| | Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?Page 3 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | | personally, i got no objection nor do i judge any couple who do this on a first date. But i just dont see how it does happen. I couldnt get those weeks of getting to know eachother, and getting that comfort level up into a 4 -6 hour date. Sure the date may be fun..but i dont know how 2 people could be so comfortable to go down that line so early. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 12:54:20 PM |
Cynderella said:
Blame Eve. Adam was perfectly happy using his tool to relieve himself until Eve crammed the apple down his throat.
This, sadly, was the start of feminism.
Perhaps this was no snake in the garden...
But
This is the day Eve realized the little head has a brain of it's own...thus corrupting Eve.
Blame Adam!
exactly the penis does have a evil little mind of it's own an when that lil smokey is fully "charged" it can take over the entire control center of the BIG BRAIN | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:24:34 PM | I have gotten a few e-mails from people who would like to post but know how others will jump on them. Or how their box will be filled with date offers!
People need to get a clue! Really.
It's not about sleeping with just anyone.
I won't sleep with just anyone! There has to be a connection and agreement on getting involved in a relationship!
That's what Adam gets for listening to the hard blowing wind that was telling him she was a slut and had no self respect!
and get over the std crap! No protection is 100% If you can get it in the first week you will still get it 6 months later! | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:38:49 PM | But sex on the first date...actual, naked in bed, makin' sweaty sheets? Nope. Big red X on the screen. FAIL. I prefer to be with someone who has more respect for themselves than to have sex with an almost complete stranger on the first date. I’m curious as to why this is considered a lack of respect for a woman to have sex with a man on the first date?
I’m also sure that both of the men that have posted that it’s a lack of self-respect for women to have sex on the first date refuse any sexual overtures or passes made at them on the first date… right? Because otherwise it would be an unconscionable double standard to hold someone to a certain lifestyle while you enjoy freedoms simply because of your gender.
I'll be happy to share my thoughts on it, since you asked.
A sexual overture/making a pass is one thing, ENTIRELY separate and different than actual sex itself. It's called flirting. There's no double standard involved, Psssst. She makes a pass at me, or flirts with me, that's cool 'cause you can't catch an STD from talk, nor can you get someone pregnant from talk...and you damn sure can't get labelled a "user/player" with just talk. Sexual overtures and coy passes are one separate thing entirely from ripping clothes off and having sex on the first date. To me, it seems like you're reaching quite a bit with that scenario, hoping that somehow by doing so, you'll be able to cast negative light on our opinions. Good effort.
On a first date, I will gladly initiate or play along with overtures and coy passes, because it's part of the flirting game. There is no double standard there, no matter how hard you look or try to manufacture one outta nothing. Talking sexual, and engaging in sexual activities are two wholly separate things. I'm not sure how you equate them to be one and the same? Oh wait, it's 'cause they're NOT the same.
I already explained how I equate it to a lack of self respect, but I can reiterate...I am a stranger to her...she is a stranger to me...she wants to sleep with me on the first date, as STRANGERS...how many others has she done this with recently? One word comes to mind...EWWWWWWWWW. Followed by a NASTYYYYYYYY. I will always see sex on the first date as weak, unnecessary, unjustified, classless and not worthy of a second date. Why? Because that's MY opinion. If it works for YOU, then keep doing what you're doing. It will never work for ME. I'd prefer to date someone who ain't led around by their crotch tingles.
Clearer now?
Personally, I don’t see the big deal with having sex on the first date…
And as I just said above, you're entitled to your opinion on the subject, as am I. If this type of thing appeals to you, then keep doing it.
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:47:53 PM |
Clearer now? Actually... no.
A sexual overture is an offer of sex... the negotiation per se. It is not flirting or coy passes... it's basically the equivalent of Let's fvck.
There's a marked difference between overture and innuendo.
As for reaching or making a good effort... nope, I was merely wanting clarification on something...
Cheers...  | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 3:56:32 PM |
and get over the std crap! No protection is 100% If you can get it in the first week you will still get it 6 months later
That argument is crap....
I would think that by the time 6 months had elapsed, I would have known the person well enough to have had a conversation about getting tested and seen the results... else it ain't happening...
