| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:01:44 AM | | I would probably not marry a second time. In my observation, many second marriages end up in divorce, and also statistically speaking, second (or later) marriages have a greater risk of breaking up than a first marriage. There also would be complicated and messy issues involving finances, property, and children (if any) from multiple partners. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:29:45 AM | Never again. I would rather stab myself in the eye with a corkscrew...rusted.
Like the above poster mentioned..complicated and messy. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:37:05 AM | Never again. I would rather stab myself in the eye.
I was actually thinking I would rather eat my own tongue but eye stabbing works too I think.
Why on earth would you go back a second time? Marriage has to be the only thing we ever do where we do it once and it was total sh1t, so we decide "Hey that was crap...im gonna do it again!"
So no I would not get married a second time......but living gloriously in filthy, lustful sin is a completely different story......
Doh........ | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:44:21 AM | In most states living "as man and wife" for a period of 6 months entitles you to claim in the advent of a breakup.
Centerpedelink have quite drastic qualifications for "de facto" relationships but its not as bad as it looks. Having sex with someone on a regular basis can qualify you for being defacto, staying 2 or nights a week can also qualify you under their laws. However the laws are designed to trap the repeat offenders who go to great lengths to avoid "de facto" status. The loss of income is quite dramatic, without kids around 160 bucks a fortnight, plus increased housing trust rent/decreased rent assistance as well.
Also some list themselves living at a mates address to avoid this, or are boarding. Both draconian laws defeat this. (centrelink has been known to move investigators in next door or across the street)Also they made money received from boarders as a reportable income. Its not to bad if your not cheating the system, unless someones dobbing you in (which you can access from the freedom of information act if they name themselves) answering these questions is not a hassle (you dont have to admit who your procreating with, its up to them to catch you) so you answer no.Best way is to tell them your gay as they have no de facto laws about that.
But if they investigate you,things get hairy. but they need reason too..............to many to investigate
I knew of a couple maintaining 2 government housing dwellings, rent was around 130 bucks for the two, he recieved over 500 a fortnight she the same plus around another 500 bucks a fortnight for the kids, concessions on gas electricity,phone ,motor registry licences/rego the works.
not a bad life ..............could go to unitingcare and get vouchers frequently, really really cheap childcare.......... | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 2:12:21 AM | The quick answer is no...however(doh i hate those) i'd hate too lose some one i loved over something that for me is personally not a deal breaker.
Like Hilly said,you can live in glorious lustful filthy sin and it doesn't take long and you feel like your married. You'll never empty that jellybean jar. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:52:21 AM | I'm already on my second marriage, but yeah, I'd do it again . . hypothetically speaking, of course.
Marriage seems to be viewed as rather old hat by some but, call me old fashioned . . . I think it's stood the test of time pretty well. I can also understand people becoming jaded about the whole marriage thing after having one go down the toilet. That's pretty natural, I guess.
But there's something positive and even quite liberating about declaring a commitment via marriage to the whole damn world. And that's the big part of it I think . . the declaration.
It's relatively easy to say you're committed to your partner, but saying it to the world . . well that's something different.
What if I were a bit bold and took that a step further? I might suggest that someone not willing to declare their commitment to the world is in fact not really committed? . . they are just kidding themselves that they're committed? It's like a built in escape clause, if you like?
I should hastily add that I'm not trying to knock those that say another marriage isn't for them . . I'm just saying, is all.
Now . . by taking those marriage vows (or your own version of them) you are declaring a commitment to your wife or husband. But there's still more to it I think. You also have to recognise you're making a commitment to yourself! . . and you've declared the whole bleedin' thing to the world at large! There's a whole lot more to this than a piece of paper IMHO.
Anyway , I'll step down from me soap box, now.
And don't listen to me. . . . It's not like I'm any good at being married.  | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:15:04 AM | NO
I didnt want to marry in the first place - I believe it's a religious / legal institution. I was happy to 'devote' to each other. We compromised and agreed upon a celebrant in a 'historic' non operational church and non traditional vows. The wole process felt like a stage performance to me and was glad when it was over. I resented spending money we didnt have just to perform a ritual so others would believe us to be happy and together.
Would much rather take some time out to go somewhere sepcial and private to declare and seal a true love. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:19:39 AM | I had always thought NO never again, but have since changed my mind.
If I were to meet a guy who was the opposite to my ex then perhaps I may consider marriage.
