| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:31:23 PM | | Ha! When Dad went, I had one less child to worry about. MUCH EASIER! The hardest part was when my own father looked at me and said, "Of course it's not fair. You're a mother. You are held to a higher standard than everyone else". And he was right. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:44:48 PM | It is hard to raise kids by yourself - I do believe kids need a positive mom/dad role models, however....I don't believe they have to be biological. You just have to look at the situation and do what is best for you and your kids.
For me personally, the hardest part has been having to work so much and not being home at night like I need to be. I have 4 kids - ages 20 down to 7 and I work two jobs. I have to rely on my older ones to help with the youngest. You just do what you have to do to make it work, but everything happens for a reason.
Would I do it over again.....have kids ?? YEP in a heartbeat.....have to be on my own doing it....YEP....you just do what you gotta do. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:52:04 PM | | I think that the main thing that I wish is that I had a better job, a better, more lucrative career before having kids. Never making enough & never being there enough is hard. That being said, they are my greatest joy. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:52:37 PM |
If you had to do it again and knew it would be by yourself, would you? Not by choice. No.
Kyn, I agree with you, most people do not want to intentionally have a child on their own but if you had not found whom you believed to be the right guy and a man that I know you respect and who is a good father even though you aren't together, if you hit say 30 or so without finding that guy, you wouldn't consider having one by yourself?
It is pretty easy for those of us who have children and have done it both ways, with the partner and then without, to say that we would not have children because we no longer feel the pull to do so that many of us did feel before we had children. If my life had taken a different course and my fertility window was closing I probably would have considered it.
Faith,hope,love,
I was a default single mom, since their dad wanted nothing to do with their care. We've been apart for four years now, and he only takes them for his weekends because he's been ordered to by the court. IMO, being a single parent is easier than having a resistant partner.
Excellent way to put it, describes my situation as well, and it is easier when the impediment to parenting is no longer living in the house. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/3/2008 12:14:30 AM | Too many variables here.
If I had to do it over, would I? Yes - myself and my kids are far better off now than we were when I was married to their dad.
Hardest part? Their dad continually fighting everything and nothing for no reason. I'm sick of getting letters from the court telling me to appear.
I adore my time with my kids and it's far easier for me as a single parent than as a married parent. But every situation is different. I'd be happy if I had them 100% and had no breaks. I won't lie, I did that last year and its hard but I'm totally fine with it. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:05:39 AM |
If you had to do it again and knew it would be by yourself, would you?
Not by choice. No.
Kyn, I agree with you, most people do not want to intentionally have a child on their own but if you had not found whom you believed to be the right guy and a man that I know you respect and who is a good father even though you aren't together, if you hit say 30 or so without finding that guy, you wouldn't consider having one by yourself?
It is pretty easy for those of us who have children and have done it both ways, with the partner and then without, to say that we would not have children because we no longer feel the pull to do so that many of us did feel before we had children. If my life had taken a different course and my fertility window was closing I probably would have considered it
Oh I definately would have considered it...maybe even done it too...but it would be with great trepidation and sadness that I had to make that choice alone...
...and for what it was worth...Id also do my best to supply the child with a good father figurehead or group of males that would help feed that need for a child.
As for myself personally...Id always wanted more children...and hoped that in the last decade or so Id been able to find a good man to join us who wanted the same things and maybe further our family with.
Obviously that hasnt happened...but it wasnt through filling my life with other activities while the biological clock slowly unwound...
...so luckily I do have 2 beautiful children already...
My heart goes out to ladies that are in the position of having to choose though.
However... I would assume that someone at the age where age was concern to producing a child...the opposing needs of a fatherly figure in the childs life would be their consideration too.
Difficult decision to make...but Im sure well thought out. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/3/2008 8:28:28 AM | How hard is it?? Not hard at all.
If I knew I would be raising them alone, would I still do it?? Absolutely.
What's the hardest part about being a single Mom?? Not being able to be at my daughter's dance recital and son's baseball practice at the same time.
What has my experience been like?? Freakin AWESOME!!
