| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 11:51:07 AM | | Are you guys serious about that? Really? There is nothing to fear but - the loss of money? That's so far off my radar I just can't imagine that holding someone back from a relationship. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 12:06:59 PM | Ahhh Ms cookie22222..........
nahhhh.. we do not really fear that..
mostly just kidding/teasing, and trying to add some life to this thread..
Now.. iffin you lived closer, an I was bout ten years younger..
I be giving you a reason to be a lil more afriad.....
---SoldierByte--- . | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 12:19:28 PM | OK then...I won't change my "headline" to - I promise I'll sign a prenup!
I'm glad it's not always about money.
Mr. SB...you don't scare me...I bet I'd have YOU in the cat suit in no time! | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:25:07 PM |
Why are we still so afraid to let people in?
I think a lot of people ARE that jaded. Just looking at my circle of friends, I see very few older adults who are willing to jump right back in to the dating pool after taking an emotional beating. Although love is grand, the pain of losing a relationship (especially if it is broken through infidelity) is almost worse than the joy of having it. I personally think the phrase "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" is bullsshhitt! | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:08:11 AM | i had my heart broken about 20 years ago.....
when i look back now it probably wasn't as bad as it seemed and on reflection the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway.
i'd always been the heartbreaker.....it was a real shock that the same could happen to me.....how could THAT happen to me?
since then i've always kept my distance emotionally, but i've had a great time and some fun relationships.
now, every time someone gets too close to me i'm off.....
maybe because i still have a lot of things to do and see and i don't want to be waylaid.
i figure that one day the man who i want to stay with will arrive in my life.....
until then life's still good.
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:28:05 AM | It IS hard to let someone in. Because it hurts. We've all been there, done that, got the tee shirt. We've all had that cold, sinking elevator feeling in the pit of our stomach over another person. We've all had that empty, drained feeling when we realize that the relationship (of whatever nature) is over. Done. Finished. Kaput.
Though it may or may not been our fault(s), we all feel the loss. Loss of happiness, loss of friendship, loss of Love. That's the part that we all dislike. The Loss.
I often think that widows and widowers have it a little easier (let me explain before the flames begin fanning!). They had their lovers taken from them, for one reason or the other. Love was Stolen from them. They didn't see Love fade and go away. They didn't have their lover's love turn from them. But, that's just my opinion on that.
So, in a roundabout manner, we're afraid to let someone in because there is the potential to experience the Loss again.
But, as always, that's just my opinion. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:50:10 AM |
It just seems odd that at 45+, so many, men and women are still waiting for someone else to make the first move, or playing tough and basically showing that you will never get to me.
Playing tough? Yep, there sure is a lot of that going around.....
Those, playing "hard to get". Such a HUGE turn-off........people thinking they're a gift to all woman/mankind.
Of course, playing " too eager" is also a turn-off.
So, it's no surprise that we're jaded or think it's a world full of "callous cads" and "desperate housewives". It's become quite the tap-dance.
Why are we still so afraid to let people in?
Because we're afraid of rejection.
We're afraid that someone will say "I don't want you in my life." ......" You don't measure up"............and so on and so on........ | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:01:11 AM | I think people can not let others in because they have not learned to love themself and do not contain all of the skill to be aware of the human who lives inside them..
between the denial of their part in getting to today and allowing the victim mentality to ground without awareness they will sit stuck in victim...and that is just not attractive nor adult....
why allow your past to sabatoge your future instead of putting values back into youself ; many expect to project their adult hard work into another adult(esteem:needy and expecting a parent to nurse their wounds instead of doing the dirty job themself!!!!)
...sorry i have a big enuff pizz pot only for my own stuff...have learned to not allow others to pizz in my pot. hence boundary off child connect...like a invisible decon to identify adult children who draw others into the drama of the child in them instead of recognizing the child in themself they simply surrender and wait for some equally skilled human to tag them...no thanks.
recognision of a lost space in my own past is impossible to miss and i refuse to step back into a backward cycle...hats off so long..GOODLUCK AND LEAVES APPLE ON THE GROUND! ..SIMPLE ANSWER IS ADULTS DO NOT APPRECIATE PARENTING ANOTHER ADULT..ONLY CHILDREN LIKE THAT!
