| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:42:37 AM | I wonder if you would feel the same way if your guy was bringing a vibrating vagina to bed with him every night? And instead of penetrating YOU, he would use it instead to finish himself off. How would the old ego handle that?.
If he wanted to do that once in awhile, have at 'er! I never said it was about exclusive use of toys at all, but bringing a toy or two into the bedroom once in awhile to add some variety to the mix is, for me, fun! Btw... I did have a partner that had a pocket pvssy and used it in the bedroom with me while I played with my toys... made mutual masturbation quite interesting.
Toys are fine if they are the right kind of toys for the situation and handled correctly. If a guy has a hangup about his penis size, His girlfriend bringing a 10 inch black dildo to bed with her is going to make him uncomfortable. Just as uncomfortable as the woman with the hangup about being too loose would be if her b/f started bringing vibrating vaginas to bed and fuc king it instead of her
Agreed..... one must always be considerate of each other. However, to stay in reference to the original poster, she's talking about bringing a small vibe into the mix.
I don't care who you're, ALL of us have limits when it comes to sex. If a partner introduces something into the bedroom that might cross those limits, of course we're going to be uncomfortable with it. That's not "insecure" but rather boundries.
I sort of agree with you. I know if my guy all of a sudden said he wanted me to piss on him, I'd burst out laughing, say no.... BUT be willing to at least discuss it. If he could help me understand why he wanted to experience that, then I would at least be willing to try it. Yes, we all have boundaries, but communication is so essential as I know you've referred to many times in your well thought out posts, but the OP has said the following about her dude:
I have asked him but he doesnt seem to want to discuss it. apparantely toys are off limits to discussion and use.
He won't even talk about it. That, to me, shows insecurities. But again... to each their own and this is JMHO. 
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:44:13 AM | why is becuase I have siad it over and over I cannot have orgasm throuigh intercourse alone as many women cannot.
Sorry I missed that.
Sex is not high enough on my list to divorce over this. He is a wonderful man in every way and I will never leave him for sexually issues.
Sorry, I am not buying this. If this were true, you would not be asking these questions and pushing for the use of toys and his participation.
Sexually compatability in a relationship is HUGE and maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually this issue is going to irrupt and you are going to become resentful. Why don't you look for alternatives that he may be comfortable with. Clearly, he doesn't want to play with your toys, so put them away and find a different way that he is comfortable with, there are a lot of alternatives that you could explore that he could very much enjoy. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:58:35 AM | Hey......................I see the bedroom as a big playground.
The more toys the better........does not mean you need to play with them all the time......sometimes you won't play with them at all.......sometimes it's fun to just watch my lady playing.
And........if my lady wants to play without me........have fun.......I'll be home later to play some more.......with or without toys. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:17:07 AM | Kitten,
you have got yourself in a pickle
You keep mentioning you cannot orgasm during intercourse, is that your sex life. Is he a wham, bam, thankyou mam kind of guy. Or do you explore each other, taking your time, oral may be your magic answer...,or... if not cut him off before he orgasms, then ask him how he feels... might not be a pretty picture. Tell him its how you feel every time, and get ready for a fight, you need to figure this out. Shoulda talked this out before the marriage little kitten
The alone guy | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:38:23 AM | Sorry, I am not buying this. If this were true, you would not be asking these questions and pushing for the use of toys and his participation
You dont have to believe it but its true..sex is not more important than my hubby. This however does not mean I dont want to add a toy to enhance the experience. Most people might would leave if sex did not go their way but I am not one of those. I am simply asking what I can do to help him understand and or give other things a try. I know he must be thinking things in his own mind aobut me not having orgasm. He jsut doesnt speak it to me. my hubby tells me we will never divorce. we are married forever and what a wonderful person I am. well in the back of my mind im thinking does this mean I will never have orgasm in his presence and its ok with him? | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:43:53 AM | Can you just slip your hand in there and take care of it without a toy while you are making love? Less threatening perhaps. Then you can play with the toys by yourself still but you can enjoy a mutual orgasm experience. Is it only toys that work? Can he try oral or manual on you? Just thoughts.... I wish you luck.
Jennyrose | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:51:23 AM | Kitten, having sex with toys should be the least of your worries...the both of you have NO COMMUNICATION. In order to have a loving respectful initmate relationship there must be open dialogue.
