| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:31:40 PM | | please call me pete.. as to explaining to our colonials ihope it was sufficient ...........and mr subversive did you hear the one about the two alsations in the vets : One says to the other "what are you in here for " the other replies " well i dont know what came over me they only went out for the day i went beserk ripped up the furniture and all the stress went straight to me bowels i gorged me way through all the food in the house im ashamed of meself it was a terrible mess " the other asks " so is it the sleeping needle then " replies "im afraid so " ........... the deathrow dog lifts his head and asks " so what about you " he starts " well all was fine the master left the house i saw him off with a wag of me tail. When i came back in the mistress was bent double over the chest freezer her nightie only fits where it touches . I couldnt control meself i was on her pounding away like a jack russel on speed"" Deathrow dog interrupts "so its the sleeping needle for you then "" amourous alsation replies "oh no shes getting my claws clipped" ............ and are you aware of the perfectly matched irish gay couple Paddy Fitsmichael and Michael Fitspatrick [you can explain that one] | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:32:07 PM | | oh my god this is bad ,but like the subject said , when watching the olympics last year i complentated long and hard about is there anything the chinese can t do .......and then i remembered ......picking****es | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:23:06 PM | Walking through the cemetery the other day, I saw a bloke hiding behind a tombstone.
"Morning" I said.
"No, just taking a s*it" he replied.
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A recent study asked a group of women if their c**t twitched after sex.
98% said No, he just lays there scratching his nuts. | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:07:30 PM | irishman ontop of a burning building flames all around him people on the ground get a sheet jump into the sheet
im irish says the man you english dont like the irish i jump youl pull the sheet away PUT THE SHEET ON THE FLOOR THEN IL JUMP | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:09:32 PM | At an old Irish pub on the west side.
There was a middle aged irishman came in, sat at the bar and ordered three pints of stout.He did this every week at Thursday exactly 3:50PM every time.
The waitresses and bartender couldn't restrain their curiosity and had to ask him why he always ordered three drinks.
He said," Weel I came to America to make me living, but me two brothers stayed behind. So every Thursday at the same time we all go to our local pub is kind of a ritual.I drink for them as if they was here with me and they do the same. Keeps us close in a strange way, ya ken."
This satisfied them, and the man came to be a regular presence on Thursdays. Weeks and months went by, soon everyone knew of the odd story of the family ritual.
Then, on a bitter cold winter Thursday he came in, sat at the bar and with a sad expression on his face - ordered only two pints.
The pub suddenly went silent and all eyes watched the man. Usually jovial he was quiet and spoke to no one.
As he drank in silence, the bartender couldn't stand it any more. He asked " Has something happened to one of your brothers?"
Everyone in the bar listened intently.
"Why no laddie, what would give yeh a fool idea as that?" Came his reply.
"well you have only two pints"
"Ahhhhh, now that's the thing," the Irishman said, grinning broadly," I just decided that I would quit drinking." | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:19:46 PM | Income tax officer asked the prostitute why she's put her ccupation down as a "poultry farmer"................
She replies....
"Because i raised five thousand**** last year"................. | |
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57dwas
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Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 35 | |
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57dwas
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Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 36 | |
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57dwas
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Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 37 | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/25/2009 1:26:31 AM |
"Morning" I said
" No, just taking a sh*t" he replied.
omg lol
the absolute worst one i have ever heard (and i know this is awful) came from a website with the most distasteful jokes imaginable. (u've been warned) :
It was the first day of April when a couple expecting their first child rushed to the delivery room. The expectant father was too nervous to stay with his wife so he paced up and down the waiting room. Several hours later one of the nurses emerged carrying the baby boy in her arms. "Would you like to hold your son?" thrilled the new father stepped forward but before he could blink the nurse snatched the blanket off the child, grabbed it by the ankles and began swinging it around in circles. She loosened her grip and she let it slam into a nearby wall. Shocked the new father screamed "lady what the f**k are you doing to my child?!!" She sheepishly grinned "April Fools--it was already dead."
i told you it was a doozy. | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/30/2009 7:25:56 AM | I aplogise in advance for these ones
humpty dumpty sat on a rock, little boo peep was sucking his**** as soon as he came she started to weep, cos she knew by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep
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2 gay men in a relationship, one of them dies. His partner asks for his body to be made into a curry. when asked why he replied " i just want to feel him dribble out of my arse one more time!!"
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middle aged fat german blokes naked on his bed..
his newly wed young tiwani wife is ther with him sucking his****.
the german fella says to his wife..
god you really love my****don't ya..
the wife looks up and says no i just miss mine! | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/30/2009 11:42:40 AM | A little "Dirty" Football humor in honor of the Superbowl this Sunday...
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, switch sides." | |
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| If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned
Posted: 1/30/2009 4:32:43 PM | I knew a guy who often bragged about his self-conquests. This was back in middle school, when masturbation was a feat. Anyways, he decided to tell us the most embarrassing moment in his then-short life, and it probably still is.
He said that one morning, he got a little randy and decided to, well, make the bald guy throw up, so to say. Midway through, he decided to listen to his portable CD player and close his eyes. After the "glue was made", he looked over to his night table, and noticed his mother brought him breakfast. | |
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