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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:21:20 PM | | Yes Harvey, you have come to your own conclusions and I agree with them. She risked everything to tell you what had happened to her. If she hadn't have done that, well, you two would never have met. You simply cannot change the past. You can live in the present and you can love. You went and got counselling for yourself when you needed to and you know in your heart that she deserves your love and trust. You will get past this. She is still the same woman. She has shown you that she trusts and respects you and of course you are free to do what is right for you. Peace to you brother. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:43:31 PM | The good news is you will be her very last if you can get past it.
Anything before you should not matter so long as it does not affect the present. She is not currently involved with any other man, right? She has no diseases that would ruin your life, right? It's where it should stay, in the past! Good luck, I do hope you can heal from this. and move on, she wants a better life and you are part of that better life she now has. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:33:34 PM | Does it matter? forget the details, time to walk, period.
There is no excuse for no morals. Next time you're having sex, think about how intimate it is. You want someone who did that for $ over and over and over? Women who say it doesn't matter are sick, it does matter. STDs are every where. I could forgive her murdering someone more so than that.
Just for the record I don't believe the story. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:51:03 PM | TIME.
I don't understand why it hurts you? were you there? were you doing it? let me make this easy for you,, people do what they have to do to make it in this world. you understand that? you remember the football team that's plane crashed in the high mountains? they were there for months, and they ate their dead friends.
you write "I know it's some jealousy" are you kidding? have you ever had sex with anyone before her?? grow up.. you love this woman, if you love her then get over YOUR problems and get on with living. At least she cared enough about you to tell you all that was in her past,, of course that's a really dumb thing to do, because then the other person starts having problems just like you are now. and for no reason.
think about it this way, she could have had any of those men she wanted to be her boyfriend or husband, and look who she picked. things in people's past are just that the past. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:55:18 PM | | Harvey, reality is what it is, I have a history working in relationships as my old supervisor when I was studying Psychology used to say 'the only thing about the past is you cant change it but you can learn from it', my experience would say that she has probably wanted to tell you for a long time, her fear of losing you probably stopped her. The psychology professor I talked of in fact married an ex hooker and they are the happiest couple I know. An attitude you can take from this is that after ALL she chose you and that says something, she is the product of her history the parts she likes and the parts she doesn't, I don't believe anyone has the right to...judge... someone else. All you can do is compartmentalise this and move on, she has summoned the guts to tell you about it and that is admirable, respect her for that at least, dont raise the issue let her if she will but give her the support she obviously asked for. That is the courageous and manly thing to do, not easy but these things never are. Good luck Harvs | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:06:00 PM | If she is disease free and committed to your relationship what else is there?
So she did what she had to to survive, big deal!
If you lover her, you love her!
If not get out now.
Besides this has nothing to do with her. This has more to do with your own insecurity.
What if some one found out
What if I don't measure up
How will I know if it is real or.....
Everyone here is looking for what you seem to have.
The past is called the past for a reason! | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:12:09 PM | | lookingltr ............wow morals what an intresting word to use.......do u have them my morals have taught me , never to judge others in life unless im willing to be judged by them , plus saying a persons sick only shows your lack of understanding so i ll say it again morals what an intresting word to use | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:15:18 PM | 1. Vividly remember the day you met her. Paint the memory very very clear in full color. Smile when you remember how wonderful you felt.
2. Draw the curtain closed right behind that - on the day before.
3. You and her started the day you met ... nothing else matters.
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Every worthwhile person - deserves to be the person they are now. She has earned your respect many times over. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:27:36 PM | I suppose everyone that's saying run, leave, etc, have never done ANYTHING in their lives that they regretted and everybody is just upright citizens? Unreal.
Look OP, you love her right? She did what she had to do to survive. She told you the truth about her past. Isn't that what relationships are supposed to be about being truthful?? Were you a virgin when you met her? If not, then well I don't think she should be judged as being amoral or whatever. Is everything okay with your sex life with her? Has her past affected her when she is intimate with you? I know women when they are in the sex business sometimes get sick of men. If everything is okay with you guys, then you need to get over what I think is insecurities and jealousy.
