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| | Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?Page 8 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | Im no prude about sex but Ive never done it on the first date and if she entertained that I WOULD think she is in the business.....not to many woman do this...at least to my experience....if theres chemistry and comfort...I would think anywhere from the third date on....unless the hormones are totally off....lol | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 7:11:46 AM |
No one has the right to question another persons freedom of choice in this particular matter.
They can question anything that they want. Now judging them for their choices is a nother matter.
I see a few hyporcrites on the issue. Many post the "right" answers to appear squeeking clean and honorable. Talking about morals and self respect.
Read more of their post on other issues and it becomes clear what type of people they really are.
Funny how some have taken such a personal stance about a simple question.
I suck on some sweet box and share every bit of passion I have with the right woman on the first date. Then again I spend plenty of time getting to know them chatting and talking on the phone. So it's not about the date being a complete staranger.
Besides, sex on the first date will always get me a second date! Because I RocK!
The RocK MaN | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 8:04:01 AM | | Sex on the first date is not a big deal. Most men are of the belief that if a woman partakes on the first date then she has done the same with other men. For insecure men, this thought is too much to handle. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 9:00:58 AM | Most men are of the belief that if a woman partakes on the first date then she has done the same with other men
It's also probably true. If a woman sleeps with a man on first date she probably does this with every man she meets. If she didnt then she wouldnt do it with any of them. First impressions count for alot. if the first impression a woman makes is, "lets hit the sack", well his belief is probably true im majority of cases. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 9:47:21 AM | For insecure men, this thought is too much to handle.
I have come to the conclusion that the first people to call others insecure are either insecure themsleves or trying to deflect criticism.... I see "insecure" used on this site about once a day, usually by some woman trying to defend an untenable position by deflecting it so as to make the man appear "weak" or "wrong"...
Examples:
A woman gets called a slut - The guy must be insecure
A woman has too had a few too many partners & her guy is disturbed by it - The guy must be insecure
A woman wants to spend a night /dinner/weekend/ go on a trip to the Caribbean with her Ex husband/Ex B/F /Ex FB/Ex FWB and her guy doesn't like it - The guy must be insecure
A woman has a tattoo of her fave lover on her boobs & her guy is disturbed by it- The guy must be insecure
A woman has had a lot of one night stands & her guy is disturbed by it- The guy must be insecure
A woman has a lot of male friends who she's had sex with in the past, her guy is not comfortable - The guy must be insecure
The guy has feelings/ is uncomfortable/ personal values - The guy must be insecure
Every guy in the bar has screwed her, and talk about it derisively & her guy is not comfortable about it - The guy(s) must be insecure
A guy has a picture of his car/motorcycle/Ex/gun/muscles in his profile - The guy must be insecure
In fact it seems to boil down to anything a woman disagrees with - The guy is insecure | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 10:00:00 AM | | So this is your way of finding out which women on here give it up quick???? I think it is called "game playing", been going on for centuries. My daughter tells me if you give it up on the first date, you want get a second one. At my age, I may not live to see the second date!!!LOL | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 10:21:02 AM | this, i must say sadly, is extremly ture but guess my honest despiration for a relationship got the better of me....i too fell into the trap outlined by,
"Most of them hide behind the sweet nothings & big smiles everyone likes to see that makes sparks fly".
i often thought it was only guys that dabled in this but i, being a young male with old fashion values thought id never ber caught by a girl in this way....boy was i a dumb a**....
the end result left me with havin to pop a dose of pills to clear away the inifection and side effects for the 3 weeks that followed. To add insult to injury she wont even talk to me now, the way things are you'd be certain that i was the one in the wrong when infact im the victim... but i'll tell you what, its a lesson to base all future run ins with the opposite sex on...
my heart has been hardened... | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/25/2008 10:27:25 AM |
Puts a whole new meaning on "Double Dipping"..
Or sloppy seconds??? 
Back to the OP question about sex on first date a big deal or not... Putting aside all STD talk ... from my perspective it really shouldn't be, but it is. I feel, if you are two consenting adults and you want to go for it, do so.
The tricky part (and it is tricky) is how either party is going to behave or react following the sex. If one person doesn't call the other one and it was just a one night stand, the other person might get hurt and feel used as a lot of people have posted on these forums. To me, most people shouldn't have sex on a first date because they really can't handle the potential of it just being sex and not a relationship (I'm looking at you ladies!). When people learn that sex is just sex...not love, not a relationship, not a bonding experience, not a weapon with someone you just met... maybe then some people will be able to have fulfilling adult relationships. Sure people want to feel loved, but there is nothing wrong with getting fvcked for the sake of fvcking. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/28/2008 2:45:03 PM |
Well unfortunately, judging by a few responses, seems there are folk that believe it is a big deal. That's a shame.
