| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 12/30/2008 4:42:15 AM | | With all due respect to everyone who posted, the only way it is "easier" to raise a child (or children) alone is if you have a very strong family and/or other social support system in place to help and sufficient financial means...Otherwise, without these things, it is very difficult for ONE parent to provide ALL of a a child's needs adequately... | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 12/30/2008 5:43:48 AM | ^^^^^I agree! Without the help of family and friends I don't know if I could do it all. That means working full time and making sure the children don't miss out on all of the fun parts of "growing up". (I mean music lessons, after school activities, etc.)
That being said....would I do it again? Yes I would. I have three of the sweetest children in the world. They are the reason I'm not lonely and unappreciated. They love me unconditionally and appreciate anything I do for them. They even love the stuff I cook lol (even if it's from the microwave)!  | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:33:17 AM | Being a mom is the hardest most rewarding job on the planet. But when you add the pressures of being single, it becomes that much more intense. The question was if I knew that I would be doing it all alone would I do it again. My answer is of course. I believe everything happens for a reason. And although my x has always been and will always be an absent parent, I cant imagine not having the joy and pleasure of seeing my children grow and succeed in life.  | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 12/30/2008 8:00:00 AM | I think it would be completely irresponsible to decide to have and raise a child if I "knew it would be by myself". So no, I wouldn't do that.
Having said that, it's mostly great raising children but finding child care when you need to work or would like to get some adult time is the hardest part. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 12/30/2008 9:30:44 AM | That would depend on the circumstances.. See and Sun..
Here is the scenario.. I went out looking for my brother one night. I met up with 3 of his
so called friends, that said they knew where he was at. So I got into their car. Needless to say
we never found my brother, but I was raped by all 3 of them.
That was the year I turned 16. So at that point I was 15 yrs old..
I found out I was pregnant when I was 3.5 months along, I had no morning sickness, or
any of the other signs... How did I find out, I fell off my Uncles Horse.
after I turned 16, that was in 1982. I'm the eldest of 6 kids, so I already knew what was
involved in having a child. And on Jan 4th, 1983 I had a 7.5 lb baby girl, who was 21 inches long..
Everyone is right, without the family and friends supporting you and your decision,
It will be even more tougher, and yet just as rewarding.
My mother told me it was my choice on whether I had an abortion. I just couldn't do it.
It was not the childs fault that she was growing inside of me.
Did I ever blame her, NO that is stupid.. I have had a few people tell me I sound as if I
was proud of being raped, I said NO I was not proud of that.. I was damn proud of my daughter. Just because I never knew who her father was, yea I was called all kinds of things..
I only had about a week maybe two to decide. She is now 25 yrs old, and has a 2 yr old of her own.. Would I do it all over again.. You bet your sweet bottom I would.. She is my life and my anchor.
I have 2 other daughters by my 1st marriage.
I would not change that either. They are 21 and 19 now. I love all 3 of my girls.
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:09:44 AM | | I wouldn't do it again by myself. I have been doing it for 14 years and although I don't think it is hard, I just don't want to have to make all the choices myself. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/2/2009 12:10:54 PM | Raising a child by yourself is a huge responsibility. No matter how you look at it, it is not easy. While working to support your child, you are constantly running and trying to keep everything up at home. Besides the fact it is very expensive. A single parent will find themselves trying to juggle their schedule to fit everything in. Not only do you drop off and pick up from daycare, then you go home and cook dinner and clean that up, then there may be homework to help with. By that time, it's bath time. You might get a little cuddle time in or a read a book before bed. Being solely responsible for a child's financial, physical, and emotional well-being never stops. It takes a lot of coordinating and the will to succeed.
As far as doing it again? I would not want to do it all over again by myself. As much as I've always wanted more children, the only way I'd consider it is in a committed relationship with both parents participating 100%. However, if worse case scenario happened that I had sex and the protection failed, I know I could do it. My preference would not be to do it alone, but if need be, I'm mature enough to handle the consequences of my actions. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/4/2009 5:22:17 PM | | its hard if you don't have a car and have to take your kids by bus or subway wherever you go. alot of stress if your a first time mother for sure.. worst part is raising your child alone. If i could choose, I wouldn't do it alone again but if it did happen i will keep going coz how hard can it be.. if u've done it the first time and then doing it for the second time its nothing to you becoz u know what will happen. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/4/2009 6:29:30 PM | i had no choice with the last bub, i had my husband for the first three with me and helping me i relyed on him to help, this last one i had no help no1 to help with the night shift and i did it very well i coped and i was amamzed at myself.
