| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:12:05 AM | The time to call the police was: when he was standing outside your house, gritting teeth and visibly angry, and then blasting music, after you'd bluntly told him to go away.
Agree 100%
I'm starting to wonder why OP has not gone to the police.
edit: You only ASSUME the police won't do anything because you haven't tried | |
|
Jim978
|
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 76 | |
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:12:25 AM |
He got visibly angry, gritted his teeth and his face turned red...
Ah! So it FINALLY sunk into his little pea-brain... and then...
He started blaring "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" over and over and over.
...he went home to sulk and pout.
Stick to your guns girl! My guess is that this will all come to a head this weekend and the chips will fall where they will. Be safe! | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:14:25 AM | I was fukin' mad! I came out screaming this time. Enough is enough!! After pleading his love...again...and begging me to go out for a drink or go to his (mutual friend was not home!!) place for a beer, I let loose on him.
For someone to carry on that way would seem like you two had been sexual. If not then I think you should have already filed police reports about this guy. You were not in a relationship with him. Have no kids with him, didn't indicate that you guys were intimate, nor shared a place together. It seems that his attitude toward courting you in this way would be intimidating because you don't really know him in any other way than through a friend. Which would make him an acquaintance. Albeit some women go out on dates with guys that approach dating them in this way. So perhaps he thinks you are no different. If what you say is true then I do think you should have taken this seriously a bit ago. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:17:07 AM | Cynthia, I have really valued all of your input here and everybody else's. I suppose there are a number of reasons why I have not contacted the police. One, I did not think they would take it seriously. Two, I thought it could be dealt with without the involvement of law enforcement and three, cos of the mutual friend getting caught in the middle.
I am actually waiting to hear now from a Sgt. who I know personally and professionally as I write this. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:20:33 AM | | btj, that is incredibly insulting. I have never been sexual with him, have never kissed him, have never had a date with him. The only think I have ever done was sit around and have a few drinks with friends when he was there. I have not once been intimate with this creep. In fact, I find that thought completely repulsive!! | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:21:57 AM | I was hoping that would be the last option and has been one I have been avoiding. I'm starting to get the impression that you're not wanting to use that option until it's too late.
I didn't think they would have done anything, except write a report But, not calling them gets nothing done either.
Even if they'd only written a report about his behavior last night, at least they would have a written record of his behavior. When you do finally call them, they won't have any previous reports of his prior behavior.
and I want my daughter there so she also knows what to do when this idiot comes around. But, he's coming around now, when your daughter's not there. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:46:35 AM |
I am actually waiting to hear now from a Sgt. who I know personally and professionally as I write this.
Very glad to hear. Read that paper on the UofA website before he calls so you know what your rights are and what you can/should expect from the police.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:02:44 AM | I am continuously amazed at the assumptions. If the OP had jumped the gun and called police and gotten a protective order there would be those screaming how she took an extreme measure against a simple infatuated pest.
What is the line between an over zealous or persistent pest and a possible whack job?? Can anyone quickly spot the difference, especially if it is someone that possibly hangs out with people you hang out with on a regular or semi-regular basis?
Doesn't anyone read the news?? Not every woman that is attacked, kidnapped or heaven forbid dragged into the woods or a swamp has dated or had sex with the perpetrator. I know it seems to be in the news more about the boyfriends, lovers and husbands committing these crimes, but some of the time it is an "acquaintance", someone in their neighborhood but no real relationship and sometimes it is completely random.
So get off of the "you must have lead him on" or " you have more of a relationship or he wouldn't be so pesky" crap! | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:40:54 AM | So get off of the "you must have lead him on" or " you have more of a relationship or he wouldn't be so pesky" crap!
I mentioned that the behavior seemed as if sex had been involved. And that it was all the more reason to document it because there was no mention that it had been in the initial post. I've met women who would have a one time stand with a guy and want nothing else to do with him. I didn't suggest that the OP lead him on nor did I infer that the full story was provided. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:04:24 AM | The OP stated very clearly this was a buddy of a friend in her neighborhood and has stated several times in her subsequent posts that there has not even been a date with him let alone more. How clear does someone have to be about the non-relationship.
