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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 12:56:01 PM | Obviously eveyone isn't as well adjusted to their social life as you seem to be. I think that the trick here is to think about how long it took him to say anything about it to you. Men tend to not share their emotional side as easily as women. Especially when the emotions have to do with the person they are talking to. Your friend sounds like he may have some feelings for you that make him want to protect you and have you all to Himself. These feelings would be very hard for him to share with you (or maybe even with himself) as most judgemental people don't see themselves as well as others see them. If you had laid down rules at sometime in the past about seeing other people or he is somewhat insecure in himself or both and he developed these feelings he may not know what to do with them. It sounds to me that he"s using the church to make this guy look bad is just a cover for something else. If you are becoming more attached to this other guy he may feel that on an energy level and want to stop what he precieves as you pulling away from him. As we are all beings of light and energy we attach ourselves to those we care about at a deeper level then most. In most people this is unconcious and can be very confusing for them when they start to become aware of it.
Anyway it sounds like the first thing that you should do is get him to clarify his feelings or in the alternative just distance yourself from him as much and as completely as you can for awhile and see if that helps.
Bob | |
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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 2:13:51 PM |
If you had laid down rules at sometime in the past about seeing other people I understand where you're coming from with this, Bob, and I appreciate your views, but there was no circumstance that would have prompted me to ever consider Dude as a potential boyfriend, or even feel the need to talk about it with him.
We were never EVER more than platonic, and I've known him - as I said before - for over 21 years!
He's being moody, possessive and pushy.
I could understand this more of him if we had dated or ever discussed dating in the past, but it's never been a topic.
Now he comes up with some blastoff at me for seeing someone Bloke, but he already knew that. I've had Bloke around for over 2 years.
Anyway, if these few extra details change the way my situation comes across, just know that I never meant anything towards Dude except FRIENDS, and I don't like being ordered to drop other people based on religion. I have the faith too, but I didn't shove my thoughts in Dude's face. | |
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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 2:25:44 PM | I think the real question is why he gets to you like he does, right?
Sure, he is a very dramatic person. Obviously, he cares as it was a very impressive gesture to bring you lunch. He probably has experienced a loss himself and understands what that can be like. What you might want to consider is that he, too, is feeling part of your loss. He is very empathatic and extremely compassionate as well as very passionate.
The best thing to do is to have an honest out-in-the-open face-to-face with him about how you feel when he does the things he does, especially since your loss, which might be affecting you more than you realize, making you more sensitive to his high drama than usual.
He's always going to be like that, you should enjoy it. It's what makes him unique, probably even entertaining in most other situations. You just need not to be affected by it as much as you are. Something I learned that helps me quite a bit is the saying "nobody can MAKE you feel anything". He is teaching you something about yourself. The fact that it affects you like it does is interesting in and of itself. Learn from it but I would definitely talk to him, get to know him a bit more and allow him to get to know you instead of beating around the bush and letting it go unaddressed. | |
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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 5:13:49 PM | You did not offend him. He decided that he was offended. He is insecure and emotional. He sounds like a girl! He took offense and it probably took him a few hours to 'validate' a reason in his own mind that wouldn't come off sounding like an insecure control freak. (Which didn't work).
Tell him to stfu and mind his own business. That should do the trick.
Oh, and go out with bloke. | |
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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:25:03 PM | To aprilwhyapril,
I see your points too, but it's not an unusual or grand occurrence for Dude to buy me lunch. Occasionally we just do that. I've paid for his meal at times as well.
I actually DON'T enjoy his extreme moodiness; it's hard work to tiptoe around someone who, while I acknowledge he certainly means well, is waaaaayyy over-reactive.
If I'm sensitive to 'high drama', it's not because of Dude, it's because I just lost my brother, last year my Dad, the year before that my best friend, and the year before that, my cat.
I'm still a bit delicate .. I don't have the energy to haul around enough armour against this kind of behaviour. That's why I won't talk to him right now ...
I don't feel I owe Dude anything in the form of avoiding certain comments about Bloke, because Dude has no claim on me at all. If Dude gets his knickers in a twist that he's not the one, is that my fault?
nodorks,
Your comment makes sense: about the time lag before Dude could think of something to say. I think if his problem were REALLY about my improper involvement with Bloke the non-Christian, Dude would have said so during the time I was talking about it, d'ya think? Instead he says nothing until the next morning, and his attitude is snarky to say the least.
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I'll just say this: I have NO IDEA how Dude could ever conceive the remotest idea that he and I would get involved. I can't imagine what he might have possibly based his hopes on! I'm sooo not a flirt, and even if I were, I'd never EVER flirt with Dude. EW. | |
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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:31:48 PM | If Dude is a regular church goer here is what I would say..
"Oh I am sorry.. I didn't realize that badgering and harassing people is a fruit of the Spirit".
You are doing the right thing by not talking to him right now..
But if you have interactions with him in the future don't tell him about your life.. in my opinion.. he has lost the priviledge of knowing the details of your life. He has proven that he can't look past his own religiousity..[ and that is not a compliment believe me].
And since he has lost the priviledge of knowing about your life I think you should require him to prove himself trustworthy before you let him back into your life.
What he did was abuse his friendship with you and that aint Biblical and it aint Christlike..
Sharing a concern is friendship.. harassing is not. | |
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| Male acquaintance is too easily offended and emotional
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:56:53 PM | OP: you need to talk to him face to face and not in text if you really want to remain friends. It just comes off as blowing him off if you don't.
BOTTOM LINE:::::: HE LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE YOUR MAN. He's using the "He's not Christian" as a trump card... He bought the meal for you because he likes you.
As much as you wish he was mature and could keep boundries he can't. I've been in this situation.. and you need to just be honest with him that you are interested in other people. You'll be happier once you do as well. If you want to talk more just message me.
hope this helped a bit. | |
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