It can work
would i do it again by myself??? NO | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/4/2009 6:43:03 PM | HEY YALL!!! BEING A SIGLE MOM ITS THE HARDEST AND THE MOST REWARDING JOB EVER. YOU PAY IS IN HUGS AND KISSES. AND DOSENT PAY WELL. BUT ITS THE BEST . I HAVE DONE IT FOR 8 YRS NOW, WOW. I WOULD NOT WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. BUT WHO KNOW S WHAT GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE. I KNOW HAVE CONTACT WITH HER DAD AND WE ARE GETTING ALONG GREAT. AND HE HAS REMARRIED TO A VERY NICE LADY AND WE ALL GET ALONG GREAT. THATS A PLUS,. TOOK ALOT OF YRS.  | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/4/2009 10:12:22 PM | Absolutely I would do it over again. I agonized for years before I finally divorced my two daughters father. He was not physically abusive ever, but we lived daily in an atmosphere of oppression and anger. He suffered from depression and low self-worth and would release that frustration at home. We walked on eggshells. I knew that I did but the day my youngest daughter said something to me that revealed they too felt that atmosphere and was actually afraid of upsetting their father, I started preparing to leave.
That was over 7 years ago and our home now is full of peace. Truly it is our sanctuary. I love my ex-husband dearly and he has continued to be an excellent father but the difference is when they sense that he is in a mood, they simply don't see him or they come home. He also takes an anti-depressant which apparently is helping.
Being a single parent is the most difficult role imaginable. I was blessed a year after my divorce with a beautiful son from a man who wants nothing to do with him, but even as painful as that situation is I would do it all again because he is perfect and there is such an amazing purpose for his life. I wake up in the middle of the night full of fear that I will fail them, or that something will happen to me and I won't be able to raise them. No one other than those of us who live it everyday know the stress, guilt, fear, lonliness, and hardship of raising children alone, but neither do they know the joy, satisfaction, pride and unconditional love that makes every day worth it. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/4/2009 10:48:45 PM | I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Raising a child is difficult and challenging, but it's not that bad. Financially it's rough but if you keep your priorities in perspective and use your head, you can manage. The key is to appreciate any and all family that is competent and capable of helping and to establish friends and aquaintences that can be trusted.
It also helps if you get child support. Always follow through on seeking child support even if you think you've got a deadbeat dad on your hands. It's amazing how courts are these days. They have really improved. Courts will order a man to get a job and pay child support or he'll actually sit in jail doing time until he does.
I assume it would be the same for those women who don't pay their child support. Child support is a given when one is divorced and it should be something mandatory for all who have birthed or fathered children, who are not primary caregivers. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:49:30 AM | | I would certainly do it all over again. My son is the joy of my life. It is very hard and I at times have worked 2 jobs to support us. I don't have any family, both my parents are dead and most times money is tight but my son understands and doesn't ask for much. We love each other so much and have such a great time togther. I feel my life started when I had him. It is the most rewarding job in the world but I do get tired having to do eveything myself. I have worked very hard and been the scout leader, band president, and PTA chair and work 2 jobs, homework, taking care of the house and spending my time with him. He is finally old enough for me to have more personal time but I wouldn't trade a minute for anything. Parents make sacrifices for thier children even if you are married and have support. I know a lot of parents( married and good income) they don't spend as much time with thier kids as I do. My son is a straight A student and in 9th grade and has already picked out 3 colleges he wants to attend. He is kind ,thoughtful and understands how difficult life can be but amazing. Even when he gets money at birthdays and christmas he always asked me if I need anything or money for bills before he spends his cash. So the sacrifices I have made for him, I see have made him a secure stable kid that will be an excellent adult. It is the hardest thing in life to do but very rewarding. My son told me this christmas when I didn't have the cash to get him what he wanted he said Don't worry Mom we will get it next month and If love were money I think I have more then Bill gates. Those are the moments that are priceless and worth it all. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:06:07 AM | As with many others, I did not become a single parent by choice. My husband walked out of the marriage to live with someone else before the baby was even born. The road ahead for the next 14-15 years or so was an enormous struggle financially, and for the first while, emotionally as well. At one point I was unemployed and on the verge of losing my home. Hard? You bet it was.
