| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:41:52 PM | | Back to the intial question at hand...thank you for being a voice for a child that cannot tell mommy "don't leave, please, I need you. " It makes me very sad. I wish more people in the world could just speak the truth instead of telling people what they want to hear. You did the right thing. Unfortunately it wasn't heard. Children don't get to choose their parents....we choose to have children. Sorry guys, I could never leave my children ...not even for you! | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:12:43 PM | | BRADD in my opinion you were wrong to tell her the truth about her.she expected you to be on her side and support what she says.because if she had any moral she would not let a lover apart with her children. I beleive she gave her heart to this new guy thinking every thing would be great and loving relation because every is new to her not thinking once the ice melt s,h,i,t, will rise the truth about her lover ,she may have thought she lives in a domestic relation ship I beleive that is a lie, woman are, treated the way they want to be treated thats I beleive .on equal values .this woman is carrying a cycle.meaning that my ex her grand mother put her children in an orphanage and took on a lesbian relation ship,my ex mother had 5 children to 4 different fathers in wedlock because every one in her town was teasing her as a lesbian to prove them wrong she was then the slut of the town .now my ex god knows how many affairs she had behind my back whilst we were in a relation ship she only told me of five in the last 4 years but I know there is more.So next time when she calls if does just listen to what she has to say because it took her a lot of courage to make that phone call .DO NOT ARGUE with her and tell her how you feel about what she did because i beleive she is in grief of what she had done and don't need to be told nor reminded of it . | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:24:54 AM | Hi yall i am new to the site but saw this thread and thought i would toss in my 2 cents worth :o)
It sounds to me like your ex met an online "dom" ...what women on here do not seem to understand is that things can "sound" exciting and in reality not so great...case in point...showering with 2 sounds yummy right? unless your's is the backside that is standing in the spot that no water gets to .... she prolly did a favor to her girls giving them to the father ...they are safe...she is in harms way...by reaching out to you i would say she is looking the situation over and finding it was way more fun playing submissive then actually being one... i can speak about this because i happen to have landed in somewhat of a similer situation about 8 years ago...met my "soulmate" online moved out here kids critters and all to be with him..he was also a "dom" which was fine for me ...dom me alls good dom my kids and we are gonna rumble ...anyhow long story short kids and i are on our own.. he is a memory ...so the answer is NO you do not give up your kids for anyone ...but if she lacks the strength to get out im kinda glad she did. maintain contact if you can ...she may need your strength .. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:40:39 AM |
Hi yall i am new to the site but saw this thread and thought i would toss in my 2 cents worth :o)
It sounds to me like your ex met an online "dom" ...what women on here do not seem to understand is that things can "sound" exciting and in reality not so great...case in point...showering with 2 sounds yummy right? unless your's is the backside that is standing in the spot that no water gets to .... she prolly did a favor to her girls giving them to the father ...they are safe...she is in harms way...by reaching out to you i would say she is looking the situation over and finding it was way more fun playing submissive then actually being one... i can speak about this because i happen to have landed in somewhat of a similer situation about 8 years ago...met my "soulmate" online moved out here kids critters and all to be with him..he was also a "dom" which was fine for me ...dom me alls good dom my kids and we are gonna rumble ...anyhow long story short kids and i are on our own.. he is a memory ...so the answer is NO you do not give up your kids for anyone ...but if she lacks the strength to get out im kinda glad she did. maintain contact if you can ...she may need your strength ..
You could be right about him being a Dom, but she didn't mention any of that to me or her friends so I don't know for sure. But what I do know is that I did bite my tongue somewhat when I talked to her. I didn't let her know what all was on my mind. I did hold back a lot.
Like some posters already stated maybe in a way this was a call for help but then why you and not a family members? If she does try to call you again try to be as neutral as possible and ask her only open end question. A example would be: Sounds like you are very happy which is great! Do you have any plans for your free time now that you don’t have full custody of the children.? Ask only questions concerning her and not her husband unless she offer information herself. Be as neutral as possible in this way you don’t appear as a threat or anything you might say can be consisted one sided or judgmental. You stated you remained friends so it would be best to do just that and be a neutral unjudgmental "friend".
She and her mom have always been on the opposite ends. She would do one thing and her Mom would want to do the opposite. It's been like that as long as I can remember.
Well I will try my best to keep myself in check if I do talk to her again, but I think she might catch onto me. But if she does call, I will try and be unjudgemental as I can while listening to what she has to say. But if it is for me to say that I'm ok with what she has done, then no; I wouldn't be able to lie to her by saying yes. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:13:18 PM | I will never give up the custody of my child.
Not even if the guy is really good, my child is my life.
My child will always going to be there, and a partner comes and goes.
Any person that puts you in that position is not worth it at all.
Is sad that your friend is weak enough to have accepted something like that, or is just maybe that she did not loved her daughters enough.
