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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...      Home login  
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 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 126
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think some people can use the "anger can be good" argument to justify their own addiction to being a "rage-a-holic" ?

not sure what good or constructive things come from blowing your top dozens of times daily at every little real or imagined slight..?

(as WAY too many people do..)
 ValentinoScaramanga
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 127
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:15:26 AM
I'm not a 'rage a holic', I'm actually quite mild mannered and rarely ever raise my voice, not unless I've stubbed my toe of course

I use anger in a practical or constructive manner, just as I do other useful 'energies'

Fear, for example, is another good energy to take advantage of
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 128
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:16:48 AM
I do think anger can be a great motivator for me, especially in sports. If I'm playing tennis and someone hits a ball past me at the net, I get angry--yes, actually angry--and then my serve gets better. Btu then I'm all happy that my serve is so awesome and ... d'oh!!

Of course, anger CAN be out of control, just as any emotion can (those people who smile ALL the time creep me out, frankly). Yes, anger CAN motivate someone to hate. But these are abuses of the emotion, and we all recognize that.

I also agree that anger is often mixed with other emotions--rare is it that you feel just ONE emotion at a time, right? If you love you are also happy; if you're sad you could also be angry.

If my SO cheats on me, I have every right to feel and express my anger. If a kid pulls the tail of my cat, I have every right to be angry with him. When you acknowledge your feeling, you learn how to express it. It's the people who SUPPRESS their genuine feelings that have the problems EXPRESSING their feelings in a healthy way.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 129
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:19:50 AM
"I do think anger can be a great motivator for me, especially in sports. If I'm playing tennis and someone hits a ball past me at the net, I get angry--yes, actually angry--and then my serve gets better. Btu then I'm all happy that my serve is so awesome and ... d'oh!!

Of course, anger CAN be out of control, just as any emotion can (those people who smile ALL the time creep me out, frankly). Yes, anger CAN motivate someone to hate. But these are abuses of the emotion, and we all recognize that."

yes, we hope that your anger doesn't really flare and does not cause you to want to (or actually) jump over the net and beat your opponent into submission with your racket..

or to wait for him/her later and physically assault them..

that's what anger is for too many people..

have you talked with any cops who have to respond to "domestic dispute" calls lately?

even a 'few' people beating up their partners, is too many..

they too say that 'anger is natural' and it's 'good to express it'..

it's cool to get in people's faces, intimidate, if not actually strike them all because you're a little angry, a 50 year old having a temper tantrum because you're not getting your won way??

and yes , the typical person who says "anger is good" is often "always right" and everyone else of course is 'always wrong'..cool...?

O--kayyyy..



 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 130
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:22:33 AM
But not for all people, or even, really, most people.^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'm not quite sure why you picked on me, and insinuated that I would do such a thing. That's not playing fair.
 kittenhere
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 131
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:25:29 AM
everyone gets angry. Its how far you take it that matters. Here is an example of anger that Is far beyond normal anger. My daughter is married to a guy and they fight alot and he told her that if she ever left him he would kill me and my kids becuase we are her family. this is taking anger way too far. so she is afraid of him becuase once in the past he got a gun and went after his own mother. However, not many go to that level of anger. Anger is a normal reaction when things go wrong...jsut some take it to extreme.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 132
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:28:27 AM

I think some people can use the "anger can be good" argument to justify their own addiction to being a "rage-a-holic" ?

not sure what good or constructive things come from blowing your top dozens of times daily at every little real or imagined slight..?

(as WAY too many people do..)

Compleat -- THAT was hilarious!

I don't need to "justify" accepting anger at face value as a legitimate emotion, nor does that make me a "rage-a-holic".

Though it does remind me of my former Managers, all of them who had said at least once to me, "[BDJ] you're so...angry all the time...it's not good to be so angry." To which I'd always dutifully reply, "Well then [Manager], maybe if the company stopped doing stupid things to get me angry, we'd kill two birds with one stone?"

And there are plenty of constructive things that can come from expression of anger. Probably about as many things as could go bad for you by repressing it and pretending you're better than the rest by not expressing it.