Well, it's a also a shame that people keep telling others that sex on the first date isn't a big deal as if somehow that will change things. Despite what people say or do, it is still an issue for a large number of people. That's not likely to change soon. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:37:22 AM | | i wouldnt put my hopes in it, but if it happens it happens. preferrably, sex before the relationship though, only so i can know what it will be like with her | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:40:43 AM |
A perfect example happened to someone I know on POF... She got an email, and emailed the guy back, sent several emails back and forth, chatted daily, then took it to phoning daily... several times a day... for quite a few days...
Finally they got together, went out to dinner... drinks... They got a long great...
They had sex, the same night... went their separate ways...
The following day, he was rude and humiliated her when she contacted him. He told her she was the second woman he'd slept with that day. And he told her never to contact hm again because he got what he wanted and he was meeting someone else that night anyway... Fortunately, she didn't catch anything from him...
That guy is still on POF as far as I know. She hasn't been since.
Did she at least get a free dinner or an orgasm or 2 from this date?
If so, there are a few people on this board who would defend this as a highly successful date. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/30/2008 9:13:06 AM | It's a shame that people use sites like this and Myspace to be in essence 'sexual predators'. I'm ok with sex on the first date, but I also know that not everyone is. From a relationship standpoint it usually spells disaster. No two people will become attached or feel affection for one another at the same rate, unless you're a really great match. Unfortunately for us all in today's dating pool, finding a great match is nearly impossible. You can find someone you get along with or even have chemistry with, but I'm not looking for a partner. I want that knock-down drag-out passionate love. There are people that will fill in the space between now and when that happens, but I won't be happy with anything less. As far as sex goes, I'm open. I'm ok with being friends with benefits, and I'm pretty open sexually anyway. But I also understand not every female I date is as open as I am. Rarely will I or any man ever turn down sex nowadays, but when it's used as a tool to snag a man you're asking for trouble. I don't expect sex on the first date, or even the second or third etc... But I'm not bashful about making it known I'm sexually attracted to a woman. It's not always so blunt as "I want to #$%& you", because I enjoy the chase as well. Body language, eye placement, facial expressions, touches, wordplay... All are things that delay the act while heightening the pleasure one can take in it. If you're not getting sex on the first date, it might just be her ideals. Chances are it's probably you too. You may not excel at the aforementioned things, and many women correlate these things and draw parallels between them and sex. "If he can make me feel sexy with his eyes, imagine what he can do with his hands."
With all that being said, sex on the first date is great. If the girl comes off as a whore, I'll play stupid to her signals. I've had a woman get tired of my playful innocence and just over it up to me. I don't like loose women, but I mean that in the sense that they use sex for attention or to boost their self-esteem. It's always nice to feel wanted, but if you have to sleep with ten guys in a month to feel sexy, chances are your looks aren't the problem... I like a woman that is sexually... How do I say it. Not dominant. Not strong. Sexually secure. Who knows what she wants and how she wants it, but also willing to please. All things in life are give and take, and when you find that balance you usually get what you need. It may not be what you want, but since when does ANYONE truly know what they want?
My advice to the men: If you want sex on the first date, find a slutty or insecure woman. You're going to do it anyway, and if you're not willing to put time in it that's your only option. If you're willing to wait, it will usually pay off in the long run. It may not always, but that's just the antithesis to what women put up with when trying to find a decent guy or 'the right guy'.
My advice to the ladies: Give it up on the first date! Haha. Just kidding. Once you're secure in yourself and your desires, your pleasure will only increase. Not only will it show in your sex life, the changes will permeate your whole life. Go at your own pace, and don't be afraid if that pace is a crawl, a walk or a FULL ON SPRINT TO THE FINISH.
The only thing you can do, is 'do you'. Do that, and then "do" them. lol.  | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 11/30/2008 12:05:09 PM | I have come to the conclusion that the first people to call others insecure are either insecure themsleves or trying to deflect criticism....
