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Show ALL Forums  > Australia  > Teens - are they out of control?      Home login  
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 littlesmiley
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 51
Teenage males - are they out of control?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP Geenz - you are obviously a good and responsible and caring parent.

The good and accurate news is the vast majority of teenagers are good kids. The other good and accurate news is the vast majority of them grow up to be good adults.

I know the urge to live their lives for them becomes strong at times in a scary world, to protect them what wouldn't a mother do? What you can't do, and nobody ever could is put an old head on young shoulders and live their life for them.

You can only love and trust and teach and help and hope.

You are already doing everything you can.
 1NSATIABLE
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 52
Teenage males - are they out of control?
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:49:40 PM
Looking at Testy stretched out to twice his normal height and seeing his dead face was worse. Seeing Robbo still alive with no face, vomiting blood all over himself from what was left of his mouth is a picture I will never stop seeing.
Seeing Robbo's father 3 years later mowing lawns as he could not hold down a proper job anymore broke my heart, he was a shell of the strong, proud man I once knew.
Sometimes it takes a tradgedy to make people think. All you can do is guard them and talk to your kids about it and hope they see sense.
Overguarding them alienates them as what happened with my oldest son early last year. Some will resent you for taking their fun away and rebel against you.
It was only describing this situation in graphic detail and the emotions that came with it while begging him to be careful that made him see I was not trying to spoil his fun but maybe save his life.

im glad i came back to this thread or i would have missed above ...ill be showing it to my kids

those 2 lives you may have saved but will never know ...may possably now save millions
...sleep well tonight #46
 AZA79
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 53
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:56:28 PM
Teenagers always get into trouble. It is sad when lives are lost.
I think that is part of growing up, making mistakes and learning lessons.
It is unfortunate for those who don't make it to adulthood....

As we know young people have been doing the same things we did when we were young. I still remember my friend who died at 17 in a car crash..Of course spped and alcohol were involved. And our other friend the driver, got 2 Years... Some lessons are not as easy as others to learn....
 crustyold
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 54
Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 3/5/2012 4:46:39 AM
Teens - are they out of control?

dont think so, remember back to what you did at that age........

the things, like drag raceing......smokeing in the girls room..

drinking under age.........as in some places it was 21 yers old(bring it back)

yer, i thought so

naughty
 Robert
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 55
Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 3/6/2012 12:27:48 AM
Bearing in mind its not just the parents who have to suffer should their child or children get involved in a serious accident as result of being reckless or drink driving, it's also the fire fighters and ambos who suffer even worse having to pull their lifeless or seriously injured bodies out of car wrecks

The only way to curb the amount of teens killed in road accidents drivers education should also include a session where a simulated live demo of a 2 car accident that involves full response by fire,police,ambulance and medical retrieval teams responding under full lights and sirens to the scene. Followed by the coroner and funeral home staff attending to place the (mock) deceased driver or passenger in a body bag

After that part of the demo is completed the session continues in a court room where an actual but demo court hearing where the actor (student involved in the demo) is facing the judge as result of their reckless or negligent actions
 internetdatinglol
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 56
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 3/6/2012 12:35:45 AM
When I go to the city late on a Friday night I see way more adults than teens behaving badly.
If you add too much alcohol to any person you'll get an out-of-control douchebag. At least teens are nominally accountable to their parents.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 57
Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/3/2012 10:59:06 PM
v feminist stuffed things up by removing dads frm ver position i family n society, now its a mess young females r bimbos or self harming cause 50% dont have dads n thats were vey get ver self estem n sexual developmnet frm. boys r hurting n feel abondonded n r angry so slef harm as do v girls.
, also kids r like dogs- if vey dont know who v alpha is vey become insecure n ver behaviour deteriates. it will take a gen or 2 2 self corect so were in 4 a bad time, thanks muchly germaine.
 qldblue
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 58
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/6/2012 4:38:07 AM
Tensail, you seem to be anti feminist but it wasn't the feminists who enacted the laws, yes the laws can be against the male the majority of times I agree.

The only direct involvement of me helping my kids sexual development were the chromosones that were in my sperm at the time of conception for my wife.

Not every young female is a bimbo as you so boldly state, my youngest daughter is studying law and her best friend is also studying law, neither of these 2 are self harming.

Not all teens are out of control only some and there are more reasons for this than not having a dad, what about the teens who are out of control but do have a mother and father, what is the excuse for this situation.

Teens can be out of control even with dad and mum being loving parents.

A parents role is to teach and guide our children to live their lives within the laws that are in place at the time but like most people our kids will make decisions that are either good or bad just the way we did, our parents did and their parents and so on.

We as a society should not look for excuses but to look for better ways to educate.