I know that been a single parent is not easy and sometime we wish to have 5 min. to our selves, but is not enough reason or excuse to leave your kids for someone else. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/7/2008 10:30:53 AM | I have dated a girl when in college that was given up by her mother, cause her mother found a man that didn't want anyone else's kid. She didn't have a father, so she was put in the system.
BAD things happened to her in the system, beyond bad (she's was a buxom blonde even at a young age). She had to go to hospitals for some of the stuff. It all stems from how the mother gave her up. Once her cousin found out what was happening, her cousin adopted / took custody of her and got her out of the system.
Giving up costody will make things worse. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/7/2008 10:55:49 AM | Well the one on here that said she would call again were right. I did listen to her and what I heard just made me more sure that what I told her in teh beginning was right.
Here's what she told me. Well she said that he doesn't her getting a job. He said that he would be more than willing to take care of her and her needs. He feels that she is so "sexy" that the men at any potential job might try and talk to her. I told her she was joking right and she said no. She also said that she believes him when he says stuff like that. I'm really thinking she's been brainwashed or something. She said that when they go grocery shopping, that he would tell any man that she's taken and then slap her on the butt.
I don't know what's wrong with her. But Just listening at all of that make me sad that she has sunk that low to be a with a loser like him. | |
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| YOU are a true friend
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:33:13 AM | GOOD FOR YOU. What an idiot. I will never, ever on God's green earth understand how a mother can give up her child. Never. I would never leave my children for a man, for a job, for $40 million dollars. If someone kidnapped my children, I would jump in my car with the clothes on my back and drive to Mexico somehow, to find them and bring them back.
This woman obviously has issues, perhaps they stem from her childhood. I say this because she put herself into an abusive relationship. That's what's happening. For her not to see this is very scary.
I applaud your honesty. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:59:07 AM |
I wouldn't be able to lie to her by saying yes.
So great to hear you state that!
Any type of lying or misrepresentation of how you feel on your part can only hurt your credibility and will leave you feeling cheated out of being who you are. People who are being controlled sometimes (more often then not) attack those who are trying to help. They side with the abuser for psychology and emotional reasons. Ask any police officer what is the situation they hate the most when being called for assistance and they will tell you “domestic” calls. Why? Because they never know how the situation will turn out! A person who has in fact been physically beaten by an abuser might and sometimes will become upset and may attack a police officer for arresting the abuser. Then the officer(s) now have two people to arrest. By being neutral which mean not taking sides will leave her to make the decision about how she feels and what she wants to do. Leaving her with the responsibility concerning her own life. Braddl1 in short this is really a no win situation for you. If you tell her what you think (which you will need to do at sometime) you become the enemy. If you don’t speak your mind you then become the enabler which ignores that there may even be a problem and this of course may go against how you feel which hurts you. And if you do nothing then you live with that personal decision for the rest of your life if things for her get worst. You really can’t win. So yes never lie to her and tell her how you feel but do so as a friend who refuses to take sides for her! It is her life and she need to take accountability and responsibility for that. What they do is ultimately their decision and both will live with it or deny it. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:47:05 PM | First of all allowing the children to live with the ex as long as he is a good father is not the problem. The problem as far as I see it is that she moved across country which I would never do. My ex has had custody of our two children since the separation/ divorce but I stay close so I can be a part of their life even if they do not live in my house. They chose to live with him because he is in the school district that they wish to go to. There could be many reasons why an ex has custody of the children. My youngest is 16 and until she is out of school I would NOT leave the area for any man.
The second issue is that she seems to be in a controlling relationship. The problem with an abusive relationship is that the abuser makes the woman feel that it is HER fault and she feels guilty. They use the divide and conquer strategy where they remove all of the persons support system so they have no where to turn to when and if they decide they can safely leave. This usually happens slowly and since the abuser makes the person feel that everything is their fault they feel ashamed and unable to ask for help.
The best thing to do in this situation is to not make her feel MORE guilty than she already does but to let her know that when and if she decides to leave this person or if she needs help of any sort you are there for her. Accusing her of being a bad mother and weak does not help it just makes the person defend themselves and the abuser. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:53:54 PM | | No, I would not give up custody of my child (if or when this would be my case) and move away to be with a partner. If I were a single mom, I would put first my child's happiness before mine. In terms of finding a partner for myself, it would be first and foremost that the potential partner likes and loves my child as well. It would be more of a packaged deal, if my child is unwanted, there is no use for me getting on any further relationship with any guy. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:14:42 AM | | I am a single mom and there is no man worth moving for when it comes to your kids. My son is my life and I couldn't inmagine my life without him. When my ex husband and I split my son saw his dad in the summer. We lived in Mich and his dad in PA. 5 years down the road I finally moved to PA. I did this for my son first of all cause he needs both parents in his life. Now his dad has famliy in Mich to. But since he is still part time military this is where is duty staion is at. I have been told that I am a good mom for doing this but like I said he needs his mom and dad near by. I grew up in a divorce family and it sucked and I didn't want my son to grow up the feeling the same. So any parent that give up there child just to be with some one yeah are stupid. If that ticks you off oh well. Your child comes first no matter what. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:17:39 AM | People Readers And Members I like to share with you few Poems Some are mine,and some are not.But I like to hear your thought about them and thats why mothers are important for young and old children to be around with.Iwill start of with this one first then continue with the rest later depending on your response.
