| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 5:37:25 PM | | Hi! That was very nicely said. There is no way that I would give up my children for any man and I dont care how much I loved that person. The way it sounds is that he is a loser and a control freak and if she doesnt leave him now she will have more problems done the line. I was married to someone like that and what a night mare. I am just glad I am not with him anymore. You did what I would of done now it is up to her... | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/20/2008 11:19:41 AM | Some ppl on here think I was to hard on her and I might've been, but she knows that I don't B.S. around and tell the truth how I see it. Maybe I could've phrased it in a better way, but I still think what I think.
She always use to say to me that she would never let any man control her and yet she's in that exact situation right now. I'm coming from the point that I use to irk her all the time and she to me and that what I liked about her. But the woman I was talking to the other night isn't the one I remember. So hearing about her living situation and things like that brought me to that conclusion of the guy being a loser. Maybe I'm wrong and I hope that I am, but I'm really doubting that I'm wrong about him.
I did talk to her family about what I thought was going on and they said that she is an adult and they couldn't do anything about it. They also said that she said that I was jealous of her happiness and that I was trying to ruin it for her? That this guy is the greatest thing since slice bread. The slice bread was my line, but you get the idea of what I'm saying. So I just told them to keep in touch with her and left it at that. I didn't want to push it any further with them.
I also talked to some of her female friends and they are worried about her as well. They said that when they are talking to her and sometimes in mid conversations she would say she had to go because he was pulling up in the driveway. I told them what I thought and they agreed with me that she might've gotten herself into something she might not be able to get out of.
She did leave a message on my voicemail saying how "disappointed" in me she was and that oh all ppl, I should be the one that is cheering for her the loudest. She then went on to say that I have ruin a good friendship by attack a great man like him and that I can only dream of being as great as he is. That's where it ended.
So what should I do next? I think I have done all I can. I told all the ppl in her life that matters and that's a good start I think. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/20/2008 11:38:17 AM |
Anyone who would abandon thier children for a man/woman isnt worth dating. If someone can just drop thier kids then how could you ever believe they can commit to anything else.
77Ryan, you hit the nail on the head. And it applies to men just as much as women before everyone gets on that bandwagon.
As far as I'm concerned ANYONE who ditches their children, man or woman is not worth knowing. I have just as much contempt for men who move away from their children for a better job or to be happy. (It's a different story if you HAVE to relocate to get a job that allows you to support your children than to relocate for a job that's more appealing to you) Children aren't a hobby--if you're going to have them, you're obligated to be part of their lives whether it's convenient or not. I know several men who have made the choice NOT to move from the city where the Mom lives so that they can actually be parents to their children. I know men who have custody of their children. They are attractive because they understand the value of commitment and responsibility!
I had a girlfriend want to set me up with a man who lives in her city in another province. When I commented that I'm not interested in long-distance relationships, she indicated he would be willing to move even though his children are there. I was completely disgusted and uninterested in a man who'd ditch his children for a POTENTIAL relationship, not even one that is already serious and committed. What shocked me even more is that my girlfriend has children of her own and was advocating this behaviour.
As for those people who indicate that people in abused situations have only themselves to blame. That is a terrible thing to say, and you should be ashamed of yourselves. No one sets out to be smacked around--it begins subtly so that, by the time the fists start flying, they truly believe they deserve it and the man is doing it for their own good. And furthermore, asking for help doesn't always fix the situation. There are women murdered very regularly who tried to get away from an abusive partner.
I agree that she is most likely going to end up abused if not already. Good for you for pointing it out to her. I agree with the person who said you should notify the family. She needs to be reminded that people are willing to help her, even if she doesn't choose to take the help. Let's just be grateful she didn't take the children WITH her to the situation she's now in.
Nutt | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/20/2008 1:56:39 PM | I would never leave my kids for a man or woman. no one could take me from my babies and if they wanted me to leave them well adios to them. my babies are my world and the only thing i have right now. it just wouldn't be right to give them to their dads.
and as for you who posted this question: yes you couldn't put things nicer to her but she needed the truth. she'll hate you for it right now cuz you don't see things her way. i know this becuz i was there once. my ex and father of my newborn daughter abused me. luckily i was smart and got out before my baby had to suffer. he made me leave my friends because he was jealous and insecure. he controlled me made me quit my job becuz he didn't want me to make more money than him and quit college cuz he didn't want me to be smarter than him. my family tried to tell me he was no good. my best friend did exactly what you did and i pushed her away and we stopped talking. and i pushed almost everyone away if they didn't see him the way i did. but some people would lie to me and agree with me just so i didn't leave them and they stayed with me becuz they knew that it was better to lie to me and watch me then to tell the truth and be pused out of my life. but in the end it was up to me to get to my last straw and leave. all you can is be there for her and when she needs you the most be there. if you really care about her then be there when she calls for you to come becuz she must trust you somewhat. all you can do is wait for that day. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:33:10 AM | In 2000 my ex-wife gave me custody of our three children because they were interfering with her relationship with her boyfriend. She refused to talk to our children for months. She was 27 at the time and he was 18. Three years ago he got another woman pregnant and dumped her. Five weeks later she committed suicide. Any parent that gives up their children to be with a new partner is asking for trouble and need professional help.
That lady rang you because she needed help and your who she turned to. Shes not very likely to ask again. You should have given her a shoulder to cry on and then told her in the nicest way that she made a mistake and needed to rectify it. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/21/2008 9:38:02 AM | akaMrSmith said,
In 2000 my ex-wife gave me custody of our three children because they were interfering with her relationship with her boyfriend. She refused to talk to our children for months. She was 27 at the time and he was 18. Three years ago he got another woman pregnant and dumped her. Five weeks later she committed suicide. Any parent that gives up their children to be with a new partner is asking for trouble and need professional help.