I've met women who would have a one time stand with a guy and want nothing else to do with him.
Should I assume that you mean if they had complained that the guy wouldn’t leave them alone afterwards you think they deserve it or shouldn’t complain because they had sex once?
Even in one night stands or short lived flings the person has no right or invitation to keep invading your space when you have ended ties and made it verbally clear they want nothing to do with you. One hour, one night, one month, one year, one decade no one has the right to keep chasing, hounding, following, begging or bothering you if you have made it clear it is not welcomed. I just don’t get the correlation of whether or not there was sex involved prior to the pestering as to whether it should be documented. What difference does it make? “Leave me alone” means “leave me alone, period, no debate, no chasing, no hounding not even a group of guys at your door playing mandolins singing “Baby, come back” with the idiot hiding behind a tree. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:08:49 PM |
I am actually waiting to hear now from a Sgt. who I know personally and professionally as I write this.
Let us know what the cop had to say Jamie and what he told you to do. Buddy sounds like a whackjob. When he opened the car to hop in would have told me this guy probably knows no bounds. it's all about him and him. Sounds like a loozer. Needs a tuneup. If you have some friends in the area that's what I'd be suggesting.
Either that or have a male friend hang around your place for awhile. Buddy doesn't sound too brave. More nervy than brave. Get a real guy hanging around for a bit if you can. If you have a cell phone, i'd suggest making a point of showing him that your videoing everything about this creepshow when he ventures onto your property from now on. People don't generally like being filmed and tend to tone it down.
I used to use it late at nite when out walking the dog and see some of the young lads from the neighbourhood group home loitering around the KwikWay. They're not even supposed to be out on the street at that time of night so they hate it when i film them. I'd pull out the phone and video them all. When they ask what i'm doing I just tell 'em I'm filming them in case the store gets busted into later tonight then I'll know who to tell the cops did it; the kids hanging around. Now they see me coming a mile away with my dog they move on. Mr. crabby they call me. Oh here comes Mr. crabby. Chances are they call me some other stuff too. lol. It's OK. The shopkeeper gives me lots of free pastries for doing my little bit of neighbourhood watching.
Once he clues in that you mean business he may go sour on you so definitely should be talking to a cop. The guy definitely doesn't sound either like he's all their or he gives two sh1ts about other people's feelings.
Good luck with it.
 | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:17:39 PM | Letting him down gently now is really out of the question. You've apparently tried to do that to no avail.
Now it's time to be (unfortunately) rude and firm.
It's time to say something to the effect of;
"Listen Joe (or whomever he is), I get the feeling that you're interested in me. I can tell.
However, I don't feel the same interest. Not one bit. And, because you have been so persistent, despite the fact I haven't responded in kind, I am NOW uncomfortable, even
communicating as 'friends'. I would appreciate it if you would just let it be, give up, and leave me alone".
Before you file any kind of restraining order or harassment order (as told to me once by my friend, an attorney) you need to COMMUNICATE your wishes, in that you DO NOT WISH TO BE BOTHERED. And you need to be specific on how you DON'T want to be bothered...e.g....in person, by phone, email, etc...You need to let him know you don't want ANY FORM of contact with him.
My attorney friend explained to me, that before one files any 'stay away' order, that the recipient of the bothersome behavior (that would be YOU) needs to communicate that to the one doing the bothering......This way, in the future, there is NO QUESTION as to your intentions, or leading him on, etc....
I would tell him this in the presence of another person, preferably a guy (as another poster said) so you have a witness.
Sometimes, you can't be gently, you can't always be 'nice' and you just have to be a b**ch about it. (not b**ch as in 'nasty' but as in FIRM, and NOT nice)...you get my drift....
I had a similar situation on my street with a guy who was interested in me for YEARS...
Luckily, when I moved into my house, I did so with my ex-fiance'. I basically told the guy I was still in love with my ex and finally, he gave up....(sometimes a little 'white lie' like that does wonders)
Good luck | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:29:12 AM |
btj, that is incredibly insulting. I have never been sexual with him, have never kissed him, have never had a date with him. The only think I have ever done was sit around and have a few drinks with friends when he was there. I have not once been intimate with this creep. In fact, I find that thought completely repulsive!!
