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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:37:12 PM | | Not my place to judge, but what you've described is classic, and I mean classic, battered woman treatment. She needs help, professional help, to get her out of the hellhole she has found herself in. Thing is, she probably doesn't see it that way, and won't until either it's almost too late or too late. You did what you could. Should she call again, have the 800 number ready for her, then gracefully bow out of her life. You could be the next victim...I'm not kidding. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/12/2008 7:42:57 PM | BigRed38,
First allow me to say what a wonderful and honorable person you are for trying so hard to keep both child and father’s relationship alive! It is obvious that it’s the father who has issues and not your daughter of yourself.
He signed up on POF and met someone a half an hour away and moved right in with her (of course not telling our daughter he had moved away AGAIN) and then met another one on here that lived two hours away and moved right in with her (what is wrong with these ppl moving in together immediately???)
One thing about people who can attach to other people so quickly is that they can also detach just as quickly. People who form quick attachments (relationships) are emotionally shallow i.e. emotionally immature people who suffer from low self-esteem. They are also people who fear being alone and not in some type of relationship. We call these people relationship junkies. These relationships have nothing to do with the person they are now involve with because for relationship junkies any warm body will do. Because they are emotionally shallow as people they never form any type of long term relationship and they will never bond with that person but will quickly move on the next one if the current one isn’t working out. They also are the ones always looking for that “next” relationship. This of course explains why he isn’t working on his relationship with his own daughter. It is more then the fact that he “can’t” then he “won’t”. Emotionally healthy relationships take time and effort on our part. We bond with people emotionally and experience love and devotion for that person. A person who is emotionally empty and shallow can’t form any type of bonding. So leaving one relationship is easy and very simple for them. I do hope he will wake up and see what he is doing to his daughter you and himself. This may happen or it may never happen. All I do know is that it will only happen when he see his abuse (to his daughter) and acknowledge it to himself. Then and only then is when he might go for some type of counseling or therapy. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/13/2008 3:21:26 AM | My sister was involved for over 20 yrs with an abusive man. We knew within the first month of marriage. After a chat from both our parents and his he then started to make sure the marks could not be seen... My sister was sucked in by this man. Quote from my sis "He was a great man and after the honeymoon....pow! honeymoon is over. get to f#@k to work b!#@h" He kept her under control by threatening to kill her family.
I am responding to op and although the signs are there that she is involved in an abusive relationship, she may have been sucked in and decided to leave her kids behind for thier own good. I hope she gets out alright. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/13/2008 6:34:41 AM | Most certainly not. My children are my responsibility until they reach adulthood. I chose to have them and I will fulfill said responsibilty, not walk away from it because some outsider catches my eye.
If i did move to be with someone who lived some distance away, my kids would move with me. I am their mother, the one they run to and cling to when they need reassurance or safety. If the new man didn't want my kids, he wouldn't get me either.
I only pray that the posters here with these astoundingly ignorant views never have a friend or relative who is a victim. Your attitude is likely to keep them from ever getting out.
I have a friend who has been in many abusive relationships. Thankfully she has no children . I got to the point where I ran out of energy trying to help her. She is an intelligent woman, capable of making her own decisions. Personally, I have come to believe she thrives on the drama. Long before I had my 2 children and develped a life threatening condition, I realized I could no longer be there for her every time she had her head split open or eye blackened. As far as I'm concerned, it's her choice to be in these relationships. Does this make me ignorant? A terrible friend?
At the age of 19, I was with a guy who turned abusive the day we got engaged. I stayed for a few months, but then had the intelligence , strength and survival instinct to get out...all under my own steam, as no one knew what I was going through until the final night when I snuck out through a window , believing at the time that I was most likely fleeing for my life. I have little sympathy for those that stay, just sadness for their lack of spirit. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:44:01 AM |
As far as I'm concerned, it's her choice to be in these relationships. Does this make me ignorant? A terrible friend?
No, I would say that your “survival instincts” just click in! And we can only hope that maybe someday your friends basic survival instincts will follow suit. Many trained professional people such as abuse counselors psychotherapist family court judges and police officers as well as family members and friends sometimes get to this point and know there is nothing or very little that they can do for this person who lives with and has accepted this type of dysfunctional and abusive life style. | |
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gtfun
| | Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 165 | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/15/2008 9:43:18 AM | " I hold those who choose to bring children into the world to a higher standard; and when she chose to have children she lost the freedom to make stupid mistakes that only affect herself."
Wow, if only we were perfect individuals, I hardly think bearing children equates to losing your freedom to make stupid mistakes. I have yet to meet anyone perfect, are we all to assume you are the perfect person (parent) who makes no mistakes. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/15/2008 11:19:39 AM |
Not my place to judge, but what you've described is classic, and I mean classic, battered woman treatment. She needs help, professional help, to get her out of the hellhole she has found herself in. Thing is, she probably doesn't see it that way, and won't until either it's almost too late or too late. You did what you could.
Well thanks. I try and help out my friends when I can. Even if I'm an ass at times. LOL.
You could be the next victim...I'm not kidding.
Now this has confused me. Why would I be the next victim. And how exactly would he be able to do that to me when he lives in Arizona somewhere and me here in Florida. But I will keep my eye out. If he's that dumb, then it would be a fatal mistake on his part for sure.  | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/18/2008 12:17:46 PM | | NO, Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/18/2008 2:05:36 PM | | ugh- my guys ex did this and since she is still stalking him and I've had to confront her on more than one occasion she swears that her and her son have a "wonderful relationship" yada yada yada. The kid is f*cked in the head and is going to need serious therapy to get over the fact that his mother up and moved from NY to Florida for some guy and just left her kid. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/18/2008 10:05:40 PM | SHE DID ................SHE DID..........SHE DID.................SHE DID.............SHE DID..............SHE DID..................SHE DID.....................SHE...............SHE DID.................
She abandoned three of her children for a guy and raising his son.How can the message be put across to her,where as her mother abandoned her two daughters at the age of six months and 2 years old.To my understanding now it is the third generation who is carrying out this cycle.I am very lucky to have my three wonderful angels with me and in my custody. | |
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Iorca
| | Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 173 | |
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