| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:34:16 PM | | I am not at all afraid of being open and close. That's one benefit of having been around the block. I know the worst that can happen emotionally and it turns out to be unpleasant but nothing to fear. The door is wide open. Come on in. I need to hire a barker to stand outside my heart, let women know what's inside, offer free drinks or something. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:29:23 PM | | I am definitely not emotionally afraid. But at my age, I have to think more "practically". I can't afford to make the same mistakes I made in the past-financially. Not that I am turning into a gold-digger by any means, but I can't afford to support another man, and I am now too old to work 3 or more jobs to do so. Sure, I am willing to take risks in other areas, but I have to be honest and say I have to steer clear of those who are not financially stable and/or gainfully employed. I don't think it's too much to ask for. I have never been bought a wedding ring, even though I have been married several times. I have never been showered with presents. Not that I am a material person by any means. But sure, it would be nice to feel special, just once before I die. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/15/2008 12:31:22 AM | I'm not afraid to let a woman in my life either. Not at all in any way. Every woman is not like the women I have chose in the past. I know that very well. I just have not met the right one is the only problem. I though I has a couple of times but I found out the hard way I was wrong.
I'm like ACURN is about it because at my age the past mistakes sure dont need to be made again. I just cant afford to go through another bad marriage. But me not being "gratefully employed" puts me in the get lost line fast. lol lol lol......Oh well that is life in Harvest, Alabama.....lol lol lol...
I would love to be made feel special by a woman to. I certainly would love to have the woman I could make feel special. Maybe before I die I will find that woman who will make me special and let me make her special. But then maybe not either. The years sure are passing by at the speed of light it seems like and she has not come along yet. I am beginning to wonder if she ever will.     | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/15/2008 3:41:07 AM | Why are we still so afraid to let people in? Sometimes it's a long way in...........
When you first show up at my door will I invite you in? Everyone that comes to my door isn't invited in to dinner. Does that mean I'm afraid to let people in? Nope - it makes me selective.
When I come to your door, will you invite me in? If you select me to dine with you, will I accept? It depends. This time I was first selected by you. Then I had to accept your invitation to dinner.
I don't have fear, but I am selective. If the sparks are there I say come on in and hope you feel the same. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:19:28 AM | | When I am at the approach of a new relationship, I tell the person I am starting from a position of trust. In other words, everything you tell me is accepted as the truth. I do not let my past experience make me jaded (all men lie, cheat, etc). I am a very perceptive person and my partner will know that too. My bullshit detector goes off pretty loudly and if you lie to me or commit a sin of omission, you start chipping away at that trust. So I'm letting "you" in, but the gates will come down if you aren't sincere. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/15/2008 8:28:40 AM | I guess I still put up walls sometimes, I'll do things without thinking that scare off potential matches. Of course, I only do that with people that I'm interested in, way to shoot myself in the foot, huh? I don't even think it's fear any more, it's more like a bad habit I acquired when I didn't want to let anyone in because I needed time to heal. Now that I'm aware of it, I can stop. I'm glad I came across this thread, because that's what gave me the insight I needed.
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/4/2008 6:41:11 PM | I am not afraid to let people in my heart/home/love tunnel, I am just cautious ,I want to know who I am dealing with that he is not a con artist,jack the ripper , theft , psychotic...  | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:39:54 AM | Like tally said, I think for me it is about being more selective.
I was thinking about this a couple of weeks ago and remember how carefree things were in late teens and early 20s. Everything was new to me and the people around my age. I didn't have the hard knocks. I think friendships were easier and dating was easier back then. I don't think we knew ourselves well enough to have a whole lot of thought or preferences.
Now a days I know myself so well and I know the kinds of people I get along with and those I don't. I'm far less tolerant of nonsense. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/7/2008 2:10:51 PM | for me now..it's about protecting my heart..I find I do hold back much more than ever in my life..
I think if genuine honest and caring lady came into my life, I would still take a chance on her.
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/7/2008 7:35:02 PM | Interesting topic!!! And, interesting comments too.
For the man who asked how does he help his lady with trusting and opening her heart...be consistent. Be a friend.
I'm working on trusting my own judgement as much as I am working on trusting others.
A friend said once that some people give and give and give...and it's like a well that if something isn't given back, the well goes dry.
Just a few rambling thoughts in response.... | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:46:23 AM | I think it's a process that needs to happen before I can let someone into my life again.
I used to be so romantic and when I would see a couple hand in hand I would imagine
they were so happy together.
After being miserable with a man who held my hand often I know that it means nothing holding hands
It has to do with being kind, and being there, and being trustworthy. It has to do with saying no and that no being heard and being ok ..... it has to do with what makes you laugh and if you can laugh at yourself too.
Letting someone in is pretty scarey because then you can get hurt but really it doesn't kill you to feel a little pain and the alternative is to never feel anything so--
I guess it's knowing that not every one will like you .....sometimes because you are too smart rather than not smart enough ....
I try and not let things bug me and believe the best of every person. If I am wrong Oh well..... | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:16:53 AM | i am anything but afraid at this age; i merely have no patience for the stupid. yes, my profile is a lot more like a moat than it is an invitation for discourse. let's face it; this planet is just a galactic freak show waiting for armageddon and sex (not necessarily in that order, heh). let the curtain fall when and where it may. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:48:52 AM | | There is a BIG difference between being afraid and cautious. It's a prudent person who takes his/her time to get to know someone....am leary of those who want to move too fast....... | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:55:13 AM |
I am not afraid to let someone in.......I am afraid to let myself out!!
Sorry. I'm sure you didn't intend this to be hilarious, but . . . .
