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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:15:56 PM | Here's a man that is willing to share a vulnerable and painful story from his distant past, all in the hopes of being honest and having full disclosure with you, and you're still looking for a reason to make more out of this than what it really was.
Carolanne's quote
I applaud him for his honesty. I can only say that if I were in your situation, I would not have any trust issues. You say that he is trustworthy. Exercise that trust.
You are blaming him/ judging him for being human? And he wasn't with his wife at the time and in a very vulnerable state. I'd give him a hug and tell him that you're glad he shared something so personal with you, and be greatful that he communicated this with you so openly. To then take this info. and be somewhat circumspect/ subversive about his reasons for telling you is unfounded and unfair to him. His criminal record is a misdemeanor, not a felony. It presents no problems that I am aware of.
Please do him and yourself a favor. If you can let this go, great. If not, be honest with him as he was with you and work thru it together. Don't hold a grudge. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/2/2009 11:01:56 PM | this is one of those times when we "oldtimers" usually say "the past is the past"
at 51 years old you qualify as an oldtimer. it happened before you met him, he never completed the act, he shared it with you without you having to dig for it. unless you have other gut feelings that are compounding your ability to put this to rest, just let it go and have some faith in him and in love.
if you have other red flags or a gut feelings, ask him more questions, don't do the marriage for another year or so and see what develops, run a background check on him
i hope it all works out for the two of you | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/4/2009 9:40:40 AM | | To be honest I would be a lot more upset to find a boyfriend cheated emotionally and dated someone behind my back rather than using a prostitute once, 10 years ago. This is so far in the past now. Why? As he said....he felt lonely, desperate and unloved, and desperate for connection. However, you don't get connection with prostitute, and I'm sure he felt even more lonely and desolate afterwards. Other than that....curiosity? Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to sleep with a male gigolo, even if it's just a bit of idle speculation. I really don't think this one off is worth worrying about. Put it to the back of your mind and concentrate on the here and now, and making it happy and fulfilling. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:39:40 AM | WOW! Really, if this is the case of how women think I'm screwed for life.
I went thru a very very very down state, and I didn't know what to do, becuase I felt like a less of a person for not having sex(mind you I recived harrasement for 2 years at a job, anybody I was open enough to think of as a freind, and even girls I really liked about my virginity at 22) I wanted to know what sex was like, yet at the same time I didn't want to do that with a girl that was a pro.
But I did , I recived a bj from a girl, and I got tested a week latter. I'm negative! NEGATIVE on an STD's and plan on making sure of it!!! Thankfully, the point is I'm never doing it again, a 27 minute blow job for that scare, risk, cost, and dirty feeling wasn't worth it. I don't hate my guts as much as I did before though.
WHY??? Because I didn't use some girl like these alot of guys do, I didn't get her drunk, I didn't fake emotion to sleep with her, I was honest, and I plan on being honest with whoever I get in a relationship with. I'm scared though, because of judgement from the girl I want to be with, because I did something I'm not proud of. I needed a fix, a reason not to end everything, to know what I was missing out on, to know I'm human and as good as anybody else.
I F*cked up, so what, thats life! Girls stay with abusers, cheaters, liars, amoungst a bunch of other things, and they get in condomless relationships, and have chances of diease and just damage in their lives from those who've they invested their heart into. Not counting the hurt from some guy who said they love them, or a one night stand encounter with a stranger that cared nothing about them.
This girl I did this with, is close to my age, and I wanted to let her know I'm the caring guy I am! I bought her food at the store $30 worth of alot of food a different day, and I'm willing to help her help herself.She tried to seduce me again during my helping hand, and I said NO! No I didn't want that anymore, I want a relationship with a girl, not a fling or a bust a nut session.
Why did I do it then?
Weakness, self doubt of my own worth, rejection because of inexp. rejection because I'm too strung held on the idea of sex and what the craving I have had for numerous year,s, and the realiztion i'm a sex addict(yes I"m a virgin sex addict, and addiction has nothing to do with physical, it's about psychology with the mind and the plearusre relesing compounds your body creates).
That's the worst in my opinion, knowing so much, yet being held back no matter how good of a person you are, no matter all the things you try, no matter anything, yet it's the everything that would make one's self loose hope. Your ownself defating it self and nothing you could do about it.