But would I do it all over again? In a heartbeat. My son and I have a very close relationship; in many ways we grew up together. If I had the option of going back and changing what happened - of having his father stay - I would not. I'd go through all of the hardship again, because I believe that for my son, as well as for myself, all that we went through was for a reason. It strengthened both of us. As for his dad...unfortunately if he had been in the picture constantly, I believe he would have had a more negative effect in his son's life. So yes, it was a struggle, but it was definitely worth it. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/11/2009 2:36:06 PM | | i never wanted kids, never thought would have any at all, then i had my daughter her father left when she was 2(shes nearly 4 now) and its very hard but its great, i have my very own little soul mate, she super cool, and even though her dad doesnt see her at all, i've found we are both better off, we have fun, we have are own little routine and i wouldnt change any of it | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/11/2009 3:41:05 PM | TJLIDDELL, i commend you for raising and loving your daughter in spite of the circumstance, you should truly be proud of yourself.
Yes, i would do it all over again. of course i couldnt fore-see the circumstances that put me in the single parent position. I Love my little angels & cant imagine NOT having them.
I have been asked by a few people if i would have married Sal and got pregnant by him and allowed him to adopt my daughter, if i knew he would die, the answer is YES, i dont even have to think about it. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/11/2009 10:30:36 PM | | I have to say I would. Yes there is times I feel like I could pull my hair out, or just close the door and scream at the top of my lungs. It is the biggest challenge I have ever dealt with, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It those moments when my four year old says she loves me and says I am the greatest mommy in the world, or my son wakes up and he just starts crying out mama. I know that they need me and I also need them too. I know even though my daughter may think I am the greatest mommy in the world , I am no where near it. I am often wonder how good am I really doing as far as trying to be both parents to them but when she says something like that, I feel I am doing something right! My babies make it worth it. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:10:25 PM | i wouldnt turn back time and not have my son,
yea being a single parent with no help is hard but i love my son more then anything, i live my life for him.
i will not be having anymore children until i am married tho, i know i wont be able to do this again with two children. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:00:44 AM | yes, it can be stressful at times raising my kids on my own...yes it can be difficult playing both mom and dad at the same time....but i wouldn't trade it for the world!!
i'm very proud of all my kids , ages 10,`5,16,31 and 33 and all of their accomplishments despite the sacrifices i have and am making to this day.
in my scenario, my ex has opted not to see the children and hasn't since the summer of /07, which is oh so sad, but in many ways a good thing as he is an abuser and an alcoholic.
i would say the most difficult part of raising them is not having breaks, the kind where the dad has access to them every other weekend. it would be soooo nice to have a little bit of time for myself. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:59:41 PM | I would do it all over again, my first was planned to be honest at the age of 17 I knew I wanted to have a child of my own. I was very mature for my age and the father of my first two children was my first everything.
My father knew I was with child so to speak before I did even the father of my children knew I was before I did. We told my dad together that I was going to have a baby and my dad smiled at me and said he already knew i was a couple weeks ago I had just found out that day. I had a job at the age of 14 and had allways worked from that age on. So I and the father of my child brought everything for our baby we brought so much we lost track of what we had and ended up with two of everything.
We did not have our own place but we were able to provide and support our child on our own at that age. He went into the navy while I was still in high school ranked high so he was able to send me money for things i needed when I was placed on bed rest at 5months. I almost lost my child due to my blood type fighting off my baby as if she was a virus. I was on bed rest for medical reasons, Then that day came were it was time to have her he was there and after giving birth to her I became sick because my body was acting up so bad because of the blood type of my daughter was not compatible with mine. I had to have a shot and meds through IV I was in the hospital four a week and so was my little girl she also had a couple shots and was being watched.
I did not marry him although we were to get married before i even found out I was going to have a baby. When he came back home he was a diffrent person some one I did not know or trust at that point he changed so much it was scarry for me. My dad saw this change his self and he said no I will not marry him no matter what. It turned out that that was a very good choice. To say the least yes times get a little rough but it is not hard by far. I have four now and am so happy I did they are my world and I live for them.
Every one is diffrent on why they did what they did and so on and have their reasons as to why. My reason I kept having children is because i want a big family for them to have some one they can talk to when no one is there. I was told at age 16 that I might have cancer by the time I turn 40 and that I may not be able to get pregnant well this was scarry to hear and to say the least I talked to my dad about it and he said if I trully feel that this is what I want then who is he to say not to and that he knows I can do what ever I decide to do.
Now at my age of 31 I have four smart children that look like me and act like me, I have had one surgery for pre cancer cells and have seen so many doctors that all say the same thing I will end up with cancer it is just a matter of when it will show. And if I could have a nother child I would no matter how tough it may get at times because itis a gift to be able to give bith to someone and why and who are we to say what we would not do again? I lost both of my grandmothers to cancer within two months of each other in one year and now my mother is thinking of having every thing taken out because she now has so many things going on.
