|
|
|
|
|
| | Use of Anger to get On'es Way? (manipulation tactic..)Page 3 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | | anger is NOT a control mechanism or to threaten someone. I'ts just simply the "result" of stress. Thats all. Nothing more ..nothing less. Each person handles anger differntly. My parents never showed anger. The never had fits and threw things or wahtnot. However i have. I have been so angry that there is no telling what i might do at the time. so it is not jsut about how a person is raised or where they come from. I am one of thoise people who do not control my anger very well. My husband controls his very well. I could take lessons from him. | |
|
| Use of Anger to get On'es Way? (manipulation tactic..)
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:51:41 AM | It seems to me that you see the angry type personality in those who have a very narrow & fixed world view. Addressing the Seneca quote above, these people have a very fixed set of outcomes that they view as 'acceptable' for social/life situations.....anything outside those norms sets off a learned anger response. If getting angry worked for you as a child, you are more likely to use it as a tool once you are an adult.
People who have lived in multiple cultures & different levels of affluence rarely seem to be angry people, possibly because they have seen enough disparate lifestyles/outcomes/possibilities to know that raging against the vagaries of fate is a pretty poor expenditure of the time we have here.....
The answer to anger management is, of course, a really good trail mix. | |
|
| Use of Anger to get On'es Way? (manipulation tactic..)
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:51:45 AM | "anger is NOT a control mechanism or to threaten someone. I'ts just simply the "result" of stress. Thats all. Nothing more ..nothing less."
^^^^
and if I dare say otherwise, you'll get angry at me? :)
funny how some people can blame 'stress' when the' stress' they face is fairly MINOR(e.g. a minor tracffic jam, delayed flight, a bar being out of their favorite brand of beer, etc., etc.) and totally go ballistic & blow their tops..
..other people can be Wall Street traders, Commodity traders, air traffic contollers, military, etc., or even US President, and face at least 1,000 X the stress, and not blow their tops..face things and deal with them calmly & rationally..
many people don't control their anger because they have never faced negative consequences for blowing their tops..like maybe getting the crap kicked out of them, or going to jail, or getting divorced..people and family around them just "accomodate" them and 'walk on eggshells' to avoid their 'anger'..
and they can 'blame' something or someone else.. e.g. "I'm Irish so I have a temper can't control"; "I learned this way to 'deal' from my parents/home life", etc., etc.
(I've heard these actual 'excuses' before from 'adult babies' (55 year olds acting less mature than most 5 year olds would..) who just love to blow their tops and scream over the most MINOR things..) | |
|
| Use of Anger to get On'es Way? (manipulation tactic..)
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:59:15 AM | | no i do not care what you believe. I dont get angry at sillyness like that. We each believe how we believe. I cant change your view nor do I want to and u cant change mine. And you say funny how some peopel can blame 'stress' well correct me if im wrong but stress is the only reason a person gets angry. Stress by the way, is the number one killer in the us. And if you want to claim you dont get angry you are a liar from here to hell and back. everyone that is human gets angry. how they handle it is different story. as far as saying most people's stress is minor as to what causes it such as traffic jam, i agree. anything can set a person off. but a traffic jam may not be why the person is stressed but the fact that they are gonna be late for work due to traffic jam. lots of people are in a hurry to get where they are going. if not in hurry then traffic jam would be no problem. The only time a traffic jam bothers me is when time is important. If i have no where to be by certain time then i dont mind traffic jams. and stress is not an "excuse" to yell its the "cause" for yelling. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:13:41 AM |
There's actually quite a lengthy list of things that *make* me angry, but just a few:
1. Crimes, or cruelty, against children...
2. Crimes, or cruelty, against animals...
3. Crimes, or cruelty, against another human being who is not able to defend him or herself.. I have known for awhile that I am wired differently, but after rereading this thread, I know that I am wired really different than most. The above list doesn't anger me, it makes me sick, I feel physical nausea followed by sadness.
I see injustice in the world and it saddens me, but I don't get angered.
I do yoga, but I think that takes care of stress. Perhaps that emotion was beaten out of me. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 1:03:34 PM | 1. Are you an angry person? Do you *do* anger?
I am generally not an angry person, and almost never *do* anger. Extremely rare for me to even raise my voice.
