| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:59:47 AM | My girlfriend and I were just discussing this the other day.
Even tho she met her boyfriend thru PoF and they're (supposedly) in an exclusive relationship, she hasn't changed her profile to reflect this.
When I questioned her about this, she said that since he hasn't...why should she?
OP---I think that you need to lead by example.
Either change your settings or attach a small note to the top of your text explaining your current circumstances. Readers will appreciate it, and so might your friend. He might decide to do the same....who knows?
If after 3 months of dating exclusively, I think that members should alter their profiles...or delete them.
After 6 months of dating, I'd question a person who kept an active PoF profile.
Either they are a forum junkie, an attention whore, or a player.
...i think your profiles should be at least hidden after a couple dates.
I disagree. You really can't decide within a few dates if you'd like to become an exclusive couple. It takes time (and effort) to get to establish a relationship.
This isn't primary school where kids 'go steady' and 'get dumped' every week.
We're adults now, who have complicated lives and serious responsibilites, and our dating style has changed.
how can i not be jealous about this?
If only after a few dates, you are already experiencing thoughts of jealousy, I think that you need to do some soul searching and ask yourself a few serious questions.
eg. Why is this so important to me? What do I want? Why do I want it?
Building a strong healthy relationship will help deter feelings of jealousy.
Good luck! | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:10:11 PM |
what is the protocol for making oneself "unavailable" on dating sites
Well OP I am not sure if there is a so called protocal I think it is up to the said couple. I know My profile states not single not looking. I am here for the forums and some great friends I have made and who knows I may meet more great people out here.
I honestly think if a person is bothered by a profile on a dating site that isn't used to troll then they have the problem.
I personally am not a jealous person nor is any man I have ever been with. I personally wouldn't be bothered by him having a profile here nor on any other site. Again that is my personal choice as it works best for me.
I know some would state I am too trusting I dont' think so I just refuse to worry about what he is doing and when I am in the relationship I am well aware of what he is doing in his off time the same as he is me.
One thing if you are bothered by this and you are exclusive give each other your mutual passwords to me that would solve some issues with jealousy.
I do have to say though only dating a time or two doesn't a relationship make that isn't enough time for me to even know a person well enought I wouldn't be hiding my profile.
Good luck | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:28:51 PM | I honestly think if a person is bothered by a profile on a dating site that isn't used to troll then they have the problem. And how would one know that the other person isn't trolling?... Let's look at some of the indicators shall we...
Of course there are some sure signs of attention whoring... things like:
-playing multiple men... 'specially when at least two of the men have another friend in common
-creating a new profile with no mention that you are in any kind of relationship and looking for long-term
-continuously posting in a single manner to garner attention
-getting caught in a whole slew of lies
Of course there are more... but let's face it, an attention whore is pretty easy to spot because they just can't seem to be happy with the attention of one man... or woman...
They're very sad people actually... *shrug* | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:10:49 PM | Eh..............I'm an admitted attention whore.
So sue me!
But............I am also still single. So there!
As for the OT??
Actually, I'm flexible about it.
Obviously, I don't see a need outside of an exclusive relationship.
But, with relationship in hand, the topic is open for discussion.
I'm certainly already a forum reg. and like posting here. And I have a lot of female friends on here.
But, I've survived quite nicely in the past, without pof!
Of course, "Do as I say, not as I do" doesn't float one iota!
So, if my new SO doesn't feel comfortable with me being on a dating website and will equally remove herself? Then I have no problem with it.
To me, the "It's me or POF" discussion is a no-brainer and pof would lose.
If we stayed on, for the forums?
I have no problem with signing on and letting her "look around".
I'm not comfortable with sharing passwords or giving out passwords, to ANYBODY for ANYTHING!
JUST IN CASE!
I've seen relationships go bad and one person screw over the other because they knew passwords.
No Thanks.
But likewise, I'm not one to be asking for her passwords either. And would expect the same courtesy in being able to "look around" in her account.
Either approach, I think, helps to build and solidify each other's trust and confidence in their relationship.
Afterall, we HAVEN'T known each other all our lives....and there ARE some bad apples out there.
However, if you give me an initial amount of trust. Then I'm going to do everything I can to continue building and expanding that level of trust.
I guess that you could kinda view my perspective along the lines of CREDIT!
But don't be running a credit check on me! Mine's crap right now!!!
NOT the personal credit or relationship credit..........but the financial kind! | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:14:11 PM | OP: To my knowledge, there is no protocol. Whatever the couple decides/agrees on is what they should do.
There are many on here for forums ONLY and they don't seem to have any issues. If there is trust in each other, there is no problem.
Good luck! | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:25:16 PM |
I'm not comfortable with sharing passwords or giving out passwords, to ANYBODY for ANYTHING! I agree... giving out passwords is just wrong.
I have some friends on here that will send me messages in confidence. The things they are sharing with me are not mine to decide who to tell as they don't involve me... I'm basically a sounding board at various times of my friends' lives.
