| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 7:05:48 AM | Being one that love poetry I have written some myself. Here is one that I just recently wrote. I hope this will explain more on a spiritual and emotional level how I see a parent that who would leave someone so special and somehow feel justified in that decision. Please understand that Mother and Father are interchangeable.
Mother and Child
A mother’s love should be so deep and long lasting
A bond given by birth one a child the other a mother to this child
Two who shared the same flesh and the same heart beat for awhile
A child given by God to love and nourish with needs to meet
This is how all mothers start out to be for any child
But sometimes a mother so lost to herself and child
Finds herself not wanting this precious child
Defining this child to be what she needs
Destroying both child and this mother who
Could never meet the child needs or desirers
So this mother trades this child for another love
Then forget this one so precious and dear this child should be
So that the child grows apart from her and her needs
Learning that this mother’s love was only for her self
and never for this precious child
Both God and child will leave this one to be
In a place so deep and cold this mother shall be
Place there by her hand and her own desirers
Who forsaken a child so precious and dear
For now this child will forget her
But not just the child today’s
No but for all the child’s tomorrows
Now this mother will spend all her ending days
Believing someday both child and mother again will be
Together and bonded as they were once before
But alas now she lies only to herself and not the child
For you see that child is now an adult and knows
Who this person really is and that she was never
That mother she pretended to be nor shall she
ever be for all eternality
Lost to not only God and child but herself as
well she will need to pay that price for all her denials
For not just her today's but for all her tomorrow's
There she lives in pain and denial for all her yesterdays
Regrets for all her lies and denials to her self and her lost child | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:40:40 AM | | ANY PERSON (SORRY FOR SHOUTING HERE) WHO WOULD GIVE UP THEIR CHILDREN FOR A NEW LOVE, IS TOTALLY FRICKIN RETARDED and sure as hell doesn't deserve the right to be happy. That is totally un-forgivable and that woman will REGRET it. You absolutely did the right thing..It's too bad she wasn't smart enough to get back with you. You sound like a really decent guy. In the end, you did the right thing and THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:57:02 AM |
“What does her ex think and feel about her moving miles away from her own children?”
I talked to her ex. Yrs ago I thought the guy was an ass, but the guy he is now is totally different. He has grown up and is actually married. I talked to him for a while and he told me that his kids go to bed crying because they miss their mommy and wonder why she left. He also said that he was stunned when she left, because how much she use to fight with him about the time he wanted to spend with kids.
Her friends had told him about her situation. He said he's worried about her, but it's out of his hands he said. What really has him mad is the way it has effect the kids and their lives. He said that is what really pisses him off about what she did. He said that his girls was asking her over the phone was she coming back for halloween so they could go trick or treating. And when she told them no, they got off the phone with her and began crying. That's so sad to hear.
I truly feel sorry for her little girls and I hope that they start to feel better, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:38:12 AM | Hey brad, it's terrible that she abandoned her children, but be glad she didn't take them with her. At least they appear to be safe and well-cared for with their father rather than in danger with the mom's new, scary boyfriend.
I know people where the children have changed homes for different reasons--maybe a change in the finances or work of the parent they lived with who can not give them the time or things they need or because the children are having a turn with the other parent. I have a cousin who was the custodial parent for many years and now her son has gone to the States to live with his Dad. I don't know the reason behind it, but hope that it's a good situation for everyone. This is clearly not one of those situations, and that's too bad.
I'm sorry to hear that the children are so sad and confused.
Nutt | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 4:08:54 PM | Braddl1,
This is something I too was wondering about in your OP? That she fought so hard for custody which was granted only to give it up? I am sorry but I wonder about her psychological frame of mind to do something like this. No wonder both the children and her ex are having a very hard time understanding her and what she believe she is doing. What does her family (father mother and/or nearest and dearest) think and/or feel about her decision? | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 7:26:22 PM | I've posted on this forum previously and something else hit me that I thought I'd share.
In my LTR, my SO moved from another state to my area because his ex (they had already been divorced for two years) decided she would find a better job market here than in the Northeast. She never consulted him, didn't ask, just pulled up stakes and left. He loves his kids so much that he left everything behind and moved here within a month. I guess that's the fortunate part for me.
