Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Janielol
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 26
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I suppose you have to decide for yourself, sometimes you are at a loose end then if you get asked out, then why not as long as you like the guy and you keep safe then go, you just never know!!
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 27
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 3:59:47 PM
When I'm off work I make plans, so last minute would never work...
 so_darling
Joined: 10/15/2008
Msg: 28
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 4:17:02 PM
if anything is polite, it's providing a frank response to a sincere invitation, not making a disingenuous "sorry I'm busy" reply when in fact you have no plans.


I would have to wonder how "sincere" a last minute invitation could really be, afterall it's last minute and not very well planned out. That doesn't spell sincere to me, but that's not to say I wouldn't rule any extreme circumstances out.

The OP is allowed to decline last minute plans at her own discretion, whether or not she's bluffing about being busy is her own business. In my case, I probably wouldn't be bluffing i'd have plans already, and if someone wanted to spend time with me they'd realize it would be best to ask me in advance.
 katt_411
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 29
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 4:21:44 PM
This one's pretty simple .. if I had no plans and felt like going out, I'd accept.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 30
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 4:29:25 PM
I'm with you so darling....even if my only plan was to watch a movie and relax, last minute is a turn off to me...
 ncessential
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 31
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 4:47:36 PM
I have to agree with carolann. I would not accept unless I was already involved with them.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 32
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 5:51:25 PM
I think it's rude, however I wouldn't turn a man down because of it. Occasionally I want spontaneously to make plans also... so I don't get all wrapped up in the "rights and wrongs of Miss Manners" about this.

If I am free and have no plans, then I will go on the date.

It's not a big deal.

If it's a huge deal inside of you? You're probably going to be a wee bit too high maintenance for most men.

You also appear to over analyze small stuff.
Men don't much care for that behavior either.

Good luck!
 Heart Bandit
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 33
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 5:52:32 PM
I don't think asking at the last minute for a first date is really fair. That kind of puts the other on the spot. Plus it does give the impression that person didn't get the date they really wanted. But while I'm sure that's true in some cases, I'm also sure that for others, it could be they finally gathered the courage to ask. Although they should ask for a date the following weekend, or meeting up sometime during the week if possible.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 5:57:33 PM

Ludicrous. Let's say a colleague has a pair of tickets to a great concert, and he/she gives me the tickets the day of the concert because they suddenly couldn't go. You will summarily reject the invitation because you don't want to "come across as too available"? C'mon now.


Nice way to twist sentiments, very impressive.
A colleague is quite different from some stranger you've only been emailing for a few weeks.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 35
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 6:11:08 PM
"If it's a huge deal inside of you? You're probably going to be a wee bit too high maintenance for most men."

Nope have not found that to be the case at all. They not usually , but always try to make plans for another time...which works for me....

"Plus it does give the impression that person didn't get the date they really wanted."

Thats probably more often than not the case... but some don't care and will take it where they can get it ...I guess.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 36
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 7:07:04 PM

Nice way to twist sentiments, very impressive.
A colleague is quite different from some stranger you've only been emailing for a few weeks.
My example is just one scenario where you are spontaneous and sincere without having laid out everything in advance, yet you are thoughtful. You got the concert tickets from your colleague; you then call you romantic interest (not the colleague) and see if they want to go on a great date. Sorry if you didn't know you'd have the tickets in advance; you might be missing your favorite band or performer just to follow a stupid rule.

Now consider minor-league baseball tickets that your boss gave you. Not as fun as a hot concert, but a fun idea if you like minor-league baseball (but I don't). I mention this because my company several times last summer gave away baseball tickets.

Hey if I got a quick invite and it were the first date, I totally concur that I'd probably have made some plan that I wouldn't want to break on what might seem to be a willy-nilly offer from someone I don't know well. But then again, if they invited me to an Aerosmith or Bon Jovi concert, I'M THERE!
 chefgal
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 37
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 7:46:50 PM
I can’t see the problem to ask in the last minute if I got time, I am working in a Standby rota, which meant not plan for the rest of the week apart of tomorrow, I think is more people out there with same issue.
 futurestr8er
Joined: 10/15/2008
Msg: 38
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/23/2008 8:06:47 PM
As a man, if a women starts playing those games it's somewhat of a turn off. There is only so long I will chase and then just assume she is not interested (her way of showing no interest without offending). On the flip side I was asked by a women if I could meet her within the next hour (and I accepted), of course we were trying to meet each other for a couple of weeks so that example of spontaneity may not be an appropriate analogy.
 SweetieGuy_81
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 12:13:31 AM
a woman playing hard to get is not worth the hassle, if she is interested, say yes the first time they ask.

I personally go by what the woman says, if i ask her out on a date and she says no (as in playing hard to get) i will just thank her for her answer and move on.

I just don't see the point in these stupid chasing games.
 cheeeeky77
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 40
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 3:29:41 AM
Let's all be honest here: if we were asked out last minute on a weeknight and we were free we'd prob all agree to go, especially if it was someone we were keen on. If it was a fri or sat night that's a whole different story, no one wants to look like a loser with no plans on the 'party nights' of the week!!!
I'd have no prob declining a last minute date if I was genuinely busy but like another poster said I'd suggest another night when I was free.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:17:22 AM
I can usually plan about four days out..so if I can't get together when suggested the same night or the next night, I'll suggest nights I am free OR tell him where I'll be and invite him to drop in somewhere depending what my plans are. If a man takes that as hard to get or lack of interest, he's probably not someone I'd want to date anyway, too much drama for me.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:49:05 AM
It depends on what has gone on previous to the invite. If I have been talking to a guy for two weeks and he doesn’t ask me out for that weekend prior to Saturday morning for Saturday night? Yeah, I am too pissed to go out with him for wasting my time, he would have to earn my interest back. Why? If we are talking serious enough that we should be meeting, then he has wasted my time by talking serious to me WITHOUT offering to make plans to meet me assuming I will keep my little self free all weekend long just for a chance to go out with him.

