| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 1/5/2009 8:18:51 PM | i have had my 2 children for the last 2 years and 7 months been divorce for 6 months
since the courts are done she has to pay me 28 per cent of her take home pay and pay half of any out sports, clubs , doctor and .hosp bills
i also have it that it is up to me when she see the children
i allso will not let them stay over night at her place of living till she get her life in order
get a good lawer and things do work out for men and there children in this days now good luck and god bless you and your childred
dan | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 1/6/2009 9:24:07 PM |
Is there some kind of "unspoken" double standard going on here?
Only in your ex's little world is there a double standard. She should be helping to pay for the care of your children as she helped you bring them into the world. You have every right to file for child support regarding your children if the mother is working. If she is not then really it would be futile because you wouldn't get anything anyway.
Raising kids is expensive and I only have one...I can only imagine how expensive more then that would be (I'm starting to hyperventilate at the thought)! It amazes me how people can create children and then choose not to provide for those children when it is within their means to do so. Children have a right to be afforded every opportunity available to them and it is the parents responsibility to do that.
It takes a pretty selfish and shallow person to create a child and then not support that child financially or emotionally....IMHO! | |
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JJD33
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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 53 | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:43:39 PM | This may shock alot of woman on this site, but I had to leave my children behind due to medical issues. My husband, soon to be ex, said that he wouldn't fight me for custody or child support, but what parent wouldn't want to help maintain their children's lives? It does hurt that I am not there to make sure they are getting everyhing they need and deserve, but as the non-custodial parent, I do make sure that he receives what I am able to give to be used for them.
In your situation, it is a shame that she feels as though she has no obligation to the children. They were brought into the world by two people, they should be supported by those same two people. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:02:52 PM |
Then I fired my male attorney and got a female attorney.
Within two weeks things changed.
Within four weeks, my ex was agreeing to everything.
Within six weeks, everything was finalized in my son and my favor.
By the end of the second month, my son was living with me.
Female attorneys worked hard to get where they are at. They fought hard for equal rights.
Female attorneys don’t like whiney women who use their gender to get what they want.
Female attorneys don’t like women who portray, “Feel sorry for me, I’m a female” image.
Female attorneys don’t like women who sets the Equal Rights Movement back 50 years for their own greed.
Male attorneys tend to feel sorry for females and don’t put forth the effort to fight for a man’s rights.
Due to the sexism that I have found with male attorneys, I highly recommend that guys get a female attorney to represent them in court on family matters. You're dead right! I did this very thing and got full custody of my (then 6 year old) daughter. I was "awarded" $10/per month in child support. Got 3 payments back in 1992, that's it... | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 1/9/2009 10:53:34 PM | | I am in the process of gaining physical custody of my boys and slapping her with child support. She walked out on the three of us so I have no problems with custody. I am wondering about the support. How hard do they go after the mothers? ..................The female attorney definitely is the way to go. That was my first instinct because it would look to judge that two men were ganging up on two females(her attorney was a female now she can not afford one). | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 1/10/2009 1:03:20 PM | well to address the O.P., and I'm sorry to burst any politically correct bubbles but there is absoloutely a double standard when it comes to this issue. To say there isn't is to ignore what is possibly the greatest challenge facing fathers today. This isn't an isolated incident but in fact a socially accepted, but rarely acknowledged consensus amongst a large section of the population. An undercurrent if you will.
I too got the exact same response as the O.P. when I tried to convince my ex to split the child tax benefit we Canadians are fortunate to receive. The fact is that I didn't want the money, but to split the benefit would then force the government to recognize me as a parent automatically, instead of having to appeal and justify such a claim with various agencies like social housing. The difference is, it wasn't from my ex, it was from her best friend...in theory someone who'd have no reason to lash out a me in such a way unless it was something she truely believed.