(ADULTS WHO CONTAIN CHILD CONNECT AND DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE CHILD COPING SKILLS IN SELF...((since esteem is a personal thing...recognision is the owners responsibility from patternes in ones life...if you can't invest in yourself do you think others would care to...not likely.)..so if your sitting on your butt and not scoring ask yourself why you are not interesting others in your selected group and realize strength in self is often a mirage to others but you can feel the heat inside and it is from years of traing and retraining thought patterns. the virtue of patience is not easy to own.
the ethics of holding your value and not pretending anothers value is a challenge i would think would be the first stage in accepting and growing into the virtue of patience....not long now your almost there u can do it...every single one | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:25:55 AM |
I think people can not let others in because they have not learned to love themself
On the contrary, I think that people who can not let others in have learned to love themselves all too well. The are quite happy in most ways with the lives they construct for themselves and are very reluctant to change anything to let another person into their lives. I personally recall being quite satisfied with my life in this manner for quite a long period in my life. At some point its pure selfishness. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:46:48 PM | | ^^^ I see your point, but think there's a difference between self-love in the whole-knowledge sense peekaboo gets at so very deeply, and self-regard that is not the basis for empathy. True self-love opens the heart to others... | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:29:13 AM | I liked this, it bear repeating:
As so many have said, you get what you give, you will never know what you have to give until you know who you are, and you will never know who you are until you open up and give it away. Who ever said there was a guarantee?
Another aspect of this relationship-induced-fear is that shaping my future based on interaction with someone in the past, gives that person control of my future. They already played a significant role in making a part of my past painful (even if it became a learning experience), once they're out I want them to stay out. My ornery side doesn't want to give them any more control over me.
A lawyer once posted the latin (which I can't remember) but it roughly translates to 'you can't sell what you don't own'. The last breakup was so painful I was afraid to let anyone in after that. But, I recognized that that was so not me it was a signal I wasn't ready to be 'out there' again until that fear went away. If I had tried to find someone during that time, I would have attracted the type who want to protect or fix me, or were just as 'damaged'. I didn't own my courage so I couldn't sell it.
Once I got my courage back I was able to open up and take a risk with someone new. Who knows what will happen from here, but I know for certainty what would have happened if I didn't take the chance to even meet him. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:38:16 AM |
A lawyer once posted the latin (which I can't remember) but it roughly translates to 'you can't sell what you don't own'.
So I need to use latin phrases? THAT's the key?!!! Sheesh. I'm fvcked.  I keep struggling with this one language I use to break through.
My ornery side doesn't want to give them any more control over me.
Ornery?!! Lol. Awwww, I call that "pluck", darlin', and I kinda prize it.
Once I got my courage back I was able to open up and take a risk with someone new. Who knows what will happen from here, but I know for certainty what would have happened if I didn't take the chance to even meet him.
Well, if I can't reach ya, my fondest wish has to be that others live and learn as adeptly as you do.  | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:43:18 AM | OP brilliant post
some excellent responses too
I have a lot of love to give and the only thing I am sure of I am not going to meet someone lasting off an internet site, people who know me cannot understand how I am not snapped up, I am genuine honest loving and giving and always a good friend to people I like,
the problem is with cyber media it is hard to get to know anyone before meeting them, so many are angry and abusive on first contact and that is something I dont need in my life or the ones who talk your ears off on the phone, or type text messages till I turn the phone off in boredom, sorry but texting is boring the ones who turn up for a date looking like they are going to tar mac the drive and the chancers on the inimate encouter route.
BUT I LOVE THE FORUMS. | |
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| Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:50:44 PM | Well, I must be defective then.
I have no problem letting others get extremely close to me, but almost always I'm terrified at letting myself get close to another a lot of the time.
Oh well............ | |
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