| question for single moms
Posted: 11/26/2008 5:23:01 PM | | People deal differently to trauma......some go thru it and thrive, while others stowe it away and ignore it while developing some bad habits that they keep repeating. I know what you are saying but I just think maybe she is the second type. I seriously think she has no idea she is doing anything wrong. Which i think is even worse than anything. All I can do is walk away for my own sanity. I gave it all ladies but by what you are all saying , there is little or nothing I can do to win her heart. Some hearts are just closed off forever. I just wish she finds love ande happiness someday with someone. I wish it could have been with me but life isnt always just or fair. | |
|
| |
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/26/2008 9:30:25 PM | MAN... don't waste ur time with her! She is probably HOPING she and her "sperm donor" can get back together (if she isn't banging him already). Think about it? Everything was going good (she claimed she had "feelings" for u and even asked u out) and on top of it...u were spending time with HER (and the sperm donor's) kids!! I bet they (the kids) got attached to u and all!! Then all of a sudden... booom... she having second thoughts!!
Most likely she has exposed her kids to different men (a lot of them do) and the one guy that was doing right by her, she now has a "problem" with him since he caught "feelings". I'm sure the babydaddy is probably behind the scenes "stirring up" some shit as well!!
I know u feel PLAYED and my suggestion to u is to be even more cautious with "wishy washy" women! Find some one with less issues and potential DRAMA (a childless woman perhaps?-it isn't a guarantee with her either BUT the % of DRAMA and BS is less!) | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/27/2008 7:29:46 PM | Some women can't help but mess up their relationships, they don't feel they deserve better than what they are used to so they do whatever it takes to mess one up. Maybe she has low self-esteem. If thats the case no matter how much you tell her how beautiful she is or how happy you are with her she will deep down feel she isn't worthy of your love and affection. But maybe you did something and she feels you won't change in that aspect and would rather end it now while she's not in love with you then later on when she's fallen head over heels and her children are very attached to you. Perhaps she's getting grief from one of her babies' daddies? There are a lot of different reasons, unless you ask her you'll never know. I'd date your fine ass......lol.  | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/27/2008 8:33:32 PM | thanks chocolatebecki,
where you at?lol.....Maybe she did bail before she got in too deep. It's just crazy anyone who doestn wanna be in love! | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/27/2008 9:24:09 PM | This could have a lot to do with it. With no stable male figure in her life, she may have grown up thinking that because daddy wasn't there ( and when he was, he was off) who is going to want to be there now? What is wrong with me, is most likely the question running through her mind. She more than likely closed off the idea of commitment to a guy because there was no real emotional bond between her and her father.
Before you go off thinking that's the weirdest thing you've ever heard, think about it: parents shape their children emotionally, physically, financially, etc. The more time you spend with your children, the more you help the developmental part of their little bodies. When a father figure is not there,( or is there, but way off in their own world), it teaches the child that men are not a necessity in life and cannot be depended upon for anything. Which in turn, makes her feel like things are going to either end soon, or she has to end them before they get really bad, because nothing this good without a price to pay.
The whole Valentines day remark was more than likely a test to see how you would react. Almost like a planned attempt to have the relationship fail because she is so used to things being so messed up, so she expects it to happen.
You can be the sweetest guy in the world, and you can sweep her off her feet with kindness and everything else, but what this girl needs is help to not put all men in the same stereotype as her ex's and her father.
Good Luck dude, hope all goes well for you. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/27/2008 9:25:59 PM | could the fact she had a horrible childhood have alot to do why she wouldnt herslef get close.....what about that valentines day remark she told me????? Thats like saying she rather not try to be happy cus she is too worried about being hurt.....
sorry dude....if you're confused, this is the post I was replying to | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 6:54:55 AM | | Thats terrible. Obviously like others posted she was hurt before, she feels safer stringing you along and all the comfort you provide but then when the rubber meets the road she backs off. Sounds like she needs to realize that everyone in life gets hurt but you must overcome that somehow. I am big on the commercial holidays and I know how difficult it is to be alone but I would rather share a V day with someone knowing we genuinely care about each other than to be alone to shield myself from potential heartache. Move on brother. It is a lesson that took me sooo long to figure out. No way for you to understand really just that she is in a different place in her life and its safe to be with someone dating but if things get more serious then you see where the person's real commitment level is. I would be lucky to find someone like you. Good luck!! | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 6:56:15 AM | | I agree with you. It is crazy someone who doesnt want to be in love but with real love comes real responsibility and commitment, obviously something shes not ready for. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 11:54:18 AM | | I want to thank everyone that responded to my post ladyluv who was the first , fab mom , greycee, notinnocent,marnie, lilithsdaughter, lostgirl, wcms1963. I'm sorry if I missed you but I do greatly appreciate every bit of advice. I have been talking to a new girl.......she's giving, caring, supportive and open to falling in love. She has a beautiful heart and I am very lucky that I have her in my life. As for my ex, I still think about her, she still calls me but she still doesnt get it, suppose she never will. I feel bad because she doesnt realize whats wrong but I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes. I am moving on ladies. Alot of you said I should and I think its the best thing to do. I wish things would have worked out but maybe god has a greater plan for us all. Again thank you all so very much. Theres alot of love for all of you for trying to help me and explain something that made no sense to me. Thanks again and I hope you all find your happiness as well! | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 11:54:57 AM | Sorry dude - you missed the red flag - the one that popped-up when she told you she had two kids by two different guys (both in jail).  | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:45:10 PM | its quite simple,
What you have experienced is a typical trait from a person who likes it when they like it and when its on their own terms everything goes just fine. Commonly called in this modern age a messer,control freak,up their own bum and so forth.The list is endless.