There's hardly time for that the first night you meet them.... | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 4:15:35 PM |
I would think that by the time 6 months had elapsed, I would have known the person well enough to have had a conversation about getting tested and seen the results... else it ain't happening...
There's hardly time for that the first night you meet them.... 
Don't forget how long Aids can lay dormant! Only to come out full force "years" later.
God I hope she doesn't get a paper cut when handing you all of the proper paper work and health certificates! She might end up waiting another 6 months before she can prove that she didn't contract some type of bacterial infection from the paper!
I am very sure it would so worth the 6 months to a year wait too!
You come across as a very considerate and thoughtful person and all! | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 4:25:16 PM |
I don't see a problem with it at all Rock. In fact call me a slut I don't care, but I have sex on most of all my first dates. I think it's fine, if two people are happy and having a good time that night, so why not. Life's too short, so I enjoy it while I can.
To each their own.........everyone has the right to do as they choose. This is no offense to the poster of this quote, but why would a man want someone who would have sex with everyman she dates on the first date. Its great that you are happy with yourself and confident enough to do what you want and that is your choice. I personally just want to save such things for someone special.............not just someone that bought me a dinner and movie. I must be rare because I am not one of those females that can see a relationship on the first date.........and I am not intimate unless there is a relationship possibility. ` | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 4:36:46 PM |
I am so glad that several people have posted about first nighters becoming long term.
Happened to me each time except once. Got engaged to one of them. Only one I never heard from again, but I had the feeling I wouldn't.
If I don't know a guy very well (up to me to decide), I'm not even gonna be on that first date with him TO sleep with him on it. Why are you all dating total strangers?
My self-respect is intact, too... due to the fact that it's MINE and no one else has a say in it.
Blame Eve. Adam was perfectly happy using his tool to relieve himself until Eve crammed the apple down his throat.
This, sadly, was the start of feminism.
No.. no problems with feminism, there.
exactly the penis does have a evil little mind of it's own an when that lil smokey is fully "charged" it can take over the entire control center of the BIG BRAIN
I dunno what's worse or sounds more ridiculous.
Blaming feminism on Eve or bandying about with the same old insult that men are daft enough to be overtaken by their wang... even if it's in jest. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 4:53:29 PM | Well Rock, look at this way...........................if she'll, or he for that matter, will have sex with you on the first date. You have to wonder how many first dates has she/he had? Plus, even Ted Bundy was a nice person to a point as was Lizzie Borden. I know there is nothing that turns me off more than having my sex partner wielding a 12" blade when we're doing it.
While, being of the male species, I have those urges strike from time to time. I usually refrain until the second or third date, then if she wants to rip my cloths off she is welcome too.
Lastly, you have to ask yourself..............................in a long term relationship, what if he/she meets up with someone else she likes alot? | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:01:05 PM |
You have to wonder how many first dates has she/he had?
Why assume he or she does this on all first dates? I mean isn't it just possible that you totally rock and they want you right NOW?
Lastly, you have to ask yourself..............................in a long term relationship, what if he/she meets up with someone else she likes alot?
Do people REALLY worry about being cheated on THIS much? And THAT easily?
Mind-boggling. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:19:01 PM | like a few above said ,to each is their own.
For me personally i won't do it. I find i enjoy getting to know someone quite a bit before engaging in sex. now a make-out session; that's a different story !
G | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:32:38 PM | | That quote was mine kirota, and your right two each their own. And I don't see a relationship on the first date, I never did. Who to say there will be. But like I said, I do have sex on the first date if I am interested in the person I am with that night, then I am gonna have sex with him. Especailly if we are both hot and horny, sorry but that does happen. Not just for me, but to the dates I am with. The guys I date are very much interested so, make the night fun. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 5:37:47 PM |
You have to wonder how many first dates has she/he had?
To me it's not about who or how many she has been with before me!
As long as she is only with me while we are together. We all have our pasts!
I mean isn't it just possible that you totally rock and they want you right NOW? 
Lastly, you have to ask yourself..............................in a long term relationship, what if he/she meets up with someone else she likes alot?
