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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:59:14 AM | Now this guy cmdrfunk has his head on straight. Not afraid to tell the truth. Tell it like it is. A fairly young guy with real insight. Yeah, a breath of fresh air.
Women that sell sex ( For drugs. Drugs put women on the street). These women are people too. Damaged people, but people nonetheless. The men that use them are damaged also. We all of us damaged somewhere.
In Vegas women come in for the weekend. Housewives. To whore for extra money. Not for drugs per say. Maybe they want a nice, new red handbag. Yes, I know this and I have seen them in various strip joints. I read them in a millisecond. Hard, predatory eyes. Looking for a trick. All business.
They looked right through me, I didn't look like money. Didn't look like a like a John. A guy on a convention...yeah! Fresh meat. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:42:27 PM | | Addendum: in Vegas a casino is called a joint. The strip is Las Vegas Blvd. In other words these ladies weren't trolling at exotic dance clubs. In casinos. For instance the front bar at Treasure Island. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:47:26 PM | | Of course you should let go of it as it isn't a big deal. If he isn't doing it now, why worry about it. As to what type of man goes to a prostitute, one that wants to have sex and doesn't have someone in his life willing to have sex with him. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:58:44 PM | Prostitution has been hated since it’s inception, not by men, but by women. Not because it degrades women. Women will gleefully prostitute themselves out for goodies, they just despise the idea of having to compete for it. Competition lowers costs, it improves the quality of the product. This would be great for sex, wonderful men, and the ruin of the kunts. Women loathe having to compete for anything and the thought of having the one thing they can offer men commoditized scares the living hell out of them. They will fight to keep it illegal and would sooner have abortion made illegal than have prostitution decriminalized.
well excuse the fck out of me, but i didn't realize we were lowering the entire human race to the equivalent of a bunch of rutting seals on some stinking beach.
your model of human sexual behavior is most superficial and bestial, and therefore it only applies to the most superficial and bestial sort of people. and yes there are plenty of those to go around, but by and large most people, most of the time, hold themselves to standards of personal behavior that are somewhat higher than the average dog in heat.
as a die-hard libertarian, i have absolutely no opposition to sluttery OR prostitution. nor do i have any need to "compete" and/or dole out my private parts as a reward for consideration, monetary or otherwise. so by all means, please put your d*ck in whatever hole you want to put it in and knock yourself out. i can guarantee you that no women anywhere are crying into their lattes about it one way or the other.
i see sex as something more than the recreational exchange of bodily fluids. most mature adults, whether they're libertarian or not, pretty much feel the same way. and those that do not, certainly aren't complaining because more civil society isn't meeting their relatively indiscriminate sexual appetites... they're out slutting and whoring. which suits me and them just fine. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:14:42 PM | Hiring a hooker is no different than filling that guy/girl up with booze, flowers and diamonds. The only difference is you know what your gonna get with a hooker. Now if he does this while in a relationship you might have issues.
Ask yourself this. Who would you rather be with. Someone who went to a hooker in a moment of weakness or some playboy who slept with a different woman every night for 10 years.
There is nothing wrong with paid consentual sex. The problem is with the people who wish to judge you using their morality.
If you trust him this is a non issue. If you dont trust him then his going to a hooker is the least of your worries. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:27:04 PM |
Ask yourself this. Who would you rather be with. Someone who went to a hooker in a moment of weakness or some playboy who slept with a different woman every night for 10 years.
Neither.
There is nothing wrong with paid consensual sex.
Well that would be for each person to decide for themselves. I don't think it should be illegal , but morally it's not something I would ever want anything to do with nor would I want anything to do with someone who would involve themselves in that. I don't think though that something that is wrong for me should be illegal for everyone. I am all for people choosing how they want to live and what is right for them. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 9:53:13 PM | well if you can't let go of this... how will you let go of the images of him having sex with his wife....or the other partners in his life
as for the trust factor re criminal factor, maybe you should do a background check on him.
love is blind............ knowledge is peace of mind! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 10:26:04 PM | | If my girl friend wants to know my past sexual explicits I will tell her. If she tell me hers ,its my duty to tell her its OK. I still love you, respect you, and it doesn't change who you are to me. Should I break up with someone I like because ,she was raped, all I can think about her being raped. No I should get over it. If she tells me her last boyfriend had a giant****should I be upset because mine is tiny compared to his. No I get over it. I encourage you to become enlightened be more sexually explicit with your boyfriend, maybe you should even give him a hand job blow job in the car sometime, then take is wallet and steal 20. But laugh about it get over it, role play if you must. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 10:52:38 PM | | A woman being raped and a man going out and hiring a prostitute can not even compare to one another. Being raped is not a past sexual exploit nor does it have anything to do with sex or any choice on the womans part. It is extremely offensive and crass of you to even compare the two. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:24:50 PM |
They got in a car and parked up, only to be apprehended by the police who had been watching her. So he never got his hand-job and instead ended up in court, was fined and now has a criminal record.
