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Shri_1
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Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 76 | |
| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/23/2008 7:32:10 PM | i haven't seen that thread you speak of....probably a good thing as i was "in forum time out"....thats another story...
anyway....as i've gotten older my standards have become higher....this is mainly in part because i know specifically what i want, what i will and won't tolerate.....besides, i know myself much much better....
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/23/2008 11:40:46 PM | i never consciously lower my standards, although often in retrospect and irrespective of age, i've made poor choices. so, i just forgive myself (let it go) and try to learn by my mistakes. my standards are evolving with experience and wisdom. in seeking someone of a higher caliber, i may get snared into one set of "apparent" attributes (eg. intelligence) and not realize that others are deficient (eg. integrity or truthfulness). however, when i finally "get it", i "get out". i think i need to be less impulsive and give a man some time to show his true colors.
when i meet a man offline, i can sense the energy way better. there has to be a keen intelligence and a spark for life. in the looks dept., men in my life have ranged all over the place, but within reason. i haven't found that good looks necessarily make a man more selfish. but i am not dating boys, i am dating men.
i 've said it before and i'll say it again, the way a man smells and they way he moves can make or break the deal! sometimes a man looks good dressed, but others look way better "undressed".  i also think many are in total denial as to how members of the opposite sex see them. look at the ten year old pics in pof profiles, lies about age and weight and there you have it! but, as to the comment above that women age more than men, i have found that to be the reverse.
so, i think it depends upon the geographic area, the degree to which the community culture expects that you take care of yourself, the degree to which men or women have hormone issues and for men the age old ED problem (while women vary in how menapause affects their sexuality and appearance). it also depends upon whether either sex is taking advantage of hormone replacement, health issues and overall outlook on life. men are only recently discovering testosterone replacement and in my opinion this is way more "natural" than viagra. furthermore, if a man knows how to "love" a woman, all this can be figured out. what good is a young verile man who only knows how to pleasure himself? or what good is a man who knows nothing more than quickies?
financial security sure doesn't hurt and alleviates stress as well. some can afford better cosmetic attention than others and some just have better genes. as for me, give me an average looking man with a keen intelligence and huge heart and honesty, one who walks his talk and is able to love and be loved without control issues--who has innate confidence versus c0ckiness-- and i would be a kid in in a candy shop!
do i think i he will find me? da-mn straight i do. furthermore, i will recognize and acknowledge him gleefully. that just could not possibly happen with lower standards. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/24/2008 3:54:30 AM | then after 35 when things start to really sag,
Speak for yourself, dude.
Men tend to get more offers as they increase in age and become more stable. This would imply that there is a preference for men in general to chase youth, while women tend to prefer stability and wealth while selecting mates.
Older women are more likely to have stability with or without a man, and are at the point where they "want" someone in their life more than they "need" someone to pay their bills.
So if you're a older woman, you have less choice because less people are chasing after you.
On the contrary, there are just as many people "chasing" after older women. They are just the hot young thangs instead of the men their own age. A woman my age, if she wanted to, could have a whole lot of fun with some of these young guys who are just looking for a good time. Someone who doesn't "need" stability has all kinds of options, if age isn't an issue for her. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/24/2008 5:51:32 AM | | My standards have gone up since I have gotten older....I don't think age really should have anything to do with it, experience and maturity should. It seems that it's mostly in our society that women over 40 are looked at as undesirable. It's pretty sad, don't you think? | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/25/2008 1:12:00 PM | Hilarious, jasmin! Bravo! But still...why be alone...concession is one thing, defeat another...all depends on what you are willing to compromise...I was a hardened soul at one point-no longer...although I have my quirks, I can live and deal with that which make us all human (ala stupidity, nonsense (aka T.V., etc.) ...check it out, folks! Ha!  | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/25/2008 2:39:21 PM | I almost want to first object to the use of the word "standards" because i am not sure how ALL women define the word.
I DO agree that some people will not think at all about eliminating you simply because of your age. (This is an especially foolish thing for young women to do for SEVERAL reasons but i will try to avoid digressing.)
I think you need to think about what you want: SEX or LOVE.
You do NOT have to "lower your standards" when it comes to SEX. You MIGHT still end up alone BUT the odds are NOT as bad.
