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 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 51
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How soon can you spot a red flagPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Out of curiosity, I went.


Curiosity is no excuse for foolhardiness. Everybody and her uncle will tell you to never, ever go to a stranger's home - but you were 'curious'

Drop the kitten behaviour and wise up before you get yourself into serious trouble.
 wodever
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 52
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:27:12 AM
its not an attempted bashing its pointing out to others who might be reading this and think themselves somehow also immune to the REAL LIFE DANGER of going home with a STRANGER!

woman.... you were stupid.... and inconsiderate since you knew you wouldnt hit it off with him in the first few minutes of being with him in a public place you decided to take it private??? thats not just stupid sorry i have to correct myself thats being an azzhat!
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 53
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:37:30 AM
The real danger lies in those who are able to conceal their real character until you are "together" or compromised in some way. Red flags flappin' in the breeze like the ones that have been suggested, are easy enough to see and avoid. It is when everything seems to be sailing along on a perfectly normal course and suddenly one day, out of the blue you hear something like...."there is no way you should be making the kind of money you do, you dont contribute anything of value to society". Then the buzzers go off, the siren blasts, lights start flashing and you are sitting there wondering what it was you ever saw in that individual.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 54
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:39:59 AM
OP,

Ignore these obvious red flags at your own peril.

TT,


9. Pulls the "Let's Be Friends" card. (Why bother?? I haven't even CALLED you in the past month! ding ding ding hint hint hint!)


Why bother? Because you reward bad behaviour with another date, so he figures you'll do that again.
 camper28
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 55
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:22:54 PM
I can usually spot a red flag very quickly but the thing is everyone's red flags are different

1. Only getting a handshake on the first date is a really big red flag for me because this is suppose to be about getting to know each other and being romantic with each other

2. Feeling like my date really just wants company instead of a date is another one I can figure out by the end of a first date.


Other than that those 2 are really my only immediate red flags unless my date blurts out some of other things like they don't want to get married or have more biological kids..etc

Some red flags a few weeks down the road are:

If after 6 weeks and we really haven't done and romantic things like cuddling, sex and making out is another very big red flag because I am looking for a lover not a friend but it's not immediate.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 56
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:36:49 PM
1, can be a red flag, or an indication that a person has been let down in a past relationship. For some people, it is enough to just give them some understanding, but communicate openly with them that their behavior makes you uncomfortable. This has been my recent experience with my current girlfriend. There have been a couple of instances where many would have dismissed her because of her supposed red flags, but in each case she has been very quick to adjust her behavior when I objected.

In other words, some people just need a little love, and they'll prove to perfectly ok. We all have pasts and sometimes our past can make it difficult to move forward. There are obviously limits, but be being forgiving to a point can give you great rewards.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 57
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:42:03 PM
Sometimes you can see it in the profile.
 Ima P Ness
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 58
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:00:11 PM
I am like a BULL when it comes to red flags...
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 59
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:22:41 PM
Ironically, seeing red flags too quickly is also a red flag.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 60
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:26:59 PM
But then you have to decide if you're being bovine about things or if you're just seeing what's there. Generally if you see it you SHOULD wait a bit to see if you're right. Especially given that most people show their representative the first time you meet them.
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 61
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:36:36 PM
I know I noticed the red flag, after we parted.
Or maybe the flags are not that obvious.
When everything is rosy, we don't analyze certain behaviors or see them as warnings.
We just think it happened because this or that, never because its a bad behavior.
 Mostly Harmless
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 62
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:40:05 PM
Sadly yeah, those are no-no's. After 3 dates how well can you know him that hes so desperate for you? I'm not going to say that hes dangerous, but I am going to say that hes not after you, hes after what you represent to him.

If I am going to play amatuer armchair psychologist, I would say he is using your attention for self esteem. If a girl is crazy about him, then in his mind that makes him a worthwhile person.

Ultimately though, I would advise against using 'red flags' and 'deal breakers'. The only question you need to consider regarding this, or any guy, is do you want to see him again, and why. If the answer to why sounds like a healthy reason, go for it. If it sounds like you may be settling for less than you really want, move on.
 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 63
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:54:28 PM
You can spot a red flag in people's body language. The vibes people give off. It's something I have down like no other.
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 64
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:55:00 PM
I can spot some even on the first date. Maybe a better question would be:

How soon do you accept that there are red flags? We see them early, but we tend to deny them.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 65
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:27:50 PM

I would advise against using 'red flags' and 'deal breakers'.