Just a note, I've been a single parent now for nearly 6 years. I have three children, ages 5, 7, & 9...It's been stressful at times, but who's life isn't?? I have three awesome kids who make me smile, love me unconditionally, and I can give the world to. For those of you who feel as though you wouldn't...I'm truly sorry that you don't see the gift you've been given. Regardless as to how their Dad and I turned out, they were conceived in love...and were never looked at as a burden. That seems to be what's wrong with society...when you have children...it's no longer about you...it's about your children...and believe it or not, the greatest love you could ever have, is the love you give away without regard for what you're getting in return. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/3/2008 8:48:59 AM | What makes being a single mother hard isn't the parenting itself. It's the lack of time to yourself and the stress caused by that. One night free when little johnny suddenly gets invited to a sleepover doens't cut it. What you need is a no holes barred free to be me weekend every so often at a minimum. It's the only way that the stress of doing it all yourself is truly alleviated at least for a bit. I have always found the hardest part of being a single mother is the schedule constraints. Just trying to keep a clean house, get him to his activities, get all his school responsibilites done and my crazy work schedule a tremendous juggeling act. Add friends and a boyfriend into the mix and it starts to get really hectic. Ideally i'd never choose to be a single mother again. but if it happens it happens. I'm not complaining, never would. I love my life for the most part. Love how crazy it is. I rarely have a dull or boring moment. Which suits me. I love my son more then words can describe. Sometimes though I just wish there was dad around on the weekends so I can just go and just be me, instead of mommy. I just keep telling myself life only hands us what we can handle.. (Sometimes I wish it didn't trust me so much is all..lol)
Would I do it over again? If life lead me that way.. I would. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/3/2008 12:44:39 PM | Maybe for me it was different. I was 37 when my daughter was conceived. I was literally one of the women who thought "hang on, I forgot to have a baby". And when the clock FINALLY started ticking, it was more like she was bashing me on the shoulder, saying HAVE ME, HAVE ME.
My marriage was already on the rocks and my husband was 17 years older then me. By all accounts, I should not have had her. Even my doctor, knowing my circumstances, said "Are you sure you don't want an abortion?"
Yes, it's been a struggle, but she has changed me for the better. It forced me to become inventive in the ways I could support her - I worked from home and took short-term contracts. It forced me to live where I would never have chosen - a long way away from my family and friends - so as to be close to her dad and foster a healthy, wonderful relationship between them. It forced me to be celibate for God knows how many years, because there just wasn't room in my heart or my life for a man.
But she is everything to me. I couldn't imagine my life now without my daughter. I look at friends my age who are childless and without a partner and I don't envy them. If I've made sacrifices for her, it was because she didn't choose to be born - I made that choice. She deserves everything I can give her and more.
She is my life. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/16/2008 7:21:28 AM | I was with my husband for 9 years, he worked away a lot (for 4 of the last 5) and since he left everyone is asking me if I'm okay, and worrying about me raising 4 kids all on my own!
My kids are 8, 6, 3 and 17 months. I've raised them on my own this long already!
The hardest part for me is trying to spend time alone with the oldest 2, and now to make sure they spend time with their dad.
If I knew this would happen I wouldn't have married him or had his children, but my kids are great and we have promised to look after each other and make each other happy, and that's what we're doing. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/16/2008 12:40:53 PM | Absolutely. I've been single parenting for many many years....I love my children immensely and I'm an excellent parent (notice I said excellent, not perfect!) lol! I believe everything happens for a reason, and the children and I are doing very well.
the hardest part? Divvying up holidays. I hate missing every second Christmas with the kids :( | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/16/2008 4:07:12 PM | If I had to do what again? Be married? Have kids? Be divorced?
I wouldn't have a kid by myself, but wouldn't change having the kids that I do.
Yes, it's hard. Yes, it can suck. No, I wouldn't CHOOSE single parenthood. But I'd rather be a parent to the kids I have than not. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/17/2008 6:38:25 PM | | When I became a mother i realized my life was no longer just about me or what I want.I had some one else to worry about .And as life goes its always changing in ways we like and dislike,ways we want it to and wish like hell it had never happened.I know have 3 children. I have never been married ,and am single again.I would not change any of what I have gone through to get where I am at .My children are my life ,they are the most wonderful gift that you will ever get. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/17/2008 9:09:32 PM | | It's a really tough question. I love my with everything I have and couldn't imagine not having him in m life, but it's tough doing it on your own. You really have to look at what kind of support you have from family and friends. Those days when you're sick, exhausted and just don't feel up to the challenge you need someone there to give you a little break. I became a single parent when my son was only 12 days old; after waiting 9 years to have kids. You never know when things won't work out but you really want to make sure, if you're thinking of doing it alone, that you have a support network. It's hard but also the most rewarding experience in the world. While I don't think I would intentionally find myself in that position, if it happened, yes, I would do it over and just do the best I could. Nothing beats being a parent. | |
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andi3
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Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/18/2008 5:50:08 PM | | It is hard..for sure, but in a minute i would do it all over again. I'm a single mom of 3. They are 10, 11 and 12. Their dad split when i was pregant with my thrid, so I've been going it alone for 10 years. Went back to school, fought cancer, have a decent job, and 3 beautiful kids whom I cherish. Hard..yes but wouldn't trade my life for anything. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/18/2008 5:55:11 PM | | I can say, being a not so single mom now, that it was actually a little easier for me doing it by myself. I knew what had to be done and I did it. Now with someone in our lives I kind of expect him to help out and well, when he doesn't help as much as I think he should it gets frustrating and it seems like a lot more work than it ever did before. Not to mention I disciplined my way without the compromising I have now. And all kinds of other stuff. Raising them yourself is not that hard. Compromising and letting go a little bit is. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/19/2008 12:47:05 AM | Well hun in all honesty it is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life but I wouldn't ever trade it for anything in the world. It can also be the best thing you have ever done.
