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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:31:10 AM | VivaciousVixen,
Don't put much weight on the opinions of Furtureshock and bosoxfaninwa.
Their opinions are only loyal to the praise they get from the male gender on these forums. Your experiences are irreleveant because their need for approval from men supercede their ability to acknowledge or understand your point of view.
I have come to view them as catty women who often scratch and hiss....and now enjoy tossing a ball of yarn in front of them! 
Really? She said all of that? I read her sentence a little differently~futureshock~
Uhhh....you just repeated and copied the post from vv again after your last response.....sooo how were we suppossed to read and interput what you did?...To paraphrase bosox.....your reading comprehension is lacking my dear...and when I call you dear...I am only showing respect for my elders...since you are about to be 104 on your profile?
It is pretty clear that bozoxinlalaland didn't read the post before she opened her mouth. I have only this to say to you two........here...kitty...kitty.....prrrrr | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:56:54 AM | a woman who defends an abuser~~~~when i am really the person who is giving him the excuses~~~~in which he doesn't deserve. IN MY STATE, WHEN A HUSBNAD< HITS HIS PREGNANT WIFE THE STATE WANTS HIM LOCKED UP FOR 6MONTHS.
I covered his ar se on that one also. toooooooooooo get bit chiness from a dumb broad
who has no idea of what she is saying about a deadbeat man, father, husband, human being
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~who considers our daughter dead and doesn't pay child support
Hey dumb broad~~~~let us excuse all of that on his mental illness. Or his abuse. Or sending me pics of him having sex with another woman.
Got anything to say? | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:24:41 AM | Once again, all she said was this:
<div class="quote">Honestly, calling someone with a mental illness or something selfish is just plain mean.
It's pretty self-explanatory. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:02:16 AM | You know, there have been some amazing posts on this thread and I don't want it to end in yet another boring, petty PoF squabble.
Thanks to ravenstar for reminding me of that wonderful Gibran poem, On Children:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:46:11 AM | | I choose to adopt and become a single Mom. How could anyone ever regret having their children...blood or non-blood? I would do it again in a heartbeat! | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:59:50 AM | | I am fairly new to the 'Single Mother' situation. I battled to save my marriage as I have such a strong beliefs in having a family living together in harmony under the same roof, but given my upbringing which was really idealistic, I couldn't possible live up to this. Childhood memories are always rose tinted anyway. However, I have the most amazing two children from my marriage and I would definitely do it again. Myself and my ex are great friends and I think that's the best I can hope for in terms of having a stable family for the kids. It helps that the kids are still very young so don't really remember us all living together. Being a single parent is really hard and isolating. It's so important to get time to yourself as you can forget who you are and end up just seeing yourself as a mum. Of course it is rewarding like any type of parenting. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:12:28 AM | Because, that is NOT normal!!!!! No normal man would throw away his family because he wanted to go on manic highs, depressive lows and abuse the family. The was nothing mean about what I said. You have something wrong with your head. He left a 4 yr old 1 yr old a wife stole all money and doesn't pay support...........................
I know bipolar disorder inside and out. It is completely normal for them to exhibit such behavior.
I'm not taking anyone's side. It's just wrong to call someone with a mental illness selfish.
You're the one who tried to make a family with someone who is manic-depressive, and if you knew the illness at all, you would know how hard it is for someone to convince someone else that their own brain chemistry is a drug addiction. How would you like for someone to tell you that the behavior that controls your entire mind is selfish?
It is mean, you should be encouraging him to get help. You're the one who chose him for the father of your children. You even had a second one!
Normal does not equal bipolar axis I. Medications are numbing and can cause some manic-depressives to be worse. There is no magic medication, and try changing your entire brain to be different than the way you were born.
Honestly, calling someone who has a mental illness selfish is the same as calling someone with a brain tumor selfish.
I cannot believe how you could care so little for someone who cannot help himself. Bipolar disorder Axis I is a beast, and without reading many, many books written by people with the same problem, he won't get it.
bosoxfaninwathinks it is okay because of his mental illness~get real and get a psychiatrist for your head honey
I didn't say his behavior was okay. Calling him selfish for something he was born with is fvcked up. You're the one who married someone with a mental illness, not me. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:15:33 AM | it's been difficult but having my daughter saved my life. I was heading down a destructive path and didn't care about anyone else. I wasn't being totally careless, I was on birth control and became pregnant. From that moment I found out I was going to be a mother I changed for the better and couldn't be happier. If things hadn't occurred the way they did, I wouldn't have the most amazing child. So I wouldn't change what happened.