"If you answered "no" :"
"Why is it that you don't do the anger?"
I find the negative energy associated with anger to be toxic to the soul and it is usually counter productive. I prefer to solve problems rather than just react to them.
"How do you overcome the impulse to act in such a way (I assume that we all get pissed off sometimes, but it does not mean that we all *do anger*)?"
I am very thoughtful about whatever is causing my anger. That is to say that I have to look at things from another point of view other than my own, including trying to take into consideration another persons personality, situation, environment, etc.. Sometimes I am unable to relate or understand, so I have to detach or meditate. If there is no solution to the problem that is causing the anger, I just take my focus off of the situation. For example, if I'm am working with difficult people, I would focus on behaving in a professional manner. Usually those people will begin to appreciate my professionalism and I almost always get the respect I deserve.
It has taken a lifetime of making a conscious effort to improve my problem solving skills and the way I deal with anger. I've had to get rid of that victim mentality and take responsibility for everything that happens in my life. Living, learning and growing through all of my experiences in a positive manner.
"Have you ever been in a relationship with an angry one, and how did you handle it?"
Yes I have, and I don't handle it very well. I want to just go into my shell and hide until they calm down, and sometimes my lack of reaction aggravates the situation. The negative vibrations flowing from a person like that on a regular basis is toxic for me and can even make me physically ill. Those types of relationships don't last long for me. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:21:49 PM | Yes there are a lot of angry people in the world and they are exhausting. The saddest part is when they would rather remain in their anger instead of using that energy to move towards a more positive life.
1. No, I am not an angry person and no I don't do anger. I can't, it tends to suck the life right out me. The angry person in question normally wants to stay angry and they want someone to take their anger out on. Sorry I am not a door mat.
2. As for my own anger, it takes a lot to anger me. Normally, it will involve an attack of my character or integrity. Or I see someone be harmed, whether verbally or physically. Bigotry and prejudice and also make me very angry. When any of those elements are involved, I keep in mind a couple of things, the source and what can I do to help and or/resolve the situation and resolve the anger. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:33:41 PM | i think that all people get angry for a lot of reasons i only get angry with myself some times as people play with my head and it hurts to much anger is a waist of time and energy if you cannot talk to a person about how you fell then whats the use of being there: The saddest part is when they would rather remain in their anger instead of using that energy to move towards a more positive life.
hot heads dont get you anywhere in life just take two breath and realkes take a walk do something carm down think about what you are doing then it will be fine ...... | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:37:12 PM | Anger is very much a part of the human condition and existence. The most harmful thing to do is to deny or repress, as it can lead to breakdown of physical systems and affect a person's mental and physical health.
It's a measure of how successful someone will be in life as to how they learn to express and cope with anger as well as the other "negative" emotions. Like fear, anger serves a purpose, there are things we should be angry at or with it's a matter of finding an expression that does not cause harm and seek to move towards resolution or change.
To some extent, I believe everyone "does" anger, as for being a generally angry person I'm not. As often as not, when I do get angry it seems at least a portion of it is directed at myself. I try to learn from that and have and grown from it. It sucks to be mad at yourself, because you can't get away....haha. I do feel that in dealing with my anger at myself, it has made me more patient and less likely to angry at others. There's only rare instances that produce anger that we ourselves have no part in. I think if we'd deal with our anger with ourselves first, it does make the other part of the anger a little easier to deal with. Reason being, we can control/change something in ourselves, so we're better equipped to deal with someone else that we can't control/change. It seems to make sense to me.... | |
|
| Use of Anger to get On'es Way? (manipulation tactic..)
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:47:13 PM | Yes... emotional vampires... there is a question for a whole different thread... how to spot the emotional vampire before they suck all energy out of you?... will post that soon...:)
Red, this is an excellent topic as well. In fact, reading the responses here and thinking about "angry" people reminded me of one of the first people I encountered here on POF ... his angry personality was quite apparent in our very first (and only) IM as he was obsessed about a situation that he was angry about. When I called him on it, and told him I didn't think we'd be compatible because of his anger, he got angry (of course) and seemed to think I was telling him he didn't have a "right" to be angry. That wasn't the point, of course.. it was that he was so obsessed, he couldn't discuss anything else. I closed that IM and walked away, fast.