Don't get me wrong I do hate the fact that both of my sons' fathers were incapable of being good fathers and that my youngests father will never have anything to do with him at all. He said he didn't want to be a father and I respect that he was at least able to be honest about it and we could part peacefully. I do hate it though that my son will have to go through life not knowing what its like to ever have a father of his own. My oldest sons father does still see him from time to time just enough to say he has a father but he is more like a buddy to him than a father. He was never able to even be responciable for himself much less a child but his parents have been really good to me and my son both and I love them dearly for everything they have done. I don't get child support from either one or their fathers so it can be very hard there sometimes but life is hard and you just do your best.
The hardest part of being a single mom for me is seeing my childern hurt by their fathers or their lack of a father. That has been the hardest part for me so far and I wish things could have been different for both boys but I know in my heart I made the right decisions for both of them in raising them by myself? I know they will be raised with good morals and values and I hope they will both be the men their fathers were not capable of being.
One day maybe a man will come along who is willing to love all of us because thats the way i come.. its a package deal. But I am not looking for someone to take the place of a father for them. That will be something that both my sons will have to feel comfortable with and then both of them and the man will have to decide where their father son bounderies will be. I do have a wonderful friend who is also the boys' godfather and he spends as much time as possiable with both of them so they don't really miss the male influance.
Being a single mom is hard but when you know your doing your best for them then you know you are doing the right thing. I would never change one second of it. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/19/2008 11:06:04 PM | It's not just you that it matters to... it is your child. You are your childs world, and just doing what you should do to be a good mother makes all the difference in their world. Also, why should it matter to anyone else in the world besides you and your child. Don't worry about what other people think about you, it's not "other people" you should worry about, be concerned about how your child sees you.
Keep your chin up and find strength in those around you that love you. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:02:52 AM | I am a single mother to a four year-old little girl and I love it. I can truly say that in the beginning I would not have done all over again, but now I wouldn't change it for the world. I can say that her father, sperm donor, my have screwed up in alot of ways; however, he nailed this one. So the question was asked would I do it all over again. Yes, I would, but I would have been a little more creative in making him responsible with helping me with her. The hardest part of being a single mother is that you are married to your child. There are things that needs to be done and there is not enough time in the day or when your child is sick there is only you to take care of them. You are alone, especially in my case. If that's going to the doctor, dropping the baby off to a sitter and going to work, that's the plan. Now that when it's just horrible. My experience has been a joyous one being a mother to my daughter. I hate I can't give her everything I want to, but I can give her some and that's better than nothing. The only thing I hated was when she was admitted to the hospital for 5 days because she had pneumonia and I found out she had asthma too. I was a total basket case.     | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/20/2008 3:35:00 AM | I'm sort of almost through the whole experience now... single mum since my girl was 6...she's 17 now and in her last year of school. I am proud of how she has turned out- strong, independent and proud of her mum's career and my dedication to getting the education I needed while she grew up (degree, masters, adult ed qual too now..).
To all those single mums... AND dads... your reward comes when you see the happy confident young adults you set forth into the world! Since my girl grew up I now also get that 'me' time... along with a man I adore and on whom I can lavish some attention because my daughter can actually look after herself and be happy for me.
Would I single-parent again?? Yes!! In a heartbeat. I love everything about being a mum. Cant wait to be a grandma!! Actually... disregard.. I want to wait around 10 years to do that!!  | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:00:35 PM | How hard is it to raise a child by yourself, and would I do it again knowing what I know now? In a heart beat!
For 15yrs, it's been my daughter, myself and our critters, living 24/7 together. There have been a lot of 'hats' for me to wear, but it's been the greatest time of my life. There are few gifts in life that can compare to that of having a child, and watching them grow and explore, is absolutely priceless.
Was it hard? I don't really think so. There were many challenges, and of course there were obstacles, but where in life are these absent? I simply trusted what I felt in my heart and went from there.
Even now, as she's close to turning 20, in the process of moving out on her own, I look back and am filled with gratitude. Being a single parent was not what I had expected, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. She's never roamed the streets or malls, as countless others have, never drank, smoked, or cursed. She is a quiet, shy young woman, who has confidence and inner strength, that compliments her outer beauty. Quite simply, she's an Angel that I'd been blessed to raise and hold, physically for a short time, forever in my heart. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:22:54 AM | | hardest part about being a single parent is making sure that the decisions you make are the right ones....no one to talk to or consult with...and there for the good times too, to share things that happen with... | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/21/2008 10:27:35 AM | | Yes I would do it again. My children are the bright spot in my life. I was a "starter wife" . The hardest part of being a single mom is no question, finances. But it also make me stronger, fight harder for better things in life for me and mine. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That's been my motto for the last two years I've been divorced. It's been a hard road and I'm sure there's more bumps and bends in the road. But, I'm positive I WILL make it. Thousands have before me, and sadly, thousands will after. | |
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