| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/4/2008 5:16:09 PM | No you aren't making a mountain out of a mole hill...dump him now! 
Who would want to be with someone that is HUMAN and has human needs.
On the other hand, if you can't get over it you should end it because he deserves someone a little less judgmental. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:41:40 PM | | I am a person who believes that prostitution should be legalized, I don't see anything wrong with it. Sex is a human need and sometimes a person buys it, so he was desperate and vulnerable at the time and he fell for it. If he's being truthful, it was a one time thing. I say let it go, we all make mistakes, we're all sinners, if you will. If, on the other hand, you found out that he was continuing to visit hookers, then you've got a problem! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/4/2008 6:51:29 PM | Well let me ask you if you have ever in the past done something you later regretted. Ever suffered a moment of weakness that lead to a poor decision.
I get the feeling his being honest about his mistakes has brought up these things from your past, things you don't want to face or share.
But it is all only human. We all make mistakes. We all suffer moments of weakness.
His mistake sounds pretty harmless to me, no one was hurt. No one's life was ruined. He learnt from his mistake.
It's a shame I think that you love him less because he is human. Perhaps if you also forgave yourself for your mistakes this would not be such a big problem... | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:26:38 PM | OP, I think you should reveal to him....your deepest, darkest secret. Whatever it is in your lifetime, which you are most ashamed of. When you both have gotten those things off your respective chests, I believe you're truly on the path to a successful relationship. Thing is, you BOTH have to be able to ACCEPT the other and their shortcomings....past, present, future.
If what he did is a dealbreaker for you in YOUR and HIS relationship, define it. If what you did is a dealbreaker for him in HIS and YOUR relationship, he needs to define it. However, yours and his relationship did not begin 10 years ago....nor, did it begin when you had your transgression. It starts, NOW (well, 6 months ago).
~ds~ | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/4/2008 7:53:26 PM | Well ..... I was a Boy Scout so ..... I can’t lie.
I have a grand running total of eleven bucks, wrapped up in ..... umm the sex trade.
- eight bucks for the skinny hooker (if I would have had thirteen bucks that night I could have had the one with the big hOOters)
- three bucks down in Boy’s Town (Old Mexico). That one was killer looking and lied to me lol. She was born and raised in Texas and just went there to work ....... ugg - got gipped lol.
So ..... that was back in the sixties - I wonder if they charge more these days lol.
OP - give the guy a break. Many guys have “done it” at some time in their life and many more have at least thought about it. I would not do it these days (I’ve never even been to a HOOters much less a titty bar) with all the ...... bugs out there now days. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/4/2008 10:55:40 PM | sad, sad, sad. this post makes me well sad and sorry for you. And I found it to be so freaking petty that if your standards are so high for a man then you will never find one. you write, you LOVE him and you want to mary him...
Think about your past, and be truthful with us.. have you ever had sex with a guy just because you wanted too? maybe the guy didn't hand you 50.00 afterwards but its the same thing.
this guy didn't have to tell you about it, and well to be honest if it was I, no way would I have told you. This happen 10 years ago!! and it shouldn't have matter if it happen the night before he met you.. whatever he did before that is none of your biz.
you judge him on things he does now, now that he is with you, not things in his past.. I know you can tell a bunch of things to him that you have done in your life that would be in your mind not all that great, right? does it make you a bad person? will you not love and give love because of it?
stop trying to live in HIS past and get on with making a happy life for both of you.
Just about every guy has had sex with a woman that we have just met and care nothing for, or knew nothing about. we might not have paid her afterwards, maybe we spent money on her for drinks or dinner trying to get her guard down to have sex with her.
does it make us bad people? maybe. but when we find someone and we love that person, then what we did back then is not a issue. we are not going to treat that love one the same.
I think you have a great guy there, that only wanted to be truthful with you about his whole life. So you can take him as he is or leave him now. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 12:11:16 AM | Thank you everyone, I know my issue is not that this might have been a one-off and he's telling the truth but that he may have visited hookers regularly. I can handle the first easily and accept it as something that happened when he was feeling down whilst a regular habit would concern me greatly. But I guess even if it had been the latter, I have to trust that it's something that he did in the past and loves me now and doesn't need to do it anymore. I just want to be sure he's telling the truth but the story does seem to be very sanitised. Oh well, maybe I should just move on but take it really slow.