There are a couple of results that are bandied about the first one is; a child of an alcoholic will have a higher chance of becoming an alcoholic and the second result is; a child who has been abused will also have a higher chance of becoming an abusive parent.

I disagree because my father was a drunken, abusive man who enjoyed beating some of his kids, my mother also enjoyed beating some of her kids and I made a promise to myself that I was never going to put my kids through that and I haven't.

Yes I made my decision that what happened to me was never going to happen to my kids and it hasn't, my point here is I MADE A DECISION and we all have that capacity to make the decision of teaching our kids the right thing to do and too take responsibility for those decisions and not to blame people who have no involvement in bringing our kids up.

I have also seen the results of a single mum bringing her kids up without the help from their father because he couldn't be bothered and these kids have turned out quite good.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 59
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/7/2012 9:20:34 AM
It's time to bring back the 'Rubber Thong and Wooden Spoon'. All of this 'talk to the child and time out crap' is clearly NOT working.
My four son's have 'thanked' me for breaking the odd wooden spoon.
I had to raise them on my own.....The Government and pus*y little social workers with their text books were not there through the adolescent years that I spent raising my son's.
I raised my hand just enough to let my son's know who the boss was.
I now have a married builder, a married mine worker, a hard working texture coater and a son at school.
My youngest is at home every night and would never dream of being on the streets at 11 years of age.
My g/f recently allowed her son to buy a V8 knowing he likes to drive fast at 17 years of age. A recipe for disaster.
It's sad to hear that children as young as 9 years old are beating up old people.
Sadly it's the undiciplined children that committ crimes because their parents don't give a crap about them and let them do what they like because the parent's want to do what THEY like and not have the hinderance of their children around them.
A deciplined child has more respect for other's in the long run, than a child who's parent's don't give a damn about them.
 gingerosity
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 60
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/8/2012 2:13:32 AM
OMG! Someone is out of control and they're under 20!


It's time to bring back the 'Rubber Thong and Wooden Spoon'.


Kinky.


A deciplined child has more respect for other's in the long run, than a child who's parent's don't give a damn about them.


Yeah, cos everyone knows that if you don't beat your child you don't care about them! lol
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 61
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:14:15 AM
^^^^^Your a tool if you compare dicipline with 'beating' a child. There is a huge difference between beating a child and instilling dicipline.
How do you think wild animals deal with their offspring?....Mummy Lion say's leave Daddy alone.....Daddy Lion grabs the cub by the neck enough to let the cub know who the boss is. Do you honestly think wild animal's have 'time out' and 'talk time'?
The trouble with 'these day's' is that if you spank your child YOU can end up in court so the child win's and you lose control.
I would NEVER hurt my children...only their Ego's.
It's people who think like you do who contribute to the unruly youth. They disrespect their parents ...because they can. They hit their parents...because they can...they stay out on the streets... because they can and all because raising your hand is being seen as child abuse!
What has happened to PARENT abuse?
 internetdatinglol
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 62
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:29:47 AM
If you can't see the many differences between a large cat and a human being this could be hard to get across. The fact is, as an adult responsible enough to bring a child into this world, you ought to have the self-control and patience not to resort to violence to instil discipline in your kids. Obviously you don't, but maybe that's something you could choose to work on.

I suspect that lots of parents who 'discipline' their children in this manner aren't doing it because they genuinely believe it works, but because they have difficulty controlling their temper and are looking for a justification. "Well, lions do it!" is one of the more adventurous justifications I've heard.

Violence and battery is exactly what hitting someone, your child or not, is.
 gingerosity
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 63
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/8/2012 2:04:50 PM

How do you think wild animals deal with their offspring?


Be like wild animals!


It's people who think like you do who contribute to the unruly youth.


Stop being like wild animals!


^^^^^Your a tool if you compare dicipline with 'beating' a child.


You're a tool if you're a device or implement that is used to carry out a particular function.
 MrsNaamah
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 64
Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:50:34 PM
I'm a bit undecided on smacking. And I have no idea how I'd handle it if my child took down a gazelle and started mauling it in the kitchen.
 Hilly02
Joined: 10/7/2011
Msg: 65
Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 3:50:36 AM

It's people who think like you do who contribute to the unruly youth. They disrespect their parents ...because they can. They hit their parents...because they can...they stay out on the streets... because they can and all because raising your hand is being seen as child abuse!

