| | Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?Page 4 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | poet092857 said,
I find myself needing to reply to this thread only because I have an ex wife who left me and then moved to another state to be with a boyfriend who "could not move" . When I informed her that the kids wold not be going with her and if she tried to go to court to get custody then I would file an injunction to keep her from leaving the state with them. So what does she do? Leaves anyway and I have the kids. I can not figure how for the life of me how she can do this and still tell me how much she loves them and misses them , she calls or they call her almost everyday, several times day sometimes. But still, she is not a physical presence in their lives. The sad part is she feels she is perfectly justified in doing what she is doing.
What she did was pretty sh*tty amd selfish. So when her New BF dumps her and she wants back in your kids lives, what will you do about it?
My friend do talk to her kids, but from what I heard is that he is hovering over her as she does. Not cool. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/23/2008 11:38:34 AM | | I think that anyone that can give up there kids, doesn't understand how it effects their kids. I am sure that she will be sorry in the end and will end up being sorry for what she said to you. It sounds like the guy is very controlling and makes you wonder how he got in to her head in the first place. You sound like a good friend and just stick with what you believe. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:41:39 PM | IMO you were right in presenting your concerns to her...giving up her children and possibly being in an abusive relationship...You probably could have done so with a little more tact or understanding. My impression is that she was trying to connect with someone from her past whom she can trust to help her...she is probably experiencing some fear and regret for her actions.
To answer your question: Would I give up custody of my child for a new partner? Not until he is old enough to care for himself. Although, I can empathize with women who do. IMO some women make the decision due to lonliness and fear of being alone. I get that but in my situation ....my son is my priority! Always will be...
Plus why would I move....I have my own house and a bear to boot....hehehe
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/24/2008 9:00:40 PM |
How old would that be?
When he is out of college or at least living in a college dorm.
Im sure many a parent has felt lonely but yet wouldnt give their own child up.
I agree with this poster....but there are people in this world who only focus on their needs and/or are not strong enough to live life on their own so they go with what will make their life easier.
You would be surprised how many parents walk out of the lives of their children for reasons like drugs, alcohol, mental health issues...but I see a different side of parents in my profession so I may be jaded. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/26/2008 7:50:30 PM | | OMG!! i have to laugh.. think about it people. Why should it fall on the womans shoulders to take custody. Do you pick on the man when he gives up not only his wife his kids and family for another woman. So why is so bad if a woman gives them to thier father. I do say gives them to thier FATHER!!! not some stranger to look after them. I'm not saying its right to give them to thier father for a man. But niether is ti visa versa. Itshould be for the right reasons.Fiancially or other things that maybe involved.I,m a big beliver in three or four parents. Then one struggling parent.In other words shared care. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/26/2008 8:13:07 PM | It doesn't matter whether it's the male or female doing the leaving for someone else. Not in my book anyway. My ex has become so involved with his g/f that he rarely sees his children and it appears that she has a fit whenever he is giving our children attention and not her. So what does he do? Gives in to her and doesn't give a rat's butt about what he's doing to his kids. And then he wonders why his children don't make an effort to see him. They are both of driving age, have vehicles and know that they can visit whenever they want. They choose not to.
My point? Be careful about tossing your kids away to be with someone, you might not ever get them back. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/27/2008 4:29:54 AM | | In that part i agree. Though i can say. Many a man give up there marriage and family for another woman. Some woman,but i'd say more males. They move on with thier lives. Even start a new family. Some including the other kids some not. But my point is why do people look so heavy on woman giving up thier marriage and kids and not the male . It seems so sexist in this day and age. Where is it written when a marriage falls apart, that a woman has and should take up sole custody of the kid and the father move on and the woman should not? That is still so back ward in this day and age. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/27/2008 10:21:14 AM | Bradd1... unbelievable.... I agree with your perspective on this, I am a parent of 3 and I would not, could not give up custody of them to move away to be with someone. That makes no sense.
Sure, our children are with us for their formative up years then they move on their own, but during that time we are obligated to do our very best to help mold and teach them to do right and be decent citizens.
I think you did absolutely right in telling her the truth of your view. It was risky in maybe losing the friendship, but it was a risk you chose to take and I likely would do the same. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/27/2008 10:30:34 AM | Good point, Bluejaybelle,
why do people look so heavy on woman giving up their marriage and kids and not the male
Either are looked down on by me. I think a man or woman that moves to be with someone else, walking out of their children s lives is a loser, selfish, and really very uncaring.
They are not living up to their parental obligation to the children they leave and have no idea just how they are damaging the kids by doing so. There is already long term effects of divorce on children, but then further abandonment, of course that has to add to the issues those children have to deal with/ live with following. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 5:22:21 AM | Yeah sure, blame it on my attitude that these women are staying with abusive men. They're adults, and if they want to remain in denial and not reach out for help, then I suppose it's my fault? Please...