There are people that get angry, and then there are angry people. There IS a difference. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:43:33 PM | 1. Are you an angry person? Do you *do* anger? I would not define myself as an "angry person", but I do get angry on ocassion.
If you answered "yes" to the questions above:
Why? I guess, I expect people in general to be respectful and conscious of their actions, and how they may effect others. As life as proven us ALL; not all people are good/respectful souls.
What do you accomplish when acting out of anger? Hmmm.....instead of internalizing it, I let it out! hahaha
What are the things that make you angry? People trying to take advantage of others, rude, disrespect....all that "ugly stuff".
When was the last time you acted that way and what did you do? Hmmm...Oh this is an easy one. lol!! Just this past week on the NY subway with another rider. I won't go into details as it is too lengthy. I expressed her inappropriateness/rude behavior towards me, and of course we had an "exchange". lol Well, it was better than getting up and kicking her ass (which took alot not to do so), so I just took deep breaths and reshifted my thoughts on something more pleasant.
How do you handle your anger in a relationship, and what is it that your partner can do to help you to overcome it? I don't usually do "anger" in a relationship. If there is something that we don't agree on - I take a "break" until all negative emotions have subsided, so we can discuss it in an adult fashion.
Have you ever been in a relationship with an angry one, and how did you handle it? Never been in one - if I were it would not last long.
Living in NYC, I have to learn to rechannel my anger into positive ways. Otherwise I would be an "angry person". There can be some rude individuals that we come across on a daily basis. However, I cannot stand back when there is some injustice taking place or something is blatantly in my "face".
So with all that being said, I do exercise anger, but I am not an angry person.
 | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:15:33 PM | I like to think that the only person I get angry with is myself. With everyone else I get frustrated, and usually it is because of a misunderstanding. Before I will let myself get angry, I will act angry. I should probably be nominated for an Academy award for some of my recent roles. I don't think I will get angry over the lack of recognition, but that sounds like a role I would like to play.
The suggestions on this thread to control anger are very good. I should get angry at myself if I let the role playing go so far that I actually get angry at someone else, and occasionally make nice for the sake of this community. If I feel like the frustration and the acting are approaching worthlessness, I typically imagine that the person means nothing, and they are just another one of the examples of the decay of community in this era. I have learned to detach from individuals who lack the ability to think for themselves, or those who distrust my words to the point that they believe I am not typing or speaking for their benefit. I actually enjoy being part of this community.
It is unfortunate that the skills people mention in these three pages are not taught in schools or churches. Both seem to deal with anger in the judicial mode. It is also too bad that there aren't enough teachers and students to develop the skill of thinking for oneself and eyeing textbook materials with a skeptical eye. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:31:43 PM | I'm generally not an angry person, in fact I'm quite mellow. This is not to say that I never get angry because I do. It does however reflect on what I am angry about.
If someone hurt my family or animals on purpose then YES I would get very angry . If someone cut in front of me in traffic I'll curse them under my breath but not cause a scene. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:57:18 PM |
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. ....Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. "
As a sociologist, I tend to focus more on #2 and 3... but, I guess one should be able to understand the implications of # 1.
I agree totally with there being at least a partial genetic connection to how one deals with anger. I have experienced first hand that children exibit very different temperaments from birth on. My 2 kids have the same dad, and have almost opposite temperaments. My son was passive, quiet, and not easily disturbed from the moment he was born. The doctor couldn't get him to cry for several minutes and when he did it was a pitiful whimper. He rarely cried, slept for hours, and although he clearly was happy with me, he was not bothered by being held by others, even if he'd never seen them. I remember that very little seemed to upset him in any way.
My daughter, on the other hand, was quite clearly upset from the second she was born - she screamed bloody murder the second she arrived and continued to until given a warm bath - I guess it felt like being back in the womb? She slept fitfully, demanded loudly to be fed frequently, and was easily upset by noises, being left in her crib for more than 5 minutes, and forget about anyone but mom holding her! I slept in the recliner with her on my stomach for 3 months because she would wake up & scream for attention if she wasn't in my arms. I am convinced that we are born with a certain temperamant and that our life from then on shapes that temperament based on what we experience.