I totally disagree. I don't think kids are getting into trouble because their parents can't smack them. I think kids are running wild simply because we have a generation of parents now, who simply can not be arsed to spend quality time with their kids and keep them occupied and out of trouble. I had a healthy respect and fear for my parents when I was young but it seems to have vanished in todays kids.....and I never remember getting smacked as a child.
 tinapenny
Joined: 8/30/2010
Msg: 66
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 4:43:12 AM
A few years ago my then 16yo son went through a really bad patch. He was too young for us to find him independent accommodation in Perth and he had to come home to our small country town without being able to finish the electronics course that he'd started at TAFE. There weren't a lot of options and he made friends with a kid from down the street that came from a disfunctional family. They had a lot in common. Both had no confidence in the future and their respective fathers had abandoned their families. The boys started binge drinking and over a period of months my son went to sniffing. It was incredibly hard to control since there are untold amounts of sniffable household products. He didn't care if he killed himself. I was tearing my hair out wondering what to do and how to change the situation when about that time his father came back from overseas. He agreed to have our son live with him but there would be no sniffing or he would be out. Within a short time he caught his son sniffing petrol from the lawn mower and I got a tearful phone call. 'Dad punched me'.

Now I'm not advocating punching your children but this was a turning point. It was made crystal clear that this was an uncrossable boundary. And it worked. The situation turned around from a nightmare where your child is facing death or at least brain damage, aggressive and impossible, to getting back into life, working and drug free.

I think parents should be empowered to set firm boundaries for their children. There has to be consequences for breaking rules and they need to be consistent. I always used time out when my kids were little which works well but its harder to find workable consequences as they get older. Its all very well to think that they could lose phone privileges or internet access but its hard in practice to get the phone off them and they know more about how the internet connection works than I do.

More children are growing up without fathers and I think its unreasonable to expect women to have the hard line approach if that's not the way they're made. In an ideal situation that's why they should have two parents.
 gingerosity
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 67
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:36:05 AM
"What society does to its children, so will its children do to society." - Cicero

Tinapenny, you are a very sensible person and I'm sure your sons father would also be fundamentally reasonable. For you or him to hit your son once in a lifetime to stop extremely damaging behaviour is not exactly a problem. The problem is that not everyone knows when is appropriate, how often, how hard. If the door is re-opened for physical correction then this puts some kids in real and present physical danger of abuse, which of course comes with associated life-long psychological issues. As has been pointed out, those who are abused are more likely to abuse. I'm sure you'll agree, no-one wants to increase the incidence of abuse if they can help it.

"Mistrust all in whom the desire to punish is imperative." - Goethe

Your family did what it felt it had to do out of love for your son. Besides those who just don't know what is appropriate, there are also those in the world who value power and control more than love. They know full well what is going too far, yet persist. We just can't trust everyone to use that power responsibly. That is why I believe maintaining a zero-tolerance attitude is the only way to progress as a society.

Of course no physical correcting doesn't mean no discipline at all. No-one would advocate complete anarchy. But a less-strict-than-the-traditional upbringing, while questionably promoting more unruly behaviour, may also encourage creativity, self-reliance and respect based on love rather than fear.

Is that such a bad thing?
 internetdatinglol
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 68
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:39:22 AM
That punch could have ended a hundred ways, 99 of them bad.

Your son, his father, and you were lucky.
 kmac6
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 69
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Posted: 5/9/2012 6:35:47 AM
In my opinion this a relevant to the generation thing. All teenagers seem to want to push the bounderies ( I know I did) and it is a wonder that some survive. They push them to find out where the limits are but unfortunately drugs and alcohol often go hand in hand in the process. Education both from within the families and the education system is needed.
Consequenses for actions (I don't mean jail terms either) But clearly a no nonsense if you do ...THAT.. then THIS ... is the most likely outcome. Building self esteem in people goes a long way, finding healthier outlets for all that energy and most importantly treating them with respect and focusing on how to deal with the bad behaviours instead of trying to FIX what is WRONG with them
Thank goodness that there is more information now than when I was a teen, I was rather rebellious yet completely naive as well but lucky that I had the support of my parents when needed.

I could have said much more but it has already been covered by other posts
 tinapenny
Joined: 8/30/2010
Msg: 70
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 6:46:23 AM
The point is that parenting is a long term role. There are a myriad different situations that arise and many of them are ones that you have no experience to guide you in. Having a single approach to discipline may not be effective. Any parent can only do the best at any time, based on their understanding, experience and goal. Its not like there's a book that explains your own child, and the parenting books that exist haven't been read by the kids. Unfortunately.

Having said that, parenting classes and books are part of the picture and apart from supporting parents through the process, they provide a way of learning new skills so that we dont wind up just repeating our own family history. Much money has been spent by Governments to improve parenting skills in the community through classes and information made available through, amongst others, childbirth and infant health centres.