WOW...what a rip off..hope he at least got his money back.
Also he doesn't want anything hidden between us and has told me it's been troubling him for months and effecting his sexual performance.
REALLY...maybe you should start charging him $$$$ everytime you have sex...perhaps that will help him get it up.
I've been with my lovely boyfriend for just over 6 months and we got engaged a couple of weeks ago.
So should I try to let this go because I love him?
The fact that this man tried to pick up a hooker isn't a big deal. Hey...even the most respected religious leaders have been caught trying to pay for some nooky...the big deal to me is that you are engaged to marry this man SO SOON!!
 Why are you both in such a rush to get married?
ps. In Canada I believe you can file to be "pardoned" after 7 years if you have a criminal record and have had no additional problems with the law since that time.
Are you sure this event took place 10 years ago??? | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:44:37 PM | | The reference come into play when one is obsessed by their partners past, and how it effects the future. Many men have to think about an instance such as there girlfriend having been raped. It is not an apples to apple comparison, nor could it be. The point is you might need to let go of what ever horrible things are in the past and move on. Esp. a botched hand job. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:26:42 PM | | The past is the past. If history repeats it self then that's another story. Some people make mistakes and don't repeat them. You'll have to choose in this case. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:54:26 PM | Nothing to worry about.
The guy's being honest with you and giving you what I call the "Full disclosure" before you two make the plunge. It's not a big deal. Be happy! Life is short enough as it is without having to micromanage and worry about those things!  | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/15/2008 8:39:34 PM |
Prostitution has been hated since it’s inception, not by men, but by women. Not because it degrades women. Women will gleefully prostitute themselves out for goodies, they just despise the idea of having to compete for it. Competition lowers costs, it improves the quality of the product. This would be great for sex, wonderful men, and the ruin of the kunts. Women loathe having to compete for anything and the thought of having the one thing they can offer men commoditized scares the living hell out of them. They will fight to keep it illegal and would sooner have abortion made illegal than have prostitution decriminalized.
I don't have a problem with prostitution. If men are stupid enough to let women take advantage of them, why should I care? I think they should make it legal. I don't remotely feel I am competing with prostitutes for anything. When they deal with men, it is to sell them a service, it isn't anything personal. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:11:16 AM | this is hilarious. there was a similar question asked in the opposite order, "my girlfriend used to be a prostitute" to which a multitude of replies said "damaged goods" and a number of guys stated that this would be a total and complete deal breaker for them. now here's a guy that used a prostitute, and the majority says "give him a second chance."
come on, what is it people? it's ok to pay for dirty sex but not to get paid? keep in mind that prostitution is heavily decriminalized or legal in most western countries. US states are the exception. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/16/2008 1:55:43 PM | Not to completely address all the arguments out there, but it's easy enough to say that it's still a man's world. if you look at issues of women's healthcare (they've got a lot more going on down there), and access to that healthcare, female representation in gov't, business, academics, double standards in gender attitudes, among other things we still have a long way to go.
we all know about the glass ceiling ( on a positive note, we got the first female four star general this week, woo hoo!), so i don't have to get into that. Europe is better than us in terms of equality for women, but most of the rest of the world is worse.
granted we aren't a place where if a women is raped, her family then kills her to "preserve honor". but that doesn't mean we don't have room for improvement. let's take health for example. why is it that birth control only exists for women to take, not men? why do things such as contraception, and hpv vaccines cause controversy and moral panic? the hpv vaccine will prevent so many young girls and women from getting cervical cancer, yet it is opposed by so many groups on the basis that it will "increase promiscuity". anything that protects women "increases promiscuity", yet I hear no cries of outrage for products that protect men or increase male sexual function (such as ED drugs).
What it comes down to most basically, is that when a guy sleeps around, he is a stud. When a girl sleeps around she is a slut. The situations and little details don't matter. This is the big picture. Both men and women are guilty of propagating this belief (more men than women, but women will harshly judge other women as well, even more so than men sometimes), and it's hard get over the societal pressures of these beliefs and standards. This temple of purity that we put women into (and that I have myself), is just not reasonable unless men do the same thing. You can't have a vixen one day, and a virgin another. It's one or the other.
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To the OP: i'm in the unique opposite situation of you. so really the important questions. do you love him? is he still doing it? has he lied to you otherwise? is this something that you can put behind you?
if the answers are yes, no, no, yes. then i have to tell you that you've got a straight-up winner. it'll take time to put things behind you, oh, it definitely will take me some time. society has imprinted on us so many irrational ideals and notions of acceptable behaviors and "morals", that it makes so many of us unable to make our own decisions on what makes us happy. Instead, we go by society's ideas of "what should make us happy". This applies to all facets. To take a simple example, "why don't like I hairy legs on a women"? Because mainsteam society has dictated that women must shave their legs to be attractive. Now, I can choose to accept that belief, or I can choose to disregard it. It's always easier to accept it, because of the reinforcement you get from around you (and it's a value that I do accept for myself, FYI). Why is your heart hurting? Because your fiance chose to sleep with a hooker in the past, and based on the laws (which are based on popular opinion and "morals" at the time and place of where you are living), tell you that it's wrong. As far as I see it, he has not wronged you personally, and his exchange was a mutually agreed to decision with that women. So he has done wrong by society's eyes, but has he done wrong by you? Will being with him make YOU happy? It doesn't matter if him being with you makes the NEIGHBORS happy, since you are the one to go to sleep next to him and wake up every day. Not the neighbors.