I think you should contact law enforcement because I think he got the wrong idea. | |
|
| |
| |
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/11/2008 5:48:44 PM | Msg" 87 - I can't quite figure out how you think this guy got the wrong idea when OP keeps saying no.
Additionally, I think they have past the "we can still be friends" line.
OP, you definitely should have called the police while this guy was at your door. DOn't know what your neighbor situation is, but if he shows up again (I shudder at this thought) call a neighbor as a witness AFTER YOU CALL THE POLICE. This is not normal behavior. Every instance of harassment now needs to be documented. Call the police each and every time something happens. PLEASE! | |
|
| |
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/11/2008 6:54:15 PM | Sorry, the police told me there are definite grounds to press charges of harassment. They told me to avoid all contact, even if he comes knocking...Do not yell at him, do not say anything to him. Just ignore him. They also said they take these situations very, very seriously.
There was a police cruiser sitting across from his house on Saturday, so I do not know what has transpired from that. The twerp has not been bugging me, so I am hoping now that will be the end of it, but I doubt it. I think as soon as the dust settles again, he will try again.
I hadn't posted in here in a couple of days because I really needed to just clear my head of it. If I'm writing about, i'm thinking about it and if I'm thinking about it, I'm probably dwelling on it more than I should be.
There is more stuff that has come to light that I can not say just yet, but will when I can!
All of the advice and support I have been getting from you people has really helped me!! Thank you so much!!! | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:09:51 PM | OP
your next move... well from what you've said I would say your next move is any from these options (or combination there of):
legal action/restraining order
mace
pepper spray
separating from your friends and possibly moving where he can't find you
lead pipe meats his knee cap
$5K to a guy who knows a guy who makes ppl disappear
slap to the face | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:20:43 PM | He tried to get in your car, as you were putting the key in the ignition? Well, there's your answer. Nothing says "Not interested" like a good case of gravel burn.
When the dust settles, he may not be so anxious to start again, after all.
| |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/11/2008 10:26:33 PM | the police told me there are definite grounds to press charges of harassment. They told me to avoid all contact, even if he comes knocking...They also said they take these situations very, very seriously.
thanks for the update. I guess it's a good news/bad news scenario - happy I wasn't overreacting, sorry it's a case where I wasn't overreacting. Glad you finally went to the police.
I hadn't posted in here in a couple of days because I really needed to just clear my head of it. If I'm writing about, i'm thinking about it and if I'm thinking about it, I'm probably dwelling on it more than I should be.
Very good idea to clear your head. Sounds like this may not be totally done for some time so clearing your head rebuilds your strength and resiliancy for when you need it again.
Peace
Cyn | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:41:42 AM |
There was a police cruiser sitting across from his house on Saturday, so I do not know what has transpired from that.
I'd think that if you did really communicate to him like you say that this is what he wants. Perhaps him thinking he would be sent to jail changed his attitude. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/18/2008 10:00:57 PM | A good thing to do since you have contacted the police is to keep documentation. get a notebook and write down everything you can think of that he has done and the dates/times. Also if he does anything further you need to add that to the documentation. If it does end up going to court they always want documentation and if you keep a notebook with all of that in it you won't be trying to remember everything at a later date.
This can be very crucial to getting a conviction if the worst scenario happens and you have to press charges against the man.
Good luck to you, stay safe, and PLEASE keep us posted on what is happening. I am worried for your safety. | |
|
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 11/19/2008 6:01:56 AM | Thank you! I do appreciate your kind words. He has been leaving me alone and I hope it stays that way. Perhaps, he finally has gotten the message into his thick skull and I will be able to come and go in peace!!
I've been getting a few emails from people wondering what is going on. I had decided not to post in this thread for a while for two reasons: 1) because I needed to clear my head of it and 2)I do not know if he has a profile on POF without a pic and is tracking my writing.
Thanks again!!! | |
|
| |
Home
login 