My point is, it's all well and good to ignore this ugly truth, but eventually change will come and some people are still going to have to look themselves in the mirror knowing that not only were they wrong, but they were wrong in a truely ugly, self serving way. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:18:58 PM | | I got full custody of my daughter 5 years ago. She is now 10 years old. Her mother lost all visitation rights. I fought her in the courts for several years and spent thousands. I always paid child support to her. When I got custody I was awarded $300 a month child support. She moved to Alabama and didn't pay for three years. When she got $10,000 in arrears I called the FOC in Michigan and asked them why a man would be in jail at the much in arrears. They issued a warrant for her arrest. Back in December she was arrested in Alabama and extradited to Michigan. She ended up paying up to get out of jail. I never would of asked for child support because I make $80,000 a year and she barely scrapes by. But because of all the times she dragged me in court and of course she had a free lawyer she cost me thousands. Now its her turn to start paying that money back. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:27:27 PM |
She ended up paying up to get out of jail. I never would of asked for child support because I make $80,000 a year and she barely scrapes by. But because of all the times she dragged me in court and of course she had a free lawyer she cost me thousands. Now its her turn to start paying that money back.
So can I ask why you even bothered pushing the FOC into action. As you easily suggest you make good money...you are able to do it on your own and you are lucky to have her out of your life. Why was it required to humiliate or perhaps even anger her. Or involve yourself in petty retribution?
Since you have suggested she barely scrapes by? | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:46:07 PM | there's definitely a double-standard. how about this: i paid child support for 8-mos. to my first ex when I had custody! i was paying for the WEEKENDS (every other) and one day a week (Wednesdays) she had my son.
i paid it. my attorney was like "be happy you have custody, just pay it and suck it up." which i did. the money wasn't important (although swallowing the 'insult' was difficult), just having my son safe and under supervision during her visitations was more than worth it.
i disagree with some of the posts that question why the OP needed to 'go back' to ask for child support. situations change (especially in the current economic environment) but kids still need to be fed, clothed, and warmed/cared. it happens to everyone.
altho i have some issue with forcing the ex-spouse into paying if they don't have it (post above). what's the point to that? | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:55:36 PM | You are missing something, but I don't know if you are in the same jurisdiction as I am.
When I went through a divorce, I agreed to let my late ex have my son cause he made better money. I made $7 an hour at the time. The judge ordered me to pay child support. He said ALL non-custodial parents must pay child support.
I am fine with that. I helped bring him into this world, I am obligated to him. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/8/2009 5:29:59 PM | What kind of man would do that?
My reply would be the kind of man that loves his children, the kind of man that wants to see them grow up in a safe environment.
The kind of man that stepped forward when it REALLY counts.
I have 100% custody, my ex wife lost her 1 hour a week visit.
And I'm absolutely 100% broke from the divorce and custody but I'm rich in the kid's love. OMG!!!!! I get to play with they're toys!!!!!!
I get to watch my son 4x a week go thru karate, my daughter through modeling,
I know i said I was broke but when I got the money theyre going to have fun!!!!!
we've closed chucky cheese a few times!!!!!!
we enjoy sledding in the winter,
In the summernight time marshmello roasts on the beach on weekends!!!!!
swimming,
snowball fights ,fort building!!!!!! I love it!!!!!!
OOOOPS sorry for the tangent!
Back to the issue.
And on top of that I had to have the county go collect the $25/mo for our two children she pays because she wasn't paying it.
She drinks more in a day than what she pays in support a month.
Some women think they're genetalia is theyre ticket through life.
They think that the man is going to pay for her and her shackee's living.
You have every right to go get support, I would've let her known when she got the papers in the mail.
To all men who have custody, you go guys.