I definitely won't be rushing into marriage; I want to be with him for at least another year before we do that and get to know him properly. And of course I admit to having done regretable things in the past - maybe, as someone suggested - I should share them with him as he's shared with me. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 4:47:46 AM | i have only one concern..you've only been together 6 months, yet you're already engaged?? I know you're in love....(which may put blinders on)..but what do you know of his extended family and friends?? I'm not concerned about the 1 time thingy with the hooker..but it leaves me curious why he felt the need to tell you?..as the others have said..i doubt it would effect entry into the USA..(something u assume) it's a misameanor not a felony..but check with the authorities in your country to verify all info and run a check on him.You may find something more serious..or...he may have told you this so when he finds a hooker..say 2 years from now..he can say..well..u knew i had done it before..and accepted it..whats the prob..now??
I know i've taken a suspicious view..and on the surface i would agree with the other posters..but i look 'deeper' into one's soul..especially if i intend to spend the rest of my life with them and also bring him/her around my kids.It pays to double-check..triple-check..someone's past now-a-days, especially when that past covers 50+ years.I would turn over every rock...and really get to know his friends and family..especially one on one.Good luck..we have a saying here in the USA.."its better to be safe than sorry". | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 5:02:19 AM | | Thanks Gourmet. I know his kids really well - they're a huge part of his life and he adores them. That's one of the things I like so much about him. Have also got to know his brother and mother and even met the ex-wife. So have no concerns about his family. I reckon he told me about it, because in the UK he has a criminal record and this can have a bearing on things like employment, life asssurance and the like. And have made it absolutely clear to him that if he ever does anything like this again, I'll cut his bits off with a blunt knife! Also, will not be getting married for at least another year so that gives me plenty more time to be as sure as I can be about him. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 5:02:20 AM | oh jeez, are you kidding me? this happened 10 years ago!
what the hell did you do 10 years ago that *you're* ashamed about?
and don't try to tell me you've never done anything where you didn't feel totally rotten about it later.
stop obsessing about ancient history and be happy that you've found someone you love enough to marry, *and* that he's actually honest enough with you to discuss this matter so openly. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:26:57 AM | | OP: It seems kind of interesting that the guy would tell you about a single experience which happened TEN YEARS AGO and was only a hand-job. It's also weird that this single incident would be affecting his sexual performance that long after it happened. Just like you speculated, one has to wonder if he is understating his involvement with prostitutes. Maybe he has had more experiences and more recently than he's telling you. At the least, you definitely need to confirm that he's STD-free before engaging in any sex. Ask to see a print-out of his medical record. Don't take his word for it. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:57:49 AM | OP, the poor dude got a record for a handjob he never got and lost 20 bucks 10 years ago. Big deal, he was honest with you about it. If that's the worst thing he ever did, then he's a keeper. I can see him fearing that you'd take this one weird thing the wrong way if you found out some other way and want to be sure he came clean about it. I feel for the guy, what a nasty stroke of luck. I doubt he went near strip club, let alone another prostitute after that whole deal.
Some men do way more than that way longer and don't tell anyone anything.
Marry the guy - if he loves you and doesn't want you to have secrets, what's the problem?
And for the poster above me, if she doesn't know if this guy's STD free by now, I don't know what to say. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 2:53:57 PM | | A man had relations with a streetwalker a decade previous. Oh my God! Those throw away people are selling themselves for a reason. 99.9 percent of the time for drugs or the money to buy drugs. My particular advice...I wouldn't marry you, lady. I have my own secrets, my own moment of reckoning. If a lady can't accept MY past, I don't want her. Nobody can change what they did or the mistakes they made. If you clean it up, if you made yourself right (not easy) there should be redemption. Redemption and forgiveness. And if they don't, they don't. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 6:42:54 PM | | OP, come on. 10 yrs ago, it's not like you found out haphazardly, by mistake, a slip. He told you for God's sake. He was truthful, he didn't try to hide it from you. He was honest. You ask what kind of a man uses a hooker. One that wants some human companionship. One that is lonely, saddened by his life's events. Someone that want's to hold onto a piece of humanity for just a few seconds or minutes and feel like just maybe someone gives a shit enough to be with him, even if he is paying her money. I have never been with one. But there were times after my wife's death, before I started dating that i certainly considered it. If it was legal I most probably would have. Fear of getting arrested, losing my job and my livelihood is what stopped me. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:57:28 PM | Um. I'd check his criminal record...just to make sure the details are what he's telling you. Make sure that it was once and that it was 10 years ago. I was in a similar situation where he confessed something about his past and my reaction was awwww, he's even more than I imagined. He's honest. Well, if your bloke was like mine you might be looking forward to a relationship in which you are sharing with hookers.