Being free and open does not mean easy or slutty! | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:23:47 PM | well i do not think its important to get laid on the first date ....you really have to find out how your chemistry is really ...if you cannot control yourself on a first date then you have problems ......if something happens then it happens but if your life is revolving about how you can get laid then you might want to exercise some self control ....and there are lots of diseases around too so that is a biggy also ... if you are expecting to get alid becasue you bought somone dinner then you are off to a bad start | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:37:12 PM | this is certainly a question that evokes much emotion. There seem to be three camps here. The 'follow your impulse', the 'segragators', and the 'evaluators'.
'follow your impulse': these are generally people who claim to be looking for a relationship. In the mean time they act on every whim. They have the mindset that Life if about having fun and why not live life to the 'fullest'. These people often abandon critical thinking and just go with the flow.
Segragators: These people devide dates into two groups, those I want to get to know, and those I want to pass time with. Passing time generally consists of sexual banter and playing betwween the sheets while waiting for someone more 'appropriate' shows up.
and the 'evaluators': these are the people that are more disciplined. They know how to delay gratification and they do if for what the believe to be the greater good. They generally have a very good idea of who they are and what they are looking for. These people are comfortable being alone and not having sex because they believe Mr. or Mrs. Right is out there and its just a matter of time before they meet.
I can say that I have been ALL of these people at various times in my life. But, what I have learned is this: when i was impulsive and acting on every whim...I was not in a place to open my heart to anyone, so having sex was a way to get attention and not have to make myself emotionally vulnerable. I think this is a common situation in our generation.
when I compartmentalize, I find that I get distracted by the sexual relationships and dont give the 'potential' partners the focus they need in order to actually build a realtionship. For me there is also sometimes the feeling of regret after a sexual encounter....NOT ALWAYS, but it happens. When in this phase, its is easy for me to be manipulated by a man and to fall for his charms...wanting him to mean what he says and trusting that he isnt a player...this is the problem with segragation...somehow someone always blurs the boundaries! next thing you know you have slept with a guy and think you are in a relationship just to find out he is living with is ex-wife and has warrants for his arrest..and he has three other girlfriends and probably has a few STD's... lesson learned but who needs that? right?
then theres the analytical phase...the phase where you have to be so confident in yourself that you can say and do everything that is healthy for you...listening to the inner voice that says 'this guy is hot, but he aint it'. I would say this is the emotional equivilent of mature, but its not nearly as fun!
there is no need to judge anyone based on the choices they make and the lifestyle they choose as long as they are not hurting anyone. Being honest and open with people is the very minimum in respect. everyone deserves that! SO, make your choices, be safe and try not to hurt anyone in the process. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 6:44:32 PM | My sister slep with her boyfriend on the first date, they have been married 18 years
ok so if I wait a few dates to sleep with them, will they call me?
I have had it both ways, if I dont I never hear from them agian or if I make them wait
a few have waited, Iam really confussed.
I slep with my ex boyfriend on the 2nd date, and the guys feel in love with me
and we dated 2 years | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 7:27:30 PM | Back to the cave-man days...
The chase is better than the catch.
By nature we want what we can't have.
So no, no matter how hot and connected we are...there is no first date sex! I'm not promoting 1st date sex, but I don't see the logic with any of these thoughts.
We live in a modern world, it's not primitive, hell even I have learned how to use a cell phone.
Not every guy enjoys chasing after women. Personally I look for women who value reciprocation, not one-way interaction.
I don't waste my energy chasing what I can't have. Where's the purpose in that? I'd rather pursue someone who is available and let's me know that.
Again, not that I'm promoting 1st date sex, but if I strike a connection with a lady on a 1st date, we enjoy each other's company, I wouldn't discount having sex, especially if she were sending out the "third base coach waving the runner in" signals. Nothing more non-plussing than a disingenuous woman not taking responsibility for making sexual come-ons while having no genuine interest in having sex. Talk about being confused.
Now back on topic...
Why is sex on the first date such a big deal? Basically because more often than not you know PRACTICALLY NOTHING about the 1st date sexual partner. Whether or not they have STDs. Whether or not they actually are emotionally available. Whether or not they have lied about anything they've disclosed and/or have an attached/married/nut-case stalker following them.
