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 salsa35
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 26
Is it really that hard?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
A resounding YES you did the right thing. Probably a ship in every port.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 27
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/28/2008 12:36:34 PM
Eeeeee I dated a pilot and while it was big fun... to fly united I would NEVA date a flyboy again. NEVA!
Sounds like you did not communicate your feelings. You allowed him to throw out the ole... maybe,someday, not now bull puckey! Can you hear Diana? *Set me free, why don't cha babe..Let me be, why don't cha babe...'Cause you don't really love me..You just keep me hangin' on...Now you don't really want me..You just keep me hangin' on!
Next time nag the chit out of them ...get straight answers and don't allow yourself to be manipulated by maybes!!!
 Saturday Night Rocks
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 28
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/28/2008 3:58:47 PM
You did the right thing. He wanted something fundamentally different from what you wanted out of the relationship. Better to find out sooner rather than later . . .
 JMurphyE
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 29
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/28/2008 5:09:58 PM
I'm not really one to judge anyone but I think the guy really didn't care very much about you. He definately has no goals of a future with you that is any more than it is from what I read. He felt no committment to you and cared little about your feelings. You were right in dumping the guy. You probably should have done it sooner but it's really hard to know some things until time takes it's course. Sometimes you just don't see it. I don't see lot's of things that other people see. It's like I'm the last to know. Good luck! I believe you made the right choice.
 Lavalette
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 30
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Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/28/2008 7:03:39 PM
Serious or not, u knew each other a long time n have been very intimate. He could have come for dinner so ur family can see who u spend ur free time with. I think that is just respectful to u. If he isn't that into u then good u got rid of him, that is insulting...after a YEAR ! Sounds like he liked things the way they were and wasn't going to change. Best for u, u don't know who else he stops in to see, the airline business is very free to do what they want and where, sounds like he likes it that way. Get a guy more stabile, life passes to quick to spend on someone not looking to go places other then by himself.
 mickyf
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 31
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Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/28/2008 7:43:40 PM
in a word yes.your worth more than hes offering.im sorry but i doubt your the only woman here.not meeting your family was the first alarm bell.you were being used as a matress.long term or marriage kept you focusing on him,you got savvi and ended it.good for you,now find a man that wants more than sex.great sex is just that, great sex.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 32
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/29/2008 5:48:22 AM
He was honest. What more can you ask for? You are after all, the one who changed her mind on expectations. Meeting the family is a big step. Breaking up was probably the right thing to do for you.
 wicked_desires
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 33
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/30/2008 7:50:51 AM
Yes OP he never had any interest in a proper relationship and was on the take so to speak...for as long as he could get away with it..well done on dumping this one
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 34
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Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/30/2008 8:34:39 AM
You did what you thought was correct. I know I totally dislike doing the Thanksgiving or Xmas thing with a lovers family. I was in a LTR for 7 years and hated it each year. It had nothing to do with her but everything to do with being around those that one can take or leave. Making small talk for hours is less then boring. To be brutally honest? Some feel it's a waste of a day off.
 tideliner
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 35
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:24:40 AM
I expect he was a little surprised. I imagine he thought you were in a FWB as well.

Meet the family? Yeah, right. Not to mention most guys would rather stick an icepick in their eye, it's a direct antecedent to the "when are we gonna get married" talk. Hey he's probably ALREADY married.

That's pilots. Boat captains are similar. I know 'cause I was a pilot and I am a boat captain. But of course I'm the exception. But seriously, guys in these jobs are somewhat less "grounded" (or whipped as some insensitive people would call it) than your college profs, your retail "salesmen", your farmboys, etc. Being unfettered is kind of a big deal.

 mostlygood
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 36
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 11/1/2008 4:18:50 AM
I can't see the problem, he doesn't want to marry you yet. You can't wait, even though it sounds like you moved away from him and he has to follow you to where you are.

then, maybe he just wants to spend thanksgiving with his family instead of with people he doesn't know.
 SimunSays
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 37
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:19:25 PM
Absolutely. If not for just being an unfeeling twit, but you both seem to be heading in different 'life' directions.
 emlamNsea
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 38
So then....
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:24:20 PM
It was a year and meeting someones family really isn't a big deal


...why was it so important to you that he go? Hmmm?


So tell me this men, was I right to break up with him?


Only you know the answer to that...but if you are asking if he was going to change his mind about marrying you and having kids, the answer is "no".

The two of you had no future beyond what you had. My guess is you wanted more than that. Accordingly, at some point in order for you to get what you want, you were going to have to break up. The present is as good a time as any.

 776877
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 39
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:24:32 PM
Are you the one on the right or the left?
 emlamNsea
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 40
HELLO!!!
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:31:35 PM

This may come as a surprise for some of the ladies but meeting her family is a big step on the relationship train.


Can I get an AMEN from the congregation??!!!!

I just made the mistake of caving on this....big mistake. I won't be making that one again....

I am in a relationship with YOU...not your family. If you want to introduce me to your family, it is because you want me to be a part of it...or at least you want / need their approval somehow. I ain't about either of these....

Will not be making this mistake again....
 a9ergirl
Joined: 10/26/2008
Msg: 41
HELLO!!!
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:11:37 PM

I am in a relationship with YOU...not your family. If you want to introduce me to your family, it is because you want me to be a part of it...or at least you want / need their approval somehow. I ain't about either of these....