 ValentinoScaramanga
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 133
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:39:47 AM
lmao Compleant, your 'black and white' perception of things is naive, not to mention utterly stupid

You really are quite a dimwitted twit aren't you

There is never any reasoning with an idiot, so you carry on with your little' nice guy masquerade' in the hopes a childish woman will notice and fall for it

Hey girls, this guy doesn't get 'angry' *nudge nudge* he's a 'keeper' :-)))

Nonsense.

I'm done with this thread, I stand by everything I said.
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 134
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:45:02 AM
<---- runs and does yoga for a reason.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 135
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:57:11 AM
I used to be angry when I was younger, but the day hit me that life is too short for it and it sucks the energy out of you. I do on occasion but it is fewer and farther between. Granted, I do get pissed off at times and when I do lose it, I do so and then let it go. There are other times where I can't let off steam in the manner that I would like to so I turn it into humor and sarcasm.
 spider_mama
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 136
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 12:20:28 PM
I can only answer for myself. I use to be angry. At everyone, it was ALWAYS someone else fault. They made me angry. If only ......... if only.........if only......hadnt happened or someone had done this, that or the other thing. LOL. It caused problems, big problems, my anger did. Boy, that anger sure did burn a lot of bridges. I knew I had turned around when my family asked what I had done, (or taken, LOL) to go from angery class A *itch to family and friends coming to me for advice. First, you control your behaviour and thoughts, dont let them just happen. Trash in, trash out. Good in, good out. What and who are you letting influence you? (Tv, books, people?) No one can "make" you angry, its your emotion, no one elses, they can not control you, nor can you blame someone for how you feel, or what choices YOU (I) MAkE. You chose how what comes out of your mouth and how you behave. How you (I) chose to behave is a choice while we are "feeling" emotions. Think twice, speak once. Go to the throne, not the phone. Your (my) attitude is your (my) thought life turned inside out. Pray without ceasing. Never understood that before. Mercy in ALL things. And every single person here on this earth at this time is a gift form God, and their mama's baby, regardless of thier age. I work in nursing. I take of prenatal to end of life, how do you want me to treat and respond to your baby, cause everyone is someones baby, no matter 9 seconds concieved old., or 199 years old.
Took me almost 40 years to figure out some of this. Not so unlike Gods chosen, who wandered the dessert for 40 years, on a trip that should of taken less than a week going to the promise land. They kept going around that same mountain, was easier to keep bad habits than to learn how to learn new ones.
 Sunscapes
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 137
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 2:08:35 PM
I have noticed the same issue, First, I do have moments when I get upset. I stop and think about what is going on. If one goes deeper than the moment in time, often they will see that there is something totally irrelevant hat is causing the anger.
I mean, recently in the news, guy was arrested for domestic violence, his reason?
His girlfriend mad mac and cheese for dinner??? Come on,,,now he has some deep rooted anger that comes out when he can not longer hold it in, thus the mac and cheese got the brunt, along with the girlfriend,.

It is a matter of control issues, when one is not in contro of their life, they must control others, first form is anger, thus intimidation.
 single45iowaman
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 138
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 2:19:02 PM
During the first 40 years of my life I didn't have a lot of Anger, but during my divorce I did, and I had a very good reason!! but I learned that anger does you no good.

During my divorce I felt like Adam Sandler in the movie ANGER MANAGEMENT I finally got to the point of being totally afraid to raise my voice even a little in Court, on the phone etc.

Part of heathy living and being a stronger person is learning to control your Temper and not let your temper control you, I really did a lot of reading about Anger management and I feel that I have to learned how to control my temper, and this has freed me to be able to make the proper choices you need to live a heathy life, it is ok to disagree with someone, or fight back, but don't let you blood pressure control your thinking .
 b00m
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 139
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/19/2008 11:27:58 PM

I see that you are 22 now... if it ended 8 years ago, you were full of anger and hate from the age of 8 to 14, right?
Why were you so angry?
Who were you angry with?


Sorry for not replying earlier, it is a subject that I don't like to think about.

Yeah, ages 8 through 14 were my dark years. I would say what made me so angry was that was when I learned that evil could exist in human nature, and the time my own innocence was lost. As for who I was enraged with is a simple one. First and foremost, my sister for how she treated my parents. Next up were my classmates for routinely beating me up and not even attempting to account for their own actions. After that would be the school faculty for not doing anything about how I was being treated during school.