I feel prostitution should be legal. If men could make as much money, it would be. But since they can't, well... People always say how gross prostitutes are...how about their clients? The majority of hookers where it is legal, have to be tested on a regular basis. You have a less chance of catching something from someone at say the Bunny Ranch than someone you are meeting off of this site. Take a look at all the threads of the people saying they had sex the first date, and the other person doesn't call them. At least the Ranch girls get repeat clients. Now do you think all the lovely members of this site are being tested so regularly and using condoms every single time?? And even then, you're not fully protected. But this is a dating site and everyone is looking for long walks on the beach and love at first meeting.  | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:29:09 PM |
There is no excuse for no morals...
hmmm, morals, huh...i wonder who's view of morality we ought to use?...boy, is that a slippery slope i'd like to avoid...for this woman to confess to a man she obviously trusts, i'm ready to forgive and forget...guess that's not moral enough for some men...
And what if she went through a promiscuous stage and didn't get paid???
this is an excellent ---^^^--- comment...i know very few people, both men and women, who didn't go through this phase at sometime in their life...the issue of being paid or not is of no importance to me...she's moved out the other side and that's what matters now... | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:33:29 PM | Not too sure why some people don't believe this thread is genuine. But then again, I'm always told that the story of how my fiancee and I met is so unbelievable (sorry I can't elaborate, that would give away too much about myself). I don't post much on internet boards, but posting here has been good for me. Cause, you know this kind of issue isn't something you can bring up with many people around you. Not exactly water cooler talk if you know what I'm saying. You never know who might have a reaction like LTR (not to single him out), and if that were to happen, they would never look at me or my future wife with any respect. And in real life, I'd have to deal with seeing people like that everyday. Outside the anonymity of this message board, you get the real danger of gossip starting. If this were to come back around to her, she would be so hurt. Out of all my friends out in the real world, I've only really trusted one person to tell this to, as unfortunately as I would like to say, everyone else is a bit judgmental one way or the other.
So, I'm actually very thankful for the internet, and for all the replies everybody is given. I'm sorry that I haven't thanked you all individually, but do know I am reading every reply carefully. Many of the replies are quite heartening, and the ones that aren't so much are necessary (I do need to man up a bit, don't I). I have been getting much better in my mood as the day goes on. I never imagined throwing everything out there to be so cathartic. And to answer your questions (well really questions for myself) Yes, I do love her. And no, she has stopped doing this long ago. Now that is not to say I'm all magically healed and happy in the short span of a message posting. It definitely still sucks, but it's something I want to overcome. I know it'll take a lot time to leave behind the pain, and maybe some of it will never go away. But I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will do my best to stay with her and leave this all behind. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:42:07 PM | I suppose everyone that's saying run, leave, etc, have never done ANYTHING in their lives that they regretted and everybody is just upright citizens? Unreal.
OMTWF -- I've said things I've regretted. I've done things I've regretted. But this doesn't include demeaning myself for the almighty dollar because I wanna get rich quick instead of a "9 to 5" like normal people would...so I also have the quickest way to debunk your "upright citizens" rhetoric...
Quick show of hands...who all here has also sold their body like a piece of meat to the highest bidder, rather than hold down a "9 to 5"? Anyone else?
There's a broad line between promiscuity, and "pay as you go" promiscuity.
It's a fact...embrace it...don't fear the truth.
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:49:47 PM | | Ok, Harvey...here's my take on it...suck it up or don't...every0ne has a past and, the older you get, the more extensive the past...whether she had unpaid sex or paid sex, you're the one that has to reconcile it...the more you don't or can't, the more you hold her back due to your defining her by her past...it's easy for people to be all moral and blah blah about choices but that's hindsight and irrelevant...we are a culmination of every experience of our lives and, for her to have lived differently would mean that she wouldn't be who she is now and so, if you love her, get over it and accept her life before you or get out and move on and stop acting like a victim... | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:05:17 PM | BDJ, but who are you to judge what is right for another person? Who says they are all demeaning themselves? Some hookers actually enjoy their work, aren't on drugs, and go on to live perfectly fine lives. I think they are more honest about their profession than say the outgoing Pres of the USA. At least you know you're getting fvcked. 
Now how about who is getting used more..the guy paying for sex or the woman providing a service? My thoughts are the guy is the one that's getting used.