What's the unfortunate part? His ex is what would have been referred to as "fickle" in decades past. She could at any moment decide to move back and knowing him, he will follow. I would never ask him to choose between his children and myself because I know he would become resentful and come to hate me.
The fact that he would move to be with his children is part of the reason I love him. It shows what kind of father he is and I respect him for that. I have no respect or sympathy for the OP. What I do have is pity and sorrow for those children. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 5:18:48 AM | | Interesting post: It almost describes my rekationship with my ex-wife... We were married 13 years (two children at the time of divorce 5 yr old daughtter and 10 yr old son). She divoirced me and moved 880 miles to be with a guy she met online and had never met. I ended up with the children... Let's face it - It isn't just fathers that run off and leave their kids. As a father, I would never had done that to my children but there are so many examples of fathers and mothers who abandon their children like that! Society today! | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 5:26:29 AM | | I find it interesting some replys infer that the man made her give up the children. Let's face it -- In todays world no body can make you give up your kids... My ex-wife told everyone that I took the kids from her and see had to leave the state for fear of her life (LOL)..... I guess her lies made people sympathize with her instead of thinking she was just a bad person for leaving her kids... | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:32:23 AM | This situation sounds some what familiar. Some years ago my ex took up with her high school boyfriend. Her boyfriend then accepted an out of state job and gave her the option 0f going with him or stay in this area without him. Needless to say she moved away after she told me she didn't want the kids. At that time the girls were 3 and 8, I filed for divorce and gained custody, one year later the ex caught him cheating on her and moved out and a few years latter moved back to my area. She did have contact with the girls via phone, letters and for a few weeks during the summer. To make a long story short they hold no respect for her as a mother and view her as a friend but choose to have little contact and that's sad as there are now five grandchildren who love her but she chooses to have little contact.
This womans call was a call for help but her reaction was from someone who hasn't hit bottom yet and there is no way to help her until she realizes she need the help.
Her relationship is doomed and she will be abused at some point. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 7:36:13 AM | sounds like this little dumbazz is getting just what she deserves for leaving her kids...hopefully they will be better off without her...
of course you did the right thing by telling her the truth...she doesn't just need to be slapped upside the head with the stupid stick...she needs to be bashed with it..don't feel guilty...be glad you got out when you did...this waste of life never deserved her kids to begin with..
and NO....I would never leave my kids for anyone or anything...
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 1:22:33 PM | Interesting post: It almost describes my rekationship with my ex-wife...
Ditto here as well. My ex also did what this woman did and left her two older children and I. Really sad part is that both the children and I was relieved when she did. This one verbally abuse us for years and all were glad to see her go. Of (she is very dysfunctional) course at the time she thought her two teenage boys would accept her decision and all would be right in the world. But again my ex lives in her own reality and none of what she expected happen. In fact both boys refuse to talk with her at all and haven‘t see her for 3 years nor do they want too. We all were dumfounded at the time about what she was doing (and did) until we learned about people who suffer from personality disorders then all the pieces just fell right into place. Really strange part of our story is that she did the very same thing before and lost two other children (both are adults now) thru another marriage some 17 years back. Those other two children have nothing to do with her today. There is a happy ending to this insomuch that this family is doing great without all her BS and her dysfunctional life style. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:21:59 AM | I dunno about this one. Sounds like she's in the "Im tired of being the mom....I wanna shag" state of mind. The children are seemingly better off with the other parent. If it were me, I tend to look at everything in perspective.......she obviously does not.
Your children are your children forever, those of you who have them, cherish them. Children are a blessing, not a burden and she'll realize this when its all over. She'll shag this irresponsibe honky dry, he'll leave her, and she'll have lost everything. She'll try desperatley to rekindle what she had, but it'll be too late.
Hmmmm.....hard decision, eh?
Times we live in. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/1/2008 3:41:39 PM | I feel so strongly on this subject. I don't understand nor do I even try to understand how any can give up their children. I don't care what the reason is there isn't a good enough one to me.
When a person makes a choice to have that child they are making a commitment for the next 18 years period sometimes after that depends on the circumstances. I get so angry over this growing phenomena; these people to me are incredibly selfish and they don't care about the long lasting damage they are doing to their children.