However I would NOT have another child at this point in my life outside of a stable loving marriage. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:48:23 AM | | Birth control is not infallible bosoxfaninwa....antibiotics can counteract, there is a very small percentage of failure, etc. However that being said, user failure is more likely the cause of most "birth control" pregnancies. In my case, at the age of 20 it certainly was. Honestly, if I had a daughter, and she was looking for BC, I would not recommend the pill, as I feel there is far too much room for user error when people are young. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:29:37 AM | antibiotics can counteract
The only antibiotic that has been proven to do this is Rifampin, and it's for the treatment of TB.
The others have all been proved to the contrary.
there is a very small percentage of failure
The number of women saying they got pregnant on perfect use of birth control is much higher than a "small percentage". I think there is more purposeful user error than non.
Every birth control has its failure rate, but honestly, the pill has the biggest variety of hormone combinations to get the user to a combination that works for them.
If you're on a pill and ovulating, obviously it's not working for you, and you need to try something else. This many women not noticing that the hormones didn't affect them is one of many factors in my beliefs that women lie about it.
Their opinions are only loyal to the praise they get from the male gender on these forums. Your experiences are irreleveant because their need for approval from men supercede their ability to acknowledge or understand your point of view.
Yeah, I know people who are mentally ill and I don't blame them for their behavior, I blame the illness. Like I said, it is mean to call someone with any illness selfish for their behavior. If you choose to be in their life, you choose to accept them in spite of their illness. I will say that until my last breath.
If someone had a tumor and it caused them to be a complete jerk-off, would you call that person a selfish deadbeat? | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:38:46 PM |
I choose to adopt and become a single Mom. How could anyone ever regret having their children...blood or non-blood? I would do it again in a heartbeat!
I don't think the question is do you regret having your children, I think the question is, would you raise your children in the same circumstances, i.e. alone, being a single parent, again.
For example, if one asked a former teen mother this question, it could be prefaced this way:
If you could do your life over again, but wait 10 years to have your same child, which would you rather do? Have the child as a teen all over again, or wait until you were older to have the child? | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:35:44 AM | i have the right to judge as a woman inflicted with a panic disorder, who is a responsible mother. I have never abandoned my children. I take my bipolar medication. I do not abuse my medication nor do I abuse my medication. YOU NEED TO GROW UP AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE THAT DESTROY LIVES. I have many inflictions. In addition, I have had cancer, as a single mother and never used that as an excuse to go off the wagon, destroy my family, or be an abuser. GET A FUCHKING LIFE!!!!!!
I take my MEDS!!!! He has no excuse for his actions!!! He knows damn well what he did!!!
To the children and to his wife~~~~ PLS~~~~ stop looking for male attention on this website like a desperate little girl. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:45:44 AM | If you could do your life over again, but wait 10 years to have your same child, which would you rather do? Have the child as a teen all over again, or wait until you were older to have the child?~futureshock~
As a woman in her mid 30's with a teenager..I think I can answer your question... and shed some reality on your questions that are loaded with some kind mythical hindsights.
I had a child at 19. I wasn't at all prepared for a child. My parents were even worried about how I would cope. My son changed the path I was on...for the better!
I tell my kids all the time, I am as successful and have what I do because of them.
I don't think anyone can answer the questions you pose because perhaps, given the choice they wouldn't still be ready 10 years later for children.
If I was given the choice to change things...I wouldn't. My kids made me the person I am today and I credit all of my success in my career to them. They are the ones who give me the strength to keep me going..they are the reason I want to succeed in my life.
They are the purpose that drive me to be who I am in life.
If I waited 10 years to have my son...I'm not sure of what kind of person I would have become...perhaps more selfish than I was as a teenager?....I do know I would probably have alot more shoes than I currently have!! | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:56:25 AM | This:
stop looking for male attention on this website like a desperate little girl.
Coming from someone who posts skanky photos on a dating website and writes:
YOU NEED TO GROW UP AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE THAT DESTROY LIVES. I have many inflictions. In addition, I have had cancer, as a single mother and never used that as an excuse to go off the wagon, destroy my family, or be an abuser. GET A FUCHKING LIFE!!!!!!
Holds no weight with me.
i have the right to judge as a woman inflicted with a panic disorder, who is a responsible mother. I have never abandoned my children. I take my bipolar medication. I do not abuse my medication nor do I abuse my medication.
I take my MEDS!!!! He has no excuse for his actions!!! He knows damn well what he did!!!