To compromise that trust simply because someone is neurotic in their own relationship is beyond acceptable to me...
Trust me or don't...the choice is his... I believe I earn the trust of others and I won't buy that trust with the confidential information of a friend. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:53:30 AM | psssst
Of course there are more... but let's face it, an attention whore is pretty easy to spot because they just can't seem to be happy with the attention of one man... or woman...
I have never heard of this term but it does fit some people. I would like to add something more to this term “attention whore” insomuch that people who fit this characteristic i.e. personality are those who are the most insecure. That in fact they “need” this attention and is what many of us refer to narcissistic supply. They “need” this constance attention and if one supply is unavailable or unable to then off to the next one in line.
I also agree that they are in fact very very easy to spot if one knows what to look for.
They never really come with any real desirer to share anything on a more personal experience or event(s) in their lives (of course one always needs to be careful about giving out personal information but can still post with “well this is what happen to me“ and/or “this is what I did to stop the abuse and/or harassment” ) when posting but instead they do what is called a Persuasive Blamers. Most see people and events as black and white.
They tend not to offer any real solutions but only offer “snappy” one liners and/or comebacks and love I do mean love to define and criticizes others faster then a jack rabbit on a date.
Any post will show only a interest in self and lack any type of empathy for the posters.
Yes they are easy to spot and I hope most will see them and then spend as little time as possible for all they “really” want is your attention time and sometimes your money and nothing more. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:38:18 AM | I've kept my profile to post on the forums as well. I've hidden it but I believe those who've favorite listed me can still see my profile, and I'm not sure, but it may be viewable here through the forums, as well.
I was seeing my boyfriend for about 6 weeks when he wanted to cancel his profile and I told him he didn't have to as I wanted to keep mine for the forums. We decided to update our profiles instead, saying we weren't available, but that didn't seem to deter the gentlemen here on POF from writing to me and asking me to contact them "should my situation change." LOL.
That just ticked off my boyfriend royally so we both agreed recently to just hide our profiles altogether and be done with it. I'm just not sure how that will affect being able to communicate off-board with forum friends. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/12/2008 6:47:59 PM | Okay good for you Purrire...
I get a date, one or two, from Plenty or elsewhere, And I feel compelled to mention this to ladies I begin emailing who might strike a chord of interest. "By the way," I say, "Im not involved but I am dating someone I like and wanted you to know. " I would feel dishonest if I didnt. Virtually without fail, the women will write, Ciao, Goodbye, write me when youre single and so on...
Do you have to pull your profile for one date? Two?? Or else advertise for NSA?? Cmon people!
Men will willingly compete with other men, but a woman, especially a nice one or attractive at all insists on sole devotion and therefore the men with a clue or any expereince will LIE, or they will be relatively dateless...Some women will not write multiple men at a time at all but write one, throw thier heart out there and if it doesnt work, they get hurt and start over.
WILL WE LEARN that you dont get pregnant from an email! That you may get to know multiple partners without being an orgy person? Will our puritan roots ever fade in the hold they have over our imagination?
Yes I love a lot of women friends, and male ones too. No Im not promiscuous or gay and I love my dog, its not sexual. One thing is one thing and each in its place. Can we hopefully sort out attraction and involvement and also learn to have a community of supportive beloved friends as well?? Two against the world alone is such a harsh burden on the partnership. Such an unrealistic myth to try to live out!
Thats my say. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:04:18 PM | | I went on a date with a guy from this site and when he found out my profile was still active after our date, he got all offended. He said he had found what he was looking for, deleted his profile and could not understand why I didn't feel the same and delete my profile. We only went out once. I still have yet to figure out how someone can expect something of you when the two of you really haven't gotten the chance to know each other. Needless to say I haven't heard another word from him, and yes his profile is active again. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:17:20 PM | | It's pretty easy to say not single not looking, and under what you are looking for can be talk /email or friends. It's also easy in the profile itself to say you're keeping the profile up for the forums. When you hide your profile, people can still read it if you're in the forums. It just wont' show up when people do search for someone in the distance and area they are searching in. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:52:15 AM | | it all boils down to trust. if he says he is only talking to friends what reason do you have to not believe him? if you have had the discussion about being exclusive then you should both switch to hidden (your favorites can still see you) or looking for friends. if you have not had the discussion then you have no cause to be jealous. I spend so much time chating in forums and to a couple friends I have made I would really have no room to talk about how much time someone spent on here. personally I dont date more than one person at a time though so when he is ready for the exclusive talk then we will work it out. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/15/2008 2:59:04 PM | Have both of you change it to "not single/not looking" and take your pics off.
Everyone knows, no one looks at people without pics.
