| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/17/2008 4:10:55 PM | | a professional counselor helps. an unbelievable amount. they will help you guide (but not steer) you towards what your heart really thinks and you can then make a decision either way. good luck | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/17/2008 6:41:58 PM | | You should really let it go and move on. What he did 10 years ago is history and should not affect you. He was honest with you, loves you and you're happy with him. Don't think of useless ways to defeat success in your life. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/17/2008 8:50:44 PM | | I'm impressed that he even told you!! I'd be more worried about if he was the type of man who lied about it,...or kept it a secret. I've had many male friends admit to paying for sex @ some point in their lives,..whether cyber or otherwise. I'm not saying it is right or wrong, or passing judgement... perhaps its just the "nature of the beast" lol | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/17/2008 9:02:25 PM | £20 for a handjob and he didn't even get off? Oh man! that's worse than an unfulfilling date. I don't see why the police were involved and why they should care if someone is paying for a little pump action. Unless of course the law student wasn't paying taxes on her income.
and yes...you're totally blowing it out of proportion. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/18/2008 7:12:57 AM | | If you are looking for a guy who didn't do at least one stupid spontaneous thing in his life that he regrets good luck on your search. In fact that would be a great thread i might start that. | |
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koldad
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Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 109 | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 11/18/2008 2:00:00 PM | This was so interesting, I went and mulled it over for a couple of hours before attempting to respond. There are a lot of things going on here. My first question is, why on earth did he tell you so much detail? To confess the deed and his record from it is one thing, but, going by your account, he really painted you a picture. Why would he want that in your head?
That this might affect his sexual performance doesn't pass the "sniff test," for me. It just doesn't seem reasonable.
It appears that he is very invested in obtaining your pity. "Almost suicidal," "very vulnerable," "desperate," "miserable," "unloved"... this is all a bit de trop, all this time later, and all of it is also practically guaranteed to push the sympathy button on pretty much anyone.
I agree with the other posters who've said that you wouldn't be here asking if you weren't having some doubts.
As to the original issue, if that were all there were to this, I'd say absolutely forget it. I'm sorry to say that I don't think that's all there is to this. Whatever the reason, and whatever the facts, even if they are exactly as stated to you, it looks very much as if you're being severely pushed around emotionally.
I'd pull back. There are some big fat red flags here, and they have little or nothing to do with an aborted attempt to employ a prostitute 10 years ago.
Best of luck. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 12/9/2008 10:51:23 AM | i am inclined to agree with helen with this...heres some unvarnished truth for you...it was not accidental..he went out looking for it...couldn't say for sure if he had before then or since .One does not by happenstance get picked up by a hooker. And he was in that particular area of town because...he lived there?I doubt that too. He said hand job because that sounds the least like full sex...(remember Bill Clinton acting like a blow job was not sex)probably he was in for the full experience
It could be a pattern of behaviour for him that when he is down in the dumps, sex is the answer as a pick me up. Sex can be an addiction and as such you should be educating yourself about the signs re; behaviour.
He was concerned you might find out about the conviction somehow...he might be obliged at some future point to disclose on an official form or application.I had to fill out such a form recently myself in order to volunteer at my childs school. it included a crimminal background check as well, no problem for me but....those with sex offence convictions would have reason to worry.
You need to have a frank discussion with him about sex and whether or not you will be able to satisfy his desires fully. Should he ever be down in the dumps again , perhaps due to a disagreement between the two of you he may need someone else again.
Having said all that here is something else...Lots of married men see prostitutes...they still however love their wives and families very much...I know it has happened to me.
We are still together,and I love him deeply. Some of us just need more for reasons i cannot clearly articulate.
Men pay because it is the only reliable way to have sex...we women can get it anywhere
so it is not fair to judge just because it was a prostitute.