Good for you. I still stand by calling someone with any illness selfish for the behavior that causes it is mean. In fact, it's cruel. If you really are bipolar, and are axis I, it's great that you've found a combination of medications that works for you. As someone who may have this condition, you should know full-well that not every combination works for everyone, and the severe cases of the disorder include denial. It's a part of the brain chemistry, and while you say he knows what he is doing and that it is wrong, that just may not be the case. One of my best friend's mother sleeps with a knife by her bed her daughter's manic episodes are so severe and rapidly cycling. They have tried every single medication combination there is available since she was diagnosed 6 years ago. Nothing has worked. Can you seriously call this poor, mentally ill woman selfish? She didn't ask to be born with messed up brain chemistry. I'm sure your ex-husband didn't either.
Like I said, you, who are also mentally ill, had a marriage and multiple children with another person who was mentally ill, and not stabilized with medication. Slandering him on the internet for his mental illness, when you made this life for yourself is cruel.
I also never said you didn't have a right to judge anyone. It's my right to tell you how mean it is to blame someone for their mental disorder, or any other disease that causes destructive emotions and behavior - most notably denial and the inability to form solid relationships, let alone to sustain them, in bipolar disorder axis I. Just as you can call him selfish for his mental illness, I can tell you I think it's cruel to do so.
Misconstruing that as "taking his side" is just your own insecurities manifesting themselves into defense-mechanisms. He shouldn't have left, he should've kept working to find a medication combination that works for him. Could he have? I don't know his case, so I don't know. But it's very possible that he is absolutely not capable of it, and for that I feel sad for him and your children, because they had no choice in the matter either. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:28:42 AM | Like I said, it is mean to call someone with any illness selfish for their behavior. If you choose to be in their life, you choose to accept them in spite of their illness. I will say that until my last breath.~bosoxfaninwa~
^^^It is mean to tell a single mother who is stuggling and seeking out advice on these forums that she deserved everything she got....because she didn't know any better at the time..your hindsight is a perfect 20/20 for someone who hasn't dealt with the difficult circumstances that you get great pleasure out of berating alot of the women in here for.
If someone had a tumor and it caused them to be a complete jerk-off, would you call that person a selfish deadbeat? ~bosoxfaninwa~
^^I wouldn't....but I suspect you would if it was a woman who was recieving child support or had a baby out of wedlock and/or as a teenager.
Your backpeddaling is astonishing...you are truly a manipulative girl.
The posts you make imply your opinions...and your POF buddy's cement them for you with their snide remarks....your really a very nasty person....it's a long life darlin....and spittin at people on the sidewalk will not make you any friends
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:39:52 AM | your friend does not sound bipolar. she needs to have a multiple of tests done on her.
she may have a thyroid problem, tumour, hormonal imbalance,
she is misfiring, but i can guarnatee you that doctor has it wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
with lithium and rispedol and if the person is schizo they can be helped!!!!!!!!!!!!!
her doctor is irresponsible and NOT testing her whole body thoroughly
she needs to be baker acted the piuitory gland can make her go crazy
honestly chick
you have no idea what you are saying
my ex was baker acted
he refused to take his meds
hehad the right meds
don't defend an irresponsible psycho
your friend has no answer
she is ill
she needs to be locked in the cleveland clinic where they can find out what is going on with her body
in her case it might not even be bipolar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:27:16 AM |
If you could do your life over again, but wait 10 years to have your same child, which would you rather do? Have the child as a teen all over again, or wait until you were older to have the child?~futureshock~
As a woman in her mid 30's with a teenager..I think I can answer your question... and shed some reality on your questions that are loaded with some kind mythical hindsights.
I had a child at 19. I wasn't at all prepared for a child. My parents were even worried about how I would cope. My son changed the path I was on...for the better!
I tell my kids all the time, I am as successful and have what I do because of them.
I don't think anyone can answer the questions you pose because perhaps, given the choice they wouldn't still be ready 10 years later for children.
If I was given the choice to change things...I wouldn't. My kids made me the person I am today and I credit all of my success in my career to them. They are the ones who give me the strength to keep me going..they are the reason I want to succeed in my life.
They are the purpose that drive me to be who I am in life.
If I waited 10 years to have my son...I'm not sure of what kind of person I would have become...perhaps more selfish than I was as a teenager?....I do know I would probably have alot more shoes than I currently have!
Thank-you for the insightful and thoughtful answer.
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:36:40 AM |
Good for you. I still stand by calling someone with any illness selfish for the behavior that causes it is mean. In fact, it's cruel. If you really are bipolar, and are axis I, it's great that you've found a combination of medications that works for you. As someone who may have this condition, you should know full-well that not every combination works for everyone, and the severe cases of the disorder include denial. It's a part of the brain chemistry, and while you say he knows what he is doing and that it is wrong, that just may not be the case.