Not that this would ever happen to me ( quite frankly I'm suprised to read as much as I do about dysfunctional sex in the forums) but say it did. I would do everything in my power to help educate my BF (not husband because he would never get to be my husband if he was not open minded) by going to the book store and bringing home some erotica so we may learn together.
Sounds to me your husband is a narrow minded and is not willing to know what it takes to get a woman off....you pushing toys up at him surely does not encourage him become a better lover. Right now he is hurt not angry and does not feel he is man enough to get you off. You both need to have open dialogue, slow down and enjoy the ride....a good sex life is pivitol in a healthy relationship you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:56:27 AM | | well my hand doesnt seem to work any better. I am use to using toy and it works and fast. As far as oral , well he was married to previous wife for 16 yrs and they did not do oral. he said he tried on her and didnt like it so its not his thing. However he has attempted with me couple of times before marriage and I for my own reason did not let him so he doesnt try that anymore. That is my fault. However, tonight when he gets home im gonna give him a beer, sit him on bed, tell him to relax and that I want to discuss sex. I can jsut see the confusion on his face alreayd. I think his ex put him down about his size becuase one day he asked me about him being small and i said no your fine jsut as you are. that was end of that convo. neither of us said anyting else aobut it. So I think he has concerns there. As far as communication you are right but only when it comes to sex. we communicate all other aspects of life but sex he seems to want to not discuss it. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:16:34 AM | I belive your right.. he feels threatened so now what do I do about it?
Try bringing a small vibrator in to bed and using it on him. The head of the penis is very sensitive and with proper use of a vibrator he could have an extreme orgasm. At the very least he should experience extremely pleasurable feelings.
Tell him your friend has been telling you about how she has been doing it with her boyfriend/husband and he loves it. Just conjole him into trying it. Tease him and talk him into it. He may not have as many problems with him trying it. Once you have given him a good one then it would be kind of hard for him to say no to you. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:24:15 AM | No offense, but I'd tell him I'll shelf the toys if he can get you off without them. If he's threatened by toys, then make sure he's a damn good replacement for one. Let him prove that you don't need any.
Passive agressive? Performance anxiety provoking? Maybe....but if he wants an orgasm, he MUST be able to understand that you do as well, and so he'll want to make it happen. Period. I guess the alternative is using toys when he's not around, but that's sort of silly - it's like a double sex life....
If he doesn't want you to be happy sexually, or care if you're satisfied, then you have to do some soul searching on this guy or have a big talk before continuing. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:27:44 AM | A marriage that start out without communication and with deception is in alot of trouble. The Op kept her need for toys from her now husband, while they lived together, Why?, because deep down she knew it would be an issue. She waited until they were married, now two weeks into the marriage, she can't seem to keep them out of the bedroom. How is her husband somehow the bad insecure guy?.
COMMUNICATION is so lacking on the OPies part it's totally scary, Sexual compatibility should be well established before rushing to the alter. The Op lived with the guy before marriage for god sake and kept toys out of the equation even them.
The guy has a right to be more than a little put off now that it's being put out there for the first time TWO WEEKS INTO THEIR MARRIAGE.
Personally I would be looking for an annulment, Not about the toys, but because she kept something so important to her from me until we got married. I for one would be wondering what else she has been keeping from me. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:46:22 AM | wild man I have kept nothing from him. he knew I had toys before marriage but i never brought them into our bedroom stuff and he never asked me to. Nor does he want divorce. neither of us do. Sex to us does not make or break a relationshiop.. its only an addition to an alreayd wonderful relationship. As I said in earlier post, I will discuss this situation with him tonight. In fact im gonna call him and ask him to take off work couple hrs early. If he still after talking does not want to try the toy that is fine we can work something else out. I am taking the advice of some of the other posters about the books and things mentioned earlier and see what i can come up with. Thanks for all the posters who replied.
furthermore wildman, I never siad he was a bad or insecure guy. That did not come from me. I said he has something against toys.
post 40, I would be delighted if he wanted a toy for himself. It would be great if we both could enjoy toys together. I see you said your guy felt threatened ...maybe thats the problem with mine. And if that is the case, I think I can help him to feel different. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:53:52 AM | My ex-husband said no way. After further discussion, he confessed that he was threatened. Later he 'agreed' but never actually let it happen. So , I dropped it.
It wasn't until after we were separated that I had a chance to experiment.