I don't regret the path I ended up on, though. I have seen that those who wronged me are far worse off in life due to their own decisions, whereas my parents and I are living in comfort.
 RedCassandra
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 140
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/24/2008 2:08:17 PM
^^^^ Thank you for clarification.
I am glad you made peace with your past and yourself.



And there are plenty of constructive things that can come from expression of anger. Probably about as many things as could go bad for you by repressing it and pretending you're better than the rest by not expressing it.


Your assumption is that everyone gets angry, but some people are repressing it and bottling it up.

But, we react differently to different things.

I explained earlier how much I changed after I met that Holocaust survivor... I just don't have anger in me...

I will admit that there are moments when I think it would be better off for me, if I could get angry... and perhaps find those constructive ways to deal with it.

A recent experience left me feeling immenseley sad... enveloped in sadness... I think that if I could get angry at the person who caused those feelings, the pain would maybe lessen... but, I just don't have it in me.

The closest to anger that I got was by being angry at myself for letting it all happen. That I am pretty good at, apparently.
*mutters* "Stupid, Red... should never shush yourself again"

So... I have to find other way to pick up the pieces and make peace with myself more than with anyone else.

 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 141
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 3/16/2009 4:11:11 AM
If anger is chronic and unreasonable it's obviously a problem, but anger in and of itself probably can't be totally eliminated. It's what makes us human. Most people couldn't completely rid themselves if they tried. The problem I see is too many keep the daily frustrations and stresses we all live with so bottled up inside that it builds and builds, until the only release is going postal -- and that's not good for anyone. I don't see a lot of good emotional release valves.

Conversely, to me you have to be passionate and emotional about "something" in life. I'm not a big fan of people that are so laid back and have such a laissez faire attitude that nothing bothers them or gets them angry. I mean, sheesh, show some spunk about something you feel strongly about. And defend those convictions when warranted.

My pressure point is dealing with obvious stupidity and lack of common sense.

When I make a mistake nobody, and I mean "nobody", can put myself through the hell I can. I'm my best self-corrector, but I also have little tolerance for the idiotic, nonsensical behavior of others.
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 142
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:38:01 AM
Hi

For me Anger is not healthy and is our reacting to pains.

A person with an negative attitude is often acting out anger.

Anger comfrontation and agression is a person tarnsfering their pains fears and furutrations on to other people.

People in pain will often be dysfunctional people.

If people do not heal and nurture pain it turns to resentments.

If people carry on being resentmentful it turns to vengeance.

All the time people live in pain of the past they tend to bury the past.

People who live in pain often go against all spiritual values.

Caring loving forgiving tolerance pateince trusting considerate etc.

Anger comes from 3 emotions pain fear and frustrations.

Guilt and shame is living in pains of the past.

Can you be at peace with your when you are angry?

Can you have healthy raltionships all the time you are angry?

If pain is not healed and nurtured we only cheat our self.

Love

Dave
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 143
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:57:03 AM
I am usually a low key person but that doesn't mean I don't get angry. I get frustrated when I am tired which is understandable, lack of sleep. When someone backs me into the corner and I come out fighting. I much rather avoid confrontation whenever possible.
For example when my ex told me he was leaving to live with his girlfriend I needed answers and he wouldn't let me voice my opinion which pisses me off. By not voicing my opinion I think that is when the bitterness towards him set in. I have worked through the emotions of rejection and have moved on. Today I saw the ex and we have no problems talking or being around each other but I have no desire to be with him, or do I miss him. We are friends now. I have forgiven him.
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 144
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:11:47 AM
I love anger, its the most honest emotion and I think it feels great. My anger is very controlled in my old age, I might destroy a trashcan or phone in private, but in public its all about my poker face....if they only knew what I was thinkin.....
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 145
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:42:22 AM
I'm not an angry person. Life happens. We all have good days and bad. I don't find anger (or jealousy or guilt) to be useful emotions. Even fear is only useful to a degree. But back to anger. I let go of it. I actually used to have big problems with that. It turns out , it was all internal. I thought for a while it was because I was unhappy. From what I have experienced, this definitely exacerbates the whole situation..but changing your life circumstances to where you are happy just isn't enough by itself (found that out first hand, too). That simply makes it better...less likely for you to flare up. Turning the search inward is what can (mostly) remove it. I am a very passionate woman..so I doubt that I could remove anger completely. And there probably isn't a reason to. That would be too 'removed' for me. I don't want to live my life with watered down emotions. But with a little introspection and self-discipline, you can be honest and mature about it...control your emotions; don't let them control you.