Since I know what it was like to be insecure and I am so much better off for having gotten over it, I'm sure that insecurity is not an issue. I have zero problem with a woman who has had a lot of partners. The fact is most men are afraid of women who have enough experience to know they suck (not in a good way) in the sack. Most men care what other people think and are afraid that others will laugh at them for being less experienced than their partner (hence the hypocrisy.) Getting over that insecurity opened up a world of women, who for the most part, have been far more interesting (and generally more academically educated) than the typical passive, prim and proper muffie who only did a few guys (with after the fact, self-serving, manufactured regret) and who blames them for getting her drunk and taking advantage of her. You are welcome to those.
A woman gets called a slut - The guy must be insecure
The use of such perjoratives is the canonical example of a person who has no real argument on which to base an opinion (as well as an indicator of a hypocrite.) I have no problem with someone who has different moral values and walks the walk himself. But, any guy who maintains a double standard is insecure and needs to get some balls.
A woman has too had a few too many partners & her guy is disturbed by it - The guy must be insecure
That same guy will have a problem no matter how many partners she's had. Even zero won't make him happy because he'll alawys worry that she'll go find out what she's been missing.
A woman wants to spend a night /dinner/weekend/ go on a trip to the Caribbean with her Ex husband/Ex B/F /Ex FB/Ex FWB and her guy doesn't like it - The guy must be insecure
I'll cop to that one. On the other hand, I would never even consider contacting an ex without the SO present and I burn my bridges, so I feel I can expect an SO to indulge an insecurity about her future actions with an ex.
A woman has a tattoo of her fave lover on her boobs & her guy is disturbed by it- The guy must be insecure I don't care too much for ink and since tattos can be removed, that shouldn't ever come up.
The guy has feelings/ is uncomfortable/ personal values - The guy must be insecure
Personal values - whatever they are - are acceptable only from those who live according to their own values. If you don't walk the walk, then you're a hypocrite and hypocrisy is often based in insecurity.
Every guy in the bar has screwed her, and talk about it derisively & her guy is not comfortable about it - The guy(s) must be insecure
In your case, that's definitely true, since you apparently can't get over that with your SO, yet you claim you care about her. If her past is ruining your relationship in the present and you would otherwise be happy to have her, then what else could it be but insecurity? I guess it could be an excuse to drive her away because you are afraid to dump her and risk being alone, but that's just a different kind of insecurity.
A guy has a picture of his car/motorcycle/Ex/gun/muscles in his profile - The guy must be insecure
In fact it seems to boil down to anything a woman disagrees with - The guy is insecure
They have it backwards. What annoys women about those guys is that the guys appear c0cky and that intimidates insecure women. Note that c0cky guys are often reviled for being c0cky but usually by women they wouldn't date. How else would you account for the hypocrisy of women who hate guys who show off their assests, yet give no second thought to insuring their own assets are captured in photos (cleavage, nice ass, legs, sexy clothes anyone?)
In fact it seems to boil down to anything a woman disagrees with - The guy is insecure
But, the biggest indicator is that you care way too much about what other people think. If you weren't insecure, you could build your SO's self-esteem by being proud to be seen with her instead of destroying it by hiding out in fear of running into someone she's slept with. You must be a real source of comfort and support... My guess is that she only stays with you because you've demoralized her to the extent that she's started to believe no one else would want her. What a pair you two must be. The insecure and the co-dependent. If anything, I feel sorry for her for having been sucked in by someone with your psychological issues. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/2/2008 9:42:28 AM |
But, the biggest indicator is that you care way too much about what other people think. If you weren't insecure, you could build your SO's self-esteem by being proud to be seen with her instead of destroying it by hiding out in fear of running into someone she's slept with. You must be a real source of comfort and support... My guess is that she only stays with you because you've demoralized her to the extent that she's started to believe no one else would want her. What a pair you two must be. The insecure and the co-dependent. If anything, I feel sorry for her for having been sucked in by someone with your psychological issues.
But then, you would be wrong. I don't put any of this stuff back on her. In fact, she has thanked me a few times for helping her.
When I met her, she was depressed, she had been unemployed for a long time, in over her head with debts, she was still being manuipulated by her Ex husband ... even though they had been split for several years.
She had never learned to argue with him or really anyone before. She always chose compliance as the easy way out. Several people in her life were using her...
I helped her learn to argue. She got good at it( I created a monster hahaha).
I got her to go to counselling. I got her to face a lot of the things and people she had been running away from.
I've taught her to be proud of her accomplishments rather than let negatives drag her down.
She's always known I back her 100%. She's seen me deal with a couple of her Ex's who got out of line.