My lover now is very playful and was generous enough to explore a "toy store" with me. While we were there browsing around, he found something for his own pleasure and asked me if I would be okay with it. I was thrilled. He claims that he has never had a woman allow HIM to play with toys for himself. I look forward to going back and looking for new items with him. It's our little secret.
It goes both ways. There are men who would like the same freedom to play and women who are threatened by it, too. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:11:28 AM | I think men and women both like to bring excitement to the bed!! I have experienced it, with toys...and I think it is a fun way to get to know each other..but I like it also just me and him!!! | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:12:00 AM | Maybe he feels intimadated by your sex toys and is too embarrassed to talk about it.
Bet you guys never watched a Porn Flick together either. Suggest going to the local Adult store.If he also won't do that, maybe rent a Porn flick and watch it together, one showing straight couples using sex toys together.Sometimes women have to educate men about something like this. Use a "massager" instead of a vibrator and give him a massage.Use massage oil on him and have the candles burning instead of bright lights. When he is totally relaxed, and you have already beem giving him a massage for awhile,very slowly (and tenderly) massage his testicles and penis.If you have the kind of massager with attachments, it works even better. Use the attachment that curves and can cover the head of his penis and I assure you he will love it. Just make sure you do not put it on full speed. You have to go slow with those or it will be much too sensitive.If he is against the massager, take a shower together and play with the shower massage. Start with his shoulders and back and work your way down, on him, not you ! When he feels how stimulating it can be, he should want to do the same for you. Most men want to give back what they recieve sexually.Good luck! | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:21:52 AM | | A porn moive involving toys. why didnt I think of that. thats perfect. thank u browneyedleo. In fact somewhere I have a video teaching couples how to use toys in lovemaking. I have had it so many yrs I aint sure where it is. But I'm certainly gonna look for it. Perfect idea. That idea is a definate yes. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:37:36 AM | I Dont want to say something wrong here, or sound naive.... But i found something strange
i know there are woman out there that have trouble achieving orgasms during sex , but i dont understand how you cannot get off by rubbing yourself or him rubbing you. Lay on your back , him sideways , one leg up between u guys and have him rub you good while ****in you.. you should be able to cum relatively fast.
It seems like you have solely relied on toys to get you off and now that you cant get off other then when you are solo your all up in a bind. The original issue is with you! It is in your head. Try can the toys for a while and rely on what mother nature gave you. Retrain your body to work the way it was supposed to
Get you and your hubby a Vibrating****ring. He will like it and you will like it. I would say it is the Least intimidating and the easiest to use. Remember some people are also afraid of change...
so make it small and talk to him | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:45:46 AM | | Boys will be boys and boys are insecure. They have the mentality that their not enough to satisfy you. Men on the other hand love it and learned long ago that toys enhance the pleasure, not take his place. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:46:42 AM | So let me get this straight...you waited until AFTER he married you to let him know that you NOW need more than just him to be sexually fulfilled? Wow...that's not fair... no wonder he resents your toys!
You make "chicks and their tricks" take on a whole different meaning. 
OMG..I just read your post about the fact that he doesn't like to perform oral sex either...oh honey...why did you REALLY marry this man???? | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:52:41 AM | | men know that when the woman is not having orgasms that somethihng else needs to be done or added to sex. Thats common sense. He knew before marriage that I was not having orgasms. He knew this for months. He has tried oral and i stopped him for my own reasons at that time. I guess he assumes i dont allow that. but we are gonna discuss everyting today. In fact he is on his way home now. As to why I married him, I love the guy. He is a sweetheart. oral will not determine whether I marry soemone or not. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:33:09 AM | Some men have think "why should my woman want to use something in bed other than me? I should be good enough to satisfy you!" Those kind of men, in my opinion, will never change that view. You probably have three choices:
1-Forget about it! If you want to be with him you have to give up on the toys!
2-Use the toys in secret, behind his back, and enjoy your sexuality!
3-Leave him and find another man who enjoys what you do, or just be by yourself! | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 1:16:28 PM |
Is it becuase they want to be what causes the woman or orgasm?
I am not against toys, I will say this, any woman I have been with or known, they prefer the man be the instrument of their orgasm, and not the toy alone,,
I guess it's depending on how the toys are used,, either to enhance an orgasm with your partner, or just to complete what the man was not able to do for you,,
either way,, it's all about couples having the same sexuality,, for example water sports or S&M ,, I'm not into it, so if my partner was, I don't think we would work.. | |
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