| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/2/2008 5:30:08 PM | No, I wouldnt have a problem if my BF was a male prostitute...........I feel that it was in the past, and I cant change it.......that was a decision he felt was a good one at that time.....
I work with Survival Sex Trade workers everyday.......I work with active and recovered prostitutes......I also work with CONVICTED men, who purchase sex.......so I understand the decisions surrounding circumstances........Now if I had an exboyfriend who was a politician........I would have a serious problem........ | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/2/2008 5:52:30 PM |
some of us have had way more sex than the other...and likely have had multiple partners, it's just common sense. But if those multiple partners were "pay as you go . . . . . Far as I'm concerned, you sold your dignity and self respect
I don't necessarily agree with that. Dignity and self-respect is very personal and are not lost when you choose not to lose them. There are people who've had the most terrible lives and done the most terrible things to survive, but have incredible dignity and self-respect because they've made the choice to believe in themselves, take responsibility for their actions and move on.
Also, someone said that no one is force into prostitution. That's not true either. Most of us in North America are fortunate to have some sort of alternative option, BUT there are always people less fortunate who do what they have to do.
There was a time (not all that long ago) that a girl or woman with any intimate experience (even rape) was considered damaged goods and unfit for social acceptance. We've moved on from that terrible time, but is this only one step better? If someone's done something that didn't hurt anyone to get by and is a wonderful person in every other way, does that mean she's worthless because she did something that isn't socially acceptable?
I have a lot of respect for this woman for being completely honest with you. It takes true courage to bare your soul and choices at the best of times let alone when you could lose what's most important to you for choosing honesty over secrecy.
I guess it comes down to what you can live with. For me, prostitution is not worse than being promiscuous or even than being a stripper. How do you feel about it? Can you forgive this woman for not being exactly what you thought? Is she forgiving you for not being perfect in some way?
You have a lot to think about and a hard decision to make. If you choose to continue, then you have to put this in the past and not ever bring it up again.
Good luck
Nutt | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/2/2008 9:56:57 PM |
If you choose to continue, then you have to put this in the past and not ever bring it up again.
a therapist is expensive but worth it. if anything, i can get all the negativity that builds up out in the open in a controlled enviroment and not release it in her face when something irritates me. as the weeks go by, there is less and less, and i get better and better. i want to be her man, i am her man, and i know this is something that can never be brought up again. i'm on my way  | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/2/2008 10:09:23 PM | | I can't understand why you have to be worried with her past.If you are happy with her then try to forget the past. Sometimes life teaches us a lot, today you don't want to forget her past , tomorrow you might meet or marry someone worse than her.So if you're really interested in having future with her let go the past and live the present with her. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:16:05 AM | carolann~
i was cracking up as you were doing a running tally on how many tricks an escort would have to turn to pay for college and an advanced degree. it reads like a story problem doesn't it?
the sad truth of the matter is that unlike the US many developed western countries provide college for free. i dont know what country she did her deeds in, but i am going to draw the inference that it was a western european country, and one with a social democratic form of gov. the reason why is because these countries have made prostitution legal.
the whole point is... if she lived in say... germany or sweden, she woulnd't have had to pay for college in the first place. this is why i don't buy her story for the most part, among other inconsistancies...
lar | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:27:20 AM | kelly~
i knew a women who caught a serious std from her husband. he didnt think prostitution was a big deal either, so when he was in south east asia on business he went to one and caught an std. she is sterile now. there are a lot of westerners who go to prostitutes when they are traveling on business. it's pretty disgusting. talk about the west raping the developing world. christ, now they are doing it literally... wow...
but you know... prostitution isn't any big deal... it doesn't "hurt" anyone... yeah right... you go hold the hand of a woman like that and listen to her story and you tell me that it doesn't hurt anyone...
lar | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:47:04 AM | I could never, ever, ever date or marry someone who had been a escort or prostitute. It would wear at me everyday throughout the entire relationship. Every time we would be having sex, I would just revert back and think of all the times someone she didn't even care about had sex with her.
It sounds like it's bothering you. You might want to hold off before marrying this woman and see if it still bothers you as much a few months from now. That might answer your uncertainty. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:34:55 AM |
Every time we would be having sex, I would just revert back and think of all the times someone she didn't even care about had sex with her.
That's why I never swing with anyone I care about. A woman who has sex with strangers for any reason, let alone money is just ****ed up. If she's been a prostitute, she's never going to have any ethics when it comes to sex, she's already proven that.
Without ethics, she will have no second thoughts about cheating, or earning a little cash on the side - or no her back. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:51:38 PM | golfchamp~
that's the whole point isn't it? it DOES bother him, and it obviously bothers her too.
yet all of these bone heads on here act like prostitution is "O.K."
it's not. all are victims here. the sad thing is, this girl CHOSE to do this. she was driven to it by addiction, or worse. no, she chose this.
who is to say that she won't chose to do it again? because obviously it didn't bother enough to NOT do it.
lar | |
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NONWO
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Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 286 | |
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rad456
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Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 287 | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 1:16:32 AM | Harvyj my big question is what will you do or how will you act or feel if someone she was with, sees her and hits her up for another go, thier is a good chance of that happening. Sure she might not be in the same town that this took place but ae and escort most of her johns are travelers and thier is a chance that they might see her.