Am I an angry person? I think it is fair to say I am an irritable person - the daughter got that from me... Do I "do" anger? When it is needed, yes. When I get irritated, I voice that irritation as a way to help defuse the emotion before it is unreasonable. I try to do so without over-reacting, hurting anyone, or doing anything wrong. If you do something to me that upsets me, I will tell you right out, without name-calling or other destructive behaviors. If you make me actually angry as opposed to just irritated, I usually will say what angered me, the level of my anger, and if it s really bad, I'll just say that I must have time away to calm down and get myself to a place where I can be more reasonable. With my kids, especially, I will tell them "I am so angry right now that you need to go out of my sight until I calm down enough to deal with you fairly. Go away from me and save yourself." They know if they hear that speech it is best to hide in their room for a while.
When I "do" anger, in the proper & respectful way, I feel that what it accomplishes is that I voice my displeasure at whatever mistreatment or injustice has happened, I am therefore able to calm down because I have maintained control over my emotional reaction, and the person who has mistreated me knows that I will not just be a doormat and accept poor treatment or lack of respect. I'd also add that by the time I actually "do" anger, generally I have verbalized several times that I am becoming angry & it would be best to just stop, back off, or whatever. I know that I have a temper, and I try very hard to control it and never just blow up at someone without warning!
Great topic, OP! | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:22:36 PM | I'm not an angry person at all. However, can become angry when pushed to the limit.
For eg. once, years ago, I decided I would slap my ex h across the face, IMO it was deserved for all the crap I had to endure up until that point. I honestly didn't think he would retaliate ~ but he did, he hit me back a couple of times and I fell down on the concrete and ripped my favourite cardigan ~ and that's the part that made me really angry!
The next bit was better though, as he thought I would ring the police and lodge a restraining order against him seeing the kids or something similar ~ however, that was not my point. My point was to finally fight back after all the disrespect he had dished out. I forgot about the whole incident a day or so later and have not mentioned it again until now! The fact that he was so scared after doing something so cowardly was a sufficient outcome to say the least. Any money, he hasn't told his fiance that little incident! (Now that does make me sound like an angry person!!!)
I think being angry usually means you have been harbouring thoughts and feelings for a long time and eventually they bubble over and an outburst is a result of not addressing those feelings in a more appropriate manner.
I have heard that people generally divide into being angry or being sad ~ both are natural feelings to have, however I guess its when those feelings spill out to being an impact to yourself or others is when you need to seek some advice  | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:25:45 PM | | Anger is a natural and healthy emotion. All of your emotions are natural and healthy. They are there to let you know what's going on. Anger let's you know either someone has overstepped their boundaries with you, or you let yourself down somehow or it could be you feel threatened and so like a fight or flight rrsponse the anger comes up. It is healthy to feel this emotion. Just sit still and feel it in your body. Follow it around in your body.
Your emotions will reveal a lot of really good yummy stuff about yourslef. Or icky stuff. it's all ok.
itls not healthy to act out on your anger in destructive or hurtful ways. nor is it healthy to pretend you never get angry. Of course this is just my opinion but i think it's pretty self evident as well.
anger is ok. as long as you don't make your anger someone else's problem it's your problem to solve.
| |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:44:30 AM | ANGER COMES FROM FEAR, that simple my friends.
When i get angry its because something is anoying me, it goes against my peace, against my security. So naturely, i want to push it away!
Wich only mean that i can not handle somthing or someone. because in many ways, i am not mature enaugh to handle it well. Anybody whom gets angry shows that he/she is weak toward the issue.
We must learn not to get affected in a negative way, to let go of what annoy us, what is important is to stay in the light, to love everyone, even if certain people are doing things that are bad to themselfs or to others, because everythings starts within our selfs. Do not take things personely, because only then they will become YOUR problem. If you can not handle something or someone, it is you whom as a problem, so you must solve your problem!! get back to the light!
Amour!!! | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:15:00 AM | I decided I would slap my ex h across the face, IMO it was deserved for all the crap I had to endure up until that point. I honestly didn't think he would retaliate ~ but he did, he hit me back a couple of times and I fell down on the concrete and ripped my favourite cardigan ~ and that's the part that made me really angry!