Right now my family, cat and career take priority in my life | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:35:44 AM | Damn you Faux Pa, you old hat you....if you were a Faux Ma, I'd take you over to the Sushi Train....
I wholeheartedly agree. I guess I was 'institutionalised' to the idea of a monogamous, lasting, traditionally wed couple, and not that I mind it one bit....I adore the idea of declaring your committment publicly and keeping those vows forevermore, or at least try with a bit of effort. I cannot think of a substantial enough reason as to why not, sans the religious aspects of it (although I am not knocking anyones belief system at all).
There is a lot of hope in the eyes of those newly weds...a quiet determination to right what might have gone wrong previously, perhaps...especially when there's a bit of life experience behind the couple, those married late in life or those on their second, or third marriage.
I guess am contradicting myself in my first post....ignore the shameful machismo posturing, not scared of getting married at all...in fact I am keen. Its more a fear of divorce really, yeah, that's it! | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:52:33 AM | I guess its about what you wanted from the first marriage, I wanted someone to grow old with and have a shoulder to lean on when times where tough and be the same for them etc....
but my ex thought that getting married ment "living happly ever after" which is not the case is it people.
some times things get tough and when they did she crumbled, so I dont blame "marriage" I blame her out set and loyality.
so there for marriage still means some thing for me and I will give it a go again.
The biggest problem is you never realy "know" someone, till you break up with them.
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:09:26 PM | I'm not really sure .I believe in commitment ,loyalty ,respect and love .
Maybe if I met my best friend who knows . | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:51:17 PM | In response to #1, yes.
As youngies’ my ex and myself had no regard for marriage. So when he skippered off with the floozie, I was more concerned with the immediate effects on the children and myself. A decade of thinking later and I see many things. I see that marriage should be really hard to get into but easy to get out of. Why hard? So that people were really encouraged to think about why they were doing this. If you looked at my ex and me now, there is no way we would be compatible. But an experiences eye would have known that all those years ago. We weren’t really in love either – just a couple of biological clocks ticking.
This past decade has introduced me to a set of really splendid people and also some of the greatest turds in the history of humankind. Both genders. I have met children wise beyond their years and grandparent who keep outdated pictures of their grandchildren on the wall because they never see them and have no idea of how they are. I have heard a story then shortly after heard the same story from the other spouse.
And I have come to the conclusion that marriage is bigger than the two people involved. It’s a bit of family – like it or not, a bit of the other family and there are tangles of relationships from so many other people. Parents in law, aunties and uncles, cousins, grandparents etc etc All these people have vested interests. So in a way the ‘Marriage‘ can never be broken because the grandparents are still the grandparents etc etc
I now encourage my youngies to think marriage – but to really think it and the implications. And I’d do the same. If I met someone - and I will – I want something that contributes to family integrity, that is bound into the commingle of relationships that occur in family/friend/social dynamics . I am happy to strive for until ‘death us do part’ and work towards unity because its more fun. And I see the ceremony/ bit of paper as the lovely bow that ties this up into the lovely complete package. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:31:21 PM | OP there is the notion that if there was an imbalance, the one who benefited most from a marriage will likely do it again more quickly than the one who paid for it.
I didn't and don't need a piece of paper even with children involved, I'd rather have the vows in action than rote. I took a long time to actually do it, and not entirely enthusiastically because I wasn't sure if he really understood them. I should have listened to my gut.
the vows were to love, honour, cherish and respect, and no, in action he didn't understand them or even pretend to for much of the time after.
I have that commitment in any relationship, not just marriage or even romantic ones, but I do expect it to be reciprocated.
If I ever found someone more suitable I'd maybe do the hippy thing with the qualifier - for as long as it serves both of us in the spirit of our love for each other now, while allowing us to be the full human beings we each are.
It's how my previous relationships worked without legalities or hurting either of us involved.
When I did my will up after the battle from hell the legal advisor told me about the law up here that allows someone you are living with to claim entitlement to your estate after 6 mths, and for full property settlement in Family Law terms after 2 years even without kids. All I could do was think you've got to be kidding me, even the thought of living with someone was so far from my mind.
More recently my Mum rang me after having what she thought might be a prophetic dream I was throwing wedding dresses I'd tried on into a corner and she was thinking 'oh no, she's going to get married in her jeans!' (highly possible and what I wanted to do the first time) She saw in this dream a man that she says is really nice and was good for me, she gave his name and description, while she was saying 'so if you meet a man called xxxxx', I interjected and said 'run like hell!' ; )
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:27:40 AM | I'd do it again - but then many people think I do strange things anyway - good things, just different - or maybe it's them that need to get out and get a life LoL.