Some guys do this because they are dragging their feet and don’t have the nuts to ask or are unsure of what they want. Again, I would say no because I don’t want a man like that. It’s a sign the guy is wishy-washy. Or is just “playing” and “having a good time”. Both of which I want nothing to do with. Dating should be fun, but when you treat the girl like part of the entertainment options, it’s no fun for her.

I have gone out with someone on the spur of the moment. Generally when they are someone I have not talked to a good deal but I knew I enjoyed talking to them when I did. They sign on, we co- miserate we are home on a Saturday night and mutually decide to hit the town. Or another good example is someone I know works a funky schedule or has a lot of obligations and they just got freed up from same, yeah, I will take them up on that. But if they appear wishy-washy or that I got “picked” at the last moment from a line up. HECK NO!
 two gypsy
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 43
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 6:18:11 AM
I may do it just once, if I had nothing else to do, but I would not allow him to get into the habit of thinking he can just call me at the last minute and think I'll be available. Next time he called for a last minute date I would suggest a date later on in the week. If he sets up a time and day, you have a date, if not then move on cause there is too much crap going on with him. Good luck.
 MissEmpress
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 44
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 6:58:31 AM

If it was a fri or sat night that's a whole different story, no one wants to look like a loser with no plans on the 'party nights' of the week!!!


I don't need to be pretentious.

I know I am not a loser and some weekend nights I choose not to go out or maybe at 11 pm is when I decide, hey I might go do this or that. Maybe that is just the college life...


But yea...I don't ever think "I don't want to seem like a loser etc".... If I am free and feel like it, I'll go. I don't have to try to concoct this false image esp if I actually like you. I guess there are just certain things I dont worry about or go out of my way to construct.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 45
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 7:24:35 AM
Obviously every one has a different opinion on this, but for me... If you ask me out at the last minute, I may or may not be free. It has nothing to do with playing hard to get. It has to do with I have a life I enjoy and I already have plans to do something else. Just because I am single doesn't mean I have no other interests. If you wait until the last minute to ask me out, and I already have plans, I'm not going to change them just to have a date.

 JoeS71
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 7:28:02 AM

Some romance guides say that it is best not to accept a date near to the weekend as you should play hard to get,


Snatches the guide away from the OP and tosses it in to a bonfire

Screw the "books"! Do you want to go? 'Nuf said!
 Arlo Troutman
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 47
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 3:13:58 PM

(so darling) I would have to wonder how "sincere" a last minute invitation could really be,


No more, nor less sincere than any other invitation. As has been pointed out several times now, maybe the inviter just had an opportunity arise, and he's decided to go for it. "He who hesitates is lost", and all that...
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 48
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 3:26:40 PM
if you females are interested in a guy, either you'll figure it out to set another time for him or you'll make the date with him straight up or say no. Personally I don't play games, I make my intentions known and if the female doesn't want to respond....her loss.

On the topic: I get to know her first before I ask her out and when I ask her out, first I see if she agrees and set a time and date from there.
 Pair O Docs
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 49
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:09:06 PM
You know...that's the great thing about finding love: Simply read an instruction manual, follow the written directions to a TEE....annnd POOF, man appears. I seem to remember that the two women who wrote that book "The Rules" are now divorced. With any luck, maybe the ex-husbands were able to spend some of that royalty money their rule making wives made, or were able to get some of it in a divorce settlement.

I understand you want to be a woman who has some 'etiquette', but careful to not become so inflexible as to miss out on a possible opportunity for the right man. If you ain't able to 'go with the flow' from time to time, you're going to be hell pressed in a relationship if you manage to land a good guy.

I just had a dinner date Saturday night. The date was set up on Friday. I didn't even ask, she did. It's my first 'meeting' in a year and a half. It was a nice time. Good food. Good conversation. Not a 'love match' per se, but neither of us anticipated it being as such. It was just two people who had some free time and thought dinner was a 'good idea'. What the hell!!

You're not desperate if you actually have TIME at the moment it presents itself. You don't have to INVENT bullshit excuses or try to establish a 'mystique'. Just be REAL. If you're not interested in somebody, then you're not interested in having a date. If you are interested, and you have the time available, then just frickin' DO IT. Being available FOR the date doesn't make you desperate.....it's how you act ON the date that determines your desperation.
 TheDirtyBen
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 50
Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:46:22 PM
Romantic and dating guides make great reading material while you're in bathroom, sitting on the pot. IF you happen to run out of toilet paper, they come in REAL handy!

OP: The only guidelines that REALLY matter, are your own!

If YOU don't feel comfortable in accepting a last minute invite, then don't. I wouldn't assume anything by it. But that's me.
If you already have plans, then you already have plans. The guy doesn't have a leg to stand on to dispute it or criticize you for it.

Personally, I fit in the extenuating circumstances situation because of my job. So I wouldn't ask someone out until I know when I'm gonna be available and whether or not I have the time to take someone out. Invariably, this means that I'm gonna be asking around the last minute.
But, someone that knows me and is interested in going on a date with me, will know and understand the situation beforehand.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Asking for dates at the last minute... Is it ok?