As more myself, and you have read about my situation. And I have made my decision, and now it's just a matter of time and concerted effort to heal that initial shock and wound. It's not easy, but I can honestly say it's getting better every day. If you stay, and he is the man that you claim he is, outside of this past transgression, it will make your relationship stronger. i love my woman more everyday, she loves me more because she knows that with me even knowing her history, of her having gone to hell and back, that i have stayed by her side. so it's your decision to make. the path won't be easy, but if you stay, the reward will be more than you can imagine. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/16/2008 2:14:24 PM | Oh for the love of Christ.
Listen to me, if he was 'desperate' for human 'comfort' he would've paid the tart for a hug wouldn't he but no, the stupid twit was so allegedly 'depressed and 'suicidal' he succeeded in getting a 'hard on' which, I assure you, is impossible to do if you're genuinely depressed or suicidal
His behaviour is a common symptom of an impending midlife crisis.
But that's a whole other matter, he didn't get his money's worth and was slapped on the wrist by the law for being a naughty boy.
To be perfectly honest with you, I think this is hilarious.
Tens of thousands of men and women use prostitutes, it's just the way of the world, they're not sub-humans believe it or not.
At the end of the day it's his past and his shame, not yours, you actually have no right to 'absorb' this experience and carry it on your shoulders at all let alone be dimwitted enough to find a reason for it to upset you.
You dont even have anything to 'let go' because the past no longer physically exists and he didn't do this to you, he did it to himself and is clearly very ashamed of it.
He trusted you with something he felt ashamed of and you've turned it into a drama which now involves you, which is completely pathetic and selfish of you, you've made it 'all about you' like a spoilt little diva searching for a reason to have a hissy fit over something.
You're being a drama queen, you have a man who loves you and trusts you enough to share things like that with you so be grateful and get over it.
Go love your man.
Best of luck | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/16/2008 4:49:41 PM | I thought about posting more on this topic, but look, somebody smart already has explained it nicely!
( I bow to you Sir Valentino S ...but will not call you my master :)
Listen to me, if he was 'desperate' for human 'comfort' he would've paid the tart for a hug wouldn't he but no, the stupid twit was so allegedly 'depressed and 'suicidal' he succeeded in getting a 'hard on' which, I assure you, is impossible to do if you're genuinely depressed or suicidal
Tens of thousands of men and women use prostitutes, it's just the way of the world, they're not sub-humans believe it or not.
You don't even have anything to 'let go' because the past no longer physically exists and he didn't do this to you, he did it to himself and is clearly very ashamed of it.
OP
I will just add that, YES, he did confess his 'shady' past because he went to court on account of his exploits, and YES it would be very uncomfortable for both of you if you had to found out about it in some other way.
It was 10 years ago so leave it in the past, you are with the man he is now ( but be aware of the fact that he is ashamed because he got caught red handed, if said event went differently he would not even think much about it - and neither should you)
All the best
Lyliet
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/16/2008 5:18:49 PM | The guy only went with her because he was on the verge of suicide.
Ask yourself: If you were feeling low, and you were persuaded by a handsome lothario to sleep with you, and then persuaded you to take him out to dinner as well, would you consider yourself to be a monster or evil, in some way? Or would you simply say that "things happen", and you were "going with your feelings"?
Would you blame one of your female friends who had a gardener like Jesse Metcalfe from Desperate Housewives, and who was screwing her, and who kept finding things for him to do around the house, in order to keep having sex with her? How is he worse than such a woman?
If you accept your friends for what they did in a moment of weakness, then why do you not do the same for this man? If you are really compatible, then surely this is because you understand him, and you know that you are not perfect either.
Relationships are about relating to other people, and relating is about understanding others, particularly their pain. If you ever have any hope of establishing a relationship with ANY man, then you have to be able to understand their pain. For a man to contemplate suicide, he must be in far more pain, than having several knives stabbed through your chest, arms, and other parts of the body, and it must be constantly there, 24 hours a day, every day, for months. Realise that you have no idea just how much pain he was in, or you would never have doubted his need. | |
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10of6
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Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 98 | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/16/2008 7:48:45 PM |
he decided to confide in me So much for confidences.
What's worse: Almost getting a hand-job from a hooker, or telling the world something told to you in confidence? | |
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shyava
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Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 100 | |
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