| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 6:48:24 AM | | I think this relationship is doomed if you cannot come to terms with her past. She is obviously not okay with her actions, but felt it important for you to know. Sounds like she hasn't forgiven herself yet, but are you going to punish her at this point in time for something she no longer has control of or power to change? You need to decide. Can you get over it? | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 7:06:10 AM | | Maybe she just told the op that she had been with 3 guys at once to see if would call her the next day...in other words maybe she is hoping that he does not call her the next day..Something just does not seem right here.. or maybe she is just teasing him and wanting to just get a reaction..3 at once? I think the OP she come hack with that and say why only 3 at once? that sounds boring. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 9:43:57 AM | | I don't understand why she even told you unless she feared you might know one of the 3 involved and would hear about it somehow. I rather like my friend's attitude: "you have a past and I have a past but we are the Present. The past is the past and we have no needs to discuss it." | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 10:02:01 AM | If what I don't know doesn't hurt me, why bring it up?
The past is the past... until you dredge it up and stick it's rotting, stinking carcass under my nose. Then I have no choice but react to it. Even if I keep it to myself, there's going to be a reaction. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 10:06:26 AM | Well I don't think she 'is' testing the waters for future escapades - where you are one of the men! - because she wouldn't have said she's ashamed of it if she wanted an action re-play involving you!
She probably told you so that you couldn't find out later, and then be disgusted. Maybe she 'was' testing if you'd dump her for her past, and also if she may want something kinky or unusual in the future in a sexual relationship - to see what your boundaries are perhaps.
If it was me being told my new fella had an orgy with 4 women, I'd automatically assume I wasn't enough for him (yep, insecure) and I'd not trust him. I'd think when he was with me, was he fantasising about others too? But I'm not naive and know most men fantasise about threesomes or orgies with women, it's whether they want to take that fantasy into reality - and this woman obviously did want to, and was confident enough to, to explore that fantasy.
I'd suggest you talk it over with her directly, and ask her if she's likely to want the same kind of scenario again - then put forward your stance on it. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 10:09:09 AM | | I think most people are too brainwashed based on the limitations society places on us and not as open minded as they believe themselves to be. I've heard lots since I've been in the dating world, past 3somes, bisexual and more and never let it stop me from getting to know someone better. I like the openness and honesty, tells me so much about someone's character, which is a good thing in my eyes. I think if you have to ask for guidance on here the answer for you is no. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 10:15:56 AM | No it should not prevent you from pursuing more of a relationship with this woman ... it does prompt more questions. Why is she telling you this? She doesn't have to. Is she hoping that you may be interested in the same activity and wants to do it again. As others have said is she testing you and has other "mistakes" that she's feeling out that you can handle. Is this her way of sabotaging relationships? Is she into full discloser about past "mistakes" and expects the same from you ... and if you don't she'll be angry when your stuff comes out later? ... all you can do is ask her why she felt it important to disclose this information so early in the relationship ... and take her at her word until proven otherwise.
Overall, as others have said ... its her past big deal. What is important is the potential relationship you two could have. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:46:22 PM |
She probably told you so that you couldn't find out later, and then be disgusted.
I think what this tells me plus what I've learned in my own relationship is that what we ourselves may be ok with, or were ok with, is not the only thing to consider. What we choose to do, or not do, may at some point affect a future relationship for the bad.
If I had known how the things I did when I was younger would affect my current relationship, I would never have chosen that path. But when you're younger, you don't see the "big picture" of the unforseen consequences of our actions. Hindsight is 20/20 but by them, it's often too late.
Chimera_Obscura | |
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Posted: 11/20/2008 1:24:38 PM | (spicynicegirl) I also find it intriguing that men are always saying how they really want a woman that would do "anything" sexually etc. yet when faced with one they seem taken back somewhat. Just my opinion.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people will only listen long enough to get it completely wrong.
Most men do NOT want a woman who will "do anything sexually"; they want a woman who will do anything sexually... WITH THEM.
Why the issue of exclusivity is such a hard one to grasp for some people, I dunno. I mean, it's not like it's rocket surgery, or brain science... 