I so totally disagree with this. My family are my people. I am not introducing you to them for any kind of approval. I introduce people to my family because it opens the door of more things that we can do together. In my mind, it has NOTHING to do with marriage or anything else. I spend time with my family, if you want to spend time with me, it is the natural progression of things to be introduced to my friends and family. We can't live in a cocoon of just us. That isn't reality. I am NOT looking for a father for my children, but they are a part of my life. If you are part of my life, then at some point you will meet them. Simple as that.
 wicked_desires
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 42
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:47:52 AM
yes you were correct
I agree with gonesailing post.
I disagree with your a smart girl who can read someone well
eg hopefully develop - pantaloons spake favoured by fwb, serial daters and cheaters to keep the status quo hooked as it trys and wriggles free and see the day light. - mind you that lot have usually still got to take a blindfold off.

I could go on but frankly my beds too comfy and am back of for a snooze.
 Readyagain8
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 43
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:51:15 AM
he's a commitment phobe - cut him loose girlfriend!
 M-Bomb
Joined: 5/26/2009
Msg: 44
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:27:11 AM
OP it sounds to me like he's not over his previous marrage and he thought that this was a good way. The harsh truth as i see it is that you were a rebound. You defo did the right thing, don't waste your time with people like that.

Your completely right, of course your partner should meet the family. I met my girlfriends parents after about 3 weeks and the she met mine about 2 weeks after that. It's perfectly normal that you would want to intergrate 2 important parts of your life. It's not binding or anything!

It's a good job he's a pilot so he can carry all that emational baggage around with him!



M-Bomb
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 45
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Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:52:10 AM
Ahh, this thread is about 9 months old so I'm sure it's been resolved by now. But I happened to be struck with a thought, and rather than waste a perfectly good thought...

He also said when I finally asked what do you want out of this relationship that he wanted nothing. a lover, a companion, a friend and someone to have great sex with.

This is exactly what I want from my sweetie and sometimes 'nothing' really is everything. All these people saying he was using her, or not serious at all. And perhaps he was, but I see nothing wrong with his sentiment here and would imagine many others want exactly this with someone they love. (BTW, it was almost two years before my sweetie met my family - and that was because it was a big deal to me, not to him. Nice that he had the patience to give me space to be comfortable and didn't get all pushy and demanding about it).
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 46
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Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:54:42 AM
Sounds fishy to me. I don't think I've dated anyone for more than a few weeks without the family dinner. Obviously he's afraid of real commitment. You did the right thing. If I like somebody, I'm eager to be involved with all parts of their life, including the family.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 47
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:59:35 AM
a lover, a companion, a friend and someone to have great sex with.

That's what makes a good relationship. What makes a bad relationship is when someone has an agenda they value more than being lovers, companions, friends and having great sex. The word "relationship" means something to you that he already found out sucks for him. It means the woman has an idea in her mind of what he should want to do for her own reasons, and his don't matter.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 48
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HELLO!!!
Posted: 6/29/2009 6:28:05 AM
I don't think meeting her family after telling her for a YEAR that he wanted a "future" with her was that big a step. If they'd only been dating a month? Yeah, big step. If he'd made it clear to her that she was only a FWB (probably one of many) instead of lying to her about wanting a future with her, it wouldn't have been appropriate. But the way he laid it out to her all along, meeting her family should have just been another step along the way.
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 49
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:16:26 AM
I met a man on POF that was "Friends with Benefits". I thought we got along great, sex was great too but his time was limited. In fact, he was also a pilot, makes me wonder how many others he is doing this too. I have learned, I will never do friends with benefits again.
 apainlessend
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 50
Is it really that hard?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:32:07 AM
. I am a smart girl who can read someone pretty well.


Your actions contradict this like a motherfukcer.
(Not to mention that I assume by "someone" you meant "people".)
If a man likes you, he will blatantly let you know.
Which leads me to believe you gave him the PUNANI TOO SOON.

Random calls....
Dinner.....
"You're amazing.." randomly txted to you...
Of course I want to meet your family...




So yes.....it is kinda obvious that he is just banging you till something better comes along, if he already isnt. It is how your loved one acts around your friends and family that tell the most to me.

Which is why when mah b1tch is over when my friends are...
I am alllllllllllll over her, with the butt smack and boobie squeezes, and I love yous, and the kisses and hugs.

Ask her.
I think Bill Bellamy said it best.....

"My parents fell in love at a time in America when you could just tell a woman you love her in front of your boys , and not give a fu*k about what anyone thinks. "

" God Dammit Loretta!! I loves da fukc outta you! IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT! "
~Bill Bellamy - Back to my roots

The funny thing is, he seems to only care about not letting YOU know.
Which could just as well be him not trying to bend to you, because girls like AHOLES...
but behind every AHOLE guy is usually a manipulative insecure tool....

I hate those spineless men, I recently dealt with a whacky whiney stalker dude who acts that way. Pathetic.

Either way, ask yourself this:

If you were Angelina Jolie, would he have a problem meeting your parents?
Probably not. So then that means you simply picked the wrong guy, probably a wanna be player that has to lie to chicks, and opposed to being himself and saying "I want your vag."

(It worked for me for YEARS....then some whacky broad pinned me down, and I've been whooped ever since. **looks at Divagreen.)

If you go as far as too commit to one person, then that person should be like a winning lotto ticket, or your very own famous person, cause otherwise, why commit at all?
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