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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/16/2009 8:00:05 PM |
why is it that some men get angry if the woman wants to add toys during a night of lovemaking? I always thought men were all for it. Is it becuase they want to be what causes the woman or orgasm? How can I possibly change this situation to make him feel better about using them?
a lil something the OP left out....she didn't tell him he had never gotten her off , until after they had been married over a month, even thought they had had sex before marriage.
I would be pizzed off as well, looking into annnulment. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/16/2009 10:13:43 PM |
How can I possibly change this situation to make him feel better about using them?
Buy toys that will pleasure him too so you both get enjoyment from using them together. A vibrating bullet can do rockin things for both genders in my experience. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:47:35 AM | Some people are set in their ways. Some let their minds get old before their bodies even got started on the process. If it's important to you, you may have to make a choice. My thing is I got to try at least once. Otherwise how the heck do I know if I like it or not.
If he is not willing to at least bend a little for you. You have worse problems than that.
I was told i was a kinky devil. I thanked the person saying it profusely. I don't think they meant it in a good way though. Go figure .
The prudes of the world ruin more peoples fun than war. But only if you let them. You could try showing him these post. He might wise up. But don't hold you breath. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:06:49 AM | Some people are set in their ways.
You have described OP to the tee,,
She will not do oral, BJ, even though she have never tried,,
She will not try anal,
She can't have an orgasm with out a toy,
She with held much of this information from him before she got married,
She never had an orgasm with her husband.
She is now trying to convince him to use toys because she likes them and needs them for an orgasm,,
My thing is I got to try at least once.
I agree,, but OP only want what she wants and will not try any thing new or accept anything that she does not believe in,, whereas she wants others to chance to meet her needs,, ( selfish)
The prudes of the world ruin more peoples fun
isn't that the truth, especially if they don't try.. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:57:47 AM | When you think about it, there are only so many things two people can do to and with and for each other over time. If a couple is in a life long, loving and tender relationship, then toys are just part of the over all tapestry of their affection for each other. Disapproving of them just restricts the adventure of loving each other and enjoying new ways to discover each other and to please each other. Sounds like crazy talk to me! :-) Well, that's what I think, anyway.....  | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 11:11:27 AM | well thks for everyone's thoughts. My husband has changed his mind about toys. I dont know if he read this thread or what but he came home from work and said lets go to br. I said why. he said you will see and so off we went to br. He took me into a sex store and now often askes me to break out the toy lol. It is not bad like he once thought. Maybe the responses here are why he changed his mind or maybe not. I dont know. I aint even for sure if he read this thread but I do know he knows it exist. Either way, the situation has been resolved. thanks to everyone who responded. Everyone be safe and have a happy new yr.
by the way rdcnorm, anal and bj's are not my preference. We are all entitled to our preferences are we not? | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 11:46:51 AM | Good thing at least one person in your marriage is willing to compromise.........
We are all entitled to our preferences are we not?
Well......you are.......but your husband wasn't. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 12:20:06 PM |
by the way rdcnorm, anal and bj's are not my preference. We are all entitled to our preferences are we not?
yes that is so true,, yet you worked real hard to chance your husband's,, Hmmm | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 12:33:00 PM | I am glad he started to be open to you. But now, why aren't you open to him. Marriage is COMPROMISE! NOT it is my way or the highway. You can not be selfish and say, I need my needs taken care of but not yours. That is just selfish.
If you say well I can get him off other ways. Well what if he loves bjs? You can do a bj and handjob and just not swallow or not let the cum be in your mouth if that is bugging you. You can not having it all one sided. If he is willing to meet your needs, you need to do the same.
It is not about YOU GETTING YOUR NEEDS MEET, but meeting his as well. It is a partnership and a marriage, not a male service just for you.
This would get tons of response of the guy said I have to have porn to get off and the wife said no... I don't like it and don't want to watch it. Same thing... as toys... Guys are visual and women are more into toys.
Hope you will meet his needs as well.. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 1:04:31 PM | I have already said no we did not disucss toys before marriage. I do not use dildo's. I have never had this problem in the past. Sex is not high enough on my list to divorce over this. He is a wonderful man in every way and I will never leave him for sexually issues.
But you divorced your first hubby over "sexual issues".
Then he killed himself.
You conned the new guy into marriage by not revealing this before the wedding. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 1:22:37 PM | yes that is so true,, yet you worked real hard to chance your husband's,, Hmmm
I didnt change him. he did that all on his own. The difference between you and me is you would have left if your partner disagreed with your wants and I would not. I would not have left him if he chose to never try a toy. Thats the big difference between you and me. And why would you do that ...becuase you want what you want sexually and will not accept less. It's funny how that works for you but you feel it doesn't for my ex-husband. You think I should have stayed married to him and him never ever having what he needed out of sex. Seems kind of cruel to me. In that type of situation I did the right thing. to free somene to be who they are is right. to stay with someone to prevent them from being who they are is wrong. How would you like to be in a relationship and never have the sex you want. YOU would not do it. Neither would anyone else. My ex put his sex life away in order to be with me. But who wants to live a life of no sex. Would you?? Granted he could have had sex with me but he would still feel emptyon the inside becuase I could not fulfill what he needed........a man. There is a huge difference between heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships. One cannot fulfill the other. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 1:42:54 PM | I didnt change him. he did that all on his own.
yes he did do it on his own to please you,, where you wouldn't even consider such a thought..