Wait until you find yourself with a control freak, addict, or, worse, abuser. Then you might understand that the idea of 'red flag' is exceedingly wise. Same goes for 'deal breaker'. A gambling addict who'll bankrupt you both plus all your family = deal brealer. Someone who refuses to clean up after himself always = deal breaker. You may be too young to realize how very many people there are who can't be bothered turning themselves into people who are pleasant to live with.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 66
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:55:28 PM

A date is not whats in it for your interest but what benefits you can get


This statement does not make sense....one's interests and one's benefits amount to the same thing.

The reason I date or get involved with someone is because the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. We complement each other. We learn from each other. We enhance each other. We support each other. We have interest in the other's well being and growth.

It is not about how I benefit, so much as what I can give to the situation. The red flags come into play when the object of my affection is only interested in how he can benefit or is out for his own interests.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 67
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:06:45 PM
I can spot red flags instantly. As soon as they appear.

Now, I can do that because MY red flag list is very well defined. I KNOW what is a red flag, yellow flag.. I just dont always know the GREEN lights(even though I am well-versed in Venusian, women STILL dont know how to DIRECTLY say.. "Come're"

First flag you mentioned IS red as hell. It's only "sweet" to a little girl that thinks possessiveness, jealousy is CUTE and is a direct translation to "BUT, he LOVES me" especially when that behavior becomes stalking, abuse, etc etc.

The 2nd one is tough.. Eager if he is young and hasnt kissed a lot. Aggressive if he is young and hasnt been slapped down a lot. Just plain stupid if the guy is much over 25. At that age a guy should know better.

So it all depends on YOU and your comfort level.

Oh, Tess?? Curious? Or just plain stupid. My gawd woman. I'd think you'd be too embarrassed to repeat that story.
 truebluetiger
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 68
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:09:49 PM
I am such a blind optimist! They can be blood red waving in my face and I'll just smile and think....they just don't know me...I am the answer to all of his needs! Eventually, I start to wonder about needs of my own that are going unmet.....then I back off.
Not smart, I know....causes me alot of pain. If I want something, damn it's hard to let it go, even when it's not meant to be.
 ben_gal fan
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 69
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:21:08 PM
BRIGHT RED FLAGS
 1dixiedo
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 70
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:36:57 PM
Amen: stilltryn, I am with you on this one, Why can't people just be real anymore, my Goodness, if all we have to do is complain about each other, we will never find that someone special. Relationships are give and take, (deposits and withdrawals) if you will. You only get out of something, what you put into it. And if you complain about it and yet stay in it, then who is the one making the choice to do so. HELLO
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 71
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:28:57 PM
From another thread:


I had someone tell me they killed their wife and went to jail for it. That was a deal breaker.

See? Now tell me you don't think that should be a deal-breaker!!
 Bowflex67
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 72
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:49:55 PM
"Why can't people just be real anymore"

This may be the biggest reason I remain single. I have learned to take my time to get to know a woman instead of thinking I am in love after 2 dates. Since I have done that, I have not been in a relationship. Why? The title of this thread says it all. Those red flags area waving away. If it is a major red flag, but does that wind start blowing it even harder.

Sure looks are important, but once that is determined if I am attracted to her, that is when the chemistry starts kicking in or lack there of, and usually it is the latter, because she can't be real.

BTW, I ususally spot them pretty quickly as I tend to be an analyzer, and sometimes too much!!!!
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 73
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:46:01 AM
Sometimes, you do not reconize a red flag. There was a guy, who is currently using this site right now who brought me a big beautiful bunch of my favorite flowers on our first meeting. He did NOT know what my favorite flowers are or that flowers would impress me. There was no clue here that on our 3rd meeting that he would STEAL and ROB $200. from me on on Valentines Day, but he did.
I would like to know how to report this guy who steals, who is currently using this site to meet women, and who will steal again given the chance. I have his new user name.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 74
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:58:42 AM
This evil theif is not an American citizen. He is fron Albania and lives in the Philadephia area and he works in air conditioning and heating. I have his birth date because I am an Astrologer. This is all I am allow to say in a forum.
I want to report him, so others are not robbed. Given a chance, he WILL STEAL from you.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 75
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:23:51 AM
cats*eyes said, {quote]Message: This evil theif is not an American citizen. He is fron Albania and lives in the Philadephia area and he works in air conditioning and heating.

Well those damn commie Albanians stealing again from our wimmin's!


I have his birth date because I am an Astrologer.


Yes,yes, I've been fooled many times by my sign and decided to a
line the planets with the Hubble telescope in see the light or stars.

thanks for the heads up!
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