| | Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?Page 2 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) |
Though in all actuality its your decision on what you do with your life and your body.
It's apparently also your decision on what you do with your future kid's life and body.
I'm five months pregnant and have only slept with few but my 16 year old sister calls me a whore cause im pregnant and the father decided to split before we ever even got a chance to talk about what we were wanting to do about the situation
So not the smartest of decisions eh?
Gee, no concept (bad pun) of birth control?
Didn't know the father well enough to know whether or not he'd stick around...
So in other words, you had no idea of what you were getting into....?
Good plan....
"Why is sex on the first date such a big deal? "
Because it has the same plan. No idea of what they're getting into....
| |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/2/2008 11:22:43 PM | I am so glad that several people have posted about first nighters becoming long term.
It does happen more then it is shared!
I guess the fact that I don't over think everything to the point everything has such a negative helps!
It's not how many she's been with before me. It's that I'm her only while we are together! We all have our pasts!
Nothing can protect you from all the std's out there. Not even waiting 3 months!
Self Respect is about not letting others abuse or use me.
I respect myself enough to give in to my own physical needs at times and not deny myself of those pleasures! And respect anyone else who feels the same!
I know at my age what it is I need from a partner sexually! Most of the other things are obvious enough to begin with. Job, family,intelligence etc. Leaving the physical question.
So why waste weeks and months to find out that something that is very important to me is non existent?
Great looks, good job, very intelligent, not sexually compatible, not going to last!
If I'm going to invest, it will be in something complete! I owe myself that much! That's what I call self respect!
You know it's not really about the first date. It's about not waiting to long for what maybe the true deal breaker! | |
|
| |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:07:04 AM | | I don't have big moral issues about first date sex. But I think it creates a huge potential for misunderstandings because you don't know the other person well. You may think you have hit it off really well when they are actually just playing you. I guess it also requires you to be very confident about sex. If the sex is less than perfect the first time you are unlikely to take the time to explore how it can be improved whereas in a more established relationship you would take time to work on it. | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:45:02 AM |
Nut shell; A lady can have any man she wants, but those who have respect for themselve will wait for just the right one. LaughingLibra and OldSoul responded to this one nicely… ditto to them…
But sex on the first date...actual, naked in bed, makin' sweaty sheets? Nope. Big red X on the screen. FAIL.
I prefer to be with someone who has more respect for themselves than to have sex with an almost complete stranger on the first date. I’m curious as to why this is considered a lack of respect for a woman to have sex with a man on the first date?
I’m also sure that both of the men that have posted that it’s a lack of self-respect for women to have sex on the first date refuse any sexual overtures or passes made at them on the first date… right? Because otherwise it would be an unconscionable double standard to hold someone to a certain lifestyle while you enjoy freedoms simply because of your gender.
Personally, I don’t see the big deal with having sex on the first date… | |
|
juus
| | Joined: 10/2/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:46:11 AM | | I guess for me it is more satisfying to know the person a little more, the sex may or may not be great but the spirituality will be missing. If it is just a casual fling then that is fine between two consenting adults, and it may develop to something more meaningful. I do not personally feel there are any rules that fit here, and it is what suits the two people concerned. We are all individuals with our own parameters, so lets all live and let live. | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 3:28:53 AM | We, as humans, are predestined for sexual desire and attraction for others. We are born this way and we die this way.
Because I was married for so long, I have not had many FIRST dates, and I have never had sex on a first date. However, that doesn't mean it won't ever happen.
I refuse to try to preset or "program" myself to think only one way. And I certainly don't judge anyone if they choose to have sex on a first date. If an attraction is there and two people are consenting adults, I don't see why it should be made into a big deal.
If more people stayed out of other people's business, it would never need to be a topic of discussion to begin with.
To each his(her) own is my philosophy on this one. | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 3:45:04 AM |
And that ^ is a perfect example of what I no longer tolerate OR have any respect for. Having your own opinions on things and adhering to your own beliefs is one thing, but to cast JUGDEMENT on others for simply being different than you is another.
