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Posted: 12/2/2008 3:42:41 AM |
Thankfully there are many lovely men in this world , who like the good Daddy up here ^^who speak with wisdom.
Thank you I will take that as a compliment.
The topic is a very serious topic, I bet many pofers are avoiding it as its to close to home and it needs some decorum, some people have opened up and shared, I wonder if they regret it after seeing the careless remarks? | |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 1:09:01 AM | It is a simple and well researched fact one of the main fears people have in coming forward about a rape is what others will say/think/percieve about them because of the violence they have encountered. Until society as a whole changes it outlook and ignorance about Rape it will continue to impact on the end result which is the victim.
I agree you DDC. Its nice to see a man defending women who have opened up. A little class goes a long way. | |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 3:11:59 AM | It is quite a sad situation. All sorts of things come into play like the state of the mind of the rape victim. If she went to see a psychiatrist she would have been in a vulnerable state of mind and she may have felt lonely and with very low self confidence and she may have felt like he was like a best friend and he used it to his advantage.
It is possible that she felt that if she did not have sex with him then she may lose that help and lose that support as she may have been lonely and needing as much support as she can get. I think that a doctor and patient relationship is naturally on unequal terms so the doctor will hold the power and it is up to them to make sure that the power is not used inappropriately and to help the person which he clearly didn't do.
I think that the woman would have been living with this sense of being used on the one hand and being helped on the other but being unable to say anything for fear of being seen as a sl*t and im sure it would have affected her future relationships because she may have found it difficult to trust because of what that doctor did.
I think that this case is important for her to move on with her life and validate her that she isn't the wrong doer here and that he is the evil one and not her. | |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 3:47:50 PM | | Rape inside a marriage , that has got to be the biggest joke of all, doesn't that go against your wedding vowls. All i can say here is . If you are in a situation that is not to your liking, get out. In persisting with the situation you are consenting to every thing. | |
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Naamah
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Joined: 11/1/2008
Msg: 56 | |
| Rape
Posted: 12/5/2008 2:27:07 AM |
Rape inside a marriage , that has got to be the biggest joke of all, doesn't that go against your wedding vowls. All i can say here is . If you are in a situation that is not to your liking, get out. In persisting with the situation you are consenting to every thing.
Troll much?
doesn't that go against your wedding vowls
Wedding vowls? You mean vowels, like a, e, i, o or u?? What about the wedding consanents? Truly, if you're going to bait people and troll for reactions because you have nothing better to do with your life, at least try to do it intelligently.
Rape inside a marriage , that has got to be the biggest joke of all
I dunno...your posts are a bit of a joke. People are having a discussion about a sensitive topic here. Why don't you leave them to it. | |
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Posted: 12/5/2008 3:29:02 AM | Thanks to the wonderful rational, thoughtful & kind, men & women out there! Some of you, I know & adore! Others who showed, great support, thank you! I don't think Men are, at all, bad. It's not a male thing. Some PEOPLE are just crappy!!
To the girls who told their story. Good for you! The hardest part is saying......IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!
I do think, some people , feel tough enough to be judgemental because, A. They are not brave enough, to put a photo of themselves out there. They know, we may ignore them on the street! That kills them!!
B.Well................ I guess ,they're just really, little people who want attention. They like to be nasty , because they think it will draw attention to them & we'll all be outraged!!
Ignore it! They don't exsist to anyone whose opinion you care about! | |
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Posted: 12/5/2008 1:57:12 PM |  well kinda mad .. no hang on not mad sadly a bit desensitised to 707 type attitudes.. cause alot of people have them.. and thats just sad.
Vowls... lol yep maybe you had a freudian slip and added the L.. for loser.
Sounds like someone is trolling to incite a reaction. Best they go to the naughty mat.
I have concerns for the women( and of course men) who havent posted but have read this thread. For you women, who may be raped, by a husband, a lover, a friend, a stranger, a work colleague, by many. The few ignorant people who have voiced thier opinions, it is simply that..an opinion.
Some Opinions can be ( and are) well thought out, articulate, with knowledge based reasonings/opinions ( some I agree with some I dont ).. but sadly some are opinions of small minded baboons who havent mastered the art of walking upright... That is all they are. Ignorance is bliss.. it keeps you from using the other 90% of your brain.