You DO need to know something IF you are looking for love.
LOVE does not know anything about BIAS . It does not know anything about gender, race, AGE or anything else.
If LOVE is what is going to make you happy then you need to be open to all the possibilities.
If you cannot be open-minded then you might not ever even meet the person who can truly love you.
You DO have to be real. I find it funny that women on this very thread and --HELLO--on a singles dating site-- deny some of the facts about this issue. There is a lot of truth in the fact that --IN GENERAL--younger women are pursued more than older women.
Personally, I DO have things I LIKE and things that get to me BUT I try to keep an open mind to EVERY woman out there.
To comment any further I would need to know what you specifically mean when you say "standards". (For example, there is a big difference in saying you want a man who WANTS to be employed as opposed to setting a dollar amount regarding his earnings. ) Are you truly putting your "standards" out there or are you putting out "attitudes"?
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/25/2008 8:21:47 PM | | Keep your standards and don't care what anyone says about you. They don't know you and have no place to judge you. I know I'm pretty young, but I have high standards on distance, and am disgusted by excessive piercings and tattoos. And quite frankly, I could care less what anyone has to say about it or me, because those are not going to change. I guess overall it's part of the "be yourself" factor. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/28/2008 2:55:42 PM | To the OP, from her opening post...
I have been going through these threads reading different things and have come across many people bashing others for "their" standards because of a certain age group that they fall into. I agree, I've seen far more bashing than is warranted, but I consider the source, and brush it aside. There are plenty enough well-meaning participants in the forums, who often can put forth some insight or a point of view, that we don't always consider, or can otherwise value.
My question to you would be whether a person's expectations are truly in line with the realities of their preferred (or their own) age group.
For example, your profile shows you are 35. If one of your preference is for a man to have a really cut body, you'll find plenty of men 10 years either side of you, at that age, that can meet that criteria. As you grow into your 50's, you'll find you are then either balancing, or modifying, such a preference, depending upon whether you consider a cut body to be more important than a man who has experienced life to the same degree as you. Falling back on a cut-body 20-something, when you reach your 50's, means giving up access to a man closer to your age who can identify with things you've experienced in your life. Staying with the "10 years either side" criteria might mean you're less apt to find a hard-body guy in his 60's, but with whom you can enjoy sharing common life experiences.
If, on the other hand, you are applying high standards to such age-less attributes as honesty, honor, respect, courtesy, or other attributes that can apply regardless of the age-group in which you either singularly exist, or are considering in a partner, such standards are easier to keep high, without expectations becoming unrealistic.
Know what you want, and go after it. Keep your standards intact. Just be prepared to sort your wants and expectations into realistic buckets of what is possible, and what is realistic, and you'll find the man you're looking for. Good luck to you. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/28/2008 4:41:42 PM | JGirlin,
My own preferences are prioritized by life experiences, and a desire for common cultural points of reference.
If, at 47 years old, I worried about finding a girl in her 20's, I'd be no more comfortable sitting in a room filled with her friends, as she would be, sitting in a room filled with mine.
She'd never have known what it was like to have had to get up off her butt to change the TV channel (among the 4 channels available - CBS, NBC, ABC and PBS), and "Watergate" would have no meaning to her. She'd have no idea what "Tang" was, and would not know that toys used to be made of materials that could poison, choke, or rust.
I'd like to be able to say "Do you remember when gasoline was 32 cents a gallon?", without having to add "Oh... Yeah... Well, that was back when me, and dirt, were both 'new'".
Getting past the "Oh... is this your father/daughter?" during introductions, would be something to always have to deal with (ok... so explaining "she's not my daughter" would be a little easier to swallow than "Ahem... I'm not her father.")
As a veteran, I would appreciate a woman old enough to make her own comparisons and observations, to appreciate the differences between the way returning vets were treated during VietNam, and with those who served during Desert Storm and today. (And VietNam vets often didn't have a choice - they were drafted. Today's vets are an all-volunteer force.)
I've got more important things to look for, in a relationship, and in a partner, than how hard her body is, and so on. And having a common frame of reference certainly helps to allow concentrating on those more important attributes that she, and I, both bring to a real relationship.