I gave a t-shirt to a good friend for Christmas. It said, "Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through the Restraints!"
i am anything but afraid at this age; i merely have no patience for the stupid. yes, my profile is a lot more like a moat than it is an invitation for discourse. let's face it; this planet is just a galactic freak show
There was a Star Trek episode, Enterprise under heavy attack by Klingon warship, and takes heavy damage, without enough juice left to power both the shields and the phasers. Kirk says, "Lower shields, Sulu". Bad guys detect no shields, close in for the kill, and PZZZZATT!! Enterprise shoots them out of the sky.
I dropped my shields years ago, not to destroy anyone, but because they were keeping me from where I most wanted to be. Now, the only boundaries are the lines others draw, and sometimes, I trespass. Strange new world; our privacy is constantly threatened, by this very internet thing, the government, etc., yet we are more isolated, distant, unconnected in real terms, than we were before. If I got to your moat, I'd just leave. Bugs have exo-skeletons, armored on the outside. I prefer to be more human, and all the warm parts are within easy reach.
Yeah, they predict that the insects will still thrive after the human armeggadon. But I'd rather slide into the casket sideways with "Damn! What a ride!" than "Whew. Made it." | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:17:33 AM |
There is a BIG difference between being afraid and cautious. It's a prudent person who takes his/her time to get to know someone....am leary of those who want to move too fast.......
I agree with this. It is a matter of being selective, to my mind, rather than precisely cautious. It isn't being afraid to let people in, it is that once someone is in, someone I do get close to, for me, they are close for a good reason or for good reasons. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 12:03:56 PM | I dropped my shields years ago, not to destroy anyone, but because they were keeping me from where I most wanted to be. Now, the only boundaries are the lines others draw, and sometimes, I trespass. Strange new world; our privacy is constantly threatened, by this very internet thing, the government, etc., yet we are more isolated, distant, unconnected in real terms, than we were before. If I got to your moat, I'd just leave. Bugs have exo-skeletons, armored on the outside. I prefer to be more human, and all the warm parts are within easy reach.
Makes complete sense to me. I'm afraid the minority doesn't rule here in date land though. It's too bad and actually sad to see, there is so much more to do in life than planing your safety and security.
Funny thing is, a moat never protected a castle very well, it was only a deterrent and most stand in ruin. I’ll take the open fields over looking through a stone tower window any day. Castles are cold damp dark places that I prefer to go around anyways. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 5:11:32 PM | Yanno, OP? I would have to say I'm the most weirdest person that I've even ever encounted. I'm quirky as he!! and my boss will tell ya so!! (He just told that same thing to me today.) LOL I can let someone take a glimpse into my life, my emotions and I can still walk away from them without ever looking back if I feel they're complicating my life rather than complimenting it without any feeling at all. Call me a sociopath or whatever, but also call me smart enough to know when enough is... simply enough . It's a gift and a curse.
I don't let many people into my personal life, and when I do, I let them cipher a little of their personality at a time into my life. If they prove to be worthy of my trust and my friendship..then they'll never, ever get rid of me as their friend, (*snicker*..poor things), but if their actions and words falter in any way or red flags come up then I'll just have to start a thread about em' on here like they've done me in the past. How classy is that? Not very, I'll tell ya. No wonder I hate people and want to keep to myself while fading into the background of living in the wild alone.
Sans | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 5:35:39 PM | | I'm not afraid of letting people in - I just want to know before I let them in what exactly it is I'm letting in. Blindly trusting someone before I know who he/she is (be it friend or potential partner) is just asking for trouble. I'm another one who can walk away and not look back if people are impacting on my life in a bad way. I've made my share of mistakes in trusting people too soon. Now, I just kind of sit back and watch for a while to see what falls out of the trees. I've become a very good listener. If you let someone talk long enough and watch their behaviour, you will learn everything you need to know about that person without having to ask a single question. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:04:32 PM | There is only one man in my life right now that is slowly and very gently intoducing me back into living with a strength that I thought I had lost. He is as strong as a Siberian tiger with the personality to go with it. He won't let me give up, no matter what. No man has ever exhibited that kind of raw emotion or strength with me.
He didn't let go when I was hanging onto life by a string. He didn't let me go when every other guy did.
No matter how much I fought him, he never let me go.
I'll let him into my life and feed him raw meat if he wants it 7 days a week..he's that dang cool!!
Sans | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:15:34 PM | The plain and simple answer is... you still have baggage to deal with. If your afraid to let someone in again, its because you still have things from the past which haven't been resolved. Living life is not a guarantee that you won't experience hurts...
Hell, I prefer to take those chances and see what happens.... potential hurts, disappointments and all. Why? Because if I do, I have a better chance of finding the one person who gets me and wants to share life together. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:35:57 PM | | I think you nailed right there Acurn...practicality takes over from youthful recklessness at some point...nothing for us to be ashamed of. I know I can "do" alone...don't want to...but i can, rather than hook up with the wrong person, just so I"m not alone...that make any sence??? | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:46:48 PM | [quote[He is as strong as a Siberian tiger with the personality to go with it. He won't let me give up, no matter what. No man has ever exhibited that kind of raw emotion or strength with me
Yes, yes I love this love story of emotions!
Sans, if your were a guy you would have bzlls!
What ever it takes and hopefully your man's wife will be as strong as a tiger too.
I'm quirky as he!! and my boss will tell ya so!! (He just told that same thing to me today.)
Wow, I didn't that your boss was,our goverment was promoting this kind of behavior.
But that's ok kitten as your secret is good with us. | |
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