If they're willing to do it with me, then how many other first dates have they had recently that went the same way? To me, it just reeks of nasty, and no self respect. If they can't respect themselves, there'd be no hope I'd ever respect them either...so automatic FAIL there for me. HUGE deal breaker. With an attitude like this, I hope you make ZERO sexual comeons on a first date. Otherwise it's the pot calling the kettle black. In other words, it takes one to know one. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/3/2008 9:11:30 PM |
Actually... no.
A sexual overture is an offer of sex... the negotiation per se. It is not flirting or coy passes... it's basically the equivalent of Let's fvck.
There's a marked difference between overture and innuendo.
As for reaching or making a good effort... nope, I was merely wanting clarification on something...
Cheers...
WOW is all I can say. What world are you living in where a sexual overture is suddenly beyond just a flirt, and now translates into "let's ****"?
Whatever, I guess we both live in different worlds then, and I'm cool with that. I still say you were reaching though.
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invu3
| | Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 70 | |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:20:36 AM | Actually... no.
A sexual overture is an offer of sex... the negotiation per se. It is not flirting or coy passes... it's basically the equivalent of Let's fvck.
There's a marked difference between overture and innuendo.
As for reaching or making a good effort... nope, I was merely wanting clarification on something...
Cheers...
WOW is all I can say. What world are you living in where a sexual overture is suddenly beyond just a flirt, and now translates into "let's ****"?
Whatever, I guess we both live in different worlds then, and I'm cool with that. I still say you were reaching though.
An overture is a proposal. So a sexual overture is a proposal for sex. It's not restricted to talking either, touching can be a sexual overture. If a girl started rubbing a guy's inner thigh on the first date, that's almost undeniably a sexual overture. How does that not scream "let's fvck"?
So the initial double standard question as I understood it... If a guy lacks respect for women who have sex on first dates, but he would accept such an overture as mentioned above, does his same moral judgement apply to him? Or is it "ok" for him since he's a guy?
It's clear this wouldn't apply to you since you've already stated you wouldn't have sex on a first date. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:42:17 AM | You know, if you read enough of the posts from some that have posted about taking every precaution possible and their views on how they view people that are freer then they themselves chose to be.
You will see how far down the hypocrisy goes! Some will sleep with others in relationships, have sex with ex's that are in new relationships with out the same requirements as they say they hold others too!
Sleeping with a new partner too soon is wrong and distasteful, yet sleeping with some else's partner is just fine, if you had dated before! Classic man.
The same people who try and display such high morals and character, with a iron fist. Flip to the other side and show the complete lack of those same morals and character when it can be justified through their own situations. 
As far as the constant use of the phrase "complete stranger":
Many people spend days and even weeks in chats and phone conversations getting to know each other. So the "first date" is just the first face to face meeting. They are not complete strangers. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:58:18 AM | Rockman I agree with you on this one. I am not opposed to having sex on a first date...if two adults have connected and the sexual attraction is there and strongly felt then I say enjoy each other. Now whether this develops into anything long term is anybody's guess.
Legacy  | |
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UrbanX
| | Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2008 9:59:46 AM | I wouldn't have sex on the first date with a woman that I thought had the potential to become a long-term relationship.
This is not because I think it's wrong in any way, but because the odds are that she would feel wrong or uncomfortable about it and break off the burgeoning relationship.
And women, some of whom are possibly posting on this thread, try on sexual personas, some of which fit and some of which don't. Sometimes women play at being sexually adventurous and uninhibited, but that's not really who they are. Sleeping with them when they are pushing for it on a first date can be equally counter-productive.
Cheers,
Mike (if I were taking a lover? bring it on) | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2008 10:11:34 AM | You know, if I hadn't read this thread - I'd have thought that if a woman slept with me on the first date, it would mean one of two things (or both):
A) She must be super hot for me *flex*
B) I must be super studly *flex*
Thank you guys, for letting me know that it actually means she has low self-esteem and doesn't respect herself. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2008 10:13:18 AM | | For me sex on a first date is a big no no,probably a bit strange for a bloke im sure you are thinking,but i couldnt go in to what i would want to be a lasting relationship with a woman who gave herself to me straight away,as the saying goes...all good things are worth waiting for. | |
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