I completely disagree. When we are picking our friends or lovers we are allowed to judge. It makes no sense for the rest of us to throw away our morals and ethics simply because there are those walking around telling us to do so. That is our prerogative.
I also find it difficult to be lectured on right and wrong by people who seem to lost their morals somewhere along the way. If you want to have sex on the first date, go for it. I have the right to judge you. I have the right to include you or not in my circle based upon your behavior. I love this "right" thing.
My personal choice is that there is a plethora of problems associated with sex the first date and I choose to not deal them. | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 4:29:32 AM | Hey Rockman - I agree with you. I think it is just if both are feeling it that it happens, whether it is the first, second, third or whatever date. It is a strange thing for women I feel. If you have sex with a guy right away, even though the attraction and everything else is there, you (at least me) feel that he'll get the impression you'll sleep with anyone - which is not really the case, but you tend to hold out because you don't want to leave this type of an impression with someone. As I've gotten older, this issue is not as much of a big deal, because I want all phases to connect, especially for me the bedroom. After a sexless marriage towards the last few years of it, I want someone who is more than compatible. It depends on the 2 people together. Some wait  and some don't  | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:14:11 AM | -I completely disagree. When we are picking our friends or lovers we are allowed to judge.
-I have the right to include you or not in my circle based upon your behavior.
Of course you (and I and everybody else) has every right to use our judgement about who is allowed in our circle of friends and lovers. That goes without saying!
That's not what I meant when I said that one shouldn't cast their judgements and force their morality on others.
For example, it is my right to refuse to accept within my inner circle of friends and lovers anyone who still believes in their childhood imaginary friend and who derives their morality from what I believe is a fairy tale book.
I personally and privately have judged those people to be illogical and not able to use their critical thinking skills - that is my personal opinion and I am well within my rights to have my own opinions.
But is is NOT within my rights to publicly cast my judgement on people for believing differently than I do and to shove MY views and what *I* believe to be MY superior morals down their throats.
So...should a man use his judgement to accept me or reject me into his personal life for any reasons at all, he's well within his rights to do so ( just like we ALL are).
I don't personally care what someone who believes in sky daddies (for example) thinks of me - like them, I am well within MY personal rights to consider the source and dismiss anything they have to say as nonsense (as per my opinion and judgement).
But that still doesn't give me the right to publicly call such a person delusional in the same way that I don't believe they have a right to publicly call me a slut.
They may think I'm a slut and their friends may think I'm a slut, but who the hell are they to publicly label me a slut and to try to impose what *I* believe is their archaic and misogynistic opinions of me ON me???
However, that is just the way I see things and this is just my opinion - to each their own.
JMO
| |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:41:12 AM |
If it is just a casual fling then that is fine between two consenting adults
I don't look at it as a casual fling.
It starts off with the intentions of dating. Dating with the intentions of long term.
Long Term has always been my goal.
I can't see wasting time with someone who is just out to date and not really looking for anything "too serious".
Sharing ones inner feelings and dreams, past pains and joys should be done with people of a like mind. Someone that is willing to share the same.
I'm not about to share my dreams with someone that will be leaving in the morning! | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:52:44 AM |
But is is NOT within my rights to publicly cast my judgement on people for believing differently than I do and to shove MY views and what *I* believe to be MY superior morals down their throats.
This is a public discussion forum. It is not as if we are walking down the street or showing up at a POF party yelling slut and whore at everyone. The draw to the dark side is strong and people need to hear that not all of us have been drawn in. That may provide people the encouragement they need to act respectable. This is called the opposing viewpoint and if you can't voice this in a public discussion forum, then where can it be done?
They may think I'm a slut and their friends may think I'm a slut, but who the hell are they to publicly label me a slut and to try to impose what *I* believe is their archaic and misogynistic opinions of me ON me???