But yes, its the actions more than the paper they're written on that is most important. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:47:00 PM | Been there twice, not really interested in doing it again. I believe it was Rod Stewart who said that he'd "Just find someone he really doesn't like and give them a house and car," 
But seriously, who took such a fine and noble notion such as love, and decided that it should involve a legally binding contract?? Kind of paradoxical really.......Promising to love someone unconditionally for the rest of eternity is like promising to be lucky all the time.....Yes it would be nice, and yes it's ideal, but because we are humans, our perception and ideals usually change over time.
Don't get me wrong, I would like nothing better than to find someone that I connect with on every level and live happily ever after, but if you don't evolve WITH the significant other person for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly, her fault or yours, then the road to happiness is fraught with danger.
Just my 2c worth! | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:38:12 PM | | When my marriage first ended, I said I would never get married again, that I would never put myself in the position to be hurt again. Now that I have moved on and dealt with the ending of my marriage, I think I would be open to the idea of marriage again. I did love being married and would be willing to do it again. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:28:36 PM | You maken a good point PoE. Not all marriages explode. In some, one evolves and the other doesn't, or both find themselves moving in different directions. What gets me are the marriages where neither party have anything in common and therefore don't do anything together but do the domestic stuff and have a child.
I also don't get the jokes about happy to be a way from the other despite there being nothing wrong with the relationship. I enjoyed being married, and I enjoy being in a relationship over being single. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/10/2008 4:47:23 PM | deb - the scary thing for me is that he was my "best friend" and now we're divorced.
daddy-day-care - I agree with your comments 100%. I know that when our children came along it caused alot of tension between us. I just wish we could have worked a little harder at trying to overcome the small things that seemed difficult at the time. I guess when all is said and done I have 3 wonderful children to look at and the pride in my heart makes life that much better. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/10/2008 10:21:05 PM | Besides... I was a crap wife. Good friend, great girlfriend, pretty cool business partner, but crap wife.
Ask my ex. He'll tell ya...
How many references do we need until we admit we are crap at something???? | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/11/2008 2:24:13 AM | We are all crap at something, some at many things. But the only crap partner is the one lacking one on one social skills in a supposedly committed relationship, or basic stuff like helping around the house.
Sometimes it's just a matter of finding that one person you really click with, and then you find your not so crap after all - you were just trying to sing in the wrong key. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:23:03 PM | To be honest the thought of marrying again scares the bejeezus out of me. But at the same time it would be wonderful if someone was to love me so much that he wanted to marry me.
As time goes on I'm mellowing more and more to the idea and am even a little hopeful that it will happen.
But, if it's meant to - it will, and if not - life's still pretty damn good. | |
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ikat
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Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:42:49 PM | I'd love to get married (once!). So far I've never been able to bring myself to do it. But in theory, I'd love to.
My current boyfriend (formerly best friend) has been married before....when we decided to try and have a relationship I asked if he'd ever get married again, and he said he'd do everything to avoid getting married again! When pressed he said he wouldn't want to, but he's pretty sure if I was pregnant I'd panic and make him (arrghh crap he knows me too well!!)....probably true! | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/12/2008 3:38:13 PM | What’s this? Some sort of elitist thread for second timers…what about those of us that haven’t blemished our record with the ugly ‘D’ word.
I was never able to see the point in marriage, the mother of my kids and I got together young, moved in together and had kids, and for the most part it was a great experience. We didn’t need a ceremony to prove our love and commitment.
I think the main reason for not getting married was because of what it stood for; we believed that marriage was about ownership and not about love… all that talk of obeying and dowry’s, and being ‘given away’. The other reason was because we knew as soon as we mentioned it our parents would have jumped in and tried to take over.
Funny…lately I’ve been thinking I might like to try it one day, perhaps after my last kid becomes an adult. I do like to think that one day I’ll find someone to love and share my life with, someone that’s a best friend and a lover. Expressing that love and commitment in a ceremony for some reason appeals to me now…fvck the obeying bit though. | |
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| Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/12/2008 5:47:55 PM | julian I love your postings..............always make me laugh out loud..............sorry that might just be my weird sense of humour.
The difference between living with someone and marriage for me is not so much about the piece of paper rather the feeling of being trapped!!!!!!! | |
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