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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/20/2008 7:38:58 AM | | I was not the custodial parent at first, but I bought a house about 5 minutes from my ex and kids, even though the same house 10 to 15 minutes away was considerably cheaper. I wanted to be as close as I could. Later, my youngest moved in with me for her last year and a half of high school, and it was amazing. The closeness, all the little things you share every day that I missed out on for so many years... how can anyone even think of giving that up. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 3/29/2009 9:30:05 AM | | I have a simalar story. My wife went to work in 1999 and i havent seen her since. She left the kids with me. Im not sure of the reason for leaving, but i have herd from other people she used the abuse card too. The real reason is that she had an afair with a woman on her bus route. She was the driver. The other drivers found out and started writeing things on the bathroom walls about her. Of cource we "me and the kids" also found out. I was able to get past it and all she had to do is tell the truth and explain what happened. I miss her terably and always will ...no i dont understand it ...the kids dont either | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 3/29/2009 9:50:58 AM | | Brad, I applaud you for being so honest to her. She is a very bad mother if she gave up full custody of her kids for another man. I have had a cpl bfs try to control me and as a strong woman that I am, I told them where they can go. I refuse to be abused in any way. I wish all women can be strong and just tell them no and leave. For some its not the easy because they fear they will be hurt, but they need to get out of the situation. Its not gonna get better only worse. You can only tell her what you think. Unfortunatly she wouldn't take the time and realize that what you said is the truth. You seem to be a good friend for telling her that and still worry about her. Maybe one day, hopefully sooner than later b4 its too late, she will realize what she has done and leave the situation. Someone made a comment abt telling her family what she has done. What can they do? They can only tell her the same thing you did. She probably won't listen to them either and will get upset at her family and think that they don't love her and have turned their backs on her. I think that you have done all that you can do. Just pray for a miracle and hope that she makes a better choice, like going back home and see if the kids father will forgive her of what she did and let her see her kids. Although I don't think she should until she gets her head straight and her priorities straight. Have a great day and wish you the best of luck in the situation. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:21:52 PM | I would also say that your friend will wake up one day and will be sorry for what she did. Maybe that is when she will need you and listen to you because right now, she is under "control" (her own emotions, and his control). She has reasons to act how she did, and evidently she mad some very poor decisions. You did the right thing to tell her what you think, but when she will call you for help after it`s all over, if you still care for her as a friend, don`t hang up on her.
Just my two cents...and btw, I will never give up my son for a guy. He will have to accept us as his new family or move on. No one will be first or second because it`s not a competition, but we will be a family as a whole.
Pia | |
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dvpal
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Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 181 | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 3/29/2009 4:07:34 PM | Ok first of all yes I think you did do the right thing by telling her the truth about how you felt regarding what she did about her custody and so forth, you are a friend.
Second of all there would be no way in hell I would give up custody of my daughter just because I wanted to move away and be with some guy that I met. No matter who it is I would never give my child up for anyone let alone a loser like this guy seems to be. I am sorry but that is not a mother in my eyes if she can just hand her children over like that, yes she gave custody to the father which is better then giving it to someone else but to give your children up over a man/woman is soooooooooooooooooooo wrong and that makes you one of the worst parent's around in my books. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 3/31/2009 5:52:58 PM | Wow!! thats sum story.
Sounds like she's in a very bad situation, i have meet controling guys similar to that and they can tend to be a little violent.
If you really care for this women, maybe you should contact a family member of hers, she'll hate you for it, yes, but it's for the greater good. Once that bubbles around her bursts, she soon realise, you had good intentions.
Giving up your kids for a man, sounds like he is seriously messing with her mind, either that, or she's got some big issues. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/1/2009 10:19:19 PM | | In my opinion my boys and I have a great bond we are there for each other and I will never let a man come between my sons and I. Simply because my sons will always be there by my side as long as we are alive, just as they were during my divorce after an almost 20 years marriage to their father.. They lost all respect for their father for the way he ripped our family apart and they have the upmost respect for me. So no man is worth leaving my children behind... PERIOD!! | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:39:34 AM | | nope never in a million years would i give up my children for a man any man.. we are a package deal all or nothing...and i may add..i wouldnt be interested in a man if he was willling to give up his kids either... anyone who is willing/capable of turning their back on their kids isnt worth bothering with.. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:05:45 AM | | That is the biggest load of shit ever! im a 18 yr old girl, with a 2 yr old daughter and have lived on my own for just over 12 months now. and no guy will ever come before my baby. it gets hard sometimes and u wish u could send them off, when there being little shits. but if your a good, responsible mother and you really gave a crap about your child you would never just pack them up and send them off, esspecially for a guy, them babies grow inside ur body and u bring them into the world that makes them number one priority on your list. (well it should). | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:19:53 PM | **Update**
I got a call from her last night. I let her do all the talking and I just listened for the most part. She said that she was tired and I asked why was that. She said that she was not getting too much rest and then when I asked her to explain further, she told me that he wakes her up early in the morning even on his days off. He likes to have breakfast she said. I asked her does she also cook dinner for him as well even on his days off. And she told me yes.