The fact that he was so scared after doing something so cowardly was a sufficient outcome to say the least. Any money, he hasn't told his fiance that little incident!
Rosy -- you struck another human, who struck you back...and you have the GALL to call that cowardly?!
Pretty simple rule really...you strike someone, expect to get struck back. The whole "because I'm a woman" shit doesn't fly very far these days. Some broad ever hits me, she's likely gonna walk away sportin' a shiner for her efforts. I ain't no one's punching bag, and I don't give a flying f*ck if she thinks she's gonna get a freebie because "she's a woman". That don't fly with me. You hit me, I'll knock you right the f*ck out to defend myself.
You hit someone. He hit back. It's the coward that throws the first hit. No one "deserves" to be physically assaulted. EVER.
Yea, think about that... | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:30:59 AM |
Pretty simple rule really...you strike someone, expect to get struck back. The whole "because I'm a woman" shit doesn't fly very far these days. I think it's sad that it was ever socially acceptable for a woman to strike a man.
I also feel that when someone strikes another person in anger, regardless of the gender, that person has stability issues and is really not someone I'd want to associate with under any circumstance.
No one "deserves" to be physically assaulted. EVER. Succinctly stated...  | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:48:38 AM |
I think it's sad that it was ever socially acceptable for a woman to strike a man.
Psssst -- I don't think it was EVER "socially acceptable" per se, as much as it was a social condition that men were raised around. And a horrid one to be sure.
I was raised to believe, and very strongly, that no man should ever, EVER hit a woman, for ANY reason whatsoever. No matter what, a man was never supposed to strike a woman. This was how I was raised. A lot of men were raised in a similar fashion.
However, it was a wise old man that taught me an exception in my early teens...told me, "If a woman hits you, then accept that, for whatever reason she *thinks* she may have to justify it, you had it coming...BUT...if she swings at you twice, defend yourself and fight back.". I carried that revised form with me through most of my life. I employed the philosophy on at least one occasion.
Later still, when I came to realize that women were milking this "can't hit me 'cause I'm a woman" bullshit, that revised philosophy went out the window. Knowing full well that women will fall back on that crutch when they feel the need, there's no way I'd stand to be struck even the token "first time". Nope...someone lays a hand on me, in an aggressive manner, you're damn right I'll defend myself immediately. Man OR woman. Makes no difference. Humans are for hugging, not hitting. I get hit, and I know damn well there's never gonna EVER be a valid "reason" no matter how hard they try to manufacture one...I hit back. It's a reflex. And a reflex that I'll never be ashamed of. I'll never be the one to "act", but I'll damn sure be the one that "reacts".
Ain't no one's kick toy. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:09:56 AM | you strike someone, expect to get struck back.
I wonder if we truly should live by that rule?
I mentioned in my post I struck a man who pushed me...but I wonder...
...should I strike back at every injustice done to me particularly in the instance where that person is weaker than me and I know it?
What if Ive been struck by another and it wasnt physical?
Is vengeance ok within once instance and not another?
An eye for an eye?
And where does it stop?
Choose our battles wisely I say...strike back only when necessary.
I do try to live by forgiveness for my own sake and not the perpetrator.
My forgiveness is not a guarantee for others...and would be ignorant of somebody to be confident in...
...see... it wont exempt what somebody does to me personally and without provocation.
Its not the wound you inflict but how its done and I will judge that. People hurt people all the time and there is no malice...
...but if its done with cowardice or manipulation or jealousy or spite or simply ...because you can...
In that case...I am exceptionally patient and I dont even need to be angry.
And what I choose to do about it when the time comes...is completely up to me.
So for someone who knows they've wronged me...best off to apologise with sincerity...while you can.
Its not just about being mature enough to accept responsibility for your actions and offer an apology motivated by remorse...
...its also because otherwise you will never know until the time has come.
| |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:24:01 AM | i can understand a couple of guys getting drunk & stupid in a bar and getting into a fight, but BF/GF? or husband/wife? that's really sick & twisted. it's also mean and irresponsible. and dysfunctional as hell. if you feel like you've put up with "so much crap" in the relationship that your next best option is to slap them, then why didn't you leave a month ago?
i was in an abusive relationship once and i never even struck back at that S.O.B. my revenge was cold, methodical, and large.... like an iceberg tearing a hole in 3" steel plate.
i win!
no violence or drama necessary. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 4:27:32 AM |
you strike someone, expect to get struck back. I wonder if we truly should live by that rule?
