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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/3/2008 10:51:52 PM | OP woman, there is this man that i have been friends with and have no desire for more. i don't like bald men. I HAVE TOLD HIM THIS. He is bald. K???? Like, get it?? Anyway, he likes me. I told him that I like hair. He insisted on continuiously hitting on me. K......
Well, it hs gotten to the point where he took out his d ik and flashed me. I don't like him that way!!!!!!! I have told him off in every way make and form that is humanly possible and I am not polite about it. I will not let him hit on me again. It sounds to me like you need to get rude, say and do whatever is necessary. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 3:06:14 AM | Ive been in the OP's shoes. Even being rude and blunt did not work, sort of spurned him to be nasty in return, making things even more uncomfortable. He actually approached a date I went out with and tried to cause trouble there as well.
The only thing that worked was a large male friend paying him a visit.
These types are bullies...you'll never see them trying to force a person into doing something they are physically afraid of...
The suggestion of taking martial arts and kicking his ass are also good, but in the interest of time, get a big guy to tell him if he hears you have been bothered one more time he is getting his ass kicked.
The police would take a statement from you, but that's it at this point, and if you can get him to realize you are not playing, that is better anyways. You dont want this to go on any longer than it has to, and if the cops DO pay him a visit, he'll just make sure he learns the rules better, and he will likely be pissed too...and stage 2 will begin.
Nip the bully in the ass. FAST. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:23:17 AM | | Sorry, this week is a bit crazy work wise and I haven't been on much. So far, the idiot has left me alone since the incident at my car. You know, when he told me he was moving in cloe by, I didn't think much of it at the time; thought he just needed a place to live. Now, I'm wondering if he didn't move in (yup, he's already moved in) to get closer to me! I don't even want to ponder that thought. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:53:48 AM | That is so nice! I was not even going to post this thread at first, but I am glad I did now. I have received lots of great advice and emails. It is nice to know people care and I will definitely be keeping you posted if anything else happens cos the next time, things could get a bit ugly!
Actually, I didn't log in here for chatting at all yesterday and this morning I had about a dozen emails from people who are used to seeing me here every day and were concerned!!
To poster below. The tow posts in 10 rule has me hooped!!: You're right, but at first I thought he was moving in with his friend to save them both money on living expenses. I do think otherwise now.
Keep a Louisville Slugger handy, just in case. If he doesn't take the hint next time, whack him in the 'nads with it.
My daughter is my Louisville Slugger. She's 21 and a trained boxer. She has trained under two Olympian boxers. She has also told him that if he doesn't leave me alone, he first priority is to protect her mom!!! She would not think t3wice now about giving him a good leathering. No worries about size, he is shorter than her or me. He did back off for a while after that She is hardly ever home and now that he is in close proximity, he probably knows that too! | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:56:35 AM |
Now, I'm wondering if he didn't move in (yup, he's already moved in) to get closer to me! I don't even want to ponder that thought.
I am thinking "yep", he needed a place to stay and out of the hundreds of empty apartments that are available, not to mention other friends and relatives with an extra room. He JUST SO HAPPENS to move in with your mutual friend? Right across from you? Um....ring....ring.......it's the clue phone! | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 60 | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:45:57 AM |
I find it very hard to believe that this guy would be desperate enough to keep pursuing this! (men have to much pride)
Unless you keep doing something to make him think he has a small chance with you
I realize the person who posted this left another message somewhat amending it, but I just had to say
that this is STILL an attitude that is prevalent among police,friends and neighbors in many instances such as this ESPECIALLY when they have not encountered someone whose behaviour is as persistent and unfounded as the OP describes. It is the biggest factor in leaving victims blaming themselves and not
taking adequate action soon enough!
These types are bullies...you'll never see them trying to force a person into doing something they are physically afraid of...
What patent nonsense that is! If these are the kind of bullies you have encountered(if any) you are very lucky! In fact, I have experienced them personally in the work place and socially and have advocated for my son who was bullied very seriously off and on through all of his school years. Every bully I have encountered after me or others in my world systematically accelerated their behaviour, when they were not effectively stopped by their target and/or the authorities, until they used physical violence. In some cases they used repeat physical violence but were very well apprised of "their rights" and ensured there were no witnesses other than the victim, In school yard cases of bully violence they have learned to use the magic word " accident" and set up the assault so that it "could" have been one (example: pushed victim over a stair railing cracking head on pavement a full flight below) and in the absence of willing witnesses (which is rare in a school setting) the bully continues to escalate his application of physical harm until they are stopped or the victim is removed from the "problematic" setting. My experience is that authorities, when finally forced to acknowledge the issue, choose removing the victim, and leaving the bully be. THAT is how intimidating the bully is even to those in greater power than they! The authorities know the limits of the system and just want the noise about a problem to stop. Justice is rarely a prime motivator as it is so hard to achieve, particularly when those who deserve it most are heard/deferred to the least. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:54:58 AM | | The more the story goes on the less believable it seems. So now the guy supposedly moved to be closer to her? Aside from the mirage you seemed to have created I think I was right with my initial thoughts about the thread. I do think there are women who have legitimate issues with some guys though. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:59:07 AM | Post 61-
Dont quote me and then rampage on about stuff that is not related to my post in any way.