Your the same woman who would see he child dead, than accept her sexuality,,Hmmmm
As for the rest of your post about me,, hog wash,, prove it,, and when you do,, please give me the post number,,
Kitten,, there is so much crap that flows from you I don't know how you keep up,, I'm not the only person who see you as a bigot, and selfish person.. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:00:59 PM | OP here joined site 3 days before getting hitched again. What kind of person joins a dating/singles site at that time?
Then starts this thread a few weeks later, asking how to change this guys mind.
I just ran across another thread asking when someone should reveal a fetish, she answered, "before marriage"
While all "toys" may not be fetish, some are....
It was not important for her to let the guy she conned about her paticular sexual need.
He has every right to be angry. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:19:56 PM |
by the way rdcnorm, anal and bj's are not my preference. We are all entitled to our preferences are we not?
Apparently your husband wasn't. Fortunately for you, he was willing to give your preferences a try. I certainly don't envy your husband. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:50:00 AM | | abelian, when a couple is married there is nothing wrong with asking about anything you want. the worse that can happen is the naswer is no. if you dont ask then you wont know. for some unknown reason you think I made him do it. I did no such thing. He gave it a try becuase he wanted to. Keep in mind that I had already accepted no. He also turned out to like it and quite often asks to use it. So you are mistaken. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/19/2009 7:08:02 AM | | I admit, I used to have a hang-up with toys. I used to tell myself good sex shouldn't require them, but honestly I think I just felt a little threatened. Anything that makes a woman feel more comfortable and enjoy the moment more is a good thing. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/19/2009 7:15:48 AM | No communication, no fun.
"Honey, this may be hard to hear, but, I cant/don't come with just penetration"
"I need clitoral stimulation"
If my wife/partner said tat to me, we would be on the way to the toy store ASAP.
Heck, I would have the electrician install a 220V service for all the plug in toys.
Life is to short not to be honest and to enjoy.
A lady friend of mind explained this to me years ago: Sometimes they a woman just enjoys the act. She doesn't need to come every time.
Read a Harlequin romance/or most womens magazines and that's where you get most of the "come every time" stuff .
It's also where you get a lot of the masterful lover who plays the woman like a lute. He just strums her. He "knows" without any overt communication. She cracked me up with this one" You will never read in one of those books "hey dummy! Over to the left!"
Her words, not mine.
There are also the guys that are desperate to prove that they are a conscientious lover that they focus on the ultimate goal of her orgasm. I know I do.
Relax people, bring out the toys and have a couple of mind blowing leg shaking orgasms okay? The world will be a happier place :-) | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:21:44 AM |
Kittenhere: Keep in mind that I had already accepted no.
You have repeatedly said you "accepted no".....
The following are your quotes.....
Original Post: why is it that some men get angry if the woman wants to add toys during a night of lovemaking? I always thought men were all for it. Is it becuase they want to be what causes the woman or orgasm? How can I possibly change this situation to make him feel better about using them?
~I am simply asking what I can do to help him understand and or give other things a try.
~However, tonight when he gets home im gonna give him a beer, sit him on bed, tell him to relax and that I want to discuss sex.
~I will discuss this situation with him tonight. In fact im gonna call him and ask him to take off work couple hrs early.
~However after our talk today i think he is gonna work with me on this
~But with a bit of work on my part I think I can help with situation..jsut might take some time
Now.....it's not that I don't think you shouldn't be discussing your sexual needs.....
The issue for me.......is you constantly talking out of both side of your mouth.....no matter what the topic.
If you were actually willing to accept his "No" after the first talk......wth was this thread for ?
I think you should count yourself a very lucky woman to have a husband willing to compromise for your needs......I haven't seen one post of yours saying you are willing to do the same for any man. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:32:56 AM | .....I will discuss this situation with him tonight. In fact im gonna call him and ask him to take off work couple hrs early.
What is your point? after our ONE conversation he siad no. I accepted it and never mentioned it agian. But he did. and to this day he's glad he did.
.....But with a bit of work on my part I think I can help with situation..jsut might take some time
I never got that far. after our convo and he said no.......I left it at that. He came to me later all on his own. Had absoultely nothing to do with trying to convince him of anything. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:32:31 AM |
I never got that far. after our convo and he said no.......I left it at that. He came to me later all on his own. Had absoultely nothing to do with trying to convince him of anything.
YOU PUT THE IDEA IN HIS HEAD ALREADY. HE DID NOT COME TO YOU ALL ON HIS OWN. YOU HAD ALREADY PLANTED THE SEED. | |
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