| The L Word
Posted: 12/6/2008 4:06:12 PM | totally agree, singleinec! I just ended a relationship after falling into that hole. We both said it to each other, I think out of lack for other expressive words and then the red flags started popping up. When it came time to end it, the usual "you didn't mean any of it" stuff came flying in!
Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, but felt if I didn't return the words, then it was gonna be rough from there on out. Then came the "do you love me, or in love with me?"
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:26:20 AM | The L word...that is some deep sh*t
I don't even know where to start....I am always leery of that word and i think words are just words....its the actions that give true definitions...like if you tell me you love me when were out on the weekends together but you don't call me Monday through Friday chances are you don't love me and you sure aren't in love with me....people rush into things far too often...ill admit I have been guilty of that myself...[why else would i be divorced?] but I have also learned that there is no need to rush into anything and it is more important to have fun and enjoy life than to concentrate on making things into something they are not. Love I think just happens and people should not rush into saying a 4 letter word that ultimately means nothing if it is not said at the right point in a relationship! | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:42:17 AM | That L word...
I was first told I love you in grade six by a sweet boy...It was unexpected.
I was told I love you a few more times after that. It was unexpected...only because I was thinking they were ass*holes as I was slapping their hands away at the drive-in movies.
When I was first told I love you by my husband, it was unexpected.
I have been told I love you a few times since my divorce...all were unexpected.
Now I have someone tell me they love me...and the first time he told me...it was unexpected too
Each time they have told me the L word first and each time I was caught in a funny position. "What do you say back?"
For me...it takes awhile to fall in love. There has to be trust and respect in place...and that takes awhile, too. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:49:08 AM | I would not state "I Love You" until you are truly ready. Both parties feel that this is moving in the right direction.
Dolce | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:22:39 PM | If you have a strong relationship with someone it is not difficult to see the signs that a declaration of love may be coming. With that knowledge, it is unlikely that you could be "caught off guard", so think about it before your partner voices his feelings. Can you return his feelings in kind? What would you say? If not, what do you feel for him? How would he react if you couldn't return the sentiment?
I have said those words to three men in my life and come close a few other times.
Not to be arrogant, but I have seen romantic interests heading that way on several occasions. Knowing full well it was not mutual, I chose to carefully side step the situation before he committed himself with speaking the words.
I try to be affectionate and kind but clear, letting him know that he is of great value to me. And since he hasn't actually spoken the words yet it can save him a bruised ego to say nothing of a bruised heart.
Then there those individuals of both genders who relish the conquest of having someone " in love" with them with minor consideration of the other person's emotions. I think that behavior is pitiful and small. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:42:02 PM |
If you have a strong relationship with someone it is not difficult to see the signs that a declaration of love may be coming
Presumptious...
All my relationships were and are very strong.....All of these men all told me while I thought I was still doing the lovely dance of romance...
You see...I love romance....being chased, pursued, spoiled...talking about everything and anything in fun...laughing...teasing...
Then they say this out of the blue one day...and I am confounded.
You see...I don't put my guys under the microscope to see what they are feeling about me now...or ...tomorrow...
Because I don't know whether I love them or not (slowness on my part) I do not have sex. They know that right from the beginning. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:50:27 PM | | Whew, this was a touchy subject between my SO and I. We were both bruised and battered so to speak from previous relationships. We started out slow, taking our time building our relationship and when it seemed that everything was there except the words, I began to wonder. It seemed he could tell everyone else he loved them except me (his kids, his sisters.) When he did say it to me, it was heartfelt and I knew how I felt about him too. I think if it's right and meant to be, you'll know what to say without having to analyze things so much. Just follow your heart and it will lead you in the right direction. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:58:14 PM | It's not a contest of who will say it first. It's not about only saying it after you know they love you or have told your first. It is about saying it when you truly mean it and also backing it up with actions.
Tell someone you love them when you realize it. Life is too short not to tell them. I know that is cliche but I realized this after my father died when I was a teenager. He was here one day and gone the next. After that I realized it was important to tell others I love them and tell them when I do love them instead of holding out on waiting to hear it first.
Never say I love you unless you mean it. I know some people who say it when they do not feel it. They only say it because they feel as though they have to because it was said to them.
If you love him tell him and do not wait to hear it first.
~Carrie | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:03:41 PM | I agree that actions speak louder than words, but ALL the men I dated said I love you first to me. I have yet to say it first and I do look forward to that day.
I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but just don't feel pressured to say it yourself.
Alot of people think they are in love when they are merely in lust. Love can take years to grow.
Here's my example: My friends. I love some of them, but when I first met them I didn't love them, nor did I love them within 3 months. It took some real time to really love them.
But yeah, there are people who think love at first sight exists too. It's more like lust at first sight that worked hard enough to develop into love.
Sex clouds things. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:19:07 PM | This is an old thread but I assume that the OP was at that stage where you really aren't in love yet but I like you or any number of things doesn't cut it for explaining to the other person how you feel.