It is not your fault if you stayed for years, if you didnt go forward with proceedings, if you kept the secret till you felt strong enough, if the that strength took years to find.. well good -you found it in the end, if you are still finding it - it will come. Just dont let baboons who can hide behind a keyboard impact on your sence of self. Dont buy into it. | |
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Posted: 12/6/2008 12:43:15 AM | The thing is - and looking at this issue from a purely social interactive point of view - when would someone take a 'no for a no' and a 'no for a yes' or vice versa given the physical and mental state of the accuser at the time these sexual relations took place? Can I say at the risk of being accused of being the usual sexist suspect that, in her testimony, the victim seemingly implied that she was mentally saying no but physically saying yes ?
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Posted: 12/7/2008 1:51:57 AM | Ikazadi,
I don't think you're being sexist. I believe given the accuser's state of mind at the time, the doctor should have been even more careful. He always had the option to have a female nurse present.
In my opinion "No" is never yes. Everyone has a different physical reaction to rape.
Freezing up, not screaming or being violent does not mean yes, ever. Rape is about violence & control. There are plenty of documented victims who displayed being agreeable, as they feared for their life.
It's worse in the case of a "trusted" person, such as, Doctor, teacher, shrink, friend or family.
It's not gender related either. I have a friend who is a shrink. One of her female friend's, (not a client) was sexually assulted by her female shrink. | |
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Posted: 12/8/2008 4:30:07 PM |
Wedding vowls? You mean vowels, like a, e, i, o or u?? What about the wedding consanents? Truly, if you're going to bait people and troll for reactions because you have nothing better to do with your life, at least try to do it intelligently.
should it be Vows? | |
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Posted: 12/8/2008 5:15:32 PM | I'm a survior no longer a victim of rape. Yes it was a act of pure violence it take's a long time for victims to deal with society and mind sets and what happens if they come forward...Basically they are the ones made to feel on trial...
Mine was from my first Husband I won the commital for it to go to trial it's a long story I was following the guide line's of what my solicitor stated of allowing my ex husband to still see his children. However back in 2002 a day before Valentine's said ex husband was meant to turn up with some things for my daughter's school project. He knew I had a new partner had met the man and been very civil towards him which made it easier for all concerned mainly for my children at the time as they were only young...
My biggest mistake that night was wanting to let my ex know I was remarrying after being with him for 14 years I didn't want him hearing it from anyone else, I have since come to terms with the fact I didn't owe him that information as I was no longer with him but wanted to do I felt in my eyes the decent thing.
Cutting a long story short he got loud I asked him to leave I had a townhouse where the kids were then asleep upstairs, I allowed him back inside the townhouse to collect his shoes where he had been outside having a smoke and I informed him of said coming marriage to new partner...MISTAKE it is a fact men a stronger then women he took me straight down with a punch to my stomach then proceeded to rape me... I begged of him if he had a decent bone in his body he wouldn't do this to me or our kids and that what part of NO did he not understand that what he was doing was wrong.
Since then I have had many repair operations a year after the rape a hernia formed they believed due to the punch to the stomach. The damage internally was so great by 2003 I had my first hernia repair late 2004 I required a total abdominal hsytrectomy at 34 hence no more kids. I went down early 2005 tore my stiches from that operation and a new hernia formed last operation was last year March 2007...I now have over 43 metal wires inside me that were required for that final operation...
My stepfather is a Crown Barrister they had to call in a inderpendant Barrister so there would be no conflict of interest when the trial went on....It's a long story but my Barrister let me down badly after there was enough evidence for me to win the commital for it to go up to trial. What I know now and what has happen to my body since then had I known I would have pushed harder with my barrister for justice my stepfather was furious he said it should have been a open and shut case.
To anyone who has been thru this or knows anyone who has I wish them well there is light at the end of the tunnel please believe that...This is my story and I tell it to make awareness that I survived and will continue to love life...REAL MEN don't rape women.
I'm not bitter I have moved on and have a beautiful life now with a outstanding partner and two wonderful teenage kids who are very well adjusted I might add...
Enough said...
Cheers Sparky | |
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Posted: 12/9/2008 1:05:10 AM | When a marriage in it's last throws, the man is the only horny one in that marriage. He is probably unaware that his wife despises him and would rather have a cucumber inside her than her husband's pecker. I'm not a vegetarian but, I know when the cherry has dried up for me.