It is a double standard but go back and read my tangent. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/9/2009 3:30:25 AM | | yes mums should pay as should dads but we all know that dont happen.im a single mum works part time my two children go to dads at weekends so i can work good of him you think no not really ,he will only have the children if i pay him to do this i have to pay fifty pounds a week or he wont have them.so there is good and bad in both sexes,i also pay for whatever sports ,dancing hobbies they do ,what aabout the dad what does he contribute well he is on d.l.a. well he cant cintribute you say ,i say yes because he is a benefit cheat living freely paid by all the honest people out there,but at the end of the day my children know i pay for everything they do so not all mums are a waste of space.you need to do everything within your power to make her pay like u said if it was the other way round shed have u by the short and curlys,good luck and i hope it all comes right in the end.. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/9/2009 3:56:19 AM | | p.s it should be made legal if any parent goes they should have the money stopped from there wages of benefits from day one and then there wouldnt be all this mess .i also think if you are paying for the children whoever it is you should get a receipt to prove the money is being spent on hobbies clothes ect i know my ex takes them to the boozer on the weekends what can i do i cant tell him how to spend his time with them but u bet im paying for this to happen nowonder he wont work getting fifty pounds of week to see his kids,so not all mums are money grabbing witches,he sold the home and spent 80thousand pounds on gambling and boozing in less than a year and we got nothing so for every bad mother there is still many many more bad dads..:: | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/9/2009 9:42:43 AM | Hi I am a mom that pays child support because a judge told me it would help me by letting my parents take my kids while I went thru a nasty divorce that took several years and I was forced to pay. I have been thrown in jail twice because Child Support does not up date their information and I was never notified of courtdates. The penalty for not showing up in court is 179 days in jail no matter if your paying or not. So if you are willing to go thru that than go after her and just realize that if you were the one not helping out the state would go after you.
Going after child support is never easy but they are her kids as well as yours. I wanted to go after my ex-husband but hes never around and I can't find him. I'm glad that my dad was able to take my boys but having DCF in my life has been a nightmare. i am just now getting a job after losing the battle with DCF last year for not showing up when they had my address but refused to update their records. You have to ask yourself is it worth it? If she's not around than you have to do what you need to do to give your children what they need. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/10/2009 12:08:38 PM | | Well my x is in jail and i have are three and her oldest . i am doing it all my self. with no help from her or her any one from her family. i no she is in jail. and she is going too have too pay back support but i no she will never pay , but she went after me , so get what you can , its ur right as a great dad, | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/10/2009 1:33:56 PM | I am going through the very same thing and it sounds my X has the same attitude. My daughter was 4 when we split. It took a year to finalize the divorce. The entire time I helped with my daughter and paid her mother day care costs and paid for basically everything she needed. When court was finally over I paid her the state normal child support and still bought the biggest part of her clothes and everything she needed. 9 months after, my daughter had gotten really depressed and starting asking me regularly to come and live with me. We were always the closest. After she told her mother several times that she wanted to live with me her mother got upset and when she met me for the weekend exchange she had all her clothes and gave them to me and said "you asked for it, you got it. Take her anywhere you want,put her in school anywhere you want". I moved back home which was in the next county over, put her in school where I went as a child and things instantly changed. She has been with me since half way through her kindergarden year and she in now nearing the end of second grade. She makes staright A's, played basketball for the last 3 seasons and going in to her 3rd year of softball. She has adjusted great. Problem is her mother as never gave me one penny of help on anything. When we went to have the legal paperpwork changed for er to live with me and release me from child suport she told me "I will NEVER pay you any child support". At the time, I felt my child was worth more to me than any dollar amount so my reply was, "if you dont want to pay anything to help your child, I dont need your damn money", and agreed to wave child support. But when I did that I assumed she would help more than she has. She has a good job and makes good money, but if I ask her to help on anything she just ignores me. My X is very spitefull. She hates me more than words can say because se tried to destroy me financially during the divorce but when we went to court it backfired and she was the one that got destroyed. She had some idea in her head that I supposed to struggle through the rest of my life and she was going to walk out of it in perfect shape with no worries. I remember before the divorce she told me everything she was going to make me pay and it was unreal. I asked her how I suppose to live and do anything for my daughter paying everything and she told me "thats your problem". Now when enything goes good for me she just gets more impossible to deal with. Example: I just bought a house the week before Christmas and she's gotten twice as bad. I recently asked her to help out with my daughter a little more and her reply was, "if you extended yourself when you bought your new house (which I didnt) thats your problem". Trying to work anything of importance out with her only for the sake of our daughter is impossible. Another example: this past weekend my daughter was with her mother.When I picked her up she was very quite. When we got home I asked her what was wrong and she cried and said I miss mommy a little. I told her nothing was wrong by that and asked her what she wanted and she said she would just like to see mommy maybe once during the week after school. I told her I thought that was a good idea and I would do my best to make it happen. That made her happy. When I called her mother to talk to her about it, all she did was instantly start playing the blame game and told me if she wanted to see her an extra day that I would do all of the 45 minute drives to her town because it was my fault for moving and that she wasnt doing the driving. And then proceeded to badmouth me for everything and hung up on me before we could ever get anything worked out. This sums up what I have delt with for the last 3 years.