This is absolutely true. It is a catch-22, though, because doctors and others in the medical profession have to abide by a patient's wishes, even if those wishes are not in the person's best interests. The only way around that is if those people are a danger to themselves or to other people.
Like I said, it is mean to call someone with any illness selfish for their behavior. If you choose to be in their life, you choose to accept them in spite of their illness. I will say that until my last breath.~bosoxfaninwa~
^^^It is mean to tell a single mother who is stuggling and seeking out advice on these forums that she deserved everything she got....because she didn't know any better at the time..your hindsight is a perfect 20/20 for someone who hasn't dealt with the difficult circumstances that you get great pleasure out of berating alot of the women in here for.
This is a good point, but not many single mothers will admit that they didn't know any better at the time. I even recently started a thread about this exact idea, I asked people if what they thought single parenthood would be like was different from the reality, and how so? I got some responses, I would still like more.
If more people actually explained their choices in this way, instead of getting defensive and claiming they would choose the same thing all over again, it is best for their children, they didn't make any poor choices, etc., etc., they would probably get a lot less flack. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:46:47 AM | ^^^It is mean to tell a single mother who is stuggling and seeking out advice on these forums that she deserved everything she got....because she didn't know any better at the time..your hindsight is a perfect 20/20 for someone who hasn't dealt with the difficult circumstances that you get great pleasure out of berating alot of the women in here for.
That isn't what I said, but congratulations on taking what I said out of context and cherry-picking to suit your lack of comprehension of anything I have to say.
^^I wouldn't....but I suspect you would if it was a woman who was recieving child support or had a baby out of wedlock and/or as a teenager.
Your backpeddaling is astonishing...you are truly a manipulative girl.
The posts you make imply your opinions...and your POF buddy's cement them for you with their snide remarks....your really a very nasty person....it's a long life darlin....and spittin at people on the sidewalk will not make you any friends
You don't know me, and I regard mental illnesses as mental illnesses. You insult more people than anyone on this board, twist words and speak where you aren't wanted or needed in the discussion. If anyone is manipulative, it's you.
Like I said, calling someone with a mental illness selfish, when it's written in their DNA and isn't their fault for having the mental illness is downright cruel.
your friend does not sound bipolar. she needs to have a multiple of tests done on her.
she may have a thyroid problem, tumour, hormonal imbalance,
she is misfiring, but i can guarnatee you that doctor has it wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
with lithium and rispedol and if the person is schizo they can be helped!!!!!!!!!!!!!
her doctor is irresponsible and NOT testing her whole body thoroughly
she needs to be baker acted the piuitory gland can make her go crazy
honestly chick
you have no idea what you are saying
my ex was baker acted
he refused to take his meds
hehad the right meds
don't defend an irresponsible psycho
your friend has no answer
she is ill
she needs to be locked in the cleveland clinic where they can find out what is going on with her body
in her case it might not even be bipolar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you get your Doctoral in psychology or psychiatry, I'll take medical advice regarding mental illnesses from you.
Lithium does not work for everyone. Depakote doesn't work for everyone. Lamictal doesn't work for everyone. They are working on more and more drugs because bipolar disorder is highly variable among the afflicted and WIDELY known as "hard to treat".
Bipolar disorder is not as simple as "mood swings". Most people get diagnosed with Axis I because insurance won't cover Axis II or Borderline Personality Disorder, and the doctor won't get paid unless he diagnoses the individual with an Axis I disorder.
50% of Bipolar Disorder patients (ALL Axis I) go off their medication within the first 12 months. These are common reasons, ALL because of the disorder:
* Denial. They don't believe they have an illness. They think they may just be "moody."
* Refusal to medicate away their "true selves." They feel like they'll turn "robotic."
* Side Effects. This is the most common excuse people give for not taking their medication. However, there are many ways to minimize the side effects of bipolar medication.
* Over-sedation. They don't want to feel as if they are in a "fog."
* Weight gain. Not all bipolar medications make a person gain weight, but this is still used as an excuse not to take their medication.
* Sexual dysfunction. This is not a very big side effect of bipolar medication; however, it is still a fear for some people, and a reason why they won't take their medication.
* Stigma and shame. They will blame it on society if they take medication.
* No need for it. They believe they can handle their bipolar disorder on their own, without medication. <---1 of 2 Most common in bipolar disorder.