I may not have been pleased with the situation, but it's a part of having a relationship with her, I can't separate her from her past, but maybe I can make the future better.
She's working, getting out of debt... out of reach of her Ex...
She's learned to say NO to people and she's developed a backbone...
She's learned to avoid painful parts of her life and is still working on improving herself... | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:41:15 PM | abelian,
But, the biggest indicator is that you care way too much about what other people think. If anything, I feel sorry for her for having been sucked in by someone with your psychological issues.
Wait, you criticizing this guy who pointed out reverse stereotypes is just the same as what he did. Seems like you have some issues yourself - lol. This is a forum -- he wasn't throwing a tantrum like you were -- he was making a somewhat humorous list he may take a bit too seriously, about reverse guy stereotypes. He was making a point that the stereotype about guys "being insecure" is overused, he has a point, but yes, like anything with a side of humor in it, tends to be exaggerated (to make the point). If anything, I'd say I hope the guy doesn't think it's THAT bad in reality, but I think you were way over the top and showed issues of your own. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:03:42 PM |
But, any guy who maintains a double standard is insecure and needs to get some balls.
Seems to me that a guy who has the balls to maintain a double standard isn't insecure.
In secure people go with the flow and accept other people's views whether or not they are their own.
Even zero won't make him happy because he'll alawys worry that she'll go find out what she's been missing.
Your argument is only valid if he is in fact insecure. Otherwise your argument falls flat. He may want her to have less partners for societal, religious, personal, tribal reasons, or because he's a freak for mathematics, or because he wants her to have a few less than the last chickie he had or for reasons that only he may know.
But to universally label him as insecure is what the women are doing and that was m_church's point. INSECURE has become this site's catch-phrase for anyone who doesn't agree with whatever fetish, behaviour, or issue the person is trying to defend.
In your case, that's definitely true, since you apparently can't get over that with your SO, yet you claim you care about her. If her past is ruining your relationship in the present and you would otherwise be happy to have her, then what else could it be but insecurity? I guess it could be an excuse to drive her away because you are afraid to dump her and risk being alone, but that's just a different kind of insecurity.
Well it could be a lot of reasons. Maybe you should have read some of the other posts about what he's gone through with this woman. Insecure people would have cut and run a long time ago. At least his view is never one of either get over it or get out. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/2/2008 3:44:27 PM |
It's also probably true. If a woman sleeps with a man on first date she probably does this with every man she meets.
This is an assumption and we all know that assumptions aren't exactly reliable.
So this is your way of finding out which women on here give it up quick????
And therein lies the joke. Every situation and woman and man is different. Myself, I've been compelled now and then to NOT wait.. and I ended up engaged to one of those guys, no less.
When I tally up all the dates I've been on in the course of my life and how many of those I slept with pretty quickly.. the results blow that theory about how if a woman does so once, she does so most of the time.. right out of the water... out into another continent, in fact.
Most of the time my desire for safety beats down my desire to sleep with someone and that's certainly a good thing. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/21/2008 3:49:47 PM | You cant generalize on this one......if its something you want......then go for it......and if you dont.......well then dont.......simple answers..... | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:31:50 PM | | Women should never have sex with a man right away, especially on the first date. Men need to chase and women need to be respected and taken seriously. Once a man gets everything handed to him on a platter, he starts to disrespect the woman and not take her seriously. Once that happens, the game is then over and done with. It will be a matter of time before the relationship ends. | |
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| Why is sex on the first date such a big deal?
Posted: 12/23/2008 4:26:35 PM | | In (what I consider the very unlikely) the circumstance of my meeting and going out with a lady with whom we both feel an immediate chemistry and desire for each other, I would like to think that I am and she would be mature enough to realize that it's pretty pointless for us to go our separate ways home frustrated simply because it was a first date, instead of a third, or whatever the "magic" number is. That being said, a lot of pieces would have to fall into place for that picture to come into view, as far as I'm concerned. There is an emotional component involved in having sex, for me, and it personally would be a big deal. After being intimate, I would want to sleep holding her, kiss her good morning. I would love to find that fantasy of falling in love as quickly as lightning strikes and having her be The One from then on. But as much as I would like to experience that, my pragmatism recognizes how rarely that occurs, and I don't want to fall into a "typical" infatuation that lasts a year or two, while you discover you're not really a very good fit for each other. I guess that for me, personally, passion can't exist without intimacy, and intimacy takes time. I think many of us get a false sense of that by being physically intimate, while not really being intimate with the person. | |
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