Ahhhhh, a feminist. Now I see the reason for the anger. I am slightly baffled now. I see men who will respect you and earn your trust in no way misogynistic while those who want to do you on the first date, and probably won't see you again, to be totally misogynistic. Why are you drawn to them?
Don't buy into the hype. "Progressive" is not necessarily the right way to go. | |
|
| |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:17:34 AM | I see men who will respect you and earn your trust in no way misogynistic while those who want to do you on the first date, and probably won't see you again, to be totally misogynistic.
Men who think in terms of "doing" a women ARE misogynists in MY opinion (for which I am entitled to).
Men who respect only certain women according to THEIR misogynistic and biased opinions of them ARE misogynists and narrow minded in MY opinion.
Ahhhhh, a feminist. Now I see the reason for the anger.
Ahhhhh, another one who blames feminism for everything. Now I see the reason for the confusion.
I'm not angry by the way and my opinions have nothing to do with feminism...what a farce...let's blame the price of tea on feminism shall we?
Don't buy into the hype.
Ahhhhh, another pot calling the kettle black. Too funny (in my opinion of course).
JMO
| |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:18:28 AM |
That may provide people the encouragement they need to act respectable. This is called the opposing viewpoint and if you can't voice this in a public discussion forum, then where can it be done?
Oh by all means show how much of a hypocrite you are right here!
Your insults and comments to others are anything but respectful!
Learn to walk the walk, then talk the talk!
Show any and all prospective dates how rude and disrespectful you feel you need to be towards those who you disagree with!
I'm sure it will help them to know how they will be treated if they disagree with you!
I'm glade that some disagree and are willing to share their opinions. As mature adults that don't feel the need to put others down to validate themselves!
But you are free to post here too, as you said it is an open forum! | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:47:54 AM |
I’m also sure that both of the men that have posted that it’s a lack of self-respect for women to have sex on the first date refuse any sexual overtures or passes made at them on the first date… right? Because otherwise it would be an unconscionable double standard to hold someone to a certain lifestyle while you enjoy freedoms simply because of your gender.
Well, I must admit that when I was younger. I would happily engage in sex with a woman on the first date. As I have gotten older and more mature, I have learned to be a lot more intelligent on the matter. As an adult I think about things such as the possibility of getting an STD...that I didn't think or worry about when I was younger.
So I perceive a woman who has sex on the first date as less smart than one who waits to know me better. As I also, perceive now that I was not as smart as I thought I was when I was younger.
So is it a double standard for me to frown upon behaviours that I no longer think were good, that I practised when I was immature....? | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:49:43 AM |
Oh by all means show how much of a hypocrite you are right here!
Your insults and comments to others are anything but respectful!
Learn to walk the walk, then talk the talk!
Walk what walk? Are you encouraging me to try some quick internet sex? Do you really think I will enjoy it? By the way, there is nothing hypocritical with what I said. Either you don't know what the word means or there are comprehensions problems with your reading. There have been no insults, although, I do feel a rumble in the ground.
Show any and all prospective dates how rude and disrespectful you feel you need to be towards those who you disagree with!
I'm sure it will help them to know how they will be treated if they disagree with you!
I'm glade that some disagree and are willing to share their opinions. As mature adults that don't feel the need to put others down to validate themselves!
I never put oldsoul down. I was not rude. We were having a healthy discussion that you seem to be trying to spoil. More reading comprehension problems on your part. It is very manly of you to jump in here to protect a woman's right to quick sex.
But you are free to post here too, as you said it is an open forum!
Thank you for that show of encouragement. It's not like you had a choice either way. | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 7:03:32 AM |
Men who respect only certain women according to THEIR misogynistic and biased opinions of them ARE misogynists and narrow minded in MY opinion. I think that I now see where you are coming from. Are you saying that some men are hypocrites where they will take quick sex from one woman and then hold another up to different standards? If so that's not me. I also don't put women down for this yet praise men who conquer a bunch of internet gems. I believe we are all equal. As a personal choice I don't participate in the seedy side of internet dating and my circle does not include those who do. Ahhhhh, another one who blames feminism for everything. Now I see the reason for the confusion.