Perhaps men are looking for the impossible................LOL
Maybe men are looking to be LISTENED TO, instead of second-guessed. | |
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Posted: 11/20/2008 7:45:41 PM | | To the OP's question, I think that it took a great deal of maturity for the woman in question to admit what she felt was a mistake in her life. Past is just that, in the past. It is not a predetermined pattern of behaviour so I would say there should not be an issue. And if it causes twinges now, it won't get any better. Cut your losses (in your own mind) and move on. | |
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jayb2b
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Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 113 | |
| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/20/2008 8:21:32 PM | | hitit n quit it man , if she told me that i could not take her seriously nemore lol, a lady never tells and a gentlemen dosent ask . did u ever hear that b4, she sounds like a sluzy , u can call me an ass hole but thats my opinion, if she told me that i would take her to my spot but u probably didnt read her right, what if she was wet u knoe tryin to give u a heads up, bit u ****ed out lol, neways i give bad advice so take the best of it lol | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 6:33:41 AM | | Well the OP should ask himself this question...If she can take 3 at a time then how is your 1 going to work out for her???...But if she is over this phase in her life the past is the past and your reply to her should be there are some things I do not want to know. I mean sounds like she is the Kiss and tell type...How many others has she told about this? I am sure you are not the only one.. the choice is yours, if she is kind and respectful to you and has a clean bill of health and you really like her then you should give her chance...no harm done. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 6:58:38 AM | It never ceases to amaze me how many people will only listen long enough to get it completely wrong.
Most men do NOT want a woman who will "do anything sexually"; they want a woman who will do anything sexually... WITH THEM.
Why the issue of exclusivity is such a hard one to grasp for some people, I dunno. I mean, it's not like it's rocket surgery, or brain science...
No, it's the all men want a sexually experienced virgin theory. How can she like doing "anything" sexually without having slept with someone before you came along? Right. It's not always about you.
P.S. It is possible to have a past and STILL be exclusive in present time. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:21:57 AM | | Those who live in the past..stay in the past...If she is respectful, kind, sweet and still has good health then who cares what she did.. You should just advise her that you do not need to know everything...no worries OP. those who have no "skeletons" have not the ability to stand up walk on, live on and move on..What happens in the past should be learned from and then left back in the past. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:36:37 AM | No, it's the all men want a sexually experienced virgin theory. How can she like doing "anything" sexually without having slept with someone before you came along? Right. It's not always about you.
P.S. It is possible to have a past and STILL be exclusive in present time.
Nobody said anything about wanting a virgin. I think there might just be a tiny amount of middle ground between a virgin and a pass-around girl. Ladies, if you've been the proud focal point of a gang-bang, and your man is likely to never find out about it, make sure he's of a like mind before sharing it with him... Or be ready to be seen in a less than favorable light. Right or wrong doesn't play into it. It's just the reality of the situation. A man who feels he has options isn't going to take a chance on you. It's too big of a gamble.
I feel sorry for people who make mistakes of this magnitude in their lives and don't see the consequences of it until they are faced with them. I'm sure many of them can be very sweet people. We all have fantasies that we'd like to act out. Most of us weigh the consequences out before hand and decide not to. Punching your boss in the nose for instance. Not a good idea.
Yes, we all make mistakes. The kind of mistakes we make point to our character as much as the good we do. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 7:58:08 AM | ^^^Ok...close to a virgin then. Perhaps 1 0r 2 partners that weren't any good and were in serious long term relationships (I've seen men go to therapy when they find out a woman's past lover or lovers were extremely gifted sexually), but still...this isn't the first thread about this stuff; mind you it's an extreme example, and this woman probably told this guy what she did to get him to walk away, but I've seen threads about women who've had more than 5 or 10 sexual partners in their lives being questioned as someone who's dateable as well by a guy who found this out during a conversation.
It's no wonder most women don't reveal this information regardless of what it is; it never turns out well. It's simply more acceptable for a man to have had more experience and to have done more outrageous things sexually in the past.
5 men - 1 woman (what a slut! No respect for herself)
5 women - 1 man (what sluts! No respect for themselves)
Meh. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 8:19:40 AM | It's no wonder most women don't reveal this information regardless of what it is; it never turns out well. It's simply more acceptable for a man to have had more experience and to have done more outrageous things sexually in the past.
5 men - 1 woman (what a slut! No respect for herself)
5 women - 1 man (what sluts! No respect for themselves)
Meh.
At your age, 5-10 guys doesn't seem like a slut (unless they were at the same time... gotta stay on topic. lol). Especially if you've never had an extremely long term relationship. Besides, it's women that idolize promiscuous men. Most men do not. I have a friend that's seen more tail than a stagecoach driver, and he's one of the most unhappy and srewed-up people I know. Most of the guys I know, that run around, have serious problems that contribute to it. Alcohol and drugs mostly, but some just can't stand their own company for more than a day or two. No reason to look up to that.
