ask to be born, and they are your responsibility!
We, as parents, have alot of power for the future. We can unleash well adjusted, loving and caring humans into the world, or cold, non commital flakes. I choose the loving caring kind. I choose the work required to help that along. I take the job very seriously. | |
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