Kyn -- It's a rule that no one should ever feel the need to live by, but sadly enough, this is the world we live in today and if you're not at the top of the food chain keeping up with the rest, you're at the back of the pack becoming someone else's dinner.
Kill or be killed.
Eat or be eaten.
An eye for an eye works for me, as it always has, but this isn't something I'd propose we all do. We all have our own set of standards we wanna adopt and live by, and we're entitled to do just that. What works for you may not work for me, and vice versa. Each person alive has their own set of internal operational guidelines. In the cases of abuse, be it domestic abuse between a couple, or just basic abuse between two people at random...same sex or opposite sex...eye for an eye will work for some, but not for others. Some are content to settle for the abuse and "turn the other cheek" so they can get that one slapped around too...others, like myself, will ensure that if the one cheek gets hit, there won't be any opportunity available for the other cheek to be hit in a similar fashion.
I tried to play nice and turn the other cheek through my formative years, and that got me nowhere but the bathroom nursing swollen lips, and cuts, and black eyes. Take one ass kicking too many, and sooner or later one decides that they will no longer accept being kicked around just because they had to be "the better man". When being the "better man" saw me in front of the sink watching my own blood drip out, on too many occasions, hard choices had to be made. I won't be a "better man" by just standing there and gettin' my ass handed to me.
That crap no longer holds any merit to me. I live by an eye for an eye. Do unto me, and you'll get a return with interest.
But it's retaliatory, never instigational. I'll wait to see if you're stupid enough to swing at me first before I pop your head off like a wine cork.
Though I have to admit, it'd be nice if we never had to feel compelled to live by those standards. I have a feeling this world would be a much better place if we only ever attacked with words, and not physically. That'll just never happen in my lifetime.
 | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:09:11 AM | An eye for an eye works for me, as it always has, but this isn't something I'd propose we all do. We all have our own set of standards we wanna adopt and live by, and we're entitled to do just that. What works for you may not work for me, and vice versa
^^^I actually think our posts are parallel except for one deviation
I do try to live by forgiveness for my own sake and not the perpetrator.
My forgiveness is not a guarantee for others...and would be ignorant of somebody to be confident in...
...see... it wont exempt what somebody does to me personally and without provocation.
Its not the wound you inflict but how its done and I will judge that
As I said my forgiveness is for my own benefit, not the perpetrator.
I will not absolve and give them peace of mind if they do not ask for it.
They can forever live in their mind till the moment presents itself and even then if I choose to strike...one strike is not a guarantee.
Ive only once exacted vengeance and I did not search for it...the person attempted a second strike because I did not retaliate the first time. Was not a pretty result and not something Id choose to do if I didnt have to as I would never intentionally hurt anyone. Not my nature.
But it's retaliatory, never instigational.
Instigation is not my interest as with yourself.
Personally I have far better things to do than inject myself into circumstances to create a situation where somebody felt wronged by me.
To me...thats manipulation...its beneath me and is used by people who are envious, greedy, nasty etc... by their defining nature
And I guess this becomes spiritual in a way...because I believe there is also a karma associated with that
Whether I then become the tool of that karma further down the track when the moment presents itself is undefined.
I said Im exceptionally patient.
The deviation I mentioned... well from what you've said I feel sorry that with those events you're likely more inclined to live with that as part of your nature.
To me...thats fear. I will not live in fear.
...I will not let it live in my mind as theirs....thus the forgiveness aspect in the meantime and the exceptional patience. | |
|
| Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:19:33 AM | No.......I don't do anger.......learned a long time ago.......it serves no purpose…..do get frustrated over ignorance at times……but not angry
It’s all a matter of how we define ourselves…….and choosing at any given time….if our reactions are who we want to be…..are we reacting out of fear or out of love….and choosing who we are at that given time.
One basic premise is that…….we are never angry……for the reason we believe.
How anger erupts on the surface at any given time only relates back to unresolved issues from our past which is the real reason we are angry. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