I agree with the point that violence breeds violence. Even worse, violent parents teach violent parenting. However, I am passionately opposed to creating laws to corral people into not having choices. Life is not black and white. People are all shades of grey and need to be treated as individuals with individual needs.

Laws created to ensure safety of all can also be the bandage that strangles our humanity. I am totally opposed to nanny state legislation that seeks to impose rules that are supposed to fit everyone but never actually do. People can and should be able to use their intelligence to judge situations and apply solutions as they see fit. Especially if they can access support.

I think supporting parents and empowering them is a more sensible way to go than criticising. Its easy to have clear ideas until you become a parent yourself. At which point you find the logic behind that saying that insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.
 gingerosity
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 71
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 7:33:39 AM
Tinapenny, I agree with most of what you say, especially the support and parenting books etc. I don't mean to criticise you, yourself. But I have to respectfully disagree with you when you say:


People can and should be able to use their intelligence to judge situations and apply solutions as they see fit.


You're a smart woman - far above average. You're also a woman with strong personal ethics. I would have no problem with you applying solutions as you see fit because they would be sensible and made in the best interests of those in your care. Unfortunately there a lot of people who are not nearly as capable of judging all of the complexities involved as you are, with troubled childhoods, substance abuse, little or no education, etc.


Life is not black and white. People are all shades of grey and need to be treated as individuals with individual needs.


That is the problem. Everyone is different, has different interpretations and perspectives on rights and wrongs and appropriate levels of force. Suppose physical correction is allowed again. Is it ok to gently-but-firmly correct a child once a blue moon with the flat of your hand on the bottom if they have gone through several verbal warnings? What about in the first instance? A bit harder? What about with a wooden spoon? What about every day? A balled fist? A lump of 4x2? Do you see my point?

A line must be drawn somewhere. Perhaps one day it could be drawn at a very modest, strictly defined correction that people can agree on being ok. But policing then becomes exponentially more difficult if you are assessing degrees of variables. So the only logical answer I can see is what we have now: no physical corrections tolerated at all. Everyone can understand it and there is no wriggle room. It may not be ideal individually, but I maintain it is the best for society as a whole.
 tinapenny
Joined: 8/30/2010
Msg: 72
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:54:30 AM
If you dont think people should use their intelligence to judge and deal with a situation, what is your alternative? Passing laws? Even if you pass laws, the people with impaired judgement wont be the ones to abide by them. Until there is a law limiting parenthood to those who are qualified (good luck with that ), there will continue to be children who have to make do with the parents they have. As we all have.

Children are more than just a product of their family, they're a product of their community. There's a succinct quote on that subject that escapes me. I think we all have responsibility to support families growing up, not just our own but friends, neighbours, workmates etc. And also people who work with kids, even myself as a bus driver in a small way.

If families are failing there are all sorts of costs to the community, not least that the children might be damaged and disrespectful.
 internetdatinglol
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 73
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 6:40:01 PM
If you're saying that we shouldn't pass laws because some people will ignore or break them then that pretty much invalidates all law by statute in this country and means we can't legislate anything any more because it's all pointless. The fact is we already have laws against assault and battery and they would operate just fine against parents.

Sure, grey areas exist. That's why we have judges and a presumption of innocence.
 Sheridesmotox
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 74
Teenage males - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:39:17 PM
P platers cannot legally drive V8's.

I don't think it is a male vs female thing. I was quite a lot to handle when i was younger, from 14-17 i think i just about drove my mother to an early grave with worry. Though, i dove off the deep end... while i (what looked like to her) was losing control, she had done well to have raised me with enough street smarts to know and avoid situations i knew weren't going to get me anywhere and if i ended up in a bad situation, was smart and strong enough to get myself out of it. (She had put me into kickboxing early)

Teenagers are unfortunately (despite how you raise them) - followers (Not all, but most). I think the best you or anyone can do is make them aware of there surroundings, warn them, love them and try to direct them in the right direction.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 75
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Teens - are they out of control?
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:04:06 AM
In part I agree with you Hilly.
A lot of children are born into families where both parents work because they have to keep the roof over their heads.
As a working parent I have taken hours that suit my families need's. I work school hours. When I am not at work my son is with me. I take him to Kick Boxing twice a week, am teaching him how to cook and he has friends stay over at the weekends.
He know's where his bounderies lie as he is now coming into his teen's and like's to 'test' me every now and then.
I have the upper hand because I have the last word on his x box. You play up and it goes away!
I still believe that a smack has it's place so long as it is used as a last resort.
Some people smack their children every five minutes and wonder why it has no effect.
I think ADD and ADHD is over rated. Sure some children do have this disorder, but most of these children are just badly behaved and unfortunately are made to take pill's.
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