Getting out isn't always that simple, been there, done that worn the T-shirt. He threatened to kill me and make sure that I didn't live to love another man if I left him and actually attempted it more than once. So in the end I basically did a moonlighter while he was out.That was after the police refused to get involved. Your attitude to be quite honest is insulting and it's fairly obvious that you haven't been through it. I hope that you never do go through, but maybe you should keep your mouth shut about something that you can't even begin to understand. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:04:23 AM | | NO FREAKIN WAY .......... ! OMG i still find it hard to get my head around women who do this ..... its one thing giving up your kids for genuine reasons ... illness / better life for kids etc , i would never judge and would look at each individual story but you should never ever give up your kids for a man .... jeeze ... is she crazy , you gave birth to those kids hunny and it is your responsibility to look after and care for them until the day you die , not toss them aside because they are an inconveinece .... i totally agree with you and well done for telling her .... friends like you she needs and to be honest friends like her you dont , if she can abadone her kids , what kinda friend will she be anyway ...... | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:31:05 AM |
NO FREAKIN WAY .......... ! OMG i still find it hard to get my head around women who do this ..... its one thing giving up your kids for genuine reasons ... illness / better life for kids etc , i would never judge and would look at each individual story but you should never ever give up your kids for a man .... jeeze ... is she crazy , you gave birth to those kids hunny and it is your responsibility to look after and care for them until the day you die , not toss them aside because they are an inconveinece .... i totally agree with you and well done for telling her .... friends like you she needs and to be honest friends like her you dont , if she can abadone her kids , what kinda friend will she be anyway ...... [/qoute] Well thanks for the comments. Some ppl on here think I was too harsh on her. But I rarely bite my tongue and I didn't tell her everything that was on my mind so I did hold back in the end. But thanks again for the comments Letticy. By the way, you're a little cutie.  | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 12:41:26 PM | What are the signs of someone being controlled by another person?
she told me that she can't go out unless he's with her. I asked her why and she gave the lame excuse that he's afraid for her safety. I asked does he live in a bad neighborhood and she said no.
People who are controlled and define by others live with rules imposed by the controller to the victim. These “rules” are explained to the victim to protect them because they “care” for them so much. But controller do anything backwards. If you really loved someone why would anyone want to restrict them? Limit their personal freedom? Only a controller would do this not a loving supported caring partner.
I also asked her did she meet any of her new neighbors and she said that he has to be with her when she does that.
Controller are very paranoid people. They live with anxiety and fear lost from those that they anchor themselves with. They desirer total closeness to those they have anchor (emotionally) themselves with and fear any type of separation from them that causes the controller a feeling of complete dread that feel like they will die. Any type of connection to anyone else other then the controller can start this chain reaction in them.
She said that he doesn't like her talking to any of her friends because they are a bad influence on her.
Controller need to do all the thinking and feeling for their victims. Controllers need complete control over the relationship to keep it safe for themselves. If a victim starts to question the controller they become a thread to him. Some controllers start out using verbal abuse to keep the victim were they want them. They also will use verbal abuse to make the victim feel and think as they (controller) want them to think and feel. But some controllers soon move on the physical abuse if the verbal abuse stops working.
OP is this person in question a controller? In my book yes. All the red flags are there. Now readers understand that the “victim” is under the controller’s spell and until she wake up and understand that she is being a victim abused and that she is also being controlled nothing will change for her. This is something only she can do for herself. But also many people who are abuse (verbally) don’t even know it...
Blaming the victim will do no one any good. But trying to educate and allow them to see for themselves will awake them from this spell and then allow them to decide what they want to do about it. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 7:27:46 PM | I'll make this short and sweet. What about the kids? Huh? The children have the right to have access to their mother. The second she walked out, she was showing just how much of a selfish **** she is.
My wife of 11 years had an internet affair and walked out on us...without even mentioning there was ever a problem. Her problem was internet and cybersex addiction....It's almost like being a drug addict. You lose all sense of reason. That's what this woman did and what my wife did.
Although I feel my kids are better off without her, at this point, and I still love her...I don't like her and how selfish she has become. It's her and only her...That's not the way a parent should ever be regardless of ANY reason.
Anybody who walks away from their kids like this is human garbage...plain and simple. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:27:39 PM |
I'll make this short and sweet. What about the kids? Huh?
What this person did is something that she will have to live with for the rest of her life. My question would be “how do her children feel about this?”. “What does her ex think and feel about her moving miles away from her own children?” “Will her children someday forgive her for her selfishness?” Now these questions can only be answer by those people not her. In short any parent that leaves their children will in the end pay a very heavily price for they own selfish actions. A price she is all really paying and will pay for the rest of her life. We all have partners and sometimes these people do become “life” partners. But our children are ours for the rest of our lives. Partners will come and go. Our children should never have to be in this position. Sad but many just don’t understand that and how very sad for those “parents”. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:58:48 PM |
I told her that she was pathetic and stupid for giving up full custody of her kids and moving over a 1000 miles away to be with some controling loser.
She got pissed because it is too close to the truth. You did exactly the right thing Too bad for the children. :(
I'd rather die old and alone with 100 cats than give up my kids... | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 9:06:36 PM |
So what should I do next? I think I have done all I can. I told all the ppl in her life that matters and that's a good start I think.
Braddl1
You have done all you could. You told her the truth and then shown your concern about her to all that would listen. I hope you never doubt that or second guess yourself on this. But really it is up to her to do what is best for herself. There is nothing more you can do now but wait and hope someday she will awaken from this spell and understand what is happening to her and her life. But please understand that this may never happen. | |
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clc84
| | Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 99 | |
| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 2:27:09 AM | if you give your kids up so that they can have a better life congrats to you for being able to be so selfless. i don't think i could ever do that. losing my son would probably kill me. if you give your kids up because you want to have a 'better/easier/more fun/exciting life **** you for being such a selfish piece of shit. people like that make me so mad  kids are better off without someone who cares more about herself than them. | |
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