This man IS exhibiting bully-ish behaviour, in the classis sense of the word. He is crowding the OP's personal space, and counting on her to be gracious enough so that he will get away with it. Bullies DO SO pick on people they are NOT afraid of. I have known several bullies in my life, and not one of them ever picked on someone they were afraid of.
I stand by my post, he is being a bully, albeit a sexual one, but a bully nonetheless. Lots of other words can be used to describe his bahaviour as well...dont get stuck on one word. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 12:42:39 PM |
What should my next move be?
Restraining order. Or a Rottweiler. Or a sharp blow to the groin.
He's moved beyond harmless flirting and is now invading your personal space. You need to have all your friends be aware of this - sorry if this sounds extreme, but I lived with a controlling abuser for years and this was how he started.
Imagine - if this is how he acts while he's trying to "win" you, how possessive and nutso would he be if he got you? | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 1:42:42 PM | msg 62: I said in my opening post that the guy was moving in with the friend...who lives right around the corner! As for msg 64: you are making quite the false assumption in making me look like the bad guy with all this. I really don't give a crap whether you believe me or not.
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/4/2008 4:16:49 PM | post 49:
I don't believe you should have to give up your group of friends due to this one guy. I'll disagree.
I think she should give up this group of friends.
From reading this thread, I get the impression that this group of friends is doing nothing to discourage this guy's behavior. Despite the fact that they've apparently observed it.
By sitting idly by, and watching his behavior, and allowing him opportunities to be in contact with her, this group of friends seem to be part of the problem. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:05:05 AM |
you are making quite the false assumption in making me look like the bad guy with all this. I really don't give a crap whether you believe me or not.
I haven't said I didn't believe the guy was hitting on you. It only occurred to me with the initial post that the economy is not in the best condition. And people share expenses while in college and some after all the time. That is not uncommon. If you consider that all together I think you have more control of the situation than some make it out to be. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:27:27 AM | You should cultivate the acquaintance of a local police officer.
Explain the situation and ask if the officer would make it clear to this man how hazardous is the tightrope he is currently walking.
A good cop would much rather make this visit than one to the scene of a rape or assault. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:55:43 AM | Well, it is time now for some intervention. Things had settled down after the last incident and I as hoping that being harsh had worked. Last night I had gone out to pick up a bottle of wine, thinking I would just have a nice, relaxing night in after a very busy work week. I was gone maybe 10 or 15 minutes.
When I drove up to the house, there he was, standing at my door with the screen door open. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was fukin' mad! I came out screaming this time. Enough is enough!! After pleading his love...again...and begging me to go out for a drink or go to his (mutual friend was not home!!) place for a beer, I let loose on him. He backed away and told me he would quit harassing me (his words!).
He walked back to his place and I went in to my house. A little while later, I heard a knock at the door, looked out the window and saw him standing there. I did not answer. Then, he came back a third time, so I opened the inside door and screamed at him through the screen door. He got visibly angry, gritted his teeth and his face turned red...now, I was getting frightened. I slammed the inside door and locked it.
Things got quiet for a while and I thought he had given up finally and had gone out for the evening. I was wrong again. He started blaring "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" over and over and over. I turned up the TV so I could not hear it.
Eventually, the music did stop, but my daughter and I will be going to the police when she gets home to find out what her and I can do. And, at least there will be a report in place in case he does get more aggressive.
I don't think the police will do anything at this point tho, except watch and wait. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:59:11 AM | my daughter and I will be going to the police when she gets home to find out what her and I can do. Why do you have to wait for your daughter?
If you're feeling threatened: contact the police immediately.
Do not wait for an opportunity to have your daughter with you to do it.
The time to call the police was: when he was standing outside your house, gritting teeth and visibly angry, and then blasting music, after you'd bluntly told him to go away.
What would happen if he was breaking down your door? Would you be saying "I wish my daughter was here so we could contact the police together" ? | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:08:16 AM | The behavior you describe is a "stalker". This is a criminal offense in Alberta (and many other places). There is much the police can and should do, or that you can do through the criminal courts. Please read this paper on the U of Alberta's website.
http://www.uofaweb.ualberta.ca/SAC/pdfs/Stalking.PDF
Yelling at him never has, nor will ever work. He is obsessed. You are giving him attention, even though negative attention. That is what he wants.
Violence toward him will not work either. It will provoke him and makes you potentially liable for assault and battery (plus conspiracy and a host of other charges if you get someone else, even your daughter, to do it) charges.
His pattern of behavior and no sense of boundaries or your wishes is what makes this man different than just a rejected date. He is a stalker and, potentially, dangerous. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:11:21 AM | You are right of course. I should have. I was hoping that would be the last option and has been one I have been avoiding. I will probably get a good, but deserving blast for not calling them.
I didn't think they would have done anything, except write a report and I want my daughter there so she also knows what to do when this idiot comes around. They are not going to arrest him for knocking on my door or for playing loud music. I doubt they would have even had a chat with him. They tend not to take these things very seriously. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:12:05 AM | The time to call the police was: when he was standing outside your house, gritting teeth and visibly angry, and then blasting music, after you'd bluntly told him to go away.
Agree 100%
I'm starting to wonder why OP has not gone to the police.
edit: You only ASSUME the police won't do anything because you haven't tried | |
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