I'm not angry by the way and my opinions have nothing to do with feminism...what a farce...let's blame the price of tea on feminism shall we? I do not blame feminists for everything. I do love the new divorce laws and child custody laws. Thanks to all feminists for that! Although, I do still open doors and act respectful so I haven't bought into all that feminism has to offer. Feminists are just not my cup of tea. Have you seen the price of tea skyrocket since the 60s? | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 7:10:54 AM | I’m curious as to why this is considered a lack of respect for a woman to have sex with a man on the first date?
You're right.... It is wrong for us to lose respect for you for having sex on a first date...
However, I'd lose respect for a woman if...
1... She was to have sex with someone when she doesn't know whether he has AIDs or Herpes or any other STD....
2... She went off somewhere quiet and private with a total stranger....
3... She went to a total stranger's house....
4... She thought bringing a total stranger into her house was a good plan...
5... She got pregnant and didn't know who the father was...
6... She got pregnant and ended up on the Maury show.... AND still didn't find out who the father was....
7... She was to have sex before finding out if the guy is married or seeing someone else...
8... She was to have sex on the first date because of "chemistry". Players create first date chemistry....It's the secret of playing...
9... She was to have sex on the first date because of booze, drugs etc...
10.. She was to have sex on the first date because of low self-esteem isssues....
11.. She was to have first date sex because she read on a dating site, Cosmo or somewhere else that it was ok.... She should know herself whether it's ok or not....
None of those would be what I would call intelligent decisions... And I don't want to date people who repeatedly prove themselves to be unintelligent.... | |
|
| |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 7:31:28 AM |
If Adam and Eve had had sex on the first date, they might have stayed out of trouble.
Blame Eve. Adam was perfectly happy using his tool to relieve himself until Eve crammed the apple down his throat.
This, sadly, was the start of feminism. | |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 8:06:04 AM |
They may think I'm a slut and their friends may think I'm a slut, but who the hell are they to publicly label me a slut and to try to impose what *I* believe is their archaic and misogynistic opinions of me ON me???
I love sluts. I think everyone should bang a few before settling down. Sluts are there to fill a need in society.
Some women are born to be sluts, others are born to be wives and girlfriends. | |
|
| |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 8:29:03 AM | Some women are born to be sluts, others are born to be wives and girlfriends.
And that is your opinion for which you are entitled to have.
But it doesn't change the fact that that line of thinking makes you a misogynist in one of it's purest form, in my, and many other people's opinion.
Forms of misogyny (http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Misogyny)
Subscribers to one model, the mother/whore dichotomy, hold that women can only be "mothers" or "whores." Another variant is the virgin/whore dichotomy, in which women who do not adhere to a saintly standard of moral purity are considered "whores."
OT...
Sex on the first date should be a decision that two responsible and mature adults decide between the two of them in my opinion.
And because times have changed since I was last in the position to have to make such a decision, there are many factors that would come into play before I would accept to have sex on a first date.
But one of them would NOT be so that I will be seen as a "slut" or a "proper" person to marry, of that I am sure.
My main concerns would be for my personal safety (as they have always been), and for this little thing call AIDS which didn't exist back in the good 'ole days of my youth.
JMO
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
~Friedrich Nietzsche~
| |
|
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 11:36:57 AM | Well I think it's just the fact that I'm still young, but I have no issues with myself or others having sex on the first date.
Some people go on dates JUST to have sex. While other feel a strong sexual attraction to each other and want to make that attraction even stronger.
I will admit there have been times where I was in both areas. I have on a first date had sex cause I was horny and also there have been time when I felt a physical and sexual attraction to the female.
But I have been brought up to be free with my emotions and how I feel about them so I guess it's just my upbringins that's also helped me get to where I am. | |
|
Home
login 