I did something, and I can forgive myself for it, I'm not doing it again no matter how hard to fight the urge. The point is I had to forgive myself for such a mistake, for me wanting and feeling nothing towards her other than compasion for her soul, and wishing her the best as I would with anyone else in need. I can forgive my past, so I can forgive hers too!!!!!
Which is what I want, I want someone who wants to be with me, for me, not my past failures held agaisnt me because I care about them, and they may be judgemental.
Considering people my age have 3-5 plus partners at 22 on average!!! really! Really, it's sick and their in a higher chance than me of having something because the frequecy, and the numbers add real up quick. And a bj can give you an std, but I've been checked and proven clean, and the chaces are minimal at best of catching something from oral compared to vaginal or anal.
Either way 10years!!! He was honest with you becuase he cares enough about you to know you deserve to know everything about him, he wants no secrets bewteen you considering you two are possibly going to get married, he wants you purely because of you! Not the past, not all that you have grown from and became the person you are today.
People loose their virginity around 18 90% of the time or before, which means lots of sex prior to me and her meeting. I can't hold her past against her ! Why should I, because they were living their life, and having enjoyment from someone, someone they cared about, maybe the false pretions from a way of a one night stand (which I don't care for no matter the irony of my situation). The point is what happend in our past doesn't mean we repeat it, if we learn from it. And it doesn't make us any less of a person that we are today, it defines us as an induvidual. Stay with him longer because what really matters IS YOU LOVE HIM & HE LOVES YOU TOO!!! Be with him, enjoy every minute of it it, life is too short, specially to hold every wrong breath made, against any chance that comes with the opportuinity to take our breath away, and make us happy. Because honestly that's all we ever want out of datting and marriage right? Just to be happy with who were with, and them to be happy too! Love-
Yes let it go!~ Let what happens in the present and future determin where you too head tomorow. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:02:45 AM | For Christ's sake. The man was jacked up and had his family taken from him and you're fretting over him taking the offer for a hand job when you weren't even present in his life?
I'd say run! Run for your life!
No... not you. Him! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:29:55 AM | Hi Marianne, dont worry over something that happened in the past before he met you. People do far worse things, do a search on him if youre still concerned, but generally I think you should take him at face value he seems like an honest sort. Also, im from the UK and dont necessarily think we're less open minded that our friends in the US, maybe its because your a bit older you feel that way.
Anyway all the best I hope it works out for you x | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:49:18 AM | Yes, Marrianne58 ... I do think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill over this - very much so.
Damn ... if even a fraction of people could be so open and honest as him!
"What sort of man uses a prostitute?" Do you know how many prostitutes there are working day after day after day? Well, for each prostitute there are hundreds ... thousands... of men who seek their "services". Some for sex, some for blowjobs, some for handjobs ... and some for simple companionship.
Personally, I wouldn't bat an eye of concern over what he confessed ... at all. If you've found yourself a good man, keep him!! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:36:53 AM | You should be glad he went to a hooker, he wanted sex and he went to the right place for it. That's a hell of a lot better then trying to bed women using the allure of a relationship while his only intent is to get-off. As long as he used protection, he did the right thing.
As far as the "young law student working her way through college" crap, that's hilarious. Strippers and hookers tell men this because the guy wants to make himself feel better about what he is doing. This way it's not sleazy, she is just a starving student not a strung-out drug addict who's been abused by men all her life and doesn't know better.
I think any man that just wants sex needs to go to a prostitute and stop playing the dating game. Sex is not dating, it's sex, pay for it outright and stop trying to get the freebie after a $3 cup of coffee. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:25:03 AM |
WOW! Really, if this is the case of how women think I'm screwed for life.
Not hardley. If you read a few threads, you'll soon discover that the majority of women do not want a guy asking about her past and they are pretty vocal about insisting that ``the past is the past.'' (I can only speculate on why.) Needless to say, any woman who adheres to that, will not be asking you too many questions, especially if you insist that she go first. If she isn't volunteering her sexual history, you have no obligation to volunteer yours. It's a real conundrun for those who wish to nit pick over the difference between one the night stands they've had and your hour with an escort. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:28:41 AM | | to the OP.....if your boyfriend told he took some girl out for dinner, and then she gave him a BJ afterwards, would that have also bothered you? with a hooker, you get what you want upfront....cut out all the movies, dinner, conversation in between, and the hopes of getting something more than just a kiss at the end of the date | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:12:39 PM | I'm surprised so many of you are giving this guy the benefit of the doubt.