That may not be everyone's cup of tea, but with a common frame of reference, it's an easy way to concentrate on finding other attributes, that let's face it... are far more likely to be found in someone who has experienced more years of life beyond age 18, than had preceded 18.
In summary, I would never let age cause me to lower my standards. Instead, I find that the life experiences that come with age have helped me to learn what standards are truly important. And for her to have that same advantage of life experience, means she's likely out there looking for me, as well. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:27:59 AM | | i dont know if its related, but i dated a lil bit younger than i was a few times.. the fact of the matter is, certain qualities in certain people and to find what you want, most of the time its never within your age range. when i see a woman, i see a woman, i dont see numbers and status in a little thought cloud hanging over her head | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 7:44:42 AM |
Why not just go through life being the best you can be? Then there are no "standards" to raise or lower.
I love these posts. Now, let's say you look like Danny Devito, with the personality of the character he played in 'Taxi', but without the wealth, prestige, or smarts of the real Danny. I'd say you're going to have to reevaluate your chances with supermodels. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:15:26 AM | | Ya know, i actually think that for many people their standards get higher as they age, having been through relationships, good and bad, maybe marriage, life experiences, etc, and through it all they start to get a real feel for what they want and dont want. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:29:15 AM | Sweetness... I agree.
I prefer measures of character, and have developed this list as I've aged (I too have found that younger people often just have not been through life's wringer enough yet to have set these as their own priorities.)
The traits I seek in a relationship, are these:
Openness of Heart and Mind (to listen to the thoughts and feelings of another, and to make ones self available to our partner)...
Communication (a willingness to express, a desire to be heard, and an appreciation for the need to talk things out when life presents its inevitable little problems)...
Honesty (by speaking the truth, we give our partner the best information, that they may have the best tools, to make the best decisions, and thus contribute the best they can to the relationship)...
Trust (We can not demand that our partner trust us, while we hold our own doubts about them. We can not deny them the right to ask "If you can not trust me, then why should I trust you?". Let each be capable of giving it, and each be able to earn it)...
And Safety. (Not only physical safety... "Will this person harm me?"... but emotional safety as well. Let not one coax the other into revealing deepest feelings and fears, only to capitalize on them to destroy confidence, integrity, will, and character. Let us accept, respect, and nurture the other, and go together through life's journey.)
Each of these qualities builds upon the other. If they exist, are respected by both, and can be remembered in the worst times as well as the best, then each is cared for, and happy, in the companionship of the other.
That is the kind of relationship I seek. And they are the standards I've set for my own character, as well as my partner. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:39:03 AM | My standards seem to have gone up quite a bit as I have gotten older. In the past they were basically along the lines of 1) Is she breathing? 2) Is she single? If the answer was yes on both counts, I was game.
Now I actually look for people I enjoy spending time with, someone with a job, someone with a sense of self worth, etc. Makes it tougher when you actually want to like the person.  | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:24:03 AM | I have actually changed my standards now I am older. Although I am not that materialistic, I would expect my other half to be able to... for instance pay his own way, if we went on holiday. When I was younger I probably wouldn't have gone on many as I couldn't have afforded to go. So what they could have done wouldn't have mattered too much.
One in the eye for all those who think all women are gold diggers... Ha!
As for lowering my standards... No why should I? | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/29/2008 11:06:36 AM | | There is a shrinking market, if your physical standards are high. Like someone said most men lose there tight buns, sixpacks and their breasts and arm muscles sag just like women. Men become hairier and have to watch their weight just like women. You have to work on them harder for them to achieve erections. The pluses are of course that they probably last much longer at sex and are better lovers all around because of their experiences and mental attitude. Also they mostly improve and mellow on the interior and become more open to hearing from you about who you are so they make better friends. There are exceptions to this of course as not everyone is the same but as a rule I think this is true. So if you are speaking about physical standards you can see then you will end up directing yourself to a younger and younger group of men as the pickings will go way down among older men the older y0u get. So I think that there is a need to re-evaluate your standards every decade or so to take in to consideration changes in the market. Your standards should go up in regards to your expectations for a partner treating you well and being open to communication and understanding you well. Of course you can always stick with it and go for the younger men but you will also be denying yourself the personal growth that an older man can help you with that a younger man can't. | |
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