Oh and to answer your question, I have worked in the adult industry..,not as a prostitute, but I never felt like I was being used, quite the opposite. I never did anything I was ashamed of. I never had sex with my clients...that's not what they came to me for. Mine was more on a psychological basis and they did whatever I told them to do. I never forced them to do anything they didn't want to do. They sought me out. The men AND women I dealt with had more reason to be embarrassed than I ever did. But I never judged them. After all, everybody has their something. I'm also not the same person I was then. Would I ever go back to doing that...probably not. But I never say never. I may need walls painted or something.
Just because you don't agree with someone's choices, doesn't make it wrong. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:39:30 PM | Eh everybody is welcome here! You are using this forum for it's intended purpose!
I know a lady quite well that was a call girl in Spain. She was very young, she had no family and she did what she had to do... to survive. She married an American who was in the service. They have a lovely family and she is one of the most honest and sweetest women I have ever known. Her husband on the other hand is an asshat ...a real fathead! He has thrown her past into her face for over thirty five years. How happy can she be???
You either work through your insecurities...or let her go. Only YOU know what is in your heart...Real love is so seldom. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:47:01 PM |
However, a few days ago, she told me that to pay for school, she had been a prostitute (worked for an out-call agency) for a year.
Don't they all... I love those gals. 
I guess she wasn't going to school for mathematics, engineering, or any of the "brain" subjects.
She waited almost two years to tell you? Hmmm! Why?
She only did it because there was no other way to pay for school and living expenses (she comes from an unbelievably poor background), and it's hurt her for so long.
Yeah, right. But on the positive side, she's got experience! At least you won't be getting lame blow jobs.
Truthfully, she is so good to me and I can't be with anyone else.
Get an STD test - both of you. Sometimes people "act good" for a reason.
In any case, when she first told me, she said that I probably wouldn't love her anymore and wouldn't want to be with her anymore.
The "You wouldn't love me any more speech"! Classic.
I wonder if the rolls were reversed how good she will be to you.
I am getting much better, the first day I was totally shaking and had to call in for some emergency counseling to get myself calmed down. The first time in my life I have done that.
Better learn how to handle that well - more is coming, likely.
So, is this basically just a case of me needing to get past her sexual history?
Before you "get over it" ask yourself why it bothered you in the first place.
How can I make the pain go away, so that I can be a better man for her, to support her for all the pain she had to endure to make it to where she is today?
Are you that gullible?
1) You make you better for you, and not for someone else! When you do that, those around automatically benefit.
2) She should be taking responsibility for her actions! You take responsibility for yours.
3) You don't make her pain go away, she does - it's her job.
4) Support her, but not because you feel pity for her! She made her choices when you were not there, and even if you were, it doesn't make a difference. | |
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No.404
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Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:52:20 PM | Yeah mate,
If it's in the past and she is free of any physical repercussions that I think it is easy to get past it.
Don't forget who she is really and the love you share is much stronger than this.
Your emotions can go haywire. Put yourself in her shoes at that time. Is it possible you could be a jigalo for a year? :P
I would swallow this one whole mate and announce your love because that was the main this I noticed in your message, your love for one another.
Good luck to you both! | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:26:20 PM | If you can't handle it, just break it off. It will be better for both of you in the end, you will not have to hide your feelings forever and she will never have to be ashamed about it.
If you can handle it, like someone said, more power to you and her.
I would try and get over it if I thought this girl could be the one but otherwise I would end it so we could both move on. | |
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| She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:20:38 AM | 1. Proffesional Counselling,
this is something that you might discuss with someone together. a marraige counselor would be most advisable.
2. Its only sex
yes sex is an important thing but its not the main part of your relationship (if it is then i think you got more problems). sex, while being amazing, is still only sex. and a small part (the most fun part...) of your lives together
3. perspective change
so she has been with a lot of other guys. just means she has some practice. you might have found the Michael Jordan of the bedroom chambers.
we all have regrets, some bigger than others. but also realizing that the person you love has been defined by this event in her life and would be very different if she hadnt done this. you may not even love her if she hadnt done those things.
again...make sure you seek some experienced help with this | |
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