I told her that she sounds more like a maid than a GF. She asked me why did i think that and I told her I thought that because I know for one that I can cook my own food and I'm not going to waste my time waiting on someone else to cook it for me. She said, "that's what I loved about you. You never waited on someone to cook or clean for you." I said you clean for him as well? She told me that not only does she cook dinner and everything, but she also washes all the dishes.
I told her that I'm not sorry about it really, because she is the one that's continuing to stay in that position. That's when she said that she had to go, he was pulling into drive way. Then she hung up.
Sounds as though she's still fooling herself about just how great this guy is. I think her ego won't let her admit that she made a mistake. But who knows. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/3/2009 1:43:38 PM | Heres my opinion.
If a mother is so easily willing to give up her kids to move off with a guy she's fallen for, then maybe the kids are better off. I mean no decent good mother COULD give up there kids. She must have been unhappy as a parent. And Unhappy parents resent there kids. Little innocent kids that grow up being resented either openly or unknowingly by a parent, pick up on that and things can turn out real bad.
I say if a mother, meets a guy that she likes and she ACTUALLY has it in her to give up her kids to go be with whoever. Then maybe she should? Her kids are probably better off with someone that can raise them up with the right kinda love.
Would I leave my kid to move away with a girl? I wouldn't give that a flicker of consideration. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:41:44 AM | Working in the industry that i am, and i do wish more would post on this subject. Having the experiences i did as a child, also makes me see both sides of this.I have seen some pretty harsh critazim onwoman giving up there kids. With this woman i can see were bradd maybe in the right and i do use that term lighly as none of us have lived her life or know the full story.
Keep in mind everyone, movies such as enough. Or new laws on spouse abuse and many other factors. I as a child grew up going from shelter to womans shelters. My mum had not a great choose in men and men back then were more male chovo's then now. We just hear about it more now. Womans rights arn't what they used to be.Yet single mums are still looked down on by everyone.
For what ever the reason there alone and news and currant affairs makes things worse.For those out there that are. I never knew my father till i was much older.My mum left him when i was five. We saw him again when i ws about 11. when he sexually abused me and my sisters. Understand we were his flesh and blood.Not step children.
My mum moved away from him to get away from him.Yet till that age i resented the fact i never knew my father.
So keeping that in mind. When i had a child at 18.I was ot mentally ready for it.When his father got engaged and married. We spoke at lengh of him having the child. I choose to let his father bring him up. I never regret it for a minute. I did'nt give him up for a man. Though choose the choice to give him a better life. Which i know now many years later i did the right thing. He was sooo much better off with his father.
Thereare many factors that effect everyones life. NONE of us can predict the future or were we will end up. On the other end of the scale my sister gave up her two teenage boys to thier dad.Because they did not want want to live with her and her rascist b/f. They grew up were on drugs. Don't hold a job. Yetanother story. Here is another, I have a friend from over seas. Whose ex is the b****from hell. She moved away got sole custody of thier kids, refused to even put a pick of him up. Supervised his one visit with them. Yet chased him all the time for money. Yet he gave her everything.All the furniture and the money from the sale of the house.
When he called to speak to her about them she either was not available,out or hung up on him. So he keeps trying to ask about them emailing.Yet in the end moved further away. Only to have her still five years on , in her b**** stage and still winghing for money. Every time he asks about her kids. His had a whole 7 photos from the woman.Since they broke up and instead of keeping it between her and him about the kids. She has now a fiancee. she has talking on her behalf who has never been married. Never had kids and demand he tlak to him about his own kids. None to say were he was told to go.
All i am saying many facors in life contribute to what happens to you, the children and life. Don't be so harse to judge!Ask questions speak to others.Work were i work. The childrens hospital and above all listern to these people before making that call!!
I wish more people who are the partners of these people would speak up.!!.Lets not forget there is two sides toevery story and we are not in there shoes. What made this woman leave in the first place . Why is she so far away.?Yet does he even does not denigh she loves those children. She may have a story of her own. Why is she with him? We only have one side. Life is not predictable and none of us can truly make a judgmentcall unless we are in that persons shoes. Mt first marriage ended with abuse mental and phsyical. I moved farrrrrrrrr away. Then he divorced me in 6 months,saying we had not slept together in a year.
He then remarried 1week after divorse was through. He has been remarried three times since me....So please folks , don't be so harse and jugmental till you walked a mile in someone else's shoes. Fine you wouldn't leave your kids, but that you,,,, not them! Your kids are yours for a short time. Just be the right guide for them and they will turn out fine. Your with your kids for a short while.They have themselves to deal with after that. | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/29/2009 4:27:18 PM | i think you did the right thing...maybe she feels he's is controlling and dosn't want to admit she was wrong and that is why she called you...for your opinion..without you knowing it..personally i would never never never give up my children for any man..he would have to accept me as a mom and accept my children..they come first for me :)
so good for you for being honest and forthright..and who knows maybe you helped her come to terms with something she wasn't sure about :) | |
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| Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 4/29/2009 6:56:21 PM | I would have told her the same thing. I wouldn't ever give up custody of my children to be with a man and any man that would ask me to is not a man I would be with plain and simple.
She will live to regret her choices....and maybe realize that you were being a good friend by being honest with her. I suspect your phone will ring again someday.....
edit - just read the update a few posts up....lol....it will continue to ring...she is looking for you to save her.......be careful! | |
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