Your engagement was swift. Please make it a long one and don't rush into things. Six months isn't long enough to know him well. | |
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ikat
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Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 67 | |
| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:29:21 PM | Sounds odd he would get a criminal record for JUST that.
Didn't Hugh Grant get caught in a similar situation 10 years ago? And end up with a slap on the wrist? (actually maybe he was caught in the USA).
BUt anyways....does seem a rather harsh penalty for only that! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:42:29 PM | Are you sure you are ready for marriage??? Why rush life...life is to be enjoyed...
Spilling something that is so personal to him and heart wrenching to you out where anyone can see it....What a silly and foolish question to be asking strangers...
Have you told him about this posting on this Thread? Will he leave you if he found out about this on a dating site? | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:42:10 PM | Hun, his family is one thing...but don't overlook his friends either...has he told you why he got divorced?? There were kids involved..so it had to be pretty bad, no?/ Good thing about the 1 yr. thingy..alot can happen over a year..
I still would double-check the hand-job story..and anything else on his "record"..it can't hurt and it would put "our" mind to ease...(looking in from the outside w/o emotional involvement)..promise me you will, ok?? Good luck..if all the above checks out...then he's a keeper..good luck... | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:11:05 AM | You may not have picked up on it, but when women refer to ‘whores and sluts’ they invariably lump the two together, never referring to them individually as though the two were just synonyms for the same thing. The odd part is that the two groups are really nothing alike at all when you think about it. Whores are women who sell sex for money, with a set rate of hourly exchange for various forms of service. A slut on the other hand is a woman who for whatever reason loves to sleep around with various men and may genuinely be enjoying herself. This would be like comparing WalMart to the Salvation Army, one does this to turn a profit, the other does it for shits and giggles.
Now you might wonder, why do women like to lump these two groups of women together? Might it be because these two groups DO have one thing in common - they disrupt women's monopoly on sex. With either of these two groups you have a serious revaluation of the male orgasm. Imagine if you live in a town and the only had this grossly overpriced department store which for the purposes of this analogy I shall call Neiman Kuntus. The store having had a total monopoly has gotten incredibly snooty over the years and most of the men can’t even afford to shop there. The few that try have had their credit record ruined.
Now suddenly next door opens up a plain cinder block establishment where there are no frills, a minimum of bullshit and instead of exorbitant payment rituals there’s just a simple cashier who will happily give you a price check on anything you ask. We will call this place WhoreMart. WhoreMart was started on the simple policy that men like to have sex and shouldn’t have to fill out a credit check just to get their nuts off.
As though this wasn’t bad enough, in various locations around town women are ‘volunteering’ to give sex with seemingly no obligation at all. Squeels on Wheels is offering it as a service to some men regardless of their ability to compensate.
Prostitution has been hated since it’s inception, not by men, but by women. Not because it degrades women. Women will gleefully prostitute themselves out for goodies, they just despise the idea of having to compete for it. Competition lowers costs, it improves the quality of the product. This would be great for sex, wonderful men, and the ruin of the kunts. Women loathe having to compete for anything and the thought of having the one thing they can offer men commoditized scares the living hell out of them. They will fight to keep it illegal and would sooner have abortion made illegal than have prostitution decriminalized. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:16:16 AM | Personally, this doesn't seem like a big deal to me; I can see why it would make you wonder, but is it important enough to you to risk your relationship over? He's still the same person that he was, now you just know about this thing he'd already done. It might be a deal-breaker to some, so you need to figure out whether it is to you.
Have you talked with him about your thoughts on the matter since he told you about this? If not, I'd highly recommend doing so, and let him reassure you. Communicate your feelings with him and ask him the questions you need to ask. You could also look into a session or two with a couples counselor if you want to be guided through this process. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:10:21 AM | | If this bothers you so much and you cant forget about it you should just move on and let him find someone that is worth his and and not was his time with you. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/6/2008 12:05:25 PM | My sister's brother in law used to hooker. I am sure that he made up a sweet story for his wife also. He still does sleezy strip joints. Nasty porn mags. And I wouldn't doubt if he did hookers. Because I had heard that hookers were hired to some of the bachelor parties. So he may be covering his tracks from the past, but that does not mean that he has changed.
I had a boyfriend and found out that he had a fiance and boy did we compare notes.
He was LOITERING where the hookers hung out. Nobody loiters where the hoors hang....
Get real!!!!!!!! I mean we found out he had two steady girlfriends and juggled us quite well.
i would be careful. you need  | |
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