SUCH A PLACE
Such a place holds no one except for three children so dear
Such a place Can't be entered within your heart right here
Such a place is held special And brims with over flowing love
Such a place Can't be touched it's gods gift from heavens above
Such a place Can't be broken nor battered with life's pains
Such a place on it's own will always eternally reign
Such a place even friendship and love can not take
Such a place is locked bound with chains,no man can break
Such a place Can't be be lost nor replaced,by no one ,no other
Such a place is in your heart is held as the children's mother
With confidence and commitments you will always be a MOTHER.
There is no one no other very gentle and sweet yes you are a mother
Lies and deceit will never succeed
Truth forte and happiness will excel
Well I did write these poems to my ex when she first abandoned the children and took off with this guy tried to warn her about him and that she is making a big mistake.No she did not respond at all she was too much in love with the guy who she just met and fell in love with instantly.Love at first sight.
Some people may say that she did not abandoned the children.she left the father.
I am not angry,sad,nor upset,that she left me.On the contrary I am very happy about that she decided to leave the relationship,but some people do say you leave your relationship for better,not for worse and that's what she did she left the relationship for worse.The reason I'm happy that she left now is that I am only 45 years of age and still young and I can still start all over again.but it would have been very difficult for me had she left when I'm in my sixties.Call me dum call me stupid and call me what ever you want of what I continue to do support her financially whilst still in a relationship with her boyfriend. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:29:05 AM | michuandme
Thanks for sharing your poetry! For:
Anyone who can write with a poet’s hand is in touch with themselves both spiritually and emotionally.
Able to rise above his pain and share it with other without fear or shame
To lift themselves if just for the moment above human suffering and pain
To allow one’s heart exposed to the reader with hope only to share and learn
That the poet’s words are releasing both emotions and spirit to those who can
Learn from this poet’s words of humanity and empathy for all those that can
Giving freely without payment or demand for their poetry like their hearts and souls
No gold or silver can purchase a poet’s hand | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:44:15 AM | jeff52649
I guess I am in that club.
LOL sounds like we should start a club for I too am a member of this club.
Guess I was lucky insomuch that both of my children were teenagers at the time and knew what she did was wrong and unfair to them. Also all of us are glad to see her off and am happier because of it. We do feel sorry for her because we know she just took her problems with her. But hey, they are her problem after all. But I do hope she will get the help she needs someday. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/10/2008 10:06:08 AM | | Ok I know the title to this thread includes "would you give up custody..." but it actually should just be "would you give up your kids....". There are so many NCP's that do this all the time. Neither parent whether the CP or the NCP should move away from there kids for another person or for selfish reasons. My ex decided after being a part of our daughters life for 9 years to move over 8 hours away and didnt even bother telling us, he was gone for 2 years and never bothered to see her in all that time even though i tried to work out something with him and then he moved back to our area because he said he knew she needed her father but yet when he got back and she would call and ask him to come see her he said he didnt have the gas to so I gave him gas money to come see her because I did try and take her to him a few times and he was never there. He signed up on POF and met someone a half an hour away and moved right in with her (of course not telling our daughter he had moved away AGAIN) and then met another one on here that lived two hours away and moved right in with her (what is wrong with these ppl moving in together immediately???). Our daughter is VERY angry at her father but of course he doesnt think hes done anything wrong, he says i must be putting things in her head which I dont do, shes 14 and sees for herself how little her father cares. He has only seen her this YEAR for maybe 24 hours total. CP's AND NCP's need to understand how things like this affect their children and no parent should move away from their children. Children need both parents!!! | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/10/2008 5:11:35 PM | | I could not do that to my kids if I were paid all the money in the world. It is SELFISH. I can't understand why you waste your time on her. She sounds like she is running from one man to the next and blaming each one for something. I bet he does not even abuse her. She may be a lier . Any woman to walk out on her kids for a man is nuts enough to pull the wool over your eyes.....and you could be her next victim..I would hang it up for your own good. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:10:29 PM | ok to answer your Question, NO.
I would never give up my son for ANYONE... I would not move away from my son. I have been a single mom for the last 11 1/2 years and he has a wonderful relationship with his dad.
I am not quite sure how some woman do that, just meet someone and then give up custody of their kids and walk away.. Expecially out of state, how can you go without seeing your kids, on an everyday basis when you had them all the time.
That is just messed up.. | |
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MizQ
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Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 150 | |
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