Personally, if I find someone and start dating exclusively, no offense to you all but the forums is the last place I will need to or want to be. The profile will be down as I will no longer have a need for plenty of fish. As it sits, I have mine hidden at the moment. I'm just not taking anymore applications. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/15/2008 4:42:21 PM | | Dear OP - Nothing wrong with having friends even through the forums - I think they are fun and insightful on occasions! I fell I am currently in a relationship - having met someone on another site. Whether he has his profile up or not doesn't make a difference - this is all a matter of trust as far as I see it. I feel I am into him enough that I chose to hide my profile on the other site I met him at, but I enjoy this site just for the forums alone. Just because I am with him and he is with me, I don't expect him to shut himself off from the world. My idea is if he is going to stray, then he is going to and not because he has his profile up. Just having sex I'm afraid in this day and age just doesn't cut it and make you both "exclusive" to one another. If that is the barometer for hiding your profile, there might not be too many people on this thing to chat with - lol. But to me, that's all this is. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:00:54 AM | Hi Wolffish
I only noticed you because I was put as a favorite. I wanted to just say one thing about what you wrote. RIGHT ON!
I want to find someone that I have chemistry with just like the next girl. If I just pick one and stick it out until the bitter end, how will that serve me? I do what the men do. I date a lot in search of the one I want to spend some more time with. But in the process hopefully I would have made some good friends along the way. Does that make a man or a woman a serial dater? We are all going to be serial daters until we meet the right one. How else will you find that someone?
Sincerest good luck to everyone in that search. Best, mycelticheart | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:10:47 AM | | You don't have to make your profile visible for the world to see ... he can add his friends to his favorites list and only they can see him. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 3/5/2009 11:46:31 AM | I think it's reasonable to expect that when there's a mutual relationship that has been established....that it's time to put things away or at least change what you're looking for from dating/LTR/etc. to friends.
My personal experience, however, has shown that several of the women I've dated "exclusively" have never actually done this, even after asking. It would not surprise me in the least to expect that many men would not do it either.
It's a warning sign and the excuse of, "I have many friends on here" is a line, if you ask me. He's keeping his options open. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:08:20 PM | keep the profiles up, unless you want to change the one part to not single, not looking. when you don't feel like reading profiles anymore,that's when you can delete. otherwise, what harm is done with keeping a profile. your in control ,of what happens with it right? if things don't work out in a few months , you'd have to start again,,, waste of time. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:51:57 PM |
just be glad you didn't pay for the ((serious member)) gold star upgrade....
you would have wasted a whole 6 dollaRS!!
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 3/6/2009 12:43:32 PM | | well, why worry about it,after a few dates and you are already saying who he can talk to? word to your fella.....Run forrest,Run! | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:59:19 PM | I have to agree that there is no "protocol" for this. It should be up to the individual. If there is a question as to whether this is a problem to either person in a relationship, then it should be dealt with as a couple. Of course, I'm assuming that there is a "couple" relationship.
For myself, nearly as soon as I realized that there is an exclusive relationship, I hid my profile (no small feat since I am a toal computer IDIOT!). But I didn't even mention this to my GF. As a friend on this site once said to me, "if another man (woman) can take you away from me, then you weren't mine to begin with".
But, I like to read the forums, so I kept the account. That way, you're off the dating site, but still a member. My GF still has her profile up (I think), but who cares? I trust her (and she is an EVEN BIGGER computer idiot than me!!!). A match made in Heaven! But I digress....
Bottom line... do what feels right to you, in your own relationship. I cannot imagine ever being in a relationship with anyone that I couldn't trust with my heart and well-being. So trust or not.... it's up to you TWO. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 4/13/2009 9:02:21 PM | I changed my profile to say NO LONGER LOOKING, and goal talk/email after entering into an exclusive relationship. I also hid it. Hiding it however just prevents new people from contacting you. It does not prevent someone who has contacted you in the past from finding you again. I was still getting messages from men who were interested in me.
I ended up deleting my profile and creating a new one. The new one is very clear, my title is NO LONGER LOOKING, my goal again is talk/email, and within the profile itself the only thing it says is I found a wonderful man here on POF and am in an exclusive relationship. I am no longer looking. I have this profile just to participate on the forums. If I hear from someone who is looking I refer them back to my profile. When someone is interested it tells me they didn't take the time to read the profile and are reacting to a photo and nothing more.
My guy left his profile on here, but once he asked me out has not been back to POF. He was last online here 2/1.
I think the profile should clearly reflect the current status based on the relationship.
Looking or not looking. | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:24:03 AM |
Hiding it however just prevents new people from contacting you. It does not prevent someone who has contacted you in the past from finding you again. I was still getting messages from men who were interested in me. No, hiding it does not prevent contact - you need to adjust your mail restrictions to prevent new contact. Hiding your profile only removes you from being searched or displaying as last online - anyone that is logged into the mail side of the site and gets your URL or the direct link via your forum postings can still view and mail you unless otherwise restricted.
Cheers... | |
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| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:27:24 PM | well it depends on:
-how long you known this person
-if you decided to be exclusive or not
-what your intentions are since your page is still up
-if your advertising that your single and looking and he does then you can't be upset thats a double standard
-i didn't meet my bf on here but he still had his account on here for a long time, until we became a couple is when i said hide your page.
-i have an account now but we are looking for a girl for us. | |
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