* Cured. They believe they are cured (because they are feeling better) and no longer have a need for medication. <--- 2 of 2 Most common in bipolar disorder.
* Long-term Effects. They are afraid of the long-term effects of the medication.
* Pressure. They feel that their friends, family, coworkers, and society in general are pressuring them not to take the medication.
* Religion. They say that their religion forbids the taking of medication.
* Performance. They feel they perform better without medication.
* Creativity. They believe they are more creative without medication.
* Productivity. They believe they get more done without their medication.
Many people afflicted with this disease experience no "normal" moods. They are either extremely manic or extremely depressed.
* Symptoms of both mania and depression sometimes occur together, in what is called "mixed state."
* The extremes of mood usually occur in cycles. In between these mood swings, people with bipolar disorder are able to function normally, hold a job, and have a normal family life. The episodes of mood swings tend to become closer together with age.
* When a person is in the grip of this disease, chaos can occur. Bipolar disorder can cause major disruption of family and finances, loss of job, and marital problems.
* Severe depression can be life-threatening. It may be associated with thoughts of suicide, actual acts of suicide, and even acts of homicide in some cases.
* Extreme mania can lead to aggressive behavior, potentially dangerous risk-taking behaviors, and homicidal acts.
*A number of people with bipolar disorder may turn to drugs and alcohol to "self-treat" their emotional disorder, resulting in substance abuse and dependence.
When you're feeling frustrated or guilty, it's important to remember that bipolar disorder isn't anyone's fault. - NIMH
People with bipolar disorder can't control their moods. They can't just snap out of a depression or get a hold of themselves during a manic episode. Neither depression nor mania can be overcome through self-control, willpower, or reasoning. Telling a person to "Stop acting crazy" or "Look on the bright side" and asking "Why won't you take your medications?" won’t help, they will only make it WORSE. Bipolar disorder is a real illness, like diabetes. Someone afflicted with it is not to blame for their bipolar disorder. They didn’t cause it. It’s not their fault. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 9:31:49 AM | Like I said, it is mean to call someone with any illness selfish for their behavior. If you choose to be in their life, you choose to accept them in spite of their illness. I will say that until my last breath.~bosoxfaninwa~ ^^^It is mean to tell a single mother who is stuggling and seeking out advice on these forums that she deserved everything she got....because she didn't know any better at the time..your hindsight is a perfect 20/20 for someone who hasn't dealt with the difficult circumstances that you get great pleasure out of berating alot of the women in here for. This is a good point, but not many single mothers will admit that they didn't know any better at the time. I even recently started a thread about this exact idea, I asked people if what they thought single parenthood would be like was different from the reality, and how so? I got some responses, I would still like more. If more people actually explained their choices in this way, instead of getting defensive and claiming they would choose the same thing all over again, it is best for their children, they didn't make any poor choices, etc., etc., they would probably get a lot less flack.
Lizbeth, that also isn't what I said. She is excusing herself of guilt, and displacing it entirely on this person who is mentally ill, and has no control over it. I agree with Future, when people take responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming others and slandering them, especially for circumstances they have no control over, they wouldn't be treated like they are displacing blame.
Ever heard the saying, "hate the behavior, not the person,"? Try, "hate the disease, not the afflicted." | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 10:31:35 AM | | I would definately do it again.... My kids are my pride and joy and the number one reason I wake up everyday. No woman needs a man in her life to raise children. It is the children that need the man in their life. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 10:43:41 AM | I would definately do it again.... My kids are my pride and joy and the number one reason I wake up everyday. No woman needs a man in her life to raise children. It is the children that need the man in their life.
Um, ok. The children need the man in their daily lives, living under the same roof, unless he has some obvious problem like drug addiction. violence, etc. That is what is best for them. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:17:11 AM | Did I stutter.... I said the woman doesnt need a man in her life to raise children. It is the children who need the man in their life.....
Well I wouldnt stay in a relationship that was not healthy for me... If it is not healthy for me it is not healthy for my children. Good fathers will be apart of their childrens lives on a daily basis. Or as often as time permits. A good mother however will not get in the way of a father having a relationship with their child. I dont think I said anything wrong for you to quote me. Please clarify if I missed something. | |
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| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:23:29 AM |
How did that happen?
I have no idea. I had been on the patch for over a year and never even had a pregnancy scare. Then my monthly hadn't came, I took a pregnancy test it was negative. Then two weeks later I took another and I was indeed pregnant. I actually argued with my doctor for over an hour about how the results must have been incorrect or my test mixed up with another womans. | |
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