You have some kind of a problem with what she did or you wouldnt be asking here, so think hard about what you are getting your self into and what you can accepct. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 6:07:36 AM |
OP: Do not make any decisions for yourself. Disregard any preferences you may have, and be absolutely open to anything and everything. Otherwise, you are being "judgemental". Have difficulty accepting something?? Tough sh*t. Force yourself to accept it.
Hahaha. You are instantly and permanently my favorite person.
Everyone on here seems afraid of being judged, especially when it comes to sexual history. The worries you are having are natural indicators telling you that something is not right in the relationship. If everything is really going well they may be worth switching off, but that is no easy task. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 7:47:24 AM | | i cant believe the past should stop your future. what if you had done something really wrong? drunk driving and killed a child? or a fight that ended a life and had to go to prison or anything that society does not agree with. she took a yr out of her life to look after the rest of her life. the fact is she did what she had to do to survive ,thats the partner i would want by myside when the chips are down. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:26:41 AM |
i cant believe the past should stop your future. what if you had done something really wrong? drunk driving and killed a child? or a fight that ended a life and had to go to prison or anything that society does not agree with. she took a yr out of her life to look after the rest of her life. the fact is she did what she had to do to survive ,thats the partner i would want by myside when the chips are down.
Hey, why don't we eliminate all consequences of our actions...?
That way we can all move on as we feel we are entitled to, and do what we please without regard for how it affects others or ourselves? | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:46:25 AM | | its very easy to criticise people but out of "bad " cometh forth good, and i dont happen to believe it is bad tobe a prostitute, only good and bad people, if she loves you and vice versa, then you must be prepared to forgive her and let bygons be bygons, in the past and some still do, literally survive by being prostitutes. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:10:17 AM | apparently amsterdam is going to shut down a lot of its brothels and weed bars... why? because the whole "industry" has been infultrated by organized crime. as i have pointed out ad nauseum, places around the world...where prostitution is legal...only serve as magnets for traffiking of women into prostitution. as i stated previously, it has been estimated that 50% of the prostitutes in places where it is LEGAl and it is REGULATED have been traffiked into the "trade." it's a human rights issue. period.
i am disgusted by so many of the responses on here that act like prostitution is fine, that it's harmless, and it doesn't matter. it is a vile disgusing trade that is nothing but destructive to society. it is barbarism.
and i think one of the other posts made a lot of sense. the OP wouldn't be having reservations about it if there weren't most likely other issues in the relationship.
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081206/D94T8T200.html
lar | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/6/2008 11:29:12 AM |
the fact is she did what she had to do to survive ,thats the partner i would want by myside when the chips are down.
Someone who made a poor decision during a tough time?? Yeah, where do I sign up for someone like that?
"Hey, honey? We don't have enough money to cover the rent right now, but I can go out and f*ck a few strangers for some quick and easy cash. I've done it before. It's no big deal"
No thanks. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/7/2008 6:45:22 PM | A therapist, is a very good idea Harvey. But just remember, this issue may come up every once in awhile in the future, and that's ok too. The trick is, not to throw it in her face if you're angry at her about something else. Our past is our past, but it may still come up sometimes. It's not healthy for either of you to just "bury" it. Then it will fester. A good therapist can help both of you deal with it, and grow from it. And if it does come up again, it won't trigger old hurt or angry feelings in you. You'll be able to handle it better. Eventually, it won't be such a big deal.
I am happy to hear she's STD free. I don't think people realize how dangerous it is for the girls in this business. They are the ones that take most of the risk. So many escorts are raped, beaten, stolen from, given STDs from their Johns, get unwanted pregnancies, murdered, etc. It happens to the high end girls too, not just the street prostitutes. It's a rough, rough life for many, even if they "think" they can handle it. Over time, it can really drag a girl down. So just know that she's overcome probably more then you will ever know, to make a more normal life for herself.
Good luck with everything Harvey. I really do hope it works out for you two. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:55:24 AM |
The key word here is "History"...now that you know about her past, try to be a strong, loving, yet "supportive" man in her present/future, if you truly love this person, move on, be happy & leave the past behind.
I really hate canned answers like this one. "If you truly love her." People can be in love and unhappy! Individuals can, and do, love people who are abusive, cheaters, liars, thieves, drug abusers and people whose values conflict with their own. All of these have the potential to cause pain. The fact that you love a person does not mean that the relationship will work out or that you should even continue trying to make it work out.
It seems to me that people who answer like this usually have either never been in the same situation or have a colorful past themselves. | |
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