There are 4 agreements, that when you make them with yourself..can make life a hell of a lot more enjoyable imo.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Use the power of words positively; with yourself and others.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
let go of it, own your own stuff; not somebody else's

3. Don't Make Assumptions
be courageous enough to question things , and communicate openly..even when it's difficult

4. Always Do Your Best
do you best, be compassionate with yourself and others

These are from a great book..and my own brief interpretations of them.
 ~GoneSailing~
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 146
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 12:52:04 PM
Good policies and well stated.

Now I'm curious....what's the book?

 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 147
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:12:11 PM
We mostly say we want people in our lives who are"in touch with their emotions". Well for me that means all of them, including anger. Without anger how do you know your boundries are threatened, or your rights tresspassed? It's not the emotion itself that's negative IMHO, It's that many times it is acted upon inappropriately. Anger that causes assaults and battery is a very improper thing. Anger that leads people to protest poor conditions or injustice is a very good thing. Martin Luther King, Malcom X, were angry men, but see how they used and chanelled that anger to foment social change and point to injustice. They bore the anger of millions upon themselves and became engines for great social change that has had an overall positive effect on society for all.
We cannot choose not to feel anger, only to act upon it in appropriate or inappropriate ways.
 truth59
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 148
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:28:53 AM
hey young lady, we all get angry at times, but the bible says be angry but sin not, see angry will get you in a heap of trouble, many has died being angry, that man that cut in front of another man without notice, like in Detroit, both got out of their cars shot each other,both died, and what about that famous case, Clara I think her name was, she was so angry when she saw her husband walk out of that motel with his girlfriend, she drove over him many times, killing him, and now is doing time, and children without parents........ I find myself just last night on this site hurt,,,, someone send me email saying I would love to chat with you, I reply and say ok, here is my email address or you can give my your phone, what ever please you, he reply and called me a controling person, and that I am not all that,and I am like what I say? and this anit the frist time...... you are right, there are a lot of hurting people out here.... and hurting people hurts other...... the bible speakes on angry in the book of Proverbs a lot, angry is a very danger emotion when not in control... it will says all what in the heart and leave many souls cut... I know.... that why I am single.... words can kill...... and fact angry is so dangerous the bible say this.....proverbs"22,verse24, make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go, why? Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul, meaning, he willset you up or hurted you,and another scripture says, there is no rest with a angry man, rather he is sleeping or awoke.. now that is the word of God.... as far as myself..... I do get angry, andstill is working on self daily.... but I wont hurt no one... and cuss no one.... and fact I will just leave that person alone for good.... no heart attack for me, or sickness because that would angry will more likely leave too, another and last word from God, the rod of his angry will soon fail.
 trinasexy
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 149
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:47:31 AM
Goodbye Spammer


 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 150
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:55:46 AM
I don't "do" anger, at least, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But I fully acknowledge that I sometimes can come across as aggressive. So yes, I "do" get angry, on the odd occasion. But mostly, I don't. I'm both yes and no.

I suppose if I get angry, I feel vindicated, by justifying my beliefs, or maybe that I might be able to push someone to take my POV. It's usually just that I'm a bit more intense in my conversations. All I really need to do, is to take a chill pill, and to leave the subject and do something else, until I've calmed down. I don't have a partner. But some people have pointed out that I'm getting angry, that it's not a problem, but that it's ruining my ability to communicate, and direct me to a different subject.

I don't "do" anger generally, because I grew up with a lot of it. So when people get angry at me, I freak out and stay away from them. I generally remember that, and keep my emotions in check. I was never in a relationship with an angry person, other than my family, because it's been such a strong influence on my life, that when people start to look like they might get angry, I'm already out the door, and I'm not even thinking about returning till I've put 30 miles between me and her.
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