I had my daughter get the shot that is said to prevent some cancers so that maybe she will not have to go through what I and her grandmothers have gone through. I really do not feel that I am going any where any time soon because I feel that I have went through so much just to make sure my children make it into this world ok.
I have had my tubes tied because the last two was really hard for me health wise I was seeing ten doctors every week I saw atleast two doctors through out the whole time I was pregnant because of tumors that was getting so big my body would shut down just to provide blood supply to mt baby because my body couldn't support me and the baby and the tumors. Out of all the things I have been through to bring them into this world so they can have the chance to live and see the world no I would not change a thing this is what I am here for this is why we are here to give life and to make a change in the world in our own way.
I did spill my guts you would say but for some reason i felt the need to say this there is some one out there that this will touch and help her to make the choice of keeping her child and not givivng up. It can be a very good thing being a single mother or father you see some times things happen to give you a reasoon for wanting to do better, to fight what ever thing it may be that is holding you down or keeping you back and that child that you have been given is the tool to keep you going because with out you where would they go who would they be who can they trust? There is no LOVE like a MOTHERS love when you make that choice to have that child. Fathers are the same they may not be able to give life but they can make a big impact in a childs life, but we as single parent's have what it takes to move forward and make the best out of what ever may come our way! and we do it every day, sick or not we make it happen for our children so why take it back. Things happen for a reason and that little person that you may feel you would do over of maybe not having may be the person to cure the world, stop war, change the law that need to be changed, help that old lady that has fallen down, but most of all that child that you gave birth to carried around for 9months or less, who knows you best of any one will be ther when just maybe you need a helping hand when no one elses is around that child will be there as long as you let them know and feel the love from the time they were in that belly to the time they are grown or so they think you will never say to them or to any one that I would do it over. they are way smater than we think they are so be carefull of what you do because some times our actions shows what we are really thinking.
I hope this did not rub any one the wrong way.
I do know that this has changed some minds and caused some to think.
But I had to share this.
So to all the single mothers out there I know it get's a little hard at times but we are and will allways be the the one who gives life so try to see all the good that came out of having your child and not look back on what you would have done diffrent when it comes to having that little STAR the makes your world shine no matter what type of day you have had. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:53:34 AM | | I would totally do it again. I was in a very unhappy marriage and could not stand the thought of my son's role model as an unemployeed lazy man that is their father. I really wanted 2 children so I waited until that happened and when nothing was getting better and improving with help around the house and finding a job, that when my youngest was 3 months old decided that I would be so much happier on my own. MInd you I was basically a single parent even when I was married as my ex did not like to go anywhere with us unless I got really mad so it wasn't worth the effort. He did spend a lot to each night out with his friends though, so the week I came home for the hosptial with my second son and he left the house each night about 8:00 to go play cards with his buddies I decided enough was enough. Could I provide for my children on my own, you bet as I was employeed fulltime. Was it hard. At times you bet but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I knew that my children were counting on me so of course I always came through. It has been almost 7 years now and we are doing fantastic. The boys understand the value of working hard, taking care of our things and that you have to work and save for the things that you would like to have. Do we have a lot of things, no but we do have the love for each other and everyone is happy. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:52:44 PM | | I would do it in a heartbeat. I think being a parent is the most fufilling job ever. ALthough there are times where I am stressed out, but what parent isn't? Life is hard but it makes it all worth it when you wake up to a smiling face of a child. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:58:40 PM | | There is no greater joy in life than a child. I am a single mother to a 5 year old whose Dad has chosen not to participate in her life; they're never even met. Even with that, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the universe and would never hesitate to do it again. She the biggest part of what makes life worth it and the absolute miracle of my life. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:43:47 PM | | I would never undo what has been done. I dont know how many mothers could. Being a single mom is almost easier then being with someone in my experience. The hardest part about being a single mom is worrying about how its affecting my daughter and the social stigma placed upon single moms. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:22:20 PM | If I knew I was going to be doing this by myself I would have finished college first, got that great paying job and saved hard core for a few years. I'm one of those mom's who won't do the whole 40hrs a week daycare thing. I believe in raising my own kids, especially the first 3 or 4 years. So I go to school online full time(local community college), work at home full time(farming) and raise my kids full time.
So if I knew I was going to do this single handedly I would have made better choices and been better prepared before I got started. But I'm not against doing it alone otherwise. Just cause I can't find a capable guy that I'm compatible with doesn't mean I don't want kids. | |
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