Oh it was just an unfortunately confluence of events. Yeah RIIIIGHT.
I think it is far more likely that the guy tags hookers on a regular basis and just so happened to get busted that particular night.
~Justin | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:37:23 PM | I don't know why he ever told you this story, because I find it incredibly lame, but other than that, I don't understand what your problem is.
Were you at 51 hoping to find a virgin, and if you did, wouldn't you worry he had much bigger issues than this non problem?
I hope you're both being honest in this love, and not hiding bigger issues. M | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:16:49 PM | Hmmmm. A lot depends on trust, but I think I'd still be interested to have full details of his police record, particularly if I was thinking of marrying the guy. However, if he is telling you the truth I'd thank him for telling you and put it all in the past.
I think I'm cautious because I knew someone, once, who tried to put me off the scent of something a lot bigger by confessing that he'd once got on the wrong side of the law. I admired him for being so open with me, but later found out that there was a lot more to the tale than he was telling me and said a lot more about the sort of person he really was... | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:12:05 PM | | Whatever happened b4 you met him made him the guy you fell in love with.. Whatver happens from here on out will decide if you stay in love with him. .. Max nix.. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:07:03 PM | It would be interesting to know what his reaction would be if the tables were turned. What if YOU had been approached by a male escort, made the decision to go ahead and have some kind of sexual contact with him, got caught by the police, and now had a criminal record for it. Would he be understanding? Forgiving? Think of you as such a vulnerable and wonderful person for having told him about it? Would it change his perception of you? I think you are correct in questioning the relationship....but in the end, only you can decide if its something you can live with.
You know the old saying....for every rat you see (or know about), there's 50 you don't!!! | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:32:26 PM | I wonder what the odds of a guy going to a hooker only once and getting arrested....really I think he only told you because he has a criminal record and you would have found out sooner or later...if everyone wants to sugar coat it and say that he is being honest they are as gullable as you are.....and it was only a hand job come on .... | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/26/2009 9:38:39 AM |
What if YOU had been approached by a male escort, made the decision to go ahead and have some kind of sexual contact with him, got caught by the police, and now had a criminal record for it. Would he be understanding? Forgiving?
I would be. In fact, I'd consider visiting a male escort to be a better choice for her to have sex than getting picked up in a bar. I wouldn't think anything about her getting caught by the police except that the law has no business being involved. I'd lose more respect for the law, but that's about it. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/26/2009 9:59:07 AM |
You should be glad he went to a hooker, he wanted sex and he went to the right place for it. That's a hell of a lot better then trying to bed women using the allure of a relationship while his only intent is to get-off. As long as he used protection, he did the right thing.
Talk about a catch 22....
A guy, no matter what he does sexually, outside of a committed relationship is considered loathesome by (it seems) a vast majority of women, who, by the way, don't spend nearly as much time learning about what "other" women behave like, sexually, outside of a committed relationship, so that they can assess the behaviour of "men" in general to "women" in general, REALISTICALLY.
If you want to paint all men with a broad brush, make sure it is tempered with being accepting of being painted with the same broad brush by men.
Oh,......and do a little "Googling" on what some groups of "everyday" women do at private parties with male strippers.
Hate to tell ya, but "they" put their fishnets on, one leg at a time, just like the "ladies" do... | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/26/2009 12:02:46 PM | | He was with a hooker before you.Before is the key word.I don't ask my girlfriend about her past and she doesn't ask mine.I would never cheat on her.The past is the past. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:27:32 AM | Verityone, as I stated it's not loathsome to want sex. It's loathsome to pretend you want a RELATIONSHIP with a woman, but really only want sex. If you want to get laid, do the respectable thing and PAY FOR IT. Do not pretend to date while you're in search of "the one", do not BS a woman who isn't a prostitute for the sake of getting off.
As a woman, getting a sex only thing is really easy, we don't have to pay for it, as a man, not so much. Sorry, but that's the XY thing.
BTW is I were a man, and wanted only sex, I'd pay for it, instead of lying to a woman to get it. | |
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| My fiance went with a hooker before he met me
Posted: 6/29/2009 9:13:20 AM | Should you let this go?????????????
ABSOLUTELY FREAKING FLIPPING yes.
Why would you have any business knowing this when it happened 10 years ago?
He was alone, distraught, desperate. People do silly, stupid things in that condition.
You want to judge him on it?
Don't.
Let it go. And admire him for telling you about it. | |
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