Adults are too old to play dumb. Men know when their woman is no longer receptive to them. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 5:19:25 PM | This is indeed a sensitive issue with many varying points of view. Most of the rapes that happen are aquaintence rapes,date rape and marital. Very few are a result of a serial rapist. The sad thing about it is that only 30% of these rapes are reported and often only half of those women that are raped have the courage to go court. Not always resulting in a conviction. And often resulting in the victim being traumatised more. The legal system is not user friendly for rape victims and it ususally even when the courts are presented with evidence(that is if the vicitm is in the state of mind to go and get examined by a doctor or forensic nurse straight after the incident)there may still be no conviction.Bottom line is it boils down to her word against his.
The fallout from rape is devastating to the victim often resulting in post traumatic stress disorder,depression,drug and alcohol abuse. Personal neglect,broken self-esteem and wrecked confidence.
No should mean 'NO'. But that's not always so. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 9:52:57 PM | | I am taking a break from trying to upload a picture... these things hurt my brain.... and I will add my penny worth because unless rape is experienced it can't be understood as the numbing blow to the psyche that it is. So to me it is a crime of the worst sort as the victim, as has been discussed, doesn't usually expect it, this is called 'date rape'. To try to understand the mind of the perpetrator is impossible for me. Frankly, I believe murder is not as horrific as a crime. Maybe that is why the French Justice System does not give the death sentence for murder that, in typically gallic fashion, the French call a "crime of passion". I am certainly not advocating murder as a solution of any situation but one can understand an act committed in the heat of a moment, whereas to rape someone is an act done in cold blood..... and to me that makes all the difference to the worse nature of the crime of rape. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 11:19:01 PM | This is right PetalPi-unless it is experienced,it cannot be understood. If ALL the women that this had happened to spoke up and lobbied for law reform-there would be change, but because of the heinous nature and the 'victim blaming' attitude that is present in SOME parts of society-that will never happen. Murder is akin to Rape-just with Rape your body survives. Murder of the Soul.
As for the mindset of the perpetrator. A group of incarcerated serial rapists were interviewed and asked why the had raped. Their response was, because they could.
As for those who date rape and rape within marrige or like, they have raped before and usually will do it again when the opportunity presents itself.
It is a crime to accuse an INNOCENT man of rape, It a worst crime to to let a GUILTY man walk free.
For all those women who have had the courage to post of their experiences. You are indeed brave.Hopefully your courage will raise awareness, reguardless of where that platform maybe. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 4:35:32 PM | The blame the victim mentality I think applies to most victims of violent crime and criminally induced circumstances (eg. child abuse leading to youth homelessness).
For genuine cases this has to be the saddest part, I think prolly most of the damage to the psyche is done there.
Statistically speaking up to around 40% of rape cases are proved false accusation with demonstrable physical evidence such as DNA sampling (this was discussed in a thread a little while ago and I'm recalling some of the figures given in links to various studies), remarkably similar figures between various developed nations such as the US and Australia.
False accusation is a crime, being perhaps closer in nature to a white collar crime rather than a violent crime which rape may be described as suggests to many it is less criminal, however it is not. If successful with a false rape accusation in for example a jury trial, an innocent is most definitely victimised very much like rape from the physical where their freedom may be taken and physical abuse become involved, to the stigma associated with a sex offender and its criminal recording.
I think an innocent person being successfully prosecuted for rape is as much a victim of rape as anyone.
Both are heinous crimes. Of this I have no doubt.
In the case in point given for the thread opening, this was a case under the statutory rules of rape, where a position of power is being abused to facilitate sexual intercourse, technically not far removed from statutory rape involving an underage partner.
In a strict social environment it may arguably fail the qualification of criminal rape since no audible or physical noncompliance was demonstrated but these are not required for the statutory environment of a professional setting and a position of power. Since the Therapist made no attempt to convene any potential personal relationship development to a social interaction and the acts were performed within the professional environment he most definitely qualifies as a rapist and according to the charges a serial one.
Even if the victim had given no demonstable noncompliance and may be regarded as mentally competent and adult, nevertheless I don't believe she is required to under the circumstances, whether she believed she may be in danger or simply that she would receive a financial discount for services rendered is really irrelevant. The key point I think is that the Therapist failed to convene the social relationship to a social environment and thus had abused a position of power, which is statutory rape.
It is reasonably likely however given the length of time involved since the statutory (not violent) rape, the arguments involving the victim fearing for her life are related to a compensation claim or concurrant private suit seeking damages. This is just a case of capitalism rather than criminal victimisation, being irrelevant to the terms of the rape.