How the L word evolves in a relationship? Each one is different and there are definitely times when the L word coming too quickly would set off alarm bells and then other people like myself might choose to say something like I am definitely in like, meaning if things keep going well, that L word is down the road a bit but not too terribly far off.
I was still in the relatively early stages of a relationship a couple of years ago. The man was going through some difficult stuff. He knew me well enough to recognize how close I was with many of my friends and I sent him a note telling him that I wasn't making some undying declaration but I wanted to tell him I loved him along the same lines as X and Y. He recognized that it wasn't purely a friendship type of love but that I also wasn't saying I was in love or even necessarily falling in love with him.
I think when people are dancing around it, they are starting to feel that way but know that it isn't really totally appropriate or even accurate at that point to say I love you. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:35:01 PM | | I live in Los Angeles, where the phrase "Love you!" and the like, are vastly over-used. It's important to me not to cheapen that word, so I generally respond, "You too," without mentioning love. It may seem like nit-picking but that's how I get around it without insulting anyone. The love word was used with my ex, with my Dad, with my Mother, to a dear friend before she died of cancer.... I want to have a word that's precious, that's sacred, that I only share, as I do my heart, with that small amount of people in my life who are truly my family. And once you are a member of my "love" family then I am always there for you. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:49:00 PM | What does it mean to you if he says, "I love you?" Answering that for yourself may help you find an appropriate response if he does say the L phrase.
I personally believe that telling someone that you love them takes on a lot of responsibility. I am sure it means a lot of different things to other people, but I think it means that the author is ready to make a committment and is asking for one.
I really can't help anymore than this little dribble, sorry. AND GOOD LUCK!! | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:59:47 PM | Was sort of dissapointed when I actually read this post. though it might be about something a little more interesting....like sexual preference....lol
About someone saying they "Love You"....if it happens ,it happens....Just search your feelings and find out if you love them back......If you don't? Then say your not sure if your feelings are that strong yet. It could lead to an awkward situation but it's better to be honest about something so serious. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 11:09:50 PM | I get weary of people who abuse that word.
You just can't love objects or the weather. It cheapens the word just like saying "F!!!" all the time. It's just annoying after a while.
So when I say that word, people know I truly am royally pissed.
I agree with most on here. It's all in the actions, baby. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/30/2009 11:46:56 PM | | All I know is when a women says the word first MEN RUN LIKE HELL!!!! | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/31/2009 7:56:58 AM | A little addition to my earlier post and I'm wondering if the rest of you are like this.
When my SO tells me he loves me, I absolutely cannot say I love you too. To me, it comes across that I've said it only because he said it first. So when he tells me he loves me, I muster up all my feelings and I say with all the conviction that I have "I love YOU." And yes there are plenty of times that I say it first.
Just me and my weirdness. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:05:04 AM | All I know is when a women says the word first MEN RUN LIKE HELL!!!!
Then Confucius say " If you want the men to stop running like hell from you, do not say the "L" word".
Confucius also say "Duh"...  | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:21:12 AM | | I'm very particular to whom I say I love you to. I like to mean it. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:35:23 AM | You'd think after a wonderful 38 year marriage I'd know when to say it. So, I'll always say it to family and some friends. But the first relationship I was in I made the mistake of saying it to early, she felt over whelmed. I couldn't understand that. But during a breakup I dated some other ladies, and guess what? one of them said it to me, and I definetly wasn't on the same page. Very early. I asked her to slow down. Lets get to know each other better, well she said it again in a week or so. I felt over whelmed and still wasn't on the same page...that was the end of that!
Well, here I am again, funny how both parties can hit it off so early, everything seems so right, the Love word is exchanged even with any intimacy, and things start cropping up and bang...it's all over. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:53:36 AM | I don't really understand what the big deal is with the L word. It expresses a feeling for me, not an expectation. If someone tells me they love me, it feels good. It feels good to be loved. I may give the person a hug, a kiss, a smile. I will show that it is appreciated.
Similarly, if I tell someone that I love them, it means I have strong feelings for them. I enjoy being with them. Being near them makes me feel good, etc. It does not mean I want to hear the same thing back. It doesn't mean I want to get married. It does not mean anything other than what I feel at the moment. And I appreciate it when it is received and accepted. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:26:21 AM | | I had a lover who said a lot of that, but never said he loved me until things were pretty much done between us, and then, too little too late. My husband met him one day and later that afternoon told me that my ex "really loves me" he could tell, and there was a time when that would have brought me to tears but I had no feeling left besides a shrug. "Too bad for him." I knew he loved me when he did, long before he said it, he was just too afraid of it. Everytime he'd get real close to me, the next day, the next week, he'd be hiding from me and everyone else, or worse, he'd run off to try to prove how single and skank he was. All of these things do mean that he loves you, but if he's afraid to say the word, there's a problem that might need looking in to. Or not. Breaking up eventually solved the problem for me. | |
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