So sorry to hear about you and your children lost. I hope that all of you got some counseling and are doing better.
That lady rang you because she needed help and your who she turned to. Shes not very likely to ask again. You should have given her a shoulder to cry on and then told her in the nicest way that she made a mistake and needed to rectify it.
That is the one part that I'm having problems with is how I said it to her. I don't have a problem with telling her what I think. She did call again. It's just that she didn't talk to me directly. But I'm thinking that even though she's mad at me at the moment, she does and always has valued my honesty with her. I have never held back from tellinbg her the truth and I'm not going to now. If she wants to talk, she always know my number. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/21/2008 11:43:17 AM | Why are so many making excuses for this woman? It has nothing to do with being abused, how can you think that she gave up her children because she is abused?
That might be a valid point IF she had been being abused before she moved, not after she MOVED at least 1k miles to be with this man. I doubt he was flying in on a semi weekly basis to beat the piss out of her, just to make sure she was not stepping out of line.
She got what she asked for. Simple as that. Kids are probably better off not having someone who will pack up her life and move to an abusive relationship.
Or maybe she should be givin props for leaving the kids out of something she knew was going to be bad for them. | |
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Wilmo
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Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 62 | |
| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:56:57 PM | You did the right thing by being honest. You also went out of your way to talk to her friends who also worry about her.
Sounds like she is in denial about how controlling her boyfriend is, so sad. Sometimes it takes a long time for people to see and admit that they are being abused, sounds like she is not there yet.
Maybe read up on how to respond best, in case she phones you again. Her being so defensive now, she will likely misconstrue anything you say. Maybe just use active listening ?
Would I give up custody? That man hasn't been born yet and that job does likely not exist that would make me do that, but never say never... | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/21/2008 9:19:23 PM | | Wow. I hope to god you don't have kids. If you do, I suggest you give up custody to THEIR father as well. The issue isn't about the kids not being taken care of, the issue is about the fact that this woman chose a man over her own offspring. The guy she moved for is a jerk, but she deserves everything she gets from him. Any woman willing to give up her children for ANY reason doesn't deserve to have kids. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 4:27:22 AM | | ABSOLUTELY NOT! There isn't a man on earth I wouldn't give up my child for! I have custody of one and my ex has custody of my oldest. There isn't a day that i don't wish my teenager would live with me. It was her choice in the beginning and now the ex won't let her live with me. We talk on the phone everyday nearly and we have a close relationship.My little one I cherish as much as I can being a single mother, working 2 jobs and, going to school full time. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:41:31 AM | justwandering00 said,
Why are so many making excuses for this woman? It has nothing to do with being abused, how can you think that she gave up her children because she is abused? That might be a valid point IF she had been being abused before she moved, not after she MOVED at least 1k miles to be with this man. I doubt he was flying in on a semi weekly basis to beat the piss out of her, just to make sure she was not stepping out of line.
As far as I know, the guy never flew in to see her, but from what her family told me, she did fly out to see him once. But they have mainly been chatting online and talking on the phone.
About her kids, she was always in a fight their dad for full custody of them. I remember she use to **** all the time about him wanting too much time with them and now look what she has done. I still think she did something really stupid and selfish.
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 10:19:42 AM | Hi,
Ive a friend in the same position and is thinking of giving up her Children to move from England to USA. You were right to speak the truth to your friend and never feel bad for saying so. Thats what good friends are for and id expect nothing less from mine.
However, when i was a child i never listened to sound advice, so what happens in life, we find out the hard way and she will as you can never build up the relationship with your children after losing contact for so long.
Remember the one simple rule 'Love is Blind' and its so true.
x | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 11:09:01 AM | lytb1970 said,
Ive a friend in the same position and is thinking of giving up her Children to move from England to USA. You were right to speak the truth to your friend and never feel bad for saying so. Thats what good friends are for and id expect nothing less from mine.
However, when i was a child i never listened to sound advice, so what happens in life, we find out the hard way and she will as you can never build up the relationship with your children after losing contact for so long.
Remember the one simple rule 'Love is Blind' and its so true.
Thanks for saying that and I will keep the lines open if she does finally call me again. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 11:26:26 AM | I would NEVER give up custody of my child for a man. As a matter of fact, a man I dated showed similar control issues and didn't want my child around. I showed him the door and never spoke to him again.
I think you was right in giving her a dose of "tough love" but she sounds like she is in serious trouble. I agree with one of the other posters, if you can get in touch with a family member of her's, clue them in on what is happening. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 7:55:57 PM | | I know a woman like this and her kids who are now in their mid-teens and up are one more screwed up bunch. That aside, thank goodness her children are not out there with her because he is setting up a situation where he can abuse her without fear of being caught. They are safe with their father, far far away from this impending danger. I only hope her family rescues her from this disaster before it's too late. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 8:59:36 PM | | I find myself needing to reply to this thread only because I have an ex wife who left me and then moved to another state to be with a boyfriend who "could not move" . When I informed her that the kids wold not be going with her and if she tried to go to court to get custody then I would file an injunction to keep her from leaving the state with them. So what does she do? Leaves anyway and I have the kids. I can not figure how for the life of me how she can do this and still tell me how much she loves them and misses them , she calls or they call her almost everyday, several times day sometimes. But still, she is not a physical presence in their lives. The sad part is she feels she is perfectly justified in doing what she is doing. | |
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