Sorry this was so long but I've been very frustrated with this lately. I have thought about going back to court to at least try to get a little help from her. Whats your thoughts guys? | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/10/2009 7:04:53 PM | ^^^randy,
if you need the help, then i say go back and ask. situations change, there's no shame in asking for your kids. i'm very proud and try to do everything myself but i also know i have to swallow my pride now and then and ask for help when i really need it. better my pride suffers than my kids.
having said that, i really doubt a request for support will go over well with your ex. >.< it sounds as good as a palestinian & israeli hoe-down. but i don't see your ex volunteering anything based on what you've wrote.
my advice is if you can avoid asking for more then try to forbear and not ask for more. your ex sounds bitter and i can definitely see your daughter getting caught in the crossfire of her backlash.
now for the tough advice, if your daughter wants to see her mom in the middle of the week, swallow your pride and drive the 40 min. + 40 min. to let her see her mom. would you drive 1-1/2 hour to let your daughter see Barney? just think of it like that. just a mean nasty Barney in this case. 
i've done it myself. it's a bitter pill to swallow, especially when i know the 'excuse' the other side was giving was lame. but guess what? i felt i took the higher road and the other party had no 'out'. i took away her excuse and put her on the spot to put up or shut up. but most importantly, it made my son happy. it's just a few hours (do some errands during the visitation), and obviously don't let it be every week though.
but your daughter will appreciate it. and maybe, just maybe, your ex will appreciate it and not be as difficult. in the end, you have to get along with the ex for the rest of your daughter's life! yeah, scary but true. good luck!  | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/11/2009 4:57:53 AM | Why examine her motives or thinking? It sounds like she's trying to make you feel guilty so you won't ask her for child support. Just get a lawyer and request child support from her. You and the children deserve it.
Judith | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/11/2009 6:06:28 PM | First off, NEVER EVER tell your enemy the night before an invasion that you are coming. DO NOT DISCUSS WITH HER YOUR INTENTIONS!!! Have her served with papers and let your attorney do the talking, period...
Second, yes there's a double standard. A big one... | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:45:15 AM | I think there is a huge double standard involved, and I am one of the examples.
My oldest, born out of wedlock, her mother making pretty much the same pay as me. Since incomes were close my support was 350 a month. Not a whole lot, but it is based on incomes, and ours were near identical. I was the common every other weekend and weds, night parent.
She turned out to be unfit, long story, and now I have 100% custody, and she has not even attempted to see our daughter. My award of support is 59 dollars a month....go figure, and she made more than I did at the time. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 2/12/2009 5:04:39 PM | When my ex left her argument to the GAL was that she didn't understand why she couldn't just get out of her marriage, get the kids and get child support like everyone else.
I was awarded custody of our 4 children and have yet to see a dime of support from her for their support.
Some peoples sense of entitlement is dumbfounding. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:42:08 PM | I'm supporting my 8 year old son, & his deadbeat mother. I pay my child support on time, & she still refuses to let me see him. I've tried to file the papers in Family court several times, to get her for violating the visitation order, but the corrupt judge keeps finding different reasons to throw the case out.
Delaware county, NY. One of the most corrupt courts in the State. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:39:19 AM | | Yes, mothers need to pay support. When we split. I was to pay $800.00 a month in support with the kids living with her. Then , the kids moved back in with me, not wanting to live with their mom. She refused to pay support. I took her to court as she would have done to me. She was ordered to pay support of $800.00 Not what she had planned at all. The money is for the kids no mater who they live with. When it really comes down to it, women hate being equal when it is them ,that have to pay up. | |
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