You need to decide if you can accept that he may be this way...he may love you but he may also need more than one sex partner | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 12/9/2008 1:08:13 PM | | Don't we just hate it when we do really stupid things? And that is all this is, a really bad mistake. Let it go. No sense in dwelling over what you cannot change. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:46:05 PM | | you upset because he was with a prostitute and nothing happened well why aren't you upset that he was with other women before you at least he respect you enough to tell you why dont you wonder what kind of man has a one night stand he was safer with the hooker she would have used condom | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:46:17 PM | | The past is the past. This was 10 years ago! At least he told you, he could have kept that secret from you! I can appreciate honesty and being truthful. Give it up, get over it! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:38:51 PM | I hear hookers are fun. If I had a ton of money I would just buy 5 of them to pleasure me 24/7. Not a big deal. Men like sex, and sometimes they pay for it. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:34:24 PM | I frequented crack addicted prostitutes while living in Las Vegas, the peroration of that behaviour being 1991, when I was using pretty heavy myself. I was working a Caesar's Palace, and actually it's just semantics between the Goddesses (cocktail waitresses) and say high priced escorts. Because those women (Goddesses) will dispense favours for largess.
In other words, everybody is for sale in that town.
It really was more about the companionship than the sex, because sex with a prostitute is little better than masturbation and is really the same thing, emotionally.
Being a John is a rather lonely and pathetic thing to be.
I have subsequently tested clean many times for STD's including HIV.
It wasn't a real happy time in my life. Why would I post this? A woman will read this and decide that I'm not her kind of guy. I don't care really.
They don't know me and they don't know Vegas. Even if they been there a lot. Not like I know it.
Actually I posted because of this: I voted for George W. Bush in 2004. Take that you tree hugging yuppie. You KNOW who you are.
What can I say? I just like doing the wrong thing.
Regarding the OP: Um, grow up. What world you living in? You want to be happy, or do you want to be right?
Edit: that's what the cocktail waitresses at Caesars where called...Goddesses. And they wore silly little bimbo outfits and largess could mean taking a month off to travel with a high roller and um maybe...they put out? But that's not prostitution. That's just shades of grey. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:44:46 PM | A onetime incident with a hooker? I don't understand why this would matter at all.
Have you had a very sheltered life, or why is this such an issue for you?
You are so lucky you found a great guy to love. I don't understand at all why
this bothers you so much. He picked up a hooker ten years ago?
Please lady.....  | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 5:54:03 PM | Ten years ago?
Let it go!!!
From the title I wanted to ask if he learned to be a better lover (which is ideally what professionals are for), but your message made it clear that he didn't even have a chance. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:01:39 PM | Well, your feelings are relevant. I believe that people exchange sexual favors so much in such varying levels of intimacy, that something like that isn't much of a problem, and there's just too much stigma accompanying prostitution. It can be cheaper to just ''prowl'' bars/nightclubs/ etc. and to talk a woman into a 1-nite stand, and this kind of thing happens everywhere, all the time.
The medical concerns are where it begins, honestly. Hopefully, he's provided documentation that he's STD free, which is generally a good thing to have around anyway.
Sex is everything from an intimate, emotional, spiritual exchange of love... to a miny explosion of pleasure exchanged by people, base soley on what their intent is.
I'd not hold it against him or a woman if I met her, and I HAVE dated a woman who had a 'questionable' past before.
Good luck! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:12:04 PM | | It may be fair to say your being obsessive and would beg the question what is in your past? If your like this about his past then Heaven help him when and if he does something you can obsess over in the present. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:40:09 PM |
One night when he was walking home he was approached by a prostitute/hooker (a young law student paying her way through college apparently!) and he agreed to pay her £20 for a hand job. They got in a car and parked up, only to be apprehended by the police who had been watching her. So he never got his hand-job and instead ended up in court, was fined and now has a criminal record.
The best looking hookers are usually cops.  | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:15:56 PM | Here's a man that is willing to share a vulnerable and painful story from his distant past, all in the hopes of being honest and having full disclosure with you, and you're still looking for a reason to make more out of this than what it really was.
Carolanne's quote
I applaud him for his honesty. I can only say that if I were in your situation, I would not have any trust issues. You say that he is trustworthy. Exercise that trust.
You are blaming him/ judging him for being human? And he wasn't with his wife at the time and in a very vulnerable state. I'd give him a hug and tell him that you're glad he shared something so personal with you, and be greatful that he communicated this with you so openly. To then take this info. and be somewhat circumspect/ subversive about his reasons for telling you is unfounded and unfair to him. His criminal record is a misdemeanor, not a felony. It presents no problems that I am aware of.
Please do him and yourself a favor. If you can let this go, great. If not, be honest with him as he was with you and work thru it together. Don't hold a grudge. | |
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