I would say that most women would not be too happy to find out that their man had a pensiant for participating in gang bangs in the past. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 8:54:32 AM | (I've seen men go to therapy when they find out a woman's past lover or lovers were extremely gifted sexually
And you're going to tell me that women don't get upset to find out that a guy's past lovers were better than her in the bedroom....?
If that were the case, Cosmo wouldn't have tips for the bedroom or being sexy on damn near every single front cover... I'd bet there are a lot more women who read those articles, than there are men in therapy over their wife/girlfriend's past lovers...
Now here's a choice, would you prefer that your partner's past lovers were better or worse than you?
Would you prefer that everything you and your lover do be unique to your relationship, or just the same old, same old, done with others in the past, nothing new... | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 8:57:50 AM |
(I've seen men go to therapy when they find out a woman's past lover or lovers were extremely gifted sexually
yes let's please try not to turn this into yet ANOTHER 'man bad, woman good' rant?
I'm FAIRLY sure most women would not be overjoyed to learn, or hear about, that their man had 1000's of lovers or sexual encounters in the past, or had participated in orgies, gang-bangs, etc., MMMFFFFMMMM, mFm, FFM, etc., etc. ?? | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 9:14:48 AM |
And you're going to tell me that women don't get upset to find out that a guy's past lovers were better than her in the bedroom....?
Some do, I am sure - but we're more apt to hear about it and more expected to deal with it. A man's never discussed his ex sexually in conversation before? If so, then it might just be I have that personality where men want to tell me that stuff.
If that were the case, Cosmo wouldn't have tips for the bedroom or being sexy on damn near every single front cover... I'd bet there are a lot more women who read those articles, than there are men in therapy over their wife/girlfriend's past lovers...
A lot more women read Cosmo than men who will go to therapy, I agree. That's a separate issue tho.
Now here's a choice, would you prefer that your partner's past lovers were better or worse than you?
I prefer I am well matched with a partner. If the ex was better, I think he should either work with his present situation, go back to where it was good, or move on to where it's equal.
Would you prefer that everything you and your lover do be unique to your relationship, or just the same old, same old, done with others in the past, nothing new...
My point isn't that it should be dull, it's that men don't like hearing how anything previous to them was any good. The ego factor is much bigger for men in bed, or at least it always has been in my social circle and region.
I'm FAIRLY sure most women would not be overjoyed to learn, or hear about, that their man had 1000's of lovers or sexual encounters in the past, or had participated in orgies, gang-bangs, etc., MMMFFFFMMMM, mFm, FFM, etc., etc. ??
No one's overjoyed to hear that stuff in the extreme anyway (to me mfm or fmf aren't THAT odd)...however societally it's simply more expected from men than women. And how many women have you met that had thousands of lovers? I don't know many men OR women that have gotten around THAT much. Then again where I live the population's not high enough to support it either. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 9:34:13 AM | ^^
No one's overjoyed to hear that stuff in the extreme anyway (to me mfm or fmf aren't THAT odd)...however societally it's simply more expected from men than women
I suppose, but let's apply a littlle simple logic..If there are soo many men 'getting around' with that many women, there ALSO have to be a LOT of women 'getting around' with a lot of men.
after all, WHO are 'all these men' doing it WITH?
can't be a mere one or 2 or afew chicks that are the sexual partners of all these guys..
if there are supposedly so many guys with so much 'experience' it stands to reason that the number of women witt that much experience is about the same..? | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 9:41:36 AM | ^^^Well, since men brag about this more than women, I have no idea who these women are...they're never local, they're always from some booze party on a vacation somewhere or cruise or college campus or whatever. If women do this, they must be a lot more discreet or private about it.
However, yes there are some women who are more ok with this type thing than others, and probably have done this more than once...so I don't think two girls are servicing every man ever (boy would they be tired), but I do think there are more repeats than not from women who've done it because to them, it's not that big a deal to do it again with different men. I am sure the occasional pair of women who do it once and then say "ok, I can say I did this" and move on exist as well.
P.S. I didn't say more men did this, I said it's expected more from men as acceptable - for all I know men who go on and on about this stuff are making it up to impress their friends. | |
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| Would you date someone who has had an orgy with 3+ men?
Posted: 11/21/2008 9:52:56 AM | If she is d&d free, I really don't care about what someone may have done in the past as long as it wasn't too crazy. A orgy/swinging/groupsex/etc., doesn't rise to that level. I think I would prefer someone who was open minded enough to try it.
At my age I want someone who has lived life a little and has sown some wild oats. They know what they want and are generally not looking to settle. | |
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