This is the next generation to come up and what they learn from the people that is supposed to love them the most can throw them away what can we expect from them?
To me she was already messed up before she ever met this guy she is the one with the problem. Were you wrong in what you stated no I don't thinks so. As far as her abuser and that is what he is well she made her bed let her lie in it. I actually am thankful she choose not to inflict him on her daughters that is one set of little girls that will not grow up thinking it is okay to be abused. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/1/2008 5:43:07 PM | | never in a million years would i give up custody of my daughter for a man. she is first in my life. if a man wants to be with me, then he must accept my daughter. my ex is an ass and almost never sees our daughter. and that only would only strengthen my absolute refusal to give him custody. she's an idiot and has probably been hung up on by every other friend she told, and was looking to you as a last resort for someone to tell her that what she was doing was right. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/2/2008 10:15:17 AM | You did the right thing. Some old feelings of affection die hard. In this case I think you are more attached to her than you let on because of "what might have been" but you are lucky you did not get tangled up with her.
I am with you, anyone that would sell their on children down the river and abandon them like that is pathetic and when she said she never wanted to talk to you again, you should have asked her if she would give you that in writing. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:17:32 PM | | I could not even imagine taking my next breath without my children!!! I can't even fathom what she was thinking!!! I dont know where she went astray but its clear that she was very very unhappy with her ex and was looking for an out. Sadly, right now she may have called you to get support and possibly because she is in trouble and needs help. The fact that she called you against his knowledge/wishes tells me that she knows she is in trouble and it was a first step to reaching out. I dont blame you for your anger and for expressing yourself to her, I would have done the same thing, however perhaps next time (if there is one) you could just say, if you are ever in trouble and need help I will be there for you, you only have to call me. To leave her children behind tells me that she is/was at some sort of breaking point. Lets just hope she comes to her senses before anything terrible happens to her because this guy sounds like a total control freak and that in itself is cause for concern!! | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:39:52 AM |
This is something I too was wondering about in your OP? That she fought so hard for custody which was granted only to give it up? I am sorry but I wonder about her psychological frame of mind to do something like this. No wonder both the children and her ex are having a very hard time understanding her and what she believe she is doing. What does her family (father mother and/or nearest and dearest) think and/or feel about her decision?
Well her family said that they were a little worried about her, but that she was an adult and that it was out of their hands. In other words, they couldn't do anything about it. She also told them that I was just jealous of her happiness. Which is totally crazy to begin with. But I have talked to them again. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 5:23:43 PM | Well her family said that they were a little worried about her, but that she was an adult and that it was out of their hands. In other words, they couldn't do anything about it. She also told them that I was just jealous of her happiness. Which is totally crazy to begin with. But I have talked to them again.
Well they of course would be right about her being a adult and that this relationship will and always did rest in her hands. Still if her parent are a bit concern this show you that they too see some changes in her that appear irregular and warrants some concern. Not sure why she “believe” you are jealous of her happiness insomuch that you sound like it been over between the two of you for some time.
We dated yrs ago and remained friends
Like some posters already stated maybe in a way this was a call for help but then why you and not a family members? If she does try to call you again try to be as neutral as possible and ask her only open end question. A example would be: Sounds like you are very happy which is great! Do you have any plans for your free time now that you don’t have full custody of the children.? Ask only questions concerning her and not her husband unless she offer information herself. Be as neutral as possible in this way you don’t appear as a threat or anything you might say can be consisted one sided or judgmental. You stated you remained friends so it would be best to do just that and be a neutral unjudgmental "friend". | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 5:36:06 PM | My rule is Kids come first and nothing could change that. Even the most amazing dream woman could not stand between me and my kids - just the way life is.
If a woman does not accept I have kids and they come first she just isn't the right woman for me.
Can't think of any circumstance where moving away long term from my kids would be acceptable. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:06:06 PM | | As I have seen that some have said- NO I would die before gave up my children. I have been a victim of domestic violence and to see that this woman would give up custody of her children to relocate and be with someone makes me extremely upset. I have never started a relationship or ended one for that matter without my children's wellbeing as my first priority. | |
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