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| How did you help destroy prior relationships and what has it taught you?
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:19:28 PM | I got married and made the classic mistake "I can fix her". I also married someone with 3 kids and I simply do not make a good parent,especially when the kids are ill mannered heathens.
And we all know who mom stuck up for.
Having said all of that I made a lot of mistakes,I should have been a better husband,kinder and more respectful to her feelings.I really did hold out the false hope that she would change and become more responsible,get a job and keep it,pay her bills.
But in the end it was not to be and looking back I knew she was like this and I had no right to expect her to change for me.She was what she was,smart,funny and completely irresponsible. I do miss that girl sometimes,then I get my bank statement. | |
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| How did you help destroy prior relationships and what has it taught you?
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:58:45 PM | | I grew up. This has taken time, two marriages and a couple of long term relationships that also didn't work. Biggest lessons? Make more appropriate choices for myself to begin with, stop trying to 'rescue' or 'fix' anyone other than myself and accept that I can't make the grass grow. | |
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| How did you help destroy prior relationships and what has it taught you?
Posted: 5/27/2009 10:13:04 PM | What I've learned from my last relationship that almost lasted 10 years is not to listen to my well-meaning friends when we are out for the evening........ I've learned to follow my own instincts but it was those same fam/friends who convinced me to join this site (oh oh ??) just kiddin'
In my last relationship - I got caught up in the newness of his constant need to be in "Party Mode" ~ friends over for dinners/parties. It was fun for almost 6 years - then it lost its shine for me. I still like hanging out with the gang but it does not need to be every night. He is still out there partying with a different group of people. | |
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| How did you help destroy prior relationships and what has it taught you?
Posted: 5/30/2009 9:47:01 PM | My last relationship had the blessing of everyone who knew us!
She was still snarled in her second divorce, and when I made clear my wish for a long-term involvement, she pulled the plug. It was her own idea to limit things to a FWB relationship, and I hoped to take it farther.
Women seem to always blame us men for being "commit-o-phobes". | |
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| How did you help destroy prior relationships and what has it taught you?
Posted: 5/30/2009 10:54:43 PM | I read your OP with such a ring of familiarity. After a series of relationships, failed, I finally wound up in counseling. Long story short, the counselor suggested that I quit being a "white knight" for others. You see, my parents had instilled in me, long and deep, that we should always help those in need. That credo was so imbedded that, every time I met someone "down on their luck," I tended to think that, if they were in a better state, they would be better people, and that they could become partners in life. That is simply not true. I wound up in a several relationships where, once my partner was "up on their feet," their true side showed. One, after finding herself in a better economic state than when I met her, flashed the platinum card around and looked down on "little people." Another, after I helped her out of bankruptcy, came back and became so brutally competitive that I did not even recognize her.
In any case, the counselor and I worked to find a solution. It's simple, assume that a person is where he/she is at not strictly because they have been victims. Assume that they had some responsibility for where they are at. Look for someone that is your true partner, in outlook AND in achievement. Quit being a rescuer. You deserve better. Look for your equal. Then you and he can help others, not in the quest for romance, but because you are compassionate. | |
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| How did you help destroy prior relationships and what has it taught you?
Posted: 5/31/2009 1:31:32 PM | This one really made think ... what part did "I" have in the destruction of my relationship (s)?
Relationship #1 marriage lasted about 4 years & 2 children. What part did I have in it....I got heavy (had major knee reconstruction & 2 children within 3 years-I went from 140 to 180). He wanted more children right away - I needed more knee surgeries and time to lose weight. He got angry because I wanted to go on birth control. He was very controlling and had anger issues - being both verbally & physically abusive. He left me for another woman (10 yrs his younger) and they now have had 14 children.
What it taught me -- That friends and family are important when times get tough. That there are plenty of fish out there in this big ocean of life. That moms & dads AREN'T always right about the people you should marry.
Relationship #2 marriage lasted about 10 years. We had a good marriage. We both went into the marriage knowing he had some issues about his sexuality. 8 years into the relationship he decided to have relations with partners of the same sex ... we lived together for 2 more years as friends...divorced as friends...lost contact.
What it taught me -- that communication, trust, respect & honesty ARE the keys to any successful marriage. That love can't conqueror everything. There were no children from this relationship.
Relationship #3 marriage lasted about 7 years. We had a good marriage - at times. I am not one to "bash" another ... soon to be ex or not. He had many good qualities .... and many bad qualities.
What it taught me -- it taught me to not put myself in the situation of being on the same level of someone who can't be honest and trustworthy. To not be an enabler. By that I mean I enabled him to continue in his quitting his jobs by continuing to support him, I enabled him to continue living under the same roof when he would get fired from jobs. I enabled him to continue to use the debit card when there wasn't any money begging, borrowing from others to "fix it". | |
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