Considering the medical state of the accused and his career employment, it is reasonable to assume what we are talking about is a dementia patient with a sizeable superannuation (probably into 7 figures) and a woman who indeed was victimised, having decided a comfortable settlement for herself as a means of capitalising on the event post trauma.
A competency hearing for the accused will probably fail, and he will be medically unfit to face the charges in court, however this would then open the door on a civil proceedings by the "victim," from which I'm guessing she's planned to walk away with something like half a million bucks.
Yet more twists and turns on the rape theme. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 6:00:51 PM | | You are missing an important fact here. Yes it is violent, and yes sometimes the woman has the courage to take it into the legal system and thereby make it a crime. But rape is to do with what we assume should be love making and the stats show it to be a shock to the 'victim' when it suddenly is a violent, agonising,bloody experience, resulting most often in hospitalisation. No wonder the'vistim' is to say the least confused because this violence has nothing to do with an intimate sexual encounter. It only becomes a crime if the 'victim' has the support he/she needs to take it to Court. QED. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 7:33:00 PM | lol. Just noticed the tab header when using tabbed browsing for this thread reads "Rape free dating, singles and personals".
Very re-assuring! | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:46:25 AM | Not all rapes are violent. Some are EXTREME and some a violation of choice. DNA results-how does that fair in marital rape? It's very difficult to prove marital rape especially if there is no physical trauma and the DNA is from a long term partner.Does it mean it did'nt happen?This is probaby the hardest rape to decern.
Most have heard of the 'fight or flight' response-this is a primal response to danger. There is another, not aswell known 'freeze'-like a possum thats caught in your headlights on the road at night. Not all women will fight an attacker off-not all women can. Some women will employ the 'freeze' response-as a means of suvivng the incident.The mind disconnects from the body-because the body is in trauma. It's called 'Disassociation'-this is one another reason rape victims don't scream or fight. The human mind is a brilliant and the primal part of the mind will shut down the conscious part of the mind and the body to survive. War Veterans, Sexual Abuse Victims and Victims of Rape will use the strategy to cope.
There are many points of view on this topic. All of them equally important. Unfortunately some victims will never get the justice that they deserve.
I have'nt seen anyone post on male rape....seems that that is a more taboo subject than female rape. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 6:30:51 AM | ^^^ Such wisdom. Just as people who drive nice cars are asking for them to be stolen, people who own stuff are asking to be robbed, and people who are alive pretty much have nobody to blame but themselves for getting themselves murdered.  | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 3:42:40 PM |
Some people just ask to be raped as well
Finally, I have been out dumbed on the Aussie forums....im gutted! | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 3:51:42 PM | | You are well intitled to your opinion/perspective as all are that post here. Even though I find your comment paticularly grievous. Needless to say, I never really understood the term 'numb skull' until now-I guess you learn something new every day. Think VERY carefully before you comment. Especially on a subject that is very sensitive to so many. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 4:34:32 PM | | And we wonder why so many cases of sexual assault are never reported. Rape, especially male to male is very seldom to do with sex, it is about power and humiliation over a victim. Male rape largely goes unreported because of fear of ridicule and maybe a secret fear of a latent gay streak that the attacker sensed. Back in the dark ages when I was a teenager all a rapist had to do was bribe some mates to say that they had had sex with a girl and she was considered a slut and therefore must have consented.A carton of tallies usually did the trick.Women were usually the worst offenders in putting the girl down, " she was asking for it in that outfit " type of thing. I often wondered if it was through fear of being attacked themselves that they had to find a way to blame the victim. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 4:40:19 PM |
Well what I said is true.
Even the POLICE will tell you that one.
Did you consult widely with the Keystone Kops?
The Keystone Kops was a series of silent film comedies about a totally incompetent group of policemen. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keystone_Kops
Deciding on whether a standard of dress is "loose" or not is a subjective thing. Some folk actually argue that a woman who is not covered neck to toe in heavy black cloth is...asking for it. Millions of Australian women who get around in shorts and singlet tops in summer would therefore have nobody to blame but themselves if they get raped? Women sunbathing in bikinis on the beach...serves them right too huh?
The one thing that is very clear, when it comes to rape, is that one human being has done harm to another human being...and just a clue....it wasn't the one who showed a bit of leg. The rapist made a conscious choice to cause harm to another human being, and the blame rests squarely with them. Why anyone would choose to blame the victim is beyond me. | |
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