People who claim to be genuine,certain of what they want and so forth are ten to a penny in this day and age yet the reality is far removed from their percepctions of what they think they want (maybe too much barbie at an early age). On a serious note I think the 2 kids form 2 dads who are in jail should of set the alarm bells ringing or should at least have made you sail a bit closer to the wind(cautious).
Im sure some people will put their rose coloured spectacles on and justify a messers actions but the reality is she obviously hasnt a clue what she wants. Sorry,lifes a bum........
Dont kill yourself worrying about what might be go get yourslef a good lady and be happy.Cant change the world but you can always stand your corner and fight. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 3:13:03 PM |
you seem like a good man and I hope if this is the girl you want that it will work out for you. there needs to be more men who really care like you
I agree | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 11/29/2008 4:59:43 PM | | Romeo:you live a different life to her.What you did was trying to show her how to live good by being treated like a lady.And that took her by surprise.some time s us men should think with our heads not our hearts or whats between the legs.I like to say one thing romeo have you tried to live her way of life easy lay back no responsibilties.May be what she did is best for you not to break your heart in the future.The way i see it is that she has no self esteem and no confidence in her self at all thats why she found your treatment is different to the rest she being with ,and I think you came on too strong trying to attach her to you more stronger by buying her a lot of things that she is not used to getting from other guys.It is sad to see those children of her to live in an un-stable environment .I would like to encourage you to read ppl posts on other threads they are very interesting and may be it will give you a better idea in the future. specially ppl with mental illness good luck in the future and think with your brains. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:15:04 PM | I'm sorry to say I've done this one before. I usually do it before anything starts but sometimes I'm too late. I have a new rule. No sleeping over until I no longer am afraid of the person. So far it's worked. Neither of you really start having feelings for each other until an act of intimacy. Also, speaking for myself, I find a man a lot less threatening if he's taking it somewhat slow. You should act interested, call her sometimes, not every day, go out every once in a while but don't meet the kids right away and don't get intimate immediately.
So far that's working for me and there are a lot less hurt feelings. Hope I helped. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:16:41 AM | | yikes. look.. I don't know what to tell you.. all I know is how I am.. I had a terrible childhood growing up.. I was taken away from my family when I was a kid.. so what. it was better that way. I don't go around making everyone around me feel crazy with my moods. in my opinion you either want to be with someone or you don't. it sounds like she is unstable. wanting you one minute and not the next. is that really the kind of person you want to be with? | |
|
| |
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:33:54 PM | | I agree dancer"...it's kind of odd that if she has, more than one child why she is acting so childish....She needs to grow up! | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:07:08 AM | Wow... I've been in a relationship where everything was going very well... but towards the end of our relationship... things were getting "Toxic" between us, and we broke up on bad terms. But now I see what I was doing wrong and why she was acting the way she was at the end. We both had traumatic events happen to us at young ages. But now I know what I did wrong and what she was doing... I guess we forgot what it meant to be a friend. I regret not becoming her friend.
- would you have any advice for me on how to be her friend again? I hope she has open arms just as big as her heart really is. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/16/2009 1:00:38 PM | | I know where shes coming from I went trhu a very harsh childhood also I was abused by my father and I was also kidnapped by my father anyways Im scared of getting to close to a guy no matter how good he is just because I dont wanna get hurt like that again. Another thing it makes it even harder woth kids because I have 2 lil girls I always swore that no matter what I will never let them know the same hurt and betrayel I still feel so I keep guys at arms length with me and my kids.Another thing I always say i know Im gonna push him away I already know cause Im scared but if hes the one for me it will be hard but he will stay and work with me untill I can let my guard down again no matter how long it takes when you go thru somethin like that you know that since you have been thru that you are prone to find guys like that because thats all you know so prove to hr that your not like her parrents and you do care and hold her and be beside her when shes scared and lonely I know it meant alot to me when this one guy I have nightmares about what happened to me and he was able to just hold me and tell me that Im safe I have nothing to worry about that he will alawys be here for me and you know even though our relationship didnt work out hes still there for me hes my best friend. | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:04:56 PM | I have been in the same situation and at first I could say that she couldn't believe it, but your guys had been around each other for a long enough time that she should of been over all that negativity in her life.
I have no clue why she acted the way she did. But I will say that you are a good man keep doing what you do and don't give up and stay strong. I have met one man that treated me like that and then when he met my kids he stated he would rather not be with me. So I am not going to give up. I feel that there are good men out there and the one thing women need to let go of there past and not keep thinking that the same thing is going to happen again. This is only a personal opinion but we need to let go and put it in gods hands.
  | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/17/2009 3:51:27 AM | hi
we all have a past i have 2 great children , i wouldnt change that , but my past is my past when it comes to men ,and you can not treat every one the same , if you dont give someone a chance how can you have a futrue ,and make new memories . look forward not back , some people are just not ready to find a gent and always want a bad boy for what ever reason , and they just can not change that . i wouldnt like it if some one thought i was like there x would you ? | |
|
| question for single moms
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:03:02 AM | I don't think it has much to do with her children and fear someone will come in and out their lives. HELLO- boths father are different(not a problem) but both are also in jail. She saw those men to be a fit parent.
- Maybe she has a wall up, maybe she's just a drama queen.
What would make you (being a great guy) want to be involved in such drama?
- I can't really answer your question seeing it is beyond my thinking. I can't get past the fact both daddies are in jail! Kind of tells us how she is or her taste in men.
- How long did you date and why did she spend the night with you and expose her children to " spending the night with men" ?
I know I seem judgmental, but I can't wrap my brain around senseless drama.
I am sure you are a good guy, drop her and find someone you are more compatable with and let her write love